Life as a newly-wed couple
You fight, you makeup, you fight again- believe it or not, this is what every marriage looks like. It is not about not fighting after getting married; it is more about fighting better. Newly-weds often share a roof with a person having a different personality and lifestyle which is tough. This is true especially for those who haven’t lived together before getting married. You both have so far lived comfortably under the supervision of adults. In this new life, on the other hand, you are the adult. And the going can get a little difficult.
Newly-weds often relate to fighting for these reasons:
1. Money issues
You are no longer doing it all for yourself. After marriage, you are building a home with another human being. It takes a lot of planning, calculating fiscal responsibilities, when you are over-budget or when you are under-spending (which is never). Newly-weds fight over over-spending, unwanted expenditure and taking care of bills. There are tons of bills to take care of and financial talks are not sexy talks and might create a tiff between newly-weds more often than not.
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2. Extended family drama
It’s not that every married couple will be living together with an extended family. But according to research, living with the in-laws is the major bone of contention. The bahu is new and the saas doesn’t like her son being at the beck and call of the bahu now. Truth is everyone needs time to settle in and chances are no one wants to compromise on their part. The incessant jabs are taken at the new daughter-in-law, or the other way round, often creates incessant fights between the newly-weds.
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None of you have your mother cleaning up after you. So if you leave the wet towel on the bed, chances are it will start a fight. “Why can’t you hang it out to dry? I cannot do this every day, I am not your mother,” will be some of the jibes you will get to hear. Same goes with cooking, washing, cleaning and switching the lights off when you leave a room. If you haven’t signed a pre-nup to divide the household chores equally, regular fights will happen over housework.
4. Physical intimacy
It is not always about the sex. Though sex after marriage gets regular, intimacy is reduced. Newly-weds spend most of their free time together but spending a really good time (with or without sex) is something that speak volumes. Over the course of the marriage, intimacy reduces, there is no cuddling, no pillow talk which might cause miscommunication to your husband/wife. This miscommunication can lead to fights, often bringing in issues that was never really an issue.
5. Unacceptable attitudes
“Why are you so lazy?”, “Why is your hair all over the house?”, “Why are so messy?”, “Why can’t we have pizza three nights in a row?” – things like these will crop up. Newly-weds find it hard to be accepting of each other’s behaviour. So the fights are mostly attacks on each other about their attitudes towards food, the temperature of the air conditioning. The fights are mostly about having to compromise what you like for your better half and that might not be always easy. Accepting that you are living under the same roof and that a little compromise can prevent you from having to sleep on the couch, goes a long way.
These fights are more like the ones you have with your crazy cousin who comes over unannounced from time to time but eventually goes away. Whatever the reason, fights should not be swept under the rug- they should be talked about from time to time so that it doesn’t build up over a period of time and damage your relationship.