What Can You Do If Your Husband Comes Home Late Every Day?

When a husband comes home late habitually, be it because of long working hours or socializing with friends, it can become a source of conflict and friction in the relationship. Primarily because it causes distance to creep in, making you feel as if your spouse doesn’t prioritize you and your marriage. Besides, it can leave you feeling as if you’ve been left to shoulder the weight of domestic and marital responsibilities all by yourself while your husband remains conspicuous by his absence. 

All of this can cause feelings of rejection and resentment to seep in. After all,  once you’re back from your job—or if you’re a homemaker, done with the household chores—it’s natural to crave your partner’s company and spend some quality time with him. If instead of curling up on a couch with your boo, you’re spending your evenings ruing, “My husband stays out late and doesn’t call me back,” it’s not hard to see how that discontentment can snowball into fights and bickering. 

Ironically, to avoid “getting into it” with you at the end of a long day, your husband may start spending more time away from home. His “I’ll be back by 7 p.m.” turns into 7.30 p.m., then gets pushed to 8.30, or even 9 p.m. And you find yourself in a classic vicious circle. So, what can be done to break free from this loop? Let’s find out what staying out late in a relationship indicates and how you can handle it in a healthy, mature way. 

​​What Time Should A Married Man Come Home

How late is too late for a husband to stay out? What time should a married man come home? Well, there is no universal one-size-fits-all answer to these questions. It’s largely circumstantial and depends on factors such as his work schedule, family dynamics, and the mutual understanding he shares with his spouse. Besides, what’s keeping him out also plays a role in determining what time a married man should come home. 

• If it’s a normal work day, he should aim to come home at a time that allows him to spend quality time with his spouse and family. For many couples, this might mean being home by early evening, around 6–8 PM
• If he is at a work event or a boys’ night out with his buddies, midnight can be considered a decent time to return. Of course, we’re assuming that these work and social events are legit, and not made-up excuses to stay away from home
• If he is working on a big project or is chasing a tight deadline, he may even pull an all-nighter. When a man stays out all night, it’s not necessarily a cause for concern, provided these occurrences are few and far between and he had clearly communicated where and why he’s occupied

Why does the time a man returns home matter?

Now that you have a fair idea of what time should a married man come home, depending on the circumstances, let’s shift our focus to why we’re talking about it in the first place. Well, because returning home on time or staying out late in a relationship has its consequences. It impacts the relationship dynamics in the following ways: 

1. Family connection: When your husband comes home on time, it allows for family meals, conversations, and time to bond with a spouse or children
2. Mutual respect: Arriving home at a reasonable hour shows that your husband values your time and effort. This helps foster mutual respect in the relationship
3. Health and work-life balance: Coming home late consistently puts a strain on the relationship, making you feel like work or social commitments are more important than you
4. Trust and communication: If your husband is not only late but fails to keep you apprised, it can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of neglect

The ideal approach is for both partners to align with their schedules, needs, and priorities.  Regularly checking in and discussing expectations also helps prevent staying out late from becoming a constant bone of contention in the relationship.

Related Reading: “I Need Attention From My Husband” – Expert Told Her What To Do

Why Do Husbands Come Home Late Often?

It’s not always unusual for a man to stay out late or return home later than expected. As we’ve discussed, from professional and social commitments, there can be a host of reasons why your husband may stay out late every now and then. However, if it has become a recent and recurring pattern for your husband to use your home as a motel he clocks in only for bed and breakfast, there is a cause for concern. 

Perhaps, there was a time when your husband couldn’t wait to leave his work worries behind and come home to meet you. “Back home” were words spoken with relief. You spent quality time talking about your day, and your respective jobs, venting, ranting, and laughing over a cup of coffee or tea, or a drink. But all of that seems to have changed now. It feels as if your home has become a space, not of positive self-expression, safety, and shared love but of loaded silences, frictions, and unfought fights. 

Related Reading: 10 Things Nobody Tells you About Marriage After The Wedding

When you notice that your husband is pulling away from the space you both once considered safe and yours, it starts to rankle. You now find yourself asking this a lot: “Why is my husband always late from work?” Well, let’s try and find an answer to the question that has been eating away at you. Here are a few possible reasons why your husband may prefer staying out rather than at home with you: 

1. He is hyper-focused on his career

One of the reasons why your husband comes home late every night could be his professional commitments and ambition. Is your husband due for a promotion? He might be over-ambitious and is working late because he wants it to come through. Or is he taking up extra work to upgrade his skills for a better position? 

Perhaps his boss heaps some of his own work on your husband, and he has to pick up the slack. It is a crazy rat race out there and most men feel that they are doing the equivalent of two jobs in one. If they don’t, someone else will, and they risk losing theirs. 

2. He could be hanging out with his friends

If your husband is coming home late frequently, could his buddies be the reason for it? Most men love their time with their friends. It could be about watching a soccer match, having a pint of beer after work, or simply a workout session. One beer can quickly turn into three. A quick coffee can extend into dinner. A workout session becomes about catching up with other friends later.

Going through something similar, Shanaya, 32, a pharmaceutical sales rep, says, “I get upset when my husband goes out right after coming back from work. I know his friends are important to him and he needs to blow off steam every once in a while but it’s also hard for me to make peace with the fact he is basically using the house to freshen up and have his meals. I can’t remember the last time we spent any quality time together.” 

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3. He could be struggling with addiction

If you’re dealing with a situation where your husband consistently stays out through the night and you have no clue of his whereabouts, there’s a chance that he could be struggling with addiction. Think about it, why would a married man stay out all night rather than spend some cozy moments with his wife? 

One likely explanation for why your husband stays out late and doesn’t call could be that there is a part of his life that seems more alluring than his shared life with you and he doesn’t want you to find out about it. Addiction certainly fits the bill. Perhaps he has not been able to gather the courage to discuss these issues with you. Or maybe he is in denial about it altogether.

As a spouse, you can play a vital role in dealing with your husband’s addiction. However, he has to be the one willing to walk the long road of recovery. Learn to watch out for such worrying signs and offer to help him without being demeaning or judgmental. Talk to him about getting help either through online professional counseling or at a local support group.

4. He wants to avoid talking to you

This could also be one of the reasons why your husband stays out late. There might be some unresolved issues between you two, and coming home late could be his way of avoiding a confrontation. Maybe your needs are incompatible and he is unable to tell you honestly. Or he has done something wrong and is scared to face the consequences of his actions. It is also possible that he doesn’t want intimacy with you, and has decided to avoid you to avoid it.

Together, you will need to figure out what it is about your relationship that is keeping him away, and work on it. Have you done something to annoy your man? Are there issues that either of you have been sweeping under the carpet? The good news is if you can resolve the problem that’s driving a wedge between you two, he will be back to his normal self in no time.

Related Reading: 17 Subtle Signs Your Husband Resents You

5. He does not want to share household chores

Perhaps, he does not want to share the load of household chores. Maybe he is expected to put the baby to sleep at night or do the dishes. If he doesn’t feel like doing it, coming home late is the perfect way to wash his hands off household responsibilities without it turning into an issue.

Try to reason with him and explain that he needs to share household chores and responsibilities. If it still doesn’t work, put the baby to sleep and hit the sack, leaving the dirty dishes in the sink. Wicked, yes. But giving him a taste of his own medicine might just be what he needs to act as a responsible partner.

6. He could be having an affair

Finally, the most dreaded reason why your husband comes home late every night: he may be cheating on you. When a man stays out all night or returns home late consistently, you cannot discount the possibility that there is another woman he’s turning to for his emotional and physical needs. 

The heady rush and excitement of an affair could be what’s keeping him away from home. Of course just because your husband stays out late, it is not a sign that he is having an affair. But if there are other tell-tale signs that your husband is having an affair, you need to pay attention and do something about it before it’s too late.

Related Reading: 13 Things To Do When Your Husband Ignores You

9 Ways To Deal With Your Husband Staying Out Late

Staying out late in a relationship can easily become a constant source of conflict and fights. To be able to find a solution that is acceptable to you and your husband, you need to handle this issue sensitively. Be prepared to listen to your spouse’s perspective as well as introspect about why his busy schedule and absence bother you.

Paula, 54, a children’s books editor, says, “I realized why I’d get so mad at my husband when he stayed out late. It’s because he had a life beyond work, and I had slowly let mine slip away. I had started isolating myself from my friends and hobbies. Of course, it affected me badly. My frustration wasn’t at him, it was at his ability, and thus at my lack of ability, to strike a work-life balance. When I understood this, our conversations became warmer, he took up more responsibility, and helped me get back to my circle of friends who I had missed so much.”

Solutions like these require kind conversations and loads of introspection. But sometimes, it’s not that easy. Especially if the issue isn’t a lack of social life on your part, but him being distant and largely absent from your life. It is natural for you to feel resentful if you are stuck at home and your husband comes home late every day. It feels like a horrible rejection from your partner, and you don’t feel needed or wanted in your marriage.

Please remember that one person’s behavior toward you is NOT a reflection of your worth. If being left alone every day has started to take a toll on your mental health, Bonobology’s panel of experienced therapists can help you figure out a way forward. Meanwhile, here is what you can do to put yourself out of this misery if your husband stays out late consistently:

1. Talk to your husband about it

The first rule to follow is to ask and not conclude. Try and understand the reason for the delay in his return. Remember that complaining will make an already tired spouse even crankier, and he may shut down completely. Second, you must tell him that not having him around is making you extremely sad because you miss his company. Reminisce about some sweet memories that could relax and cheer him up. 

Then, very gently ask him what’s happening at work, or why he is spending so much time away from home. Have you said hurtful things to your partner? Or is it something else? Have this conversation only when the two of you have quality time with each other. Make sure the kids are in bed, the kitchen chores are wrapped up, and there are no distractions around. It is important to create a calm atmosphere. A glass of wine can help both of you open up and speak more freely.

Related Reading: 20 Easy Yet Effective Ways To Make Your Husband Happy

2. Make his time pleasant at home

You might resent your husband simply because he can step out without thinking of a hundred things to manage at home. Remember not to let resentment take you over. After all, you are both on the same team and are not adversaries. Do you start complaining about disrespectful in-laws or your workplace issues the minute he gets home or start reminding him of his unfinished chores list? Stop. Make your home a happy place for him to come to.

Try, “Hey I am making myself a cup of tea, shall I make you one?” or “I am pouring myself a drink, would you like one too?” Remember the show Friends where Monica drew Chandler a bath? Try something like that. Turn your home into a safe sanctuary he looks forward to returning to, and not a fighting arena he wants to avoid.

3. Do not nag him

Check if nagging is killing your marriage because it surely can. A woman wrote to us about growing up with a nagging mother who she always despised, and without realizing it, she internalized the same traits and became the quintessential nagging wife. She told her husband that what he called ‘nagging’ was essentially her care because she was worried about him. She kept sending him reminders and it was only when her husband said, “Just like your mother did with you?”, that she realized the error of her ways.

Do not nag. Period. He has told you that he would be home by 7 p.m. and it is 8 p.m. You know he’s normally on time. Yes, you are fuming on the inside but do not scream. Wait till he eats and then have a conversation about it. Do not pounce at him the moment he walks through the door, give him time to relax. He will be more receptive to your take on the situation once he has had the chance to relax and unwind.

Before you react, ask yourself: are you right or are you angry? This one question will help you check this habit. However, if your husband stays out late often, you’ll need to tell him firmly to inform you beforehand, because keeping you waiting every day is disrespectful of him.

4. Plan a few surprises

If your husband is coming home late, then changing the vibe of the relationship might help in correcting the course. What better way to do that than showering him with surprises and making him feel special? Little acts of affection and seduction go a long way. 

• Surprise your man by wearing that body-hugging dress instead of the usual PJs and a tee
• Make his favorite meal once in a while and watch him go all lovey-dovey for you
• Pick a movie that you know he will like, make some popcorn, and turn a regular evening into a movie date night right at home
• You could even invite his friends home to watch a game and prepare snacks for them

Keep him guessing about the next surprise you’ll spring on him. Before you know it, he’ll be hooked again and will be coming home to you as soon as he can every day.

5. Send him love notes

Love notes can work wonders in reviving a relationship. There’s just something extremely special about a thoughtfully written love note. An “I miss you” text, a “Come home soon” note in the lunchbox, or a simple email telling him you’re back home and are eagerly waiting for him, will bring a smile to his lips. Sending him a sizzling hot photo of you will definitely work as motivation for him to get home early too. Being with a workaholic is hard work but it will ultimately remind him why he needs to strike a work-life balance.

Related Reading: 15 Things To Do When Husband Is Not Affectionate Or Romantic

6. Understand his perspective and schedule

Sometimes, your partner staying out late may have nothing to do with you or your relationship. He may not be doing it to neglect his familial responsibilities but may genuinely have a lot on his plate. The only way you can find out what’s keeping him away is if you ask the right questions and listen to understand his side of the story.

For a healthy relationship, it’s crucial to cultivate curiosity about your partner’s experiences and ask questions with the objective of connecting, not putting him in a spot. Here are some ways you can address the issues of your spouse staying out late without letting it become a bickering match:

• Sit down during a calm moment and say, “I notice you’ve been coming home late quite a bit. Is everything okay? Are things extra busy at work?”
• He might open up about specific stressors, and together, you can brainstorm ways to ease his burden or support him

7. Create positive rituals

Work toward creating small, thoughtful rituals that make returning home a pleasant experience for your husband and also help him disconnect from his work life and be fully present with you. For example, 

• You could prepare his favorite snack or drink and greet him warmly at the door, even if it’s late
• Plan an unwinding activity like watching an episode of a favorite show together or sharing highlights of each other’s day

Through actions that associate home with comfort and joy, you can reiterate to your husband it’s a sanctuary you’ve built together rather than just another obligation.

8. Check in with each other about expectations and priorities

If late nights are becoming the norm, it might be time to evaluate how his commitments are impacting your relationship. Instead of placing blame or making your husband feel responsible for your unhappiness, approach this conversation with the goal of finding solutions.

Discuss relationship expectations, assess if your priorities align, and then talk about what you can each do to be more in sync as a couple. Say something like, “I know your work is important, and I appreciate everything you do for us. But I also miss spending more time together. Is there a way we can carve out a few evenings for just us?” Consider setting boundaries like agreeing on “no-work evenings” a couple of times a week or exploring flexible work arrangements if possible.

Related Reading: How To Love Yourself In A Relationship – 21 Practical Tips

9. Focus on your own growth and well-being

Instead of letting your husband’s late arrivals become a source of frustration, look at this as an opportunity to invest in yourself. You can use the extra time on hand to pursue hobbies, connect with friends, and work toward fulfilling personal goals. When you feel more fulfilled as an individual, you will begin to rely less and less on your spouse for your happiness. This renewed focus on your needs and well-being can make you more relaxed and grounded in your relationship.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with a spouse staying out late frequently can be hard. It can leave you feeling rejected and unimportant. However, instead of letting these feelings become a source of resentment in the marriage, you can turn things around by using it as an opportunity to strengthen your bond by understanding his motivations, creating shared goals, and focusing on your individual growth. As long as you approach the issue with a mix of empathy, communication, and self-awareness, there is no reason why you cannot turn this situation into a stepping stone for a deeper connection. 

Of course, for any of it to happen, your husband has to be willing to acknowledge the issue and committed to making change. In case his absence is due to issues like addiction or infidelity, that may not necessarily be his response. No matter what you do, you can’t make a person, who is bent on rendering cracks in the relationship, happy. There’s a time to fight for a relationship, and then there’s time to let go. We hope you figure out what’s important to you individually and as a couple.

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