Challenges in a marriage come in many forms, often the most difficult one you will have to face is infidelity. It can be an enormous problem for a marriage. Often, if your spouse is sneaking around and being unfaithful, there will be a few obvious signs you can catch. You cannot miss these signs of infidelity if you have a cheating wife around you.
“Till death do us part”
“In sickness and in health”
This is what you promise each other while taking your marriage vows but often these promises get lost with time. Your marriage becomes monotonous and instead of death, an affair makes you part.
What will you do if you find out that you are in a marriage of three? A marriage is built on two pillars: trust and commitment. But how can you trust her when she is committed to another? All those years of togetherness start to feel like a lie.
Maybe, after all, there’s no happily ever after.
According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, statistics on cheating wives indicate that 15% of married women have extramarital affairs. A study in The Journal of Sex Research reveals that women are most likely to cheat between six to ten years of a relationship.
In her book, Written on the Body, Jeanette Winterson says,
“Cheating is easy. There’s no swank to infidelity. To borrow against the trust someone has placed in you costs nothing at first. You get away with it. You take a little more and a little more until there is no more to draw on. Oddly, your hands should be full with all that taking, but when you open them there’s nothing there.”
Is my wife having an affair?
As time passes, men have a tendency to become physically and emotionally distant from their wives. This could be because of several reasons. Women, craving emotional solace, try to fill the void with something else or maybe someone else. They start having an emotional affair with someone who is emotionally available for them. This can sometimes result in physical intimacy too.
There is no single reason for cheating. Similarly, when you are dealing with a cheating wife there are more than a few signs of infidelity.
In this day and age, we have hundreds of apps at our fingertips. So many of these can be used as a means to cheat by a cheating husband or a cheating wife. It is difficult to understand whether your wife is cheating on you or not because the evidence is just a password or a delete button away. She could be cheating on you digitally (through online dating), emotionally or physically. Or through a mix of them all. Confronting her without evidence is a bad idea. It’s better to look out for signs of infidelity before accusing her of something she might not be guilty of.
18 signs of an unfaithful cheating wife
You may have accidentally read some questionable texts, found irregularities in her phone bill, saw her talking to someone who should have been you or maybe it was just a gut feeling that told you to look for signs of an affair. There are many physical signs your wife is cheating that serve as definite warnings if you’re paying attention. Here 18 signs of a cheating wife to look out for to ascertain whether your wife is cheating on you.
Related reading: Reasons why women have extramarital affairs
1. She starts acting distant
Something suddenly feels “off” about her. She is physically present but is always lost in her thoughts. You ask her if there’s something that’s bothering her but the answer is always no. However, you can clearly tell something mysterious is underway. Her actions are peculiar and she might act shifty or fidgety. These can be signs of guilt.
You need to start worrying if you feel like she’s turned cold and distant.
2. Her social life has become ‘too happening’
Hanging out often with friends isn’t a bad thing. But if she starts hanging out with her “friends” a lot more than usual and most of these plans seem to not involve you, then that’s something to think about. She could be a lying wife trying to use her friends as a cover for the new person in her life. A cheating wife smart and might not use the same excuse every time. She is already a step ahead of you because she knows the way you think. You need to operate smarter.
Is it really a girl’s night out or a romantic rendezvous with her lover? You will have to find out discreetly.
Realated reading: 5 excuses your partner gives for cheating on you
3. Her phone is always busy
If there was a book titled “cheating wives signs” this point would be on it.
It seems like no matter when you call, you will always find her phone busy. When you ask her who she’s speaking to, she will take a friend’s name. Was she always so involved with her friends? You don’t seem to think so. At times, she may even go into another room to talk when you are nearby. While it is acceptable for her to want to keep some conversations private, too many private conversations can also be one of the signs of an affair.
Has she suddenly started keeping her phone upside down so that you cannot see her screen when it buzzes? Sounds fishy, doesn’t it?
4. She winces every time you are near her phone
Whenever her phone rings in front of you, she jumps up to take the call before you see who it is from. She has suddenly started setting passwords on her phone, which she would never do. She acts jumpy when you are near her phone. If you ask her to lend you her phone even for five minutes, she will find some excuse to get out of it. If she does let you have it, she will be ready to snatch it away from you at any instant.
A person who is cheating is terrified to share their phones, even if it is for something as trivial as clicking a photograph.
5. Her web history is always erased
You see your wife spending most of her time on her phone or her computer, both modes which she uses for frequent communication. But when you check her Web history, you find it as clean as a new sheet of paper. Totally blank! You check her computer out again, after a few days and still find everything erased. She wipes out all her activities, logs off from all the accounts and there is an air of deception around.
Why press the delete button when there is nothing to hide? This is one of the most evident signs of infidelity.
6. You start having a lot of fights
Your wife starts nagging you for small and insignificant things. It is as if she’s looking for excuses to fight with you. It could be because she is just mad at you for something else or because she’s trying to justify the affair. Picking fights could just be her way of telling herself that this marriage is not working out. This allows her to feel less guilty and justify her actions. A cheating wife will often find ways to justify her actions that indicate cheater’s guilt.
Cheating is a legal and moral offence. There are a very few reasons that can justify that.
7. Your sex life has turned cold
If your wife is having a physical affair with someone else, she might not feel like being sexually involved with you. You don’t seem to turn her on anymore. All her sex drive is now inclined towards her new lover. You don’t play a role in her sex life anymore. If you have had an active sex life before the affair, you would notice if your wife now always seems to find reasons to not be intimate with you.
You both have literally turned into a platonic married couple.
8. She has made a ‘new friend’
Did she tell you about her ‘new friend’ Michelle that you’ve never met? She loves talking about her and going out with her. It seems that the two of them have become pretty close in a short span. The name often drops in conversations, especially when she needs to go out. Ever wondered why you haven’t met this ‘new friend’?
Could this new friend really be a Michael instead of a Michelle?
Related reading: She cheated on him and now fears he might have a counter affair
9. She doesn’t look too happy
You don’t make her happy anymore. You give her surprises and bring her presents but it doesn’t seem to light her up. She is always lost in her own thoughts and she doesn’t want to share things with you anymore. You barely ever seem to have a conversation with her. Her friends seem to think she’s fine around them. Her dynamic has only changed with you.
If this gets to you too much, be upfront and ask her. Tell her you’ve been noticing signs of infidelity that you’re concerned about. A cheating wife will probably come clean if asked upfront because of sheer guilt.
10. Her car mileage doesn’t match her stories
She tells you that she is going to meet a friend or is going grocery shopping. You check her car mileage only to see that it has gone much further than the corner shop. When you enquire about it, she might brush it off or give excuses of how she had to go to another store and got caught up there. But do you really buy that story?
11. She has started dressing up a lot
Post the ‘honeymoon period’, both partners pay less attention to their appearance. You’re both comfortable around each other and don’t feel the need to look your best all the time. Perks of unconditional love!
However, if all of a sudden you find your wife dressing up a lot more the way she would on your initial dates, she’s dressed to impress.
We all like to dress up during the initial stages of a relationship. If she dresses like that and always seems to be going out with her “friends”, you already know there’s something more going on there.
12. Her shopping sprees have increased
You find a huge jump in the credit card bills of a cheating wife. You see her buying all sorts of new outfits and more even new lingerie that’s never worn in front of you. The price tags are cut, but you have never seen her wearing it. It’s simple. The new lingerie wasn’t meant for you to begin with.
13. She has many mood swings
One of the signs of a cheating wife is her many mood swings. There are days when she seems happy and pays attention to you, both emotionally and sexually. And then there are days when she snaps at you for no reason. You might think that the issues in your marriage are causing her behaviour. Yes, your marriage has issues for sure, but these moods swings can be because of the ups and downs of her new relationship.
Her giving you extra love and attention at times can be her guilt talking and her way of making up to you. But later, her affair takes over her thoughts and emotions.
14. There is something different about her scent
When two people are married for some time, they identify each other’s scent. But lately, you always find your wife ‘clean’ or recently showered when you come home. She bathes so that you don’t sniff the scent of her new lover on her. But even so, on smelling her you will find that she smells a bit different than before.
15. She has developed new habits
When two people are in a relationship, they start acquiring each other’s habits and tastes. Does your wife have new tastes that you never noticed before too? If your wife is dating a smoker or an alcoholic then there are chances that he will pass these habits on to her as well.
Is your alleged cheating wife transforming into someone you don’t recognise anymore?
16. She avoids eye contact with you
Your wife tries to avoid eye contact with you whenever she is having a conversation with you. Her guilt reflects in her eyes and she’s afraid of you seeing it. Try talking to her while holding eye contact. Do you see the guilt in her eyes?
17. There are too many work emergencies
Was your wife always a workaholic or is this newfound work pressure something new? The number of work emergencies will increase on her end. She’s always working late or leaving the house for a “work thing”. It’s possible she’s having an affair with a coworker or that she’s just using work as a pretext to meet her new lover.
Have you ever considered visiting her in her office to see what that work thing is?
18. Your gut is telling you so
After so many years of being married to your partner, somewhere deep down you know that your relationship has changed. You might think that you’re being an overly jealous and suspicious husband. But deep down you know you’re not being irrational. Your gut tells you something bigger is at play. You know you’re with a cheating wife because even if you don’t, your gut picks up on signs of infidelity. You subconsciously, just know.
These signs of a cheating wife will put you in a predicament you don’t want to find yourself in. Your marriage is in danger and you don’t know whether you want to save it anymore. But keep in mind that not all marriages that involve infidelity have to end up doomed.
The key to a long and happy marriage is forgiveness. Your partner could have had a ‘moment of weakness’ and has learnt her lesson. The fact that your partner indulges in cheating could say a lot about the other issues of your relationship. In such a case couples counselling is an affordable way to save your marriage. Sometimes help is just a click away.
Think about how it would have been if you were the one cheating. How would she have reacted? In the end, it is up to you to make or break the marriage. If your partner cheats multiple times, forgiving them is not advisable. However, if you think that this was simply “a moment of weakness” and your cheating wife is truly sorry, consider forgiving her. After all, you still love her.
