It is never a sudden death. Yes, a breakup feels sudden and ruthless as you tear yourself away from your partner and the habits surrounding him/her, but we often forego paying attention to the signs of an impending separation in our relationship. Toxicity starts infusing in everyday communication and before you notice you are stumped by the urgency to break up with your partner. You can cushion the shock by paying a little attention to the cracks that might have started to show. Hopefully this article can help you, but let me tell you, these can be issues that you thought you will resolve over time. These signs I am about to list do not mean you need to hurry the process of breaking up, but acknowledge these as problems that could be killing your relationship. Having recognised that, what call you take is your individual decision.
Related reading: 15 subtle signs your partner is going to break up with you soon
“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”
― Maya Angelou
Trust is of paramount importance where any relationship’s foundation is concerned. Now, when I say trust in every relationship, I mean any emotional relationship you have with another person – friends, family and more. It is needless to say that this rule applies to your romantic partner as much as to other relations, if not more deeply. When you catch yourself suspecting or victim to constant suspicion without reason, sit down and have a word with yourself. A relationship is not a chore, but a home created to ease your chore filled life. Also, constant suspicion could subconsciously indicate that you are looking for a reason to bring this to an end. Check your thoughts, understand your intent: maybe the constant fights over his co-workers or her secretive relation with her phone are trying to do more than emotionally exhaust you.
Of course, sometimes suspicion stems from your low self-esteem where you cannot find a reason for your partner to not betray you. Twisted as it sounds, it is still a toxic routine in your relationship. Even if in the past your partner has missed a step and warrants suspicion, remember you forgave him/her back then. If you have not forgiven or forgotten, then this might be a bad decision to nurture the poison.
Two people trying to keep their lives in sync will inadvertently cross rough patches. Confessions, arguments or just discussions are a necessary mode of communication. Even fights are unavoidable and sometimes help resolve a lot of emotional baggage. But when you feel yourself or your partner becoming unresponsive towards these communication channels, know for sure there is something not right here. I do not imply that it is a contest of matching your passion with words, but when one of you is expressing yourself and the other shuffles out of the room, goes back to scrolling through his phone or makes a distracted comment about the weather, you are refusing to make an effort at sustaining your relationship.
Related reading: 5 signs he is ignoring you for someone else
(Disclaimer: Replace ‘he’ with ‘she’ according to your side of the story)
No, I don’t mean you have to always be sweet-talking him and praising him for with reason or not. But finding every bit of fault in him and correcting him at every step will not help. A relationship that is not of equals is not going to sustain for long. You constantly critiquing him only shows your contempt and things can become bitter very quick. But when the table is flipped you are at your defensive best. Your defence could grind him to dust as you tackle his arguments with your sharp tongue. But do you realise that all of this looks like you both are at war rather than creating a meaningful life together? Yes. I know. You need go back in your head and rummage for evidence and put them under the microscope of epiphany.
Why are you here?
The answer can be that you are here just to check out how crazy the Internet has gone today or reviewing your last relationship under these lights. Or, you are reconsidering the life span of your relationship. You have had this conversation with yourself or maybe even with your partner. Are you looking for reasons to validate the decision that is building in your mind? The Internet cannot do that for you. Sit down with yourself and try to understand the crisis that your relationship is going through. Have a calm mature discussion with your partner and understand his viewpoint. Figure things out before the toxicity starts altering you as a person.