A committed relationship or marriage comes with the promise of loyalty and is built on the foundations of trust, transparency and honesty. Unless you’re in a non-monogamous relationship, the expectation is that your partner will remain faithful to you as long as you’re together. Yet we live in a world where cheating, heartbreak and adultery are all too common. When a person you love deeply and know so closely strays, there are bound to be warning signs of cheating. In fact, there can be as many as 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else.
At first, these signs may manifest as a gut feeling that your partner is betraying your trust. You may find yourself battling the ominous question, “Is my partner sleeping with someone else?” Don’t be too quick to dismiss these fears or suspicions; there is a good chance that this intuition could be a result of the subtle changes in your partner’s behavior that your mind is picking up on. While infidelity is an issue as old as time itself, the incidence of cheating in marriages and committed relationships has certainly seen a spate in recent times.
There has been an immense shift in the way we think as a society. Many feel that life is short and they should have fun. Some people get bored with their partners and cheat as a way to spice up their lives. Some just want to explore and score. In a scenario like this, how can you tell if your husband has slept with another woman or your wife has been cheating on you or a long-term partner has been unfaithful? We’re here to help you address that conundrum with these 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else.
15 Signs Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else
Though adultery is common, this fact should not become a reason for you to constantly doubt your partner. Trust issues can be just as harmful to a relationship as a breach of trust. That being said, if you have strong reason to suspect that your husband is sleeping with some other woman or your wife is being unfaithful to you or a long-term partner has been betraying your trust, looking for subtle or tell-tale signs of infidelity is the first step toward determining your future course of action.
That brings us to questions like how to know if your husband has slept with someone else, what are the signs your wife has been cheating on you or what are the indicators that your partner has been unfaithful. If you have noticed your partner/spouse acting strangely, being emotionally distant or picking fights with you over non-issues, your fears about being cheated on may not be unfounded.
Before you go in all guns blazing, accusing your partner of sleeping with someone else, make sure you evaluate all facets of the situation. It could also be that their uncharacteristic behavior could be a result of stress, some issues you may not be aware of or being hurt by something you did or said. Considering the magnitude of an accusation of cheating, it’s always wise to be doubly sure before you even so much as make a suggestion to that effect. To make sure you’ve crossed your t’s and dotted your i’s, here are 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else:
Related Reading: 7 Cheating Spouse Text Message Codes
1. An unusually busy schedule
This could be one of the clues that your partner is having an extramarital affair. If your husband is seeing someone else or your wife/partner has been sleeping with someone else, they’d need to carve out the time for clandestine meetings with the other person in their life. If your partner has always prioritized spending time with you but, of late, you find them acting busy, you have good reason to wonder, “Is my partner sleeping with someone else?”
Sudden work trips, weekend getaways with friends, overtime at the office, and working on presentations late nights are all perfect, but predictable, excuses to make time for illicit liaisons. On top of that, if you find that your partner shows no excitement, joy or passion when they see you after long periods of time, it’s a signal that they could be getting their share of affection and sexual satisfaction from somewhere else. How to know if your husband has slept with someone else or if your wife has been having an affair? A physical and emotional distance could be the first indicator of their transgressions.
2. Frequent nights out
For Claire, a sudden spike in her husband’s social life was a dead giveaway that he was cheating on her. “For nearly six months, I had been wrestling with the dilemma, “Is my partner sleeping with someone else?” I couldn’t put a finger on what was bringing on this doubt but I couldn’t shake it off. Then, over the last couple of months, he started going out frequently. He’d even have plans on weeknights. That’s when I knew without the shadow of a doubt that there was someone else in his life.
“When I confided in my best friend about it, her instinctive reaction was, “How can you tell if your husband is sleeping with another woman with so much certainty just because he has been going out more often? Well, that’s the thing about familiarity, I told her, it just leaves you with no room to hide.” Well, if like Claire’s husband, your partner too isn’t typically a social person but has suddenly developed a taste for clubbing and partying three times a week, there could be something fishy going on.
If your partner comes home late every day and tells you they were out with friends, it’s worth putting some effort into finding out who these friends are. If they take different names every time and never introduce you to them, then it is a sign that your partner may be spending their time with another special someone in their life.
3. Your partner has been hiding things
Secrecy is one of the most telling of the 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else. If your partner is hiding things, lying, and being secretive or not talking much, it could well be because they’re trying to cover their tracks. Unless there is a birthday or an anniversary around the corner and they’re planning a surprise for you, them keeping you in the dark about things, no matter how big or small, is not justified.
If your husband is seeing someone else or your wife is cheating on you, they may no longer feel the need to confide in you about things they normally did share with you. This is more worrying than your partner simply sleeping with someone else because it indicates that their emotional needs are also being taken care of in the other relationship, and that can be hard to recover from.
A reader, whose husband was caught having an affair, wrote to us saying that long before the affair came to light she had noticed that he no longer called her frequently or informed her of his whereabouts. She also said he always had vague reasoning and never gave exact details of where he was. For her, this distant behavior was one of the physical signs he is sleeping with someone else.
4. Your partner is in a relationship with their phone
In this day and age when online affairs are becoming more and more rampant – even more prevalent than real-life instances of cheating – a change in phone usage patterns could be one of the signs that your husband has another woman in his life or your wife another man in hers. If your partner is suddenly addicted to their phone, you constantly find them texting and they’ve become oddly protective of their devices, it could mean that they may be using it to stay connected with their affair partner even when they’re with you.
While secretly checking your partner’s phone is a gross violation of their privacy, as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. You could consider checking their messages and call history for concrete evidence of cheating. Don’t get your hopes up though; if your partner is smart, they may be sanitizing their phone regularly, wiping it clean of any traces of their interaction with their affair partner.
They may have even saved this person’s contact with some other name that you might not be able to figure out. So, you’ll need Sherlock Holmes-level detective skills to find anything concrete on their phone, which may be hard considering how cheaters guard their phones more closely than America guards its nuke codes.
5. A marked change in demeanor
Spring in their step. A whistle on their lips. All smiles and blushes. When you look at your partner, it almost feels like love is in the air. Well, it may well be, just not with you. If you notice that your partner is smiling too much or blushing after returning home from a ‘late-night work meeting’ or answering a phone call ‘from the boss’, it could be among the physical signs he is sleeping with someone else or she is getting some action on the side.
Ask your partner what they’re so happy about and you may find them awash with a sense of nervousness instantly. They may not be able to give you definite answers because you’re the one person they can’t share the reason for their happiness with. If he is sleeping with someone else or she has someone else in her life besides you, he/she may come home in a jovial mood and you may catch them humming a song or two.
6. Talking on the phone privately
How to know if your husband has slept with someone else or if your wife is having an affair? Again, we’d like to turn your attention to the way your partner handles their phone around you. You may notice that they step away from you to make certain phone calls in private and suddenly hang up if you walk into the room. If this has been a pattern of late, you don’t even need to look for 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else, just this one is enough of a red flag.
A word of caution though: a one-off incident where your partner steps out to make a phone call doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re cheating on you. They could well do so if they know they’re going to have an unpleasant conversation with their boss or a coworker, if they’re planning a surprise for you, or if they’re dealing with an issue they don’t want to prematurely worry you about. However, if stepping out to answer/make calls has been a pattern and not an exception, then you can say with a fair degree of certainty that there is a third in your equation.
7. Smelling different
One of the most telling physical signs he is sleeping with someone else or she is having sex outside the relationship is that your partner comes smelling fresh as a daisy after a long day at work. Perhaps, they have come home a few hours later than usual and yet seem refreshed and rejuvenated.
After a day at work, shouldn’t your partner be sweaty and tired? Well, if instead, it seems like they’ve come home to you fresh out of a bath, there is a chance that they were with someone and took a bath to get the scent of the other person off. If your husband has been sleeping around or your wife is having an affair, he/she would surely be very vigilant to avoid getting caught. Be cautious if you smell a new fragrance of soap/shampoo or even perfume on them. You have all the right to question them in this case.
8. Your partner seems aloof and distant
“Is my partner sleeping with someone else?” If only the answer to this question was as simple as lipstick stains on his shirt or a hickey on his shoulder! The signs that your husband has another woman in his life or your wife has another man in hers may not always be obvious, but if you look closely, you’ll see the glaring indications of their infidelity in the way they behave with you.
If your partner is sleeping with someone else, they may refrain from any sort of physical intimacy with you. In fact, you may notice them recoil or shudder if you give them a hug or a kiss, especially if they’ve returned home after a hot encounter with this other person. It’s hard for human beings to compartmentalize their feelings and a lingering sense of cheating guilt may be pushing them away from you, making them act all distant and aloof.
9. Trying new things in bed
“My husband has changed in bed. He wants to try new positions and experiment with toys and has even suggested role-playing. This sudden change has got me wondering, “Is my partner sleeping with someone else?” We have been married for a decade and never before has he expressed an inclination for these things, not even when we were newly married,” Stephanie confided in her friend. A few months later, her worst fears were confirmed when her husband took the other woman’s name in bed.
If your partner has been trying to do things differently in bed and is showing an uncharacteristically high sex drive, there is a chance that this change is stemming from their intimate experiences with someone else. Perhaps you are not kinky, so they’re living their fantasies with someone else.
Of course, your partner may pass it all off as an effort to spice up your sex life, bringing back the fizzling passion or giving you the best time in bed. And it could well be true. On its own, this may not be the strongest sign of infidelity but if you notice a majority of the 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else, coupled with this one, then there is an obvious cause for concern.
10. A sudden increase in expenses
If your husband is seeing someone else or your wife has been having an affair, there will be glaring gaps in their monetary transactions to point to the fact. Carrying out an affair costs money – hotels, weekend trips, gifts, lunches, dinners, none of it is free. And your partner will have to cough up at least half of that cost. This will translate into unexplained cash withdrawals or credit card spending.
If you notice that your partner’s credit card bill has shot up recently when the household expenses are still the same or they have suddenly been withdrawing significant amounts of cash from their account, it is a sign that some money is being spent in places it shouldn’t be. Keep an eye on the bills and take a printout as proof when you have a serious discussion with your partner about their transgression so you have something concrete to confront them with. Make sure you wait to observe a pattern.
11. Unexplained time gaps in the schedule
How to know if your husband has slept with someone else or has been sleeping with someone else? Or your wife has been cheating on you? If your partner is extremely sly about their transgressions, uncovering their illicit liaisons with another person may be a lot harder. In that case, it helps to go over their schedule with a fine-tooth comb.
You may find a lot of unexplained time gaps in their schedule. Perhaps, they don’t want to give you a reason to be suspicious, and so, instead of spending a lot of time with this other person in their life, they’ve been meeting them for an hour or two, once or twice a week. A quick meal, a drink, a quickie – a lot can be squeezed into an hour and it’s easy to cover up for an hour of lost time.
To make sure that they don’t continue taking you for a ride, you need to pay attention to whether there has been a pattern to these unexplained delays in their schedules. For instance, if your partner invariably gets stuck in traffic on Wednesdays and Fridays, ask them which route they took that day and then do a quick internet search to see if there was in fact a significant jam on that route to have caused an hour’s delay. By paying attention to detail, you can catch them in a lie and get to the truth.
12. Taking too much care of themselves
How can you tell if your husband has slept with another woman or your wife has slept with another man? A newfound interest in fitness and self-care is also among the signs that your husband has another woman or your wife has another man in his/her life. Of course, there is nothing wrong with self-care and everyone should prioritize it. However, if your erstwhile couch potato of a partner has suddenly made it their life’s mission to get lean and fit – and there has been no significant event to prompt that change – it could be because they’re trying to impress someone new.
A sudden change in hairstyle, going from a clean-shaven to a bearded look or vice versa, overhauling the wardrobe, shopping more frequently and dressing impeccably every time they go out could all be signs that there is a new special someone in your partner’s life whose socks they want to knock off.
13. New habits and hobbies
As we grow older, we become more set in our ways and it’s harder for us to change our habits or open ourselves to new experiences. At the same time, when two people are intimately involved, their ways tend to rub off on each other. So, if your partner suddenly has new habits and interests or has started using certain words or speaking a certain way, it could be because they’re spending quality time with someone else.
How to know if your husband has slept with someone else? What are the signs there is another man in your wife’s life? The answer to these questions may be hidden in mundane things like the way they take their coffee or the brand of beer they order at a restaurant.
14. They act differently in bed
When we say act differently, we are not talking about their libido, interest in sex or lack thereof but the fact that even in your most intimate moments, your partner may seem far removed from you. The act seems mechanical and the love and affection you felt in the past have now dissipated from your equation.
It may even feel as if you’re going backward in your relationship timeline and have gone from making love to simply having sex to satisfy your carnal urges. After every encounter, you can’t help but feel “my husband has changed in bed” or “my wife has lost interest in intimacy”. For all you know, your partner may be fantasizing about being with someone else (their affair partner) while being intimate with you. These are physical signs he is sleeping with someone else (or she is).
15. The affection has gone out of your relationship
The most glaring and also the most heartbreaking of the 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else is a loss of affection between partners. While passion and desire begin to simmer down when a couple has been together a long time, as long as there is love in the equation, affection only grows strong with time. A hug here, a peck of the cheek for no reason, cuddling up and watching television or playfully touching each other – these are all heartwarming gestures of affection that boost intimacy and bring two partners closer.
If your husband is seeing someone else or your wife is having an affair, these gestures of affection may not come as naturally to him/her. The reasons for this could vary from having checked out of the relationship emotionally to the guilt of cheating, but you will notice a palpable change in your partner’s behavior toward you. Even if all seems well in theory, you may feel as if an invisible wall has been erected between you two and no matter how hard you try, you just cannot get through to them.
These 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else will definitely give you something to go on if your partner is, in fact, unfaithful. Even if you can identify with most of these signs, it is wise to spend some time evaluating whether your suspicion is right or not. Once you have enough certainty, confront your partner but keep an open mind. Cheating can be a near-fatal blow to a relationship. So, take your time to decide how exactly you want to deal with this situation before you bring it up with your partner.