An arranged marriage in India is a serious proposition because it’s a marriage arranged by two families keeping in mind the financial, caste and educational parity. Even though an arranged marriage meeting is technically like a first date, meeting your potential life partner on an arranged marriage date is a more serious one. For starters, both your families are eagerly waiting to know if you think he is ‘the one’. So unlike a usual first date, you need to ask some meaningful arrange marriage questions to the man you are meeting. We get stories of unhappy marriages where people had not spent enough time to gauge whether they were really compatible especially on major life goals and principles if they did they would know that the early warnings of potential friction were there all along, in the form of personality conflicts or day-to-day incompatibility. We had this query where someone wrote about the danger of marrying someone they had met for just five minutes! But the time that the young couple gets with each other is limited, and the information they need to sift through is almost infinite. But there is a way to go about understanding the other, think about it – what questions can you ask a boy in an arranged marriage to know if you will have a decently happy married life with him? Here are our tips for that arranged marriage meeting and questions you can ask your prospective groom.
Bollywood looks at arranged marriages in films like Dum Laga Ke Haisha, Roja, Socha Na Tha or Tanu Weds Manu. It shows Indian marriage traditions or how love happens after it is arranged. Whatever it maybe you have to keep some things in your mind and know what questions to ask before an arranged marriage.
10 Questions To The Future Groom In An Arranged Marriage
Well, all of us do ask some very common questions like, what are your work hours, how do you spend your weekends, or even whether you are an indoor or an outdoor kind of person, etc. these are good to set the tone for a conversation. But here, you are talking of committing a whole lifetime together, you must know that there is some sync in and vice versa. For that, you need to ask some very relevant and crucial questions once you go ahead and the thrill of the new relationship takes over you may not be able to read the signs of how inherently different they two of you are and remember even the deepest love can’t prevent certain conflicts over decades of living together. Be smart and figure out where the two of you may stand years later in the compatibility scale once the novelty of romance and sex has subsided. These arranged marriage questions are your window to know the guy better. We had a query where the girl ended up with a gay in the arranged marriage process. You must take time to clear out these issues as well.
By asking the right questions, you can understand his mindset, value system, his basic nature, and character. Is he fun-loving or the serious types. Is he hyper or calm? Is he ambitious or chilled out? parents try and match the economic family levels in an arranged marriage system but these questions will help you plug the emotional and psychological similarity. If you are wondering what questions to ask a boy in an arranged marriage here are our tips. These questions would help you understand the person in the very first meeting. We had this story from a woman who said she was married more to the man’s job than him!
1. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
This is a very important arranged marriage question. I know it sounds like you are taking his job interview, but it’s such a vital question that you shouldn’t skip it. This should be the first arranged marriage question for couples. His personal and professional goals for the next 5 years will give you an idea about where his priorities lie and whether it’s aligned with your expectations from life.
This question will also help you understand how sorted he is in his head. Whether he has set any goals and how has he planned to achieve those in future. This question will tell you a lot about him and his attitude in life. Whether he is driven or laid back. If you are organized and driven and he is not, it may create issues in your marital life later as you will think of him as not taking charge of his life. For most women that is something that they cannot handle, a floater. In the Indian context, this gets further emphasized as they have probably seen their dad and uncle take complete charge. This is why we have put this arranged marriage question at No. 1.
2. Would you like to pursue any hobby, if you had more time?
Questions about hobbies can sound straight out of Sooraj Barjatya movies, but a person’s interest in things other than his career says a great deal about what they are like from inside and whether you find those things interesting as well. This can be a girl-boy question for an arranged marriage. A girl’s hobbies say a lot about her too.
Even if he is not actively involved in any hobby ask him what are the things he wants to learn or get better at, if he had the time.
Find out if he wants to learn the guitar or play golf later on in life. Through this arranged marriage question you would get to know about his aspirations and interests. You can ask him about his childhood hobbies which he might not have been able to pursue later in life because of studies and job pressure. This could also give you a peek into the person he is.
Related Reading: How Long Does it Take to Fall In Love in an Arranged Marriage?
3. What do you like to do on days when you are not working?
If you are wondering what question to ask in an arranged marriage this could be the one. It will help you understand what he is beyond his work and education. Maybe he prefers to read, watch movies or catch up with friends – what he likes to do on days to get out of boredom gives you a chance to find out if you have any common interests. You could also ask him about the kind of shows and movies he likes, whether this is something both of you can enjoy at the end of the day. We had a couple come in once where the man only liked mafia movies and the women loved romcoms. And there was just one T.V They ended up watching different shows on their laptops!
If he is a book worm and you like to socialise a lot, spending a life together could become a hard job.
The answer to this arranged marriage question could help you decide if you are compatible at all.
4. Do you like to travel?
If you are thinking about what question to ask a boy in an arranged marriage then this is it. If you are a traveller by heart and your potential spouse gets homesick pretty fast, then you will end up in an imbalanced marriage and so will he. This may seem irrelevant and not really a deal-breaker but remember we live in a world that has far more stress than the earlier ones and it is important to take breaks and in a way where both get rejuvenated. So even if this seems random go ahead and ask him about his travel interests. Also whether he is a beach person or a mountain? Does he like to hike or take long naps during these breaks? If you ask this question in an arranged marriage you will know what kind of vacation the two of you will have together.
Some men hate to travel and are not interested in carrying bags and baggage just to see new places and if you are a traveller at heart then you should ask him if he is okay if you travel in a girl gang if not with him? If he shifts in his seat and looks at the ceiling then you know what to do and if he spontaneously says that’s a great idea you have a liberal man there.
We had a very cute story from a couple who said that they laugh at the most horrible things and that is what makes their travel super cute! Can the two of you laugh at the same things?
5. What do you like to drink?
This is for alcoholic beverages. This is an important question that you must ask the boy before marriage. If you enjoy your wine and vodka (whether occasional or not) you must know his take on alcoholic drinks.
It’s easier to ask this question if you are meeting for a dinner date where the bar is open. Just hand him the menu and ask ‘Would you like to order anything to drink?’
He may hesitate to ask you about drinks assuming you may judge him otherwise; if he doesn’t you should. Also, you will know what he thinks of women who drink. Does he look at them disparagingly? Perhaps he drinks but doesn’t think it is okay for women to? Even if you don’t drink, his perspective on it would tell you a lot about the kind of person he is. One more thing, remember if one partner drinks and the other doesn’t; in the long run, it will spell trouble for that marriage. Because the one who drinks wants to party long and the one who doesn’t would want to retire at a decent time. Also, alcohol brings down inhibitors, so the one who drinks may seem maudlin to the non-drinker who is totally sober. A repeat of this evening over and over can strain the marriage in more ways than one.
6. Tell me about your closest friends
There is a saying, ‘birds of the same feather flock together’, ask him about his friends. His close circle. What do they do, are they married? How do they hang out together? What is their idea of a fun evening? Knowing about his closest friends will also tell you about the kind of company he likes to keep. Do they get sloshed on weekends or are more into sports. You can even run a check on these friends on social media. A picture can tell 1000 words.
Related Reading: 8 Arranged Marriage Facts You Did Not Know About
7. Who are you closest to, in your family?
It’s very important to ask. He could be closest to his mother or siblings, granny or a cousin. By asking this you know who has the most influence on him, who he confides in and who his lifelines are. These arranged marriage question will help you determine if you have to tackle a mamma’s boy or you have a man here who is attached to his family but at the same time independent enough to make his own decisions.
8. Do you like kids?
Well, it’s an arranged marriage date, so bringing up kids is not just okay, but very much necessary.
If you like to have kids in future and he likes them from a distance or vice versa, you know this union is a complete no-no.
But if he wants kids then you have to ask him for any timeline he may have in his mind. Does he want kids early or he would like to wait a few years till the two of you get to know each other well? Does he believe in having just one kid or two? You can ask this in the second or third meet but it is important to know how he sees his family life with you.
Related Reading: 12 Beautiful Reasons To Have Kids
9. What does your day’s routine look like?
His everyday routine will tell you about his work timings, when he likes to wake up and go to sleep, around what time he likes to have his meal etc. Knowing these will help you understand where you will fit into this routine. There are advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriage in India. But these questions will help you work on the advantages.
10. Is there anything you are never going to compromise on?
Last but not least, asking this question will let you know a great deal about his principles and values. Whether its loyalty or honesty, his answer will give you a good knowledge about the ground rules for the future and save you from any future setbacks. You should know how flexible he is on things that are important to you but come in his no-compromise policy.
There is one more arranged marriage question that is specific for India. Whether he wants to live with his parents or set up a new home after marriage?
With each of his answers, you can evaluate whether you should take things forward with him or not. So take your time, and don’t rush into knowing all about him on day one itself.
There is always a love marriage vs arranged marriage debate in India. But our advice is even if it’s a love marriage do know the answers to the above questions before you tie the knot. It will only help.