Counselling

My boyfriend is marrying me out of pity, he does not love me anymore

My boyfriend is marrying me only because we dated for a long time and have had sex. Breaking up would affect our families too...
upset woman in black dress

Question:

Dear ma’am,

I am a 28-year-old girl from a middle-class family from Odisha. I met my boyfriend through a matrimonial website with the sole purpose of getting married. We fell in love. After 3-4 months his family came to see me for the first time but we couldn’t treat them properly, as my grandmother had recently got a paralysis attack. His family and brother and sister liked me for my looks and behaviour, but the next day his family said no to us for marriage as we couldn’t treat them properly.

After this, many proposals came for me but I rejected all because I loved him. All this while he was there with me and he used to tell me to get married to a good guy. But I couldn’t get my heart to agree to marry some other guy. It’s been 2 and half years since then and we are still together after many breakups and patch-ups.

In these 2 years, we have been intimate a lot of times. Now when his family is ready to get us married and the discussions have been initiated by both the families I feel that he doesn’t love me and he wants to marry me only because of the sympathy and guilt (because I have waited 2 years for him and was there him in all his bad times when he was jobless).

But I don’t want to get married to him like this because I know he won’t be happy with me and I don’t want to marry a person who doesn’t love me. Since the last one month, we have been arguing a lot. He has been talking to 4-5 girls and maybe flirting with them too. He doesn’t give me the importance or value me the way a person does if he loves a girl. He doesn’t even reply to my texts properly. In the last one month, he has told me a lot of times that he doesn’t love me… that he has tried a lot, but he couldn’t.

Without love, he could have sex with me, but he couldn’t have feelings for me. I feel used now. I really love him a lot but can’t marry him like this. I have a lot of pressure from my family for marriage and I don’t want anyone else to touch me. He knows all this and that’s why he wants to marry me. He tells me not to worry about his happiness because he will take care of it by talking to other girls and maybe something more. I don’t know what to do. I get suicidal thoughts every now and then but can’t do this also because it will affect my family a lot. Please tell me what should I do 🙁

relationship counselling

Snigdha Mishra says:

Dear Lady,

Poor communication: What I see is a lot of communication gaps between you two. Have you spoken to him clearly about your issues? Has he openly

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1 Comment

  1. Why is there this pressure to get married, if you are clearly not happy. Learn to put your happiness first, it is good to be selfish. It is your own marriage after all and if you feel unwanted by your partner, then there seems to be something wrong. Don’t take a decision under so much pressure of families, think of what you want.

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