First year of marriage can be termed as the wet cement year of a marriage. To survive the first year of marriage, you need to learn and accept that there will be conflict, but there will also be solutions. What impression you make will stay for posterity.
First year of marriage decides a few things and they stay on forever. Conflict resolution in the household, getting things in order with your newlywed partner, going to bed angry – every married couple face these. If you have never lived with your partner before marriage, this first year you will learn all about their house kinks.
So, is the first year of marriage the best? Is it the worst? May be may not be. It all depends on how you want to make it. Then how to get through the first year of marriage?
There’s the expectation of a whole life of adventure ahead of you. There are trips to be planned, food to be eaten and fun to be had.
Between these, there are times when things get tough: whether it’s your in-laws, or your own mother micromanaging your married life, or the expectation of your family to have a child immediately – first year can also be the toughest to go through. That’s why surviving the first year of marriage is so tough.
First year of marriage statistics show that 20% of marriages end in divorce in the first year of marriage because couples cannot adjust and compromise and live under the same roof.
22 Tips To Survive The First Year Of Marriage
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To think of it, surviving the first year of marriage can be daunting but with help you can navigate through it smoothly.
Jay Anderson and Loisa (name changed) dated for six months before they decided to tie the knot. They didn’t think of cohabitation because they wanted to have their dream wedding and wanted to have children. On the honeymoon only the differences started showing.
“He is a stickler for perfection bordering on OCD while I could leave the bed unmade when I left for work in the morning. I tried to change myself to fit his needs and he tried to become a bit relaxed. But it became really trying. He couldn’t tolerate a single soiled dish in the sink. While I could dump it and put it all together in the dish washer. As human beings both of us are nice but we were incompatible,” said Loisa.
Is marriage hard for everyone? It could prove to be so if you cannot achieve a certain level of understanding. Here are tips to survive the first year of your married life.
1. Think of marriage as a partnership at a firm
Marriage is a 50-50 partnership, but you have to give your 100%. Your life is the firm. Marriage brings two people together and everything you do has half implication to the whole marriage.
Everything you own is half owned by your spouse. Household chores are not one person’s responsibility; it’s both of yours.
Your finances are your spouse’s and vice versa. The partnership stays on and should be the first thing to be agreed upon. That does not mean two people will control each other’s expenses, or you question your spouse if they go shopping. But there has to be a certain level of responsibility.
2. The in-laws are family too now
We have heard tales about how some in-laws are a real pain. Your spouse’s parents, relatives are your in-laws now and are now your family.
Among them if you have a few in-laws you do not particularly like, suck it up and try to be as nice and caring because they are part of your family as well.
If you used to treat them badly, you cannot anymore. Because, you don’t treat family like shit, right? Our first year of marriage advice will be to ensure that you are nice to your spouse’s family. Of course, if they are terrible to you you have to work out a strategy with your spouse.
3. The ‘When should we have kids’ talk is important in the first year
This is very important. The dreaded talk about if you want to have kids. In the first year, the talk of reproducing should be talked about. Like really talked about.
When should you conceive, if you want to conceive at all? If not, is adoption an option? Do you get pets? Do you want a cat, pet parrot, a furry dog as part of your family? Talk it out in a peaceful way.
Chances are you have had this conversation pre-wedding when you asked the right questions before marriage. But sometimes post wedding your spouse’s attitude and feelings towards having a child might change.
Related Reading: 8 fights every couple will have at some point in their relationship
4. Harbour spontaneous sex
You might like things planned but sex after marriage start to become stale after a point of time. Do not let the lust fizzle out.
If you and your hubby are in the mood for some breakfast sex on the table, do not hold back. Spontaneity keeps the spark alive. Don not let go of it yet.
In the first year of marriage sex can be most enjoyable. So have both spontaneous and scheduled sex as well. And if you had been cohabiting before no way should you let things fizzle out now.
5. It’s okay to let go of a few things
Like grudges and anger. Living under the same roof as a married couple is not the same as living in before marriage.
You have to choose your battles – you should not let trivial things matter to you and neither should you try to make your spouse perfect in your sense of being. You are now jointly accountable for everything.
Holding grudges against your spouse for being a little late from office, or cancelling lunch because of an emergency meeting is not worth it. Let go of the things that do not make your marriage happy.
6. Spouse’s friends are your friends
Even the ones you may not have ever liked. Your spouse likes their friends, and you not liking them or making critical judgement of them all the time might upset your spouse.
You do not have to be chaddi buddies with them, but you can try and be friendly with them for your spouse’s sake.
You might not think this is important but how you treat each other’s friends can decide on what kind of understanding you will have in the future.
7. Plan couple dinner with other couple friends
One night out with your couple friends can help you swap stories about marriage and get helpful tips from them about what’s working for them in their marriage.
It always helps to get other peoples’ perspective on things that are common. Going on double dates after your wedding can be real fun.
Post marriage interaction interaction with like-minded couples can be invigorating.
8. Go on trips, go on an adventure
Cannot stress this enough. A monotonous work-home life can mess up your head and that cannot lead to a blissful marriage.
Going on trips let you get out of the humdrum of daily life and bond with your spouse even more. So, the next time you get a long weekend off, pack yourselves a suitcase and hit the road.
There is no denying the fact that the honeymoon is the most important holiday after your marriage. But in this one year ensure you go on a number of small trips and make the whole marriage experience memorable.
Related Reading: 25 Marriage Lessons We Learned In Our First Year Of Marriage
9. Try new things together
Take out time to learn new things together. Like dancing, or trying a simple dish together (sushi, anyone?). The more you bond together, the better you will know each other.
You will get a further taste of your spouse’s likes and dislikes, the triggers, and the peacemakers. You could try cooking – it is an intimate affair.
Do it together once a week to revel in romance. You can also try things like painting the walls, or gardening, or putting together a furniture, or changing a tyre.
10. Click loads of pictures
Clicking pictures together and then having them saved in your phone is a wonderful way to revisit the good times you had together.
Photographs are a tangible link to those blissful times. Going through them when you are upset will instantly fill you with a positive energy.
Try out the best couple poses and share on Social Media. Ensure you have plenty of prints too and an album where you put the photos with captions chronicling your first year of the journey.
Related Reading: Top 10 Couple Poses For Unique Pictures and Selfies
11. Communicate effectively
Communication is of prime importance not just in a marriage but in every relationship. Effective communication reduces stress, makes you and your spouse feel safe, encourages exchange of emotions, desires and beliefs and helps in building a solid foundation.
A lot of marital problems can be resolved only if couples choose to communicate effectively with each other.
Do not start sulking, stonewalling or giving the silent treatment. People have different coping mechanism with arguments and differences but it is important to communicate no matter what.
12. Get the bills in order
The huge expense of your wedding might be paid off by your parents but there are bills to be paid after that. Sharing expenses in a relationship is most important.
Monthly bills need to be paid timely because overdue bills can create heated arguments where one shifts blame to the other about not paying the bills on time.
Sit down together in the beginning of the month and sort them out.
13. Get legal stuff done
Changing last names (if you are going for that), updating bank accounts, informing the company you work for that you are now married – get the legal stuff done immediately so that your marital bliss is not disturbed later.
If you want to have a joint account get it done, if you want to invest together or buy a property work on that.
Sort out all the legal stuff in the first year of marriage so that in the long-term everything is in place.
Related reading: 15 Changes that happen in a woman’s life after marriage
14. Start saving
How to get through the first year of marriage? Set up an account where you occasionally drop saved money for your future kid’s expenses.
It’s easy to get carried away with planning trips and buying things for your house, but if you are planning to have kids, it is a must that you save some money for the future.
Even if you are not planning to have kids any time soon, it is important to start saving and invest too because this would give a solid financial foundation to your marriage.
15. The little things matter
Like saying ‘I love you’ or ‘sorry’ or ‘you look like a dynamite’ helps your spouse feel appreciated. Small gestures are all that matter to keep a marriage going.
Start appreciating each other from the very beginning of the marriage so that your relationship becomes smooth in the long run.
Apologise after an argument and give a spontaneous hug and see how this has a positive effect on your marriage.
16. Plan the birthdays more enthusiastically
You might feel like the birthdays don’t mean much because what does a 30-year-old woman or man, do for their birthday? But this is the time to feel alive, eat cake while you still have teeth left. So, plan birthdays, anniversaries more enthusiastically.
When you have little juniors running around in the house in a few years, there will be times when you will both forget each other’s birthdays.
17. Focus on improving yourself
As the year progresses, you will know and learn a lot of positive information on marriage. See to it how you can make use of it. Fight if you have to, but fight fair.
Do not call names, do not keep scores. If you get angry quickly, work on making it slow. Learn to respond, not react. Similarly, learn to forgive and do not keep grudges.
As you improve yourself bit by bit, things will start to get better. Stop using hurtful words in arguments or shouting at the top of your voice. Try to make yourself better.
18. Set goals
Like running a half marathon at least once a year. Or getting the house cleaned at least thrice a week. This also gives you activities that you and your spouse can do together.
You can set goals for buying that house, going on a world tour or you might be panning that long road trip. You can set goals for your savings too or decide on the year you would want to have children and work on it.
19. Social media control
You do not live a single life anymore. In the first year of marriage, social media control is good since you have time to work on your marriage instead of putting up a façade on social media.
Your spouse making an Italian dinner is a good Insta story. You putting up statuses about your hubby’s deficiency do not count as good Instagram story.
Do not be the cause for your spouse’s grievances by putting up critically sarcastic metaphors about your spouse which will cause marital disharmony.
Related Reading: Things couples do on social media!
20. Don’t get too caught up in your marriage
Surviving the first year of marriage is giving each other top priority and not getting caught up in all the arguments around household chores, money matter and visiting in-laws.
Make time for having passionate lovemaking sessions and give in to your desires and fantasies. Spend time with each other as much as possible.
Netflix and chill after work but ensure it’s the two of you. Too much partying with friends or visiting relatives can prove detrimental for the marriage.
21. Pamper yourself and your spouse
Plan little retreats. Or draw a warm bath for your spouse after they had a long hard day. Plan little gifts for your spouse, give them a massage or simply book a couple’s spa on the weekends.
Cook for your spouse, shop for them or give them small surprise gifts. This would really make a difference to your marriage in the first year.
22. Be kinder and more understanding
Marriage is a game you cannot play rough. You got to be kind, more understanding than you were before you were married. They say marriage can change you. Well, let marriage make you kinder and more understanding.
Marriage can make you feel more settled and loved and it’s a wonderful feeling to know you have a partner for life to whom you can come home everyday.
Is First Year Of Marriage The Hardest?
As traditional as it might sound but the first year of marriage can be the hardest. The this-is-my-life-now attitude can be challenging as it’s the beginning of a new life. Conflicts may arise after a blissful wedding. Or even the Mykonos honeymoon.
Even if you have lived together before getting married, cohabitation before and after marriage are totally different
You are now legally responsible for each other; in every way. The stress of having and running your own household can be nerve wrecking at times.
Fights might arise and fights will be solved. In this generation, first years have added pressure of being perfect on social media with the need to show exotic vacations with the spouse on Instagram stories.
There’s added expense of paying mortgage, learning the art of politely saying no to relatives asking for grandkids, paying off student debt little by little – all things need to be done with your newlywed spouse. Things might get tense and hard, but given above are the ways to a blissful first year.
FAQs
The stress of having and running your own household can be nerve wrecking at times. Fights might arise and fights will be solved. In this generation, first years have added pressure of being perfect on social media with the need to show exotic vacations with the spouse on Instagram stories.
First year of marriage statistics show that 20% of marriages end in divorce in the first year of marriage because couples cannot adjust and compromise and live under the same roof.
Just follow our tips. Practise kindness, develop understanding, work on savings and investments, have couple goals that will help you get through the first year of marriage.
Most marriages fail because the differences start showing and people cannot reconcile the differences and cannot find compatibility.
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