What happens when the daddy in your bedroom starts behaving like your real-life daddy? Marriages with huge age gaps sound like the ideal ‘love conquers all’ type of thing, but when time passes and you surpass your honeymoon phase, everything is not all roses. Couples who have a huge age difference face quite a few hurdles and sometimes things don’t really go very well.
8 common problems faced by couples with a huge age difference
In the short-term, marriages with big age gaps tend to work, but when the problems in a marriage come in, you don’t get the kind of support and understanding you expected from your partner. That is when you realise what you have got into. Moreover, society is never going to stop blabbing, making your marriage even tougher.
According to a study conducted by Emory University in the US, couples with a one-year age difference were the most likely to make it, with just a 3% chance of divorce. However, those chances jumped up to 18% for a five-year difference and 39% for a ten-year difference. For relationships with a 20-year age gap, things looked pretty bleak, with a 95% chance of separation.
If you are someone thinking about getting into such a marriage, here are 8 problems with differences in relationships that you need to look out for.
1. The society will not stop blabbing
Your marriage will be the hot topic for all those kitty parties conducted by your relatives. There will be criticism and rumours to add spice to the gossip. They are not going to stop tormenting you with their questions and curiosity on the topic. The “kya majboori thi beta” question is for sure going to arise. Not to forget, you are going to get tags like “gold digger” and your husband being your “sugar daddy”. Your parents too are going to face questions on their upbringing. All these things are not going to stop.
2. Blame it on the age gap
Even if you are facing problems like every other couple in a marriage, everyone is going to blame it on the age gap. After a point of time, you too will doubt your relationship a bit, thinking that these problems could be arising because of the age difference between you two. The real issue could be very simple or due to some other factor, but you will blame it on something that is highlighted the most, your age gap.
Related reading: 8 fights every couple will have at some point in their relationship
3. You could face compatibility issues
The bigger the age gap, the greater the chances of facing compatibility issues. Because of you both belonging to two different generations, there is a chance that your mind-set will not match on many things. What your partner calls trendy can be something that was in trend during your father’s time. Moreover, you both could have different expectations from life and from the marriage too. You might be really in love with the person, but if you both are not compatible enough to make it through even the first few months of marriage, is it a good idea?
4. The question of your partner’s children
If you are marrying someone with a big age gap, there are higher chances that the person has children. If he/she has children, do you want to get into a marriage being someone’s stepparent? Being someone’s stepparent isn’t an easy thing and seeing their parent get married is already a hard thing for them. Here you are not just getting married to the person; you will have to be the mother/father of someone else’s children at such a young age.
Are you ready to handle such a big responsibility?
5. The question of having your own children
If your partner already has kids, will he/she be ready to have kids again with you? Your partner might not want to have any more kids and you need to know this before you get married. Moreover, if your partner doesn’t have kids, then you should not assume that he/she will want kids. You need to ask your partner whether he/she is inclined to have kids after marriage and if not, are you okay with the fact that you will never have children of your own?
6. Your sex life could have problems
With your partner being older, he/she may not have the same energy level as you and could get tired soon. Initially you may not notice it, but over time you will start to notice this too. This in turn could affect your sex life and you may not be able to get the kind of sexual satisfaction you want because of lack of stamina in your partner.
Related reading: Our marriage wasn’t loveless, just sexless
7. Different priorities and time issues
Your partner is much older than you, meaning that he/she has more responsibility in terms of job and other commitments. You, being much younger, may not have that many commitments and could have more free time in hand. In your free time, you would wish to spend some quality time with your partner while he/she would be busy with his/her work. At this time you will long for someone who has a job similar to yours so that you both could get off together and spend more time.
8. Your partner is going to age faster
At this point of time, you may not notice that big a difference between you and your partner in terms of looks. But with time you will notice your partner getting older than you and it will reflect in his/her looks. Be ready to answer questions about your partner being some uncle of yours. Moreover, with age come various illnesses. Your partner could get some of those old age illnesses. Are you ready to constantly take care of someone during your prime?
Age difference in marriage problems is something you need to be prepared for. These marriages come with added baggage and you need to be prepared for what you are getting into. Where there is love, there is hope and where there is hope, anything is possible. Many such people have strived to make age gap marriages work, but after a lot of hard work put into it. Seek relationship advice from a counsellor if needed. It will help you to prepare for the worst. Because if you are getting into it, make sure that you are ready for it.