When something fishy is going on in your relationship, chances are, you can just feel it. Although it’s also fairly easy to misconstrue odd behavior as cheating, that gut feeling is spot on more often than not. Once you spell your fears out loud, you’ll realize most of them make sense in your head. With this list of ’10 signs your wife just slept with someone else’ that we’ve drawn up, things should get easier to spot.
When you’re trying to figure out how to tell if a girl is lying about sleeping with someone, your paranoia and desperation might make you take drastic steps. But you don’t want to ruin your relationship with a baseless accusation either, right? Especially if you’re married. Until you gather conclusive evidence to verify all the physical signs your wife just slept with someone else, you have to hold on to your patience.
Don’t worry, we are not asking you to wait forever. As you know, the best way to figure out if you’re being cheated on is by confronting your partner. But if you want to catch the signs your wife just slept with someone else before you have that confrontational conversation, we’re here to help you out.
10 Signs Your Wife/Girlfriend Just Slept With Someone Else
Let’s be clear about one thing from the get-go: You can never be 100% sure about infidelity just by anticipating and assuming. Either confront your partner about your suspicions (something we recommend) or gather irrefutable evidence. Finding out if she’s cheating on you online might be one of them.
Don’t go about stalking your partner trying to gather your ‘evidence’ though. Ask her about it if your suspicions just won’t let you be at peace. Or you can keep an eye out for the signs your wife is sleeping with someone else to the point where you catch her in the act.
There are a few characteristics of a cheating woman you can catch if you look for them in the right places. And no, your wife taking some other guy’s name a grand total of one time while dreaming does not qualify as a sign your wife likes another man. There’s a fine line between catching physical signs your wife is cheating and just being a paranoid mess and accusing her of something she’s not guilty of.
You are saying, “I think my wife is cheating on me.” Fair enough. She must have given you some reasons to feel this way. But if your insecurities are stemming solely from unjust jealousy, neither we nor anyone else can help you. Hence, knowing exactly what to look for is important. The reason you’ll be able to spot those signs is that if your wife has slept with another man, she has already emotionally checked out of your relationship.
According to studies, a married woman has multiple partners to supplement her primary relationship, not to end it. However, that still means that the emotional connection is yet to wane off, leading to a myriad of signs you can be on the lookout for. So, if thoughts like “Did my wife sleep with someone else?” have been weighing heavy on your mind, buckle in. Read the following signs with an open, unbiased mind and see if the following 10 signs your wife just slept with someone else apply to your situation or not.
1. Her phone is suddenly the most protected jewel in the world
In most relationships, your partner’s phone is always off-limits unless you’ve both discussed otherwise. However, if in the past, you’d been able to use your SO’s phone to place an order or to Google something, but now it feels like she protects her phone more than the president’s bodyguards ever bothered to protect the prez himself, it’s a cause for concern.
If her passcode has gone from a 4-digit pin to what now seems like nuclear launch codes, you know something could be up. She might go into a panic and grab her phone away from you when she sees you anywhere near it. Wherever she goes, the phone goes along – be it in the kitchen or the bathroom!
The differences will be easy to spot since she didn’t have much to care about before. If a woman is lying about sleeping with someone, her phone will hold all the secrets. So she’ll act like it’s an explosive device that will self-destruct the minute your hands get on it.
If you’re looking to answer “How can you tell if your wife has slept with someone else?”, try to notice if her phone has gone from being a paperweight to a top-secret FBI technology that must be protected at all costs. We are sure you have no intention of invading your wife’s privacy. But in a situation like this, playing a little sneaky won’t clear your way to hell.
Related Reading: What To Do When Someone Lies In A Relationship
2. White lies about things you know aren’t true
The characteristics of a cheating woman can often include her lying to you about a lot of things every day. They might be as simple as where she was throughout the day or other white lies about who she was with. Maintaining your sanity if your partner is a compulsive liar will put you to the test, as you’ll soon find out.
While talking about signs of wife sleeping with someone else, my friend David once said, “I was frustrated with my wife blatantly lying to my face every single day. The worst part was she would get highly defensive over trivial matters or the moment she felt cornered. I don’t know how long she thought she could get away with this. I had to finally confront her for the sake of my mental peace.”
If you’re able to catch a lie or two, there’s no doubt your mind will rush toward thinking there’s something quite wrong. When you’re figuring out how to tell if a girl is lying about sleeping with someone, try to notice if she goes into extreme details about something you know is a lie, or tries to completely dismiss an important topic. While this in itself doesn’t ascertain infidelity, white lies coupled with tell-tale physical signs your wife is cheating definitely warrant your attention.
3. Her body language around you changes
While we are on the subject of physical signs your wife is cheating, there’s no better sign than the signals her body language sends you. Unfortunately, for cheaters, controlling their body language while lying is extremely hard. So a few signs do slip by despite their attempts to pull themselves together. All you have to do is make sure you catch them.
While her words may tell you something else, her body language may be screaming out signs of cheating guilt. Check to see if she’s avoiding eye contact with you. Or if she crosses her arms (to establish a barrier between you two) while you are having a rather serious conversation with her. Out of the 10 signs your wife just slept with someone else, this is a sign she will have the most trouble hiding.
Other signs like general stiffness, signs of anxiety, and nervous sweats can all be signs she cheated and feels guilty. If your wife slept with another man, she has already taken a step toward impending doom of the relationship. The only thing that can save it now is her willingness to make amends for her actions. But if you’ve got a guiltless monster on your hands, your best bet is to catch her in the act. Cue the dramatic reality TV music.
4. Unhealthy coping mechanisms
Chances are, you’ll see a sudden shift in her habits and the things she picks up. Cheating guilt takes a toll on anybody, and you eventually need to find a way to cope with it. Most people choose unhealthy ways. You can answer the question “How can you tell if your wife has slept with someone else” by pointing out any unhealthy coping mechanism she might have adopted.
If your wife has cheated in the past, it would be rather easier for you to spot the same pattern of her falling back to a toxic lifestyle. It could be anything from drinking, smoking, binge-eating, shopping sprees, or something else she recently started doing that isn’t all too healthy for her.
However, if you’re one of those fitness freak couples (we all hate you, by the way), this one might be a little harder to catch. Perhaps ask her why she stopped taking her protein shake or something? We assume that’s about as unhealthy as gym couples get. No other physical signs your wife just slept with someone else are as evident as this one.
Related Reading: When Married To An Emotionally Distant Spouse
5. She may appear distant
If you closely look for signs your wife is sleeping with someone else, you will realize that she’s gone far away. Be it through physical signs or from just the way she talks to you, she might seem as though she’s not as comfortable being with you as she once was. Guilt often does that to a person. Out of fear of being confronted, she will try to distance herself from you, not knowing that it will only invite you to have a conversation about her affair, if there is any.
Being emotionally distant is a common relationship red flag you should watch out for. Maybe it’s not entirely because of her guilty conscience. If a woman is lying about sleeping with someone, chances are you have lost that significant place in her heart. Perhaps she has already outgrown this relationship and is putting herself out there to explore new prospects. When love is missing in your equation, expecting her to be empathetic and emotionally connected to you would be utopian.
The times when you two sat on the couch and had a spirited conversation about whose singing voice is worse now seem like scenes from another life. She may appear to be spaced out while talking to you or just not mentally present at all. Almost as if she’s trying to escape into her own mind, even while she’s with you. It could be a sign she cheated on you last night or last week or even last month. It’s on her mind and it’s obvious to you.
6. The bedroom is strictly for sleeping in
That means you can say goodbye to sex. From the 10 signs your wife/girlfriend just slept with someone else, this one will probably sting the most. Her libido may suddenly die down, leaving you wondering if you did something wrong. In fact, the bedroom is the best place to notice all sorts of signs your wife likes another man.
If once in a blue moon you do get ‘lucky’, she might just ask you to do something different in bed. Before you read any further, make sure there isn’t anything around you that you can break: She might want something new because she likes doing it with her lover.
Let us just remind you, it’s also absolutely possible that she’s not interested due to a plethora of other reasons. She could be turning down your advances because she’s genuinely not in the mood for sex. Maybe she’s too busy at work and the increased workload has diminished her sex drive. Or perhaps, a hormonal flux could be making your wife lose her libido.
Or, she could be harmlessly experimenting because she wanted to try something new she picked up while watching porn or her girlfriends recommended it. But if a lack of interest in sex happens in tandem with some of the other signs of cheating, then the presence of another man in her life cannot be ruled out.
7. She’s out of touch for hours on end
It is absolutely normal and believable that your partner may be extremely busy with work, and hence unavailable. So how do you tell if she’s lying about sleeping with someone else? If it seems like your partner has suddenly become the unofficial CEO of her company and is always knee-deep in work, something may well be askew here. The excuses get more generic and the time she’s busy keeps increasing. “Work” or “there’s no signal” or “battery low” can only be heard so many times before you start losing patience.
Has this been going on for longer than you care to remember? But make sure that in your quest to figure out how to tell if a girl is lying about sleeping with someone, you don’t fall prey to your insecurities in a relationship. Someone who’s anxious about the future of their relationship will believe that their partner is cheating on them if they fail to reply in thirty minutes.
Dan, a writer in his 30s, says, “I think my wife is cheating on me. She teaches kindergarten. Naturally, she is back home by 3 pm. Suddenly her after-school hour workload blew way out of proportion in the last few weeks. So much so that she had to stay over at a colleague’s place a few nights because it was quite late. Is it just me or is she actually dating someone behind my back?” Of all the 10 signs your wife just slept with someone else, this one might be the most easily misconstrued, especially if her generic excuses hold weight. We know it’s hard to, but try to walk a mile in your partner’s shoes before jumping to a conclusion.
Related Reading: How To Catch A Cheating Partner – 9 Tricks To Help You
8. The cuddles feel cold
“How can something as miraculous and incredibly wholesome as cuddles ever feel cold?” you ask. Yeah, we didn’t think it was possible either. But when a person is frozen solid with guilt, the result will be a cold cuddling session. It can be extremely difficult to embrace the one person you love the most in the world only to realize that the warmth has vanished into thin air.
Physical or emotional intimacy of any kind will take a hit if she’s lying about sleeping with someone else. The hugs won’t feel as good, the kisses not nearly as passionate. When you stop feeling good while hugging the person you love, it’s more depressing than calling out a dog’s name only for him to completely ignore you.
However, it’s also important to note that when a woman has multiple partners, it might be because she has traits that are more common in polyamorous people. It’s either that or she is just a narcissistic wife. In the latter case, there won’t be too much guilt involved. The guilt a person feels after infidelity is highly subjective, and the varying degrees of emotional disconnect depend on each individual.
9. No promises for the future
While you were planning trips to the mountains or beaches just a couple of months ago, it now seems like your girlfriend/wife never talks about the future with you anymore. That could simply be because she doesn’t see a future with you, or she’s a time traveler and knows the world is ending in the next ten years anyway.
Jokes aside, if your wife/girlfriend is hesitant to talk about any future plans with you and says things like, “You never know what’s going to happen”, there’s a chance it’s because she just slept with someone else (maybe someone she’s fallen for) and cannot envision a future with you anymore. You don’t really need to cross out all 10 signs your wife just slept with someone else if you two can’t discuss your future like you used to. After all, if your wife slept with another man she has already decided to shut the door on a ‘happily ever after’ with you.
Sometimes, trying to answer things like “Did my wife sleep with someone else?” requires a more substantial analysis of the things your wife says or does, and not try to find circumstantial evidence. In other words, you don’t need her phone’s passcode to try and figure out how to tell if a girl is lying about sleeping with someone.
10. Your partner is never home anymore
Your partner may have started going out as though staying at home now suffocates her. Her constant absence coupled with distant behavior may leave you feeling lonely in your relationship. If your wife slept with another man, she has probably already made it clear that home is not where her heart is.
Even when she is home, intimacy is nowhere to be found. When she’s not home, she’s AWOL for hours on end. If you’re struggling to find happiness because of these signs, we recommend clearing things out with your partner immediately. Even if you think your wife/girlfriend just slept with someone else, don’t invade her privacy, don’t force her to do anything. If these 10 signs your wife/girlfriend just slept with someone else have convinced you that something is up, tell her how you feel.
If she really is having an affair, you at least got a reality check. If you ask us, you dodged a bullet. Imagine if she never told you she’s cheating on you. You’d have continued staying on in a relationship that’s all but over. In a way, these signs of wife sleeping with someone else would push you toward the final confrontation that you were deliberately putting off. We understand it’s not going to be a cakewalk but at least it won’t be as difficult now that you know what to expect from her, and from this relationship.
Even if your partner admits to having cheated, we recommend that you don’t act on impulse. Yes, when your trust is shattered, staying together can seem near impossible. So, take some time off to process the feelings of hurt and betrayal, and then think about what you want. If she regrets cheating and a part of you truly doesn’t want to let go of the relationship, maybe you can consider reconciling and recovering from the setback of infidelity. But if her infidelity feels like the last nail in the coffin, walk out and move on.
If you’re currently experiencing infidelity in your dynamic or think your wife is cheating on you, Bonobology’s panel of experienced therapists can help guide you toward a better state of mind, and perhaps a more harmonious marriage.