‘We have a 25 years age difference, and we always get the looks from people, in restaurants, bars, everywhere. Honestly, it is exhausting after a point. Can’t people mind their own business? What can we do to not let this affect us?’ We receive many emails like these.
Click here for 12 facts about older woman younger man relationships.
One hot topic for all of us at a market place etc, id when we see a couple with a huge age difference and we must have our two bits on it, even if we don’t know them from Adam! We spot one and our guesswork begins. Was it for money? Security? Sex? Companionship? Oh, how we love deliberating over a couple with a huge age gap and each of us has our theory on it!
Click here to see what the best age difference for a successful marriage is.
And then there is the entire celeb world, where this is the in-thing! Catherine Zeta-Jones is 25 years younger than Michael Douglas, Nick Jonas is younger to Priyanka Chopra by 10 and George Clooney is 17 years older than his wife Amal. But we really can’t look up to celebs for our relationship goals, or Bollywood movies for they do not operate in the normal world of couple love! If you are in a relationship with a huge age gap, you could be dealing with issues and perhaps need help with them. Most people generally disapprove of relationships in which one spouse/partner is significantly older than the other and this social disapproval, in turn, impacts the relationship negatively. The problems that couples with a huge age difference face have to be dealt with maturity and patience.
Click here to see how couples manage differences in their money and marriage.
Marriages with huge age gaps may sound like the ideal ‘love conquers all’, but when time passes and you move beyond the honeymoon phase, things change. Over time, in couples with a huge age gap, the marital bliss declines compared to those who are married to spouses who are similar in age.
Couples who have a huge age difference face different challenges and one huge difference is that they are no synced in the major life decisions like having children, where to spend money etc. Many age gap relationship problems arise just because the time-zones in which individuals have been raised are different. The age difference does affect the relationship.
8 Relationship Problems Faced By Couples With A Huge Age Gap
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In the short-term, marriages with big age gaps seem to work better than the normal ones. The couple is more geared up to find happiness as they have in a way gone against the social norms. The sheer novelty makes the relationship more electrifying. But as these marriages age and issues creep up, these couples do not get the kind of support from family and friends that they would have otherwise got. Even the two partners involved find it difficult to understand each other’s points of view!
Click here to read about this woman in love with a man 10 years younger than her.
That is when they realize that the partnership is probably not as ideal as they thought and love does not conquer all! Moreover, society always looks at them with suspicion or wait for it to fall apart. Remember the rounds of Whatsapp messages and pieces on how long the Chopra-Jonas marriage would last?
According to a study conducted by Emory University in the US, couples with a one-year age difference were the most likely to make it, with just a 3% chance of divorce.
However, those chances jumped up to 18% for a five-year age difference and 39% for a ten-year difference. For relationships with a 20-year age gap, things looked pretty bleak, with a 95% chance of acute relationship problems leading to separation.
What could be the causes of marital problems in a marriage with an age gap?
1. The society will not stop blabbing
Your marriage will be the red hot topic at brunches, dinners, and get-togethers organized by your friends and family. There will be constant disparagement- snide remarks, strange looks and stupid hurtful jokes. No matter how much you try and convince them that it is about love, they will not believe you.
Click here to read about this woman who can’t deal with her husband gossiping.
In such cases people normally assume that there has been exploitation, maybe the woman was a gold digger, maybe the man was one? Maybe sex was used as an exchange rather than love! People will predict the future of your marriage and we have had cases where people bet on it too! Your marriage will be the meat for all gossip and conversations. Some will be shameful to question you directly- “kya majboori thi beta”! You may be called a gold digger and your husband a “sugar daddy”. Your parents too will face this social ridicule and their parenting skills will be questioned and debated about. These are some of the social problems you will face if you have a relationship with a big age difference.
And then there can be an embarrassing situation when the older partner will be referred to as the parent! Can you imagine how many laughs and jokes this would make for the couple?
2. Blame the relationship problem on the age gap
Even if you are facing problems like every other couple in a marriage, people around you will encourage you to see it as an offshoot of the age-gap issue. After a point of time, you or your partner may start believing it. You do not agree on what to spend, it’s the age gap. Most couples do not see eye to eye on what to spend, the woman may want a gadget for home, the man something techie! You do not agree on how many kids to have and when. You are said its’ the age gap but remember arguing about how many kids to have and one is one of the biggest deal-makers and breakers between people who see each other in the arrange marriage scene.
Click here to read about how this couple uses their differences to spice up their life.
You have a difference in energy levels, it’s the age gap. Remember in most marriages people have differing views, one may be a morning lark and the other a night owl and that could be rooted in the difference of energy levels. The huge age gap will take the fall for every little squabble and fight until the age-gap itself becomes an issue! thinking that these problems could be arising because of the age difference between you two.
3. You could face compatibility issues
The bigger the age gap, the greater the chances of facing compatibility issues. Both of you belong to two different generations, there is a chance that your mind-set will not match on many angles and you will find it difficult to resolve common marital issues. Remember one of you could be in the spring of your life and the other the summer or fall. And that does change the priorities.
Click here to read about what the priorities of a long-term marriage are.
One wants to be reckless, spend more; the other is in the super saving mode. What your partner calls trendy can be something that was in trend during your father’s time. The older partner has far more patience than you and you may see this as them being less involved when they are simply not as adept as throwing tantrums as you! Maybe the older partner thinks he knows more than you just because…! How will you refute that?
Click here for 10 questions everyone should ask before marriage.
Sometimes love is not enough! You might be really in love with the person, but if you both are not compatible enough to make it through even the first few months of marriage, is it a good idea?
Related Reading: Romance Confession: My Affair With An Older Woman
4. The question of your partner’s children
If you are marrying someone with a big age gap, there are chances that the person has children from the previous relationship. If he/she has children, are you ready to be a stepparent? Being someone’s stepparent isn’t easy especially when your stepchildren may be closer in age to you than their father. Here you are not just getting married to the person; you will have to be the mother/father of someone else’s children at such a young age.
Click here for expert’s opinion on how to deal with stepchildren.
Hema Malini was just 8 years older than Sunny Deol. Ashton Kutcher is closer in age to Demi Moore’s daughter Rumer, so much so that she had a crush on him before the parents dated! Think of the sarcasm, insults, perhaps even social media posts from grown-up children about their stepmom. They can shred your social image to pieces. Besides you can be sure to get hate stares from them whenever you do meet them. Plus the onus of making it cordial will be on you!
Are you ready to handle such a big responsibility? Couples with a huge age difference seriously need to think about this aspect of the relationship.
5. The question of having your children
This could be a two thronged issue. One could be that you being younger want to wait to have kids but the man wants to rush it up! You do not want to lose your body just yet. And the other is your partner may not want kids at all, but you do! If your partner already has kids, will he/she be ready to have kids again with you? Your partner might not want to have any more kids and you need to know this before you get married. Moreover, if your partner doesn’t have kids, then you should not assume that he/she will want kids.
You need to ask your partner whether he/she is inclined to have kids after marriage and if not, are you okay with the fact that you will never have children of your own?
In relationships with an age gap, this is something important to discuss to avoid complications later.
6. Your sex life could have problems
A lady wrote to us that her husband is 18 years older than her and they are extremely happy with each other except for his decreasing libido. He was great at the beginning of their relationship and taught her a lot about giving and receiving pleasure but 6 years down the roads she is now in her prime and he doesn’t want to do it as often. Another person, a man who was in a relationship with a woman 8 years older than him said he just doesn’t find her attractive anymore with her menopause and things.
A huge age difference in a marriage may cause bumps in between the sheets. Differences in energy levels, in exploring kinks, etc., and even in wanting to finish the session sooner than later leading to sexual dissatisfaction and frustration. Initially one may not notice it, but over time this can turn into a big issue. This will affect your sex life and this is where the experts say that the younger person starts to look for intimacy outside the home.
7. Different priorities and time issues
Your partner is much older than you, meaning that he/she has more responsibility in terms of job and other commitments. You, being much younger, may not have that many commitments and could have more free time in hand. In your free time, you may wish to spend some quality time with your partner while he/she would be busy with his/her work.
What if the two of you go on a vacation, you want to go for adventure sports and he wants to chill with a book near the pool. What if you are into gymming and abs and he into meditation and yoga?
Click here to read about what happened when the lonely housewife met the young bachelor.
You want to work late at night and he is an early bird? You feel charged up in the evening and by then he is spent? For him holidays could be about spending it with his family for you it could be about running away from them?
And the bigger problem with having a huge age gap in the relationship is that the two of you will not be able to empathize with each other about
But relationship problems can start when you long for someone, who has a job similar to yours so that you both could get off together and spend more time.
8. Your partner is going to age faster
At this point in time, you may not notice that big a difference between you and your partner in terms of looks. But with time, you will notice your partner ageing much faster than you in their physical appearance. Be ready to answer questions about your partner looking significantly older than you as people will confuse him/her for an older relative. Moreover, with age come various illnesses. Dealing with a partner that suffers from chronic illness could affect your mental well-being and be a huge time commitment. Are you ready to constantly take care of someone during your prime?
Marriages with a huge age gap come with their baggage and you need to be prepared for them. Where there is love, there is hope and with proper attention and communication, most couples can work out their differences and find their happily ever after. You need to enter any conflict with an open mind and the intention of compromising for a win-win result. Remember, as long as you have the same core values and beliefs, you can overcome most other differences. You need to be willing to support each other’s long-term goals and be patient with the fact that you are in different phases of your life. If you needed added guidance and advice, do not hesitate to seek out online relationship counselling. It will help you to prepare for the worst. Because if you are getting into it, make sure that you do it right and make it for the long haul!
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