First year of marriage can be termed as the wet cement year of a marriage. To survive the first year of marriage, you need to learn and accept that there will be conflict, but there will also be solutions. What impression you make will stay for posterity. First year of marriage decides a few things and they stay on forever. Conflict resolution in the household, getting things in order with your newlywed partner, going to bed angry – every married couple face these. If you have never lived with your partner before marriage, this first year you will learn all about their house kinks.
So, is the first year of marriage the best? Is it the worst? May be may not be. It all depends on how you want to make it.
There’s the expectation of a whole life of adventure ahead of you. There are trips to be planned, food to be eaten and fun to be had. Between these, there are times when things get tough: whether it’s your in-laws, or your own mother micromanaging your married life, or the expectation of your family to have a child immediately – first year can also be the toughest to go through.
22 tips to survive the first year of marriage
To think of it, surviving the first year of marriage can be daunting but with help you can navigate through it smoothly. Here are tips to survive the first year of your married life.
1. Think of marriage as a partnership at a firm
Marriage is 50-50 partnership, but you have to give your 100%. Your life is the firm. Marriage brings two people together and everything you do has half implication to the whole marriage. Everything you own is half owned by your spouse. Household chores are not one person’s responsibility; it’s both of yours. Your finances are your spouse’s and vice versa. The partnership stays on and should be the first thing to be agreed upon.
Related reading: 8 fights every couple will have at some point in their relationship
2. The in-laws are family too now
We have heard tales about how some in-laws are a real pain. Your spouse’s parents, relatives are your in-laws now and are now your family. Among them if you have a few in-laws you do not particularly like, suck it up and try to be as nice and caring because they are part of your family as well. If you used to treat them badly, you cannot anymore. Because, you don’t treat family like shit, right?
3. The ‘When should we have kids’ talk is important in the first year
This is very important. The dreaded talk about if you want to have kids. In the first year, the talk of reproducing should be talked about. Like really talked about. When should you conceive, if you want to conceive at all? If not, is adoption an option? Do you get pets? Do you want a cat, pet parrot, a furry dog as part of your family? Talk it out in a peaceful way.
Related reading: What is it like for a Married Couple Not To Have Kids?
4. Harbour spontaneous sex
You might like things planned but sex after marriage start to become stale after a point of time. Do not let the lust fizzle out. If you and your hubby are in the mood for some breakfast sex on the table, do not hold back. Spontaneity keeps the spark alive. Don not let go of it yet.
5. It’s okay to let go of a few things
Like grudges and anger. Living under the same roof as a married couple is not the same as living in before marriage. You have to choose your battles – you should not let trivial things matter to you and neither should you try to make your spouse perfect in your sense of being. You are now jointly accountable for everything.
Holding grudges against your spouse for being a little late from office, or cancelling lunch because of an emergency meeting is not worth it. Let go of the things that do not make your marriage happy.
6. Spouse’s friends are your friends
Even the ones you may not have ever liked. Your spouse likes their friends, and you not liking them or making critical judgement of them all the time might upset your spouse. You do not have to be chaddi buddies with them, but you can try and be friendly with them for your spouse’s sake.
7. Plan couple dinner with other couple friends
One night out with your couple friends can help you swap stories about marriage and get helpful tips from them about what’s working for them in their marriage. It always helps to get other peoples’ perspective on things that are common.
8. Go on trips, go on an adventure
Cannot stress this enough. A monotonous work-home life can mess up your head and that cannot lead to a blissful marriage. Going on trips let you get out of the humdrum of daily life and bond with your spouse even more. So, the next time you get a long weekend off, pack yourselves a suitcase and hit the road.
9. Try new things together
Take out time to learn new things together. Like dancing, or trying a simple dish together (sushi, anyone?). The more you bond together, the better you will know each other. You will get a further taste of your spouse’s likes and dislikes, the triggers, and the peacemakers. You could try cooking – it is an intimate affair. Do it together once a week to revel in romance. You can also try things like painting the walls, or gardening, or putting together a furniture, or changing a tyre.
10. Click loads of pictures
Clicking pictures together and then having them saved in your phone is a wonderful way to revisit the good times you had together. Photographs are a tangible link to those blissful times. Going through them when you are upset will instantly fill you with a positive energy.
Related reading: Top 10 Couple Poses For Unique Pictures and Selfies
11. Communicate effectively
Communication is of prime importance not just in a marriage but in every relationship. Effective communication reduces stress, makes you and your spouse feel safe, encourages exchange of emotions, desires and beliefs and helps in building a solid foundation. A lot of marital problems can be resolved only if couples choose to communicate effectively with each other.
12. Get the bills in order
The huge expense of your wedding might be paid off by your parents but there are bills to be paid after that. Monthly bills need to be paid timely because overdue bills can create heated arguments where one shifts blame to the other about not paying the bills on time. Sit down together in the beginning of the month and sort them out.
13. Get legal stuff done
Changing last names (if you are going for that), updating bank accounts, informing the company you work for that you are now married – get the legal stuff done immediately so that your marital bliss is not disturbed later.
Related reading: 15 Changes that happen in a woman’s life after marriage
14. If you are planning to have kids, set up a savings account
Set up an account where you occasionally drop saved money for your future kid’s expenses. It’s easy to get carried away with planning trips and buying things for your house, but if you are planning to have kids, it is a must that you save some money for the future.
15. The little things matter
Like saying ‘I love you’ or ‘sorry’ or ‘you look like a dynamite’ helps your spouse feel appreciated.
16. Plan the birthdays more enthusiastically
You might feel like the birthdays don’t mean much because what does a 30-year-old woman or man, do for their birthday? But this is the time to feel alive, eat cake while you still have teeth left. So, plan birthdays, anniversaries more enthusiastically. When you have little juniors running around in the house in a few years, there will be times when you will both forget each other’s birthdays.
17. Focus on improving yourself
As the year progresses, you will know and learn a lot of positive information on marriage. See to it how you can make use of it. Fight if you have to, but fight fair. Do not call names, do not keep scores. If you get angry quickly, work on making it slow. Learn to respond, not react. Similarly, learn to forgive and do not keep grudges. As you improve yourself bit by bit, things will start to get better.
18. Set goals
Like running a half marathon at least once a year. Or getting the house cleaned at least thrice a week. This also gives you activities that you and your spouse can do together.
19. Social media control
You do not live a single life anymore. In the first year of marriage, social media control is good since you have time to work on your marriage instead of putting up a façade on social media. Your spouse making an Italian dinner is a good Insta story. You putting up statuses about your hubby’s deficiency do not count as good Instagram story. Do not be the cause for your spouse’s grievances by putting up critically sarcastic metaphors about your spouse which will cause marital disharmony.
Related reading: Things couples do on social media!
20. Don’t let it go dry
Sex wise, I mean. At times couples get so caught up with their work, families, responsibilities that intimacy becomes a rare affair. Don’t let it happen to you in the first year of your marriage. Make time for having passionate lovemaking sessions and give in to your desires and fantasies.
21. Pamper yourself and your spouse
Plan little retreats. Or draw a warm bath for your spouse after they had a long hard day. Plan little gifts for your spouse, give them a massage or simply book a couple’s spa on the weekends.
22. Be kinder and more understanding
Marriage is a game you cannot play rough. You got to be kind, more understanding than you were before you were married. They say marriage can change you. Well, let marriage make you kinder and more understanding.
Is first year of marriage the hardest?
As traditional as it might sound but the first year of marriage can be the hardest. The this-is-my-life-now attitude can be challenging as it’s the beginning of a new life. Conflicts may arise after a blissful wedding. Or even the Mykonos honeymoon. Even if you have lived together before getting married, cohabitation before and after marriage are totally different
You are now legally responsible for each other; in every way. The stress of having and running your own household can be nerve wrecking at times. Fights might arise and fights will be solved. In this generation, first years have added pressure of being perfect on social media with the need to show exotic vacations with the spouse on Instagram stories. There’s added expense of paying mortgage, learning the art of politely saying no to relatives asking for grandkids, paying off student debt little by little – all things need to be done with your newlywed spouse. Things might get tense and hard, but given above are the ways to a blissful first year.
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