So, you’re into this guy, but he doesn’t seem interested. How do you tell he is not into you? Is there a way to know for sure if he is indeed into you or not? What are the signs he’s not that into you? If only Cupid had made modern-day dating that easy. Whether a guy is into you or not is a real brain scratcher because you can’t ask him directly as you don’t want to sound too needy or desperate. But if you look closely, you’ll be able to spot clear signs he’s not into you.
Even if he sends you confusing signals that make it even harder to decode whether he is friend-zoning you or just hiding his feelings, you don’t have to spend your time plucking petals to figure out whether he likes you. What you can do is listen to your gut, and read the signs he has no feelings for you. If you’re observant enough, you’ll be able to spot the signs he is not interested in you and be sure for once and all.
Yes, coming to terms with the brutal and heartbreaking he’s just not that into you signs is not easy. It is bound to sting, make you feel devastated, and break your heart but accepting the reality and focusing on moving on is any day a wiser choice than holding on to false hope. To that end, we bring to you this lowdown of the signs he’s not into you. We hope these signs put an end to your ‘signs he doesn’t like you’ dilemma once and for all.
20 Signs He Is Not Into You – Don’t Waste Your Time
Figuring out whether a guy is into you or not can be confusing. Be it a close friend you’ve known all your life or someone you interact with often when romantic feelings get thrown into the mix, things veer into the complicated territory pretty quickly. Even more so, when it’s only your own feelings you’re sure about and how your romantic interest feels about you remains an uncrackable mystery.
You see his caring nature and think that he’s into you, but on the other hand, when he talks about other girls you feel that he’s not. You are caught in this misery and you do not seem to have a way out. But, with a little attention, you can figure out whether he is into you or not. If he’s not into you, you will be able to tell through his body language. When someone is not into you, they do make it obvious in the way they carry themselves around you. For example, if you’re crushing on a friend, see if he treats you any differently than his friends. If not, this is one of the telling signs he doesn’t like you more than a friend.
Things can get even more confusing when a guy acts interested and then backs off. Even if there was an initial spark between you and him, you can feel it fizzle away when the signs he doesn’t like you as much as you like him begin to emerge. Take the example of Roger and Annette. Roger went on a few good dates with Annette but soon started losing interest in her. He would still hang out with her because he did not know how to let her down but his body language gave it away quickly.
He stopped holding hands with her, never looked her directly in the eye and often seemed anxious in her presence. Having picked up on these signs, it was Annette who decided to have the difficult conversation with Roger and put them both out of their misery. So he might not directly tell you that he’s not into you but will expect you to understand his motives through his body language and behavioral signs. If you have been trying to figure out signs he’s not into you after first date or losing sleep over whether a guy likes you back but haven’t found any concrete answers, pay attention to these 20 subtle signs he’s not into you:
Related Reading: 6 Ways Bitterness Creeps Into Your Loving Relationship
1. He doesn’t spend much time with you
When a guy is into you, he wants to spend most of his time with you because he wants to know more about you. No matter how much time he spends with you, he will still think that it is not enough. If he doesn’t spend much time with you, it is clearly a red flag and one of the glaring signs he’s not into you.
Many times it will appear as if he’s with you but his mind is wandering somewhere else. A guy who is into you will give his full attention to you rather than being mentally absent. So don’t kid yourself and know that he’s not into you anymore if he is just not putting the same kind of effort into your dates anymore or is refusing to spend time with you like he used to.
If he is always busy when you hit him up to make plans to hang out, agrees to meet but then cancels the date or seems more comfortable with hanging out in a group than spending one-on-one time with you, these are all signs he doesn’t want to spend time with you. Stop giving him the benefit of the doubt and pick up on the hints he’s dropping because they’re clear signs he’s not that into you.
2. He isn’t the first one to contact you
This is indeed one of the warning signs he’s not into you and sadly, most women seem to be so smitten that they tend to condone this one. Well, we are here to remind you that withholding contact may be his way of telling you that he’s just not interested in you romantically. If he is not making the effort to reach out, consider that a problem and one of the clear signs he doesn’t like you.
You are the one who is always texting him and calling him. He never initiates a conversation, he never texts you first, though he mostly replies. It is almost as if you are forcing him to talk to you. There are times when guys avoid contacting you first through text or calls because they don’t want to seem too desperate. However, if this is a recurring habit, it’s a sign that he’s not that much into you.
3. Signs he’s not that into you — He doesn’t get jealous
The fact that he doesn’t feel jealous seeing you with someone else is one of the most obvious signs he’s not into you. Jealousy makes us human and it’s only natural to feel a tinge of it when a person sees their romantic interest getting or giving attention to a third person. Every guy gets a bit jealous if he sees the girl he likes with someone else whether he shows it or not. He may not tell you about it but you can make it out through his body language.
Try flirting or getting close to other guys and see how he reacts. If he doesn’t even pay attention to what you’re doing with other guys, it is a clear-cut sign that he’s not into you. If your whole premise that there may be something between you two is built on how much he cares about you and how he’s always there for you, it’s time to pay attention to whether it’s just platonic love. If he shows care and compassion but stops at that, it could be among the signs he doesn’t like you more than a friend.
4. You are the one making plans
Are you the one who is always making plans? If he is not taking any interest in trying to have a good time with you, it could be one of the subtle signs he’s not into you. When you make a plan and ask him for his input, he gives vague replies and tells you to decide. It is classic behavior of a man who is not interested in you.
You feel that it’s a typical guy habit and men are just like that but that is not true. Know that it is so because he doesn’t want to make plans at all. Do you feel like you’re forcing him to make plans with you? This could be another red flag. If you are often left asking yourself, “Is he busy or not interested?”, then consider the latter to be true.
When a guy leaves you wondering whether he likes you or not, that itself is one of the biggest signs he doesn’t like you. Because if he did feel the same way about you, you would never be left guessing what his intentions are. You would know it in your heart, irrespective of whether he’s said it in as many words or not.
5. He keeps canceling
How to know he’s not into you anymore? Consider the following situation. After putting in so much time and effort in planning, you’re finally excited for your date with him. With every minute that passes, your anticipation to meet him grows stronger and stronger until he cancels on you at the last minute, unabashedly. This isn’t the first time he has done this.
It is always a work thing or something he needs to take care of. Moreover, what’s worse is that he hardly feels any sort of guilt for standing you up. He just considers it another day and moves on without having any regard for your feelings. Ask yourself, could this ever be love? When a guy cancels a date with you, not once but over and over again, it’s one of the clearest signs he doesn’t like you as much as you like him.
Related Reading: 6 Signs You Are in a One-Sided Relationship
6. Flirting with other women is one of the signs he’s not into you
Remember when in Sex And The City 2, Carrie took her husband Big to a Hollywood premiere, only to find him laughing in the corner with a woman he had started chatting up at the party. While he was gleeful during that encounter and had a lovely time that evening, as soon as he came home, he jumped into bed in front of the television and his charming personality had fizzled out completely. When he came back home with Carrie, he just ignored her and went back to being by himself.
Now consider a similar situation. You two go to a party, and you see him joking around and flirting with other women. The moment you join the conversation, he goes back to being dull and uninterested. He’s more interested in talking to other women than giving you company at the party. Is he really into you? How to know he’s not into you anymore is about watching out for whether he’s acting a little bit like Mr. Big. If he does, it’s one of the most glaring signs he’s not that into you.
7. He doesn’t know anything about you
The more time two people spend with each other, the more they get to know about each other. A person who is into you doesn’t stop just at you, he will also ask about you from your close friends and family. However, in this case, you may know all about him but he doesn’t know anything about you. Does he know things like your favorite flowers, cuisine, restaurant, movie or color? Does he know what you do when you’re happy or sad or upset? Do you feel as if he treats you like a stranger?
Know that he’s not into you anymore if he does not even care enough to get to know you better. If he doesn’t bother about how your day went, why you are upset, how you spend your free time or what is really going on in your life, it is probably because those things don’t matter to him. Equal effort in a relationship is an absolute must at every step of the way, whether you’re still in the talking stage or have been together for decades. If that effort is missing from his side, you need to recognize it for what it is – one of the signs he’s not that into you.
8. Lack of emotional connect is one of the signs he’s not into you
Think about this. Your guy always seems distraught. Even when you feel low, he doesn’t seem to care and you can’t even count on him to be there to console you. It is because there’s no emotional connection between you. Love and feelings are derived from an emotional bond but here that bond is lacking. How do you then expect to build a strong and meaningful connection with him?
You might be infatuated with him and that is why it might be hard to see, believe and accept the signs he is not interested in you. But when there is emotional distance, your heart already knows that this is a relationship that is probably not worth holding onto. In fact, given the lack of emotional intimacy in your bond, you can hardly call it a relationship. That should be enough to tell you that he is not worth investing your time and emotions into.
9. He is not into you if he is still a stranger to you
Relationships are all about good communication and getting to know each other on a more personal and emotional level. This guy hasn’t yet opened up to you. Initially, you thought that he was being an introvert but now you feel as if he isn’t interested. He always keeps the conversation formal and treats you as an acquaintance, not even a friend, let alone a girlfriend.
One of the ways guys express their romantic interest in someone is by being vulnerable with them and showing the other person sides of themselves that they have kept hidden from the world. Therefore, if he is still closed off and you feel there is an impregnable wall standing between you two, it’s one of the signs he has no feelings for you.
10. It’s just about sex for him
The only time you both communicate with each other is when he wants to have sex with you. After the sex is over, he goes back to being his uninterested self again. It’s as if your relationship is just based on sex. Does this resonate with you and accurately describe the current equation you find yourself in? Because if you can, then consider this a major relationship red flag.
If he finds it all too simple to just zip up and walk out once the deed is done, then you have some thinking to do about what this relationship actually means to him. Perhaps, he only thinks of it as a casual relationship or a booty-call situation. You deserve much more than just being a booty call for someone. Unless it is a mutually agreed upon no-strings-attached relationship, this kind of behavior is downright disrespectful and also one of the clear signs he doesn’t want to spend time with you or build a meaningful connection with you. Walking away when he’s not interested is the best solution.
11. His social media activity doesn’t include you
On social media, you will see him liking pictures of other women but if you post something at the same time, he will not like or comment on it. It is as if he doesn’t want to be associated with you online. He’s interested in the online activity of other women and has sidelined you specifically even on social media. It’s one of the most clear signs he’s not that into you.
Of course, you appear nowhere in his social media activity. In these digitally driven times we live in, social media and relationships go hand-in-hand and posting about one’s partner is considered a significant milestone. However, you know in the heart of your hearts that this expectation is never going to be met. If that’s the case, you may even be subconsciously aware that the signs he doesn’t like you are all over this romantic connection you’re pining for.
12. He talks to other women
How to know if he’s not into you through text? Well, think about whether he is quick to reply to you or does he take hours to get back to you. If he is not consistent with texting you, there may be more to it than a case of texting anxiety. It could well mean that he is texting and talking to multiple women at once and the signs he’s not into you don’t get any more evident than this.
Are you constantly left thinking, “He is always online but not talking to me!”, then it is because he could be talking to others. Talking to other women doesn’t seem that big a deal. After all, you don’t want to be a jealous and clingy girlfriend. But if he is talking to other women and flirting with them, then that’s a problem because it’s one of the signs he is not interested in you. His messages to you are plain and cold but when he is talking to other women, all of a sudden he’s the funniest person on Earth.
Related Reading: What Are We Attracted To?
13. You haven’t met his friends
When a guy is into you, he talks about you in front of his friends. Since he loves you so much, he just likes to boast about you a little bit. Also, this is because he turns to his friends for opinions and suggestions. But if you meet his friends and they behave as if it is the first time they are hearing your name, it’s because they don’t even know that you exist.
This is definitely one of the signs he doesn’t like you as much as you like him or maybe at all that you need to pay attention to if you want a reality check on his feelings toward you. If he hasn’t so much as mentioned you to his inner circle, it’s a dead giveaway that he is not emotionally invested in this connection. In such a situation, it’s best to let go of a guy who doesn’t want a relationship.
14. He doesn’t hold your hand in public
Guys who are into you feel proud and happy to have you in their life. They like to hold your hand in public or even put an arm around your waist to show the world what you mean to them. If you’re dating an introvert, you’ll know they don’t usually don’t hold hands in public that fast but eventually, with time, they too open up.
If your guy doesn’t hold your hand at all in public even though much time has passed since you two have been together, it’s one of the signs he’s not into you body language-wise. The degree of public display of affection that a person is comfortable with may vary, depending on their personality. However, more often than not, some gestures of affection become inevitable when there are strong feelings involved. If you have been drawing a blank on that count consistently, you have at your hands one of the most telling he’s just not that into you signs.
15. He’s not present at significant events
This is indeed one of the warning signs he’s not into you since it is so terribly obvious. Imagine it’s your birthday and you are very excited to spend it with him. He cancels on you because of something more important that has ‘suddenly’ come up. Sometimes emergency commitments come up and one can’t do anything about it. What matters is what he does after that. Does he make it up to you or does he just get away with his excuse?
If the things that are important to you just don’t matter to him, is there even a point in looking for the signs he has no feelings for you or spending your time wondering how he really feels about you? The writing is on the wall – he isn’t interested in fostering a real relationship with you. You mean nothing to him. Your best recourse here is to accept this reality and focus on moving on. Walking away when he’s not interested is the best decision you can make at this point.
16. Treating you ‘normally’ is one of the signs he’s not into you
One of the signs he’s not into you is evident by the way he treats you. If he treats you like a regular friend or an acquaintance, it is because he isn’t interested in you. This implies that you are still considered a friend and need to up your game if you want to get out of it.
If you haven’t noticed any change in his behavior or body language around you and he still treats you the way he always has, it could be one of the signs he doesn’t like you more than a friend. The question now is: Is it worth your while trying to invest your energies and emotions into winning him over? Yes, he may be kind, considerate, funny and just everything you’ve wanted in a partner, but if he’s not into you, there is a good chance that it may remain that way.
17. Telling you to date other people is one of the signs he’s not into you
If he’s asking you to date other people, it means that he himself wants to date other people or may not want to be in a committed relationship at the moment. It is also a sign he is not ready for an exclusive relationship with you. The very fact that he’s telling you to date other people means that he doesn’t have you in mind when it comes to dating or being in a relationship with someone. He still considers you a friend.
There is no denying that such signs he doesn’t like you more than a friend can be crushing. The silver lining is that at least he’s being honest and upfront with you. Maybe heed his advice and explore your options? As they say, there’s plenty of fish in the dating sea. So, why not try to move on from him and put yourself out there again.
Related Reading: Public Displays Of Affection: Everything You Need To Know
18. He doesn’t let you leave stuff at his place
If you are spending most of your nights at his place, you will prefer leaving your stuff there rather than having to carry it all back and forth. If he is objecting to it, it may be because he doesn’t want the relationship to go too fast, or worse, there’s another woman in his life. It’s a clear sign he’s not into you.
Perhaps, for him, this is just a no-strings-attached relationship. But if that’s not where you’re at or if you’ve started catching feelings after agreeing to a casual hook-up situation, it’s wise to have an honest conversation with him. Yes, it’s not easy to pour your heart out when you can already pick up on the signs he has no feelings for you, but it will stand you both in good stead in the long run.
19. He contacts you at his whims
Whenever he is in the mood to talk or wants to have sex, he will call you. When he’s not, you may not hear from him for days or even weeks on end. When you try to call or text him, you almost never get a response. He doesn’t even accord you the courtesy of returning your calls or responding to your texts at a later time.
But then, all of a sudden he will call you as if nothing happened. This hot and cold behavior is one of the signs he is not interested in you, not the way he should be anyway. Such a person is just interested in a physical relationship and not any type of commitment. He sees you as someone to have a good time with, be it in a bar or in the bedroom. That is far more damaging than not having a romantic interest in your life, especially when you want so much more from this connection.
20. You just know that he is not into you
You might try to console yourself by saying that he’s into you but it’s just the circumstances that aren’t acting in your favor. However, deep down you know the truth. He’s not into you and you’ve known it for some time now. You are clinging on to this one-sided relationship expecting things to change. Ask yourself, is he really going to change?
The fear of rejection always hangs above our heads because of which we lookout for signs to understand for ourselves. After reading the signs he is not into you, what to do next? Don’t hold on to him anymore. If it is meant to happen, it eventually might but just don’t force it on him. It will drive him away further. Keep an open mind as Cupid has a way of working his magic. You never know who you might meet at a café or a bookstore and fall in love all over again. But, for now, let’s look at ways to let go of a guy who is not interested in you.
How To Let Go Of A Guy Who Is Not Into You
Not being liked by the person you’ve been crushing over or are in love with can be painful and heartbreaking. There’s nothing as sad and depressing as loving a man who is not interested in you. It’s not your fault that they aren’t into you. We can’t pick and choose who we fall in love with. In the same way, we can’t force someone to love or develop a romantic inclination toward us if they don’t want to. It sucks but it is what it is.
We know it hurts but, for the sake of your own wellbeing and peace of mind, you need to consider walking away when he’s not interested. You need to figure out ways to let go of someone you love deeply but who isn’t interested in you. There’s no point spending the rest of your life hoping that he will someday fall in love with you. You will have to learn to move on with your life. Here are 4 ways to let go of a guy who doesn’t want a relationship:
1. Acknowledge your feelings
This is the first step to self-care. You need to acknowledge and be honest about your feelings. Don’t fight the feelings of sadness and grief. Come clean. Grieve and cry as much as you want. It’s healthy to express your emotions and release yourself when you are sad or unhappy. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. Take a few days or weeks off to deal with your emotions. Your emotions and grief are not invalid, which is why you must not judge, fight, or resist them. Acknowledge your feelings instead.
2. Focus on yourself
Shift your focus back to yourself if you want to let go of the man who is not interested in you. Practice self-love. Take care of yourself. Engage and indulge in things that bring you joy. Listen to music, read, pick up a new hobby, learn a new skill, practice a sport, jot down your feelings in a diary, focus on your physical and mental wellbeing, hang out with friends, go on a walk or a long vacation. Give yourself a break from all the drama. Remember that you’re worthy of love. Consult a therapist if you feel it’s too much to deal with. Bonobology’s panel of licensed and experienced therapists is only a click away.
Related Reading: 18 Male Body Language Signs Of Attraction
3. Maintain distance
This is crucial if you want to let go of a guy who’s not into you. Walking away when he’s not interested is hard but it’s something you need to do to maintain your own sanity. Maintaining a distance with someone you love is difficult but you must do it if you want to let go of him. Limit phone calls, texts, and social media contact. Don’t hang out with him as often as you used to. We’re not asking you to apply the no-contact rule. Just avoid frequent interaction while you’re still grieving. Don’t be rude either. As heartbreaking as it sounds, it is normal for a person you like to not like you back.
4. Meet new people
This is another great way to let go of the man who is not interested in you. When you notice signs he’s not into you, it’s best to let him go and move on. Once you’re done grieving, put yourself out there. Meet new people, build new friendships and connections. Start dating again if you feel ready. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Give yourself a chance to see things from a fresh perspective, to feel attractive and wanted. Flirt again, Go out on a date. Give yourself and another man a chance to know and understand you.
While you are in the process of doing this, remember that there is nothing wrong with you and that it’s not your fault if the guy you love is not interested in you. Initially, it may be difficult to figure out how to behave in front of him, how to handle rejection, or how to make yourself feel better and worthy of love. But remember that, by choosing to move on, you’ve already taken the first step toward letting go. Give it some time and everything will fall in place. We hope the above mentioned tips help.