Marriage is not a cakewalk, and neither do all marriages end in ‘happily ever afters’. Statistics reveal that 42% of married couples go through divorce and around 34% of these couples divorce before the end of 20 years after their wedding. This is a huge figure for someone who is about to get married or is already married. But what would be the most common reasons for divorces? As we bring to you the top reasons for divorce, we hope you can avoid those mistakes.
How common are divorces in India?
Divorce has become a common phenomenon, especially among the young people of the country. In India, the divorce rate is 13 out of every 1000 marriages. Recent statistics are proof of the fact that the divorce rates in metropolitan cities such as Kolkata, Bengaluru, Delhi, Mumbai, etc. have tripled. Gone are the days when promises to live together and support each other were upheld by married people despite problems. Now if any couple find themselves struggling in their relationship, they prefer getting divorced instead of carrying on with unhappy lives.
- Increasing independence (emotionally and financially) of women in the country
- Decreasing importance of joint family and family values
- Late marriages due to which couples fail to compromise or change their lifestyle
- Typical conflict between the daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law
- Increasing role of the girl’s parents in her life after marriage or vice versa
- Incompatibility issues among the partners
15 most common causes of divorce
If you are wondering why couples divorce and what triggers people to end long-term marriages, then here are 15 common reasons for divorce. Get to know them in order to avoid these causes of divorce and keep your married life happy and prosperous.
1. Financial issues in married life
In this day and age, it is really difficult to continue with married life if the couple have different opinions regarding the use of financial resources. A majority of the couples separate because they are unable to handle financial issues in their married life and end up becoming bitter towards each other. Whether it is financial goals, spending habits, or one partner making more money, some couples head for divorce when they cannot come to a consensus regarding money matters.
Money is connected with everything, and goes hand-in-hand with stress. Not all couples are able to handle their finances in a matured, sensible fashion and end up harbouring resentment towards each other. Sometimes, this causes so much strain to a marriage that it collapses.
2. Extramarital relationships
This is one of the legal reasons for divorce, as the law recognises that a partner can divorce another in case of adultery. If anyone who is married gets involved in an extramarital relationship and gets caught, then it is but obvious that his/her marriage will end in divorce. The reason behind this is that once someone is involved in an affair, it can be very difficult to instil trust and honesty in his/her married life again. Infidelity usually starts with an emotional affair and raises its ugly head, causing a marriage to ultimately break.
Some spouses do not get into an affair intentionally – it just starts as an innocent friendship with someone of the opposite sex and ends in the bed. Emotional affairs often cloud one’s line of judgement and it affects a marriage in more than one way/
3. Abusive relationship
Married life is not rosy and happy for everyone. Many often find themselves entangled in an abusive and horrible marriage, due to which they prefer to get divorced. This is especially true in the case of women, who end up suffering mental, emotional and physical abuse at the hands of their husband or in-laws. Abuse of any kind can make it unbearable for a person to stay in the marriage, and one walks out at the first opportunity.
Abuse should not be tolerated and one should get rid of such a toxic relationship as soon as possible.
4. Loss of individual identity
Even when you are married, it is important that you maintain your individual identity. Marriage should not force a person to change into someone different! You should have the comfort and confidence to be who you are, without any frills attached. It is impossible to have a happy marriage if you are simply not what you are and are always playing a role.
Many people get a divorce because they feel that their individual identity and space is compromised due to their marriage. They feel as if they are losing touch with their inner self and peace..
5. Communication problems in married life
To build a strong and healthy foundation of married life, it is essential that a couple communicates and has a good level of understanding. Fights and arguments are inevitable, but what needs to be done is to find a common ground. Both the spouses should feel that they are heard and respected. Mindful, honest communication may seem hard to put into practice, but the effort is very well worth in the long run.
Continuously criticising your partner, passing snarky remarks or not talking to your partner everyday indicate lack of good communication between you and your partner and can end your relationship.
6. Couples get intimately estranged
Intimacy plays a vital role in a happy and healthy marriage. As long as the couple is able to satisfy each other’s sexual and romantic needs, married life seems smooth. But once a lull is witnessed in the couple’s sexual life due to increase in responsibilities or other misunderstandings, they feel unappreciated and unloved and eventually get a divorce. Sexless marriages are a huge reason for dissatisfaction among couples.
It is crucial to feel intimate and close with your partner, else one starts to feel like that are living as roommates who share the expenses. It does not have to be heated, passionate sex all the time, but small things like appreciating each other, cuddling, listening and simply making time to enjoy each others’ company.
7. Incessant fighting without any concrete solutions
Many couples believe that this is one of the good reasons for divorce. Why? Simply because if you are continuously fighting and have marked difference of opinions, then evidently you will not be able to live a happy life. Constant bickering would make anyone look out of the marriage for comfort – and slowly eat the marriage away.
Despite efforts to overcome such arguments and differences, if things do not work out, then the wise move would be to seek the help of a relationship counsellor.
8. Lack of equality in the relationship
Usually resentment and bitterness haunts the married life when a couple is unable to live as two equal human beings. One partner might feel that he/she is given too much responsibility or he/she is not being allowed to take major life decisions. Every couple faces individual challenges and needs to find a way out of them as two equals. All of this will eventually lead to a divorce.
9. Mismatching aspirations
When two people get married, it is expected that both of them will have a shared vision of their future, dreams and interests. However, this is not the case for all the couples. Some couples get married with unrealistic expectations and then feel let down or deceived. Some of them fail to find things to do in common and grow apart. This mismatch usually causes the couples to get divorced.
10. Continuous interference from the parents
In case the parents of the either spouse are dictating the married life of a couple, then it is surely going to reap disastrous results. It does not matter whether it is the girl’s parents or the boy’s parents, if they are intrusive. Such interference will only make the couple bitter and distant, both physically and emotionally.
11. Privacy issues in married life
For some it is about not finding private space to love and feel loved. This also triggers a frustration in the marriage and slowly detriorates the relationship.
Problems may arise in a relationship if the partners have different opinions on what should or should not be kept private about their relationship. If one of the partners openly discusses issues of married life with her friends or close relatives, then that might be difficult to manage. Privacy of married life, once invaded, can give rise to other issues and end the marriage.
12. Issues of appearance
After marriage, it is common that people tend to pay less attention to appearance. Most men and women take their bodies for granted, and are often in their pyjamas when at home. Wives rarely dress up for their husbands, and unless they have to go out, they do not wear trndy clothes or make-up.
Some of them even gain weight, due to which their partner loses interest in them or their self-esteem is shattered, and ultimately that causes intimacy issues in their married life leading to a divorce. It may seem superficial, or unfair, but appearances do play a vital role in keeping the spark in a marriage alive.
13. Getting married when not ready
Marriage comes with its share of responsibilities and challenges. Sometimes, marriage is forced and that leads to issues even before the beginning of married life. People who marry young tend to feel that they took the step too early and harbour discontentment that ultimately leads to a divorce.
One usually ends up getting divorced because he/she gets married when he/she is not ready mentally and physically to go through the changes that married life brings. Early marriage without consent can bring about unfavourable results. It is important that you are ready for this phase of your life and are not weighed down by lack of acceptance.
14. Expecting too much
Some people get married with lofty expectations – directly from theirfavorite TV shows! They expect everything to be as perfect and rosy as on TV or books. When you attach too much expectation and importance to your partner and he/she fails to live up to them, you will surely be disappointed. This also makes the other person feel constantly pressurised and he or she may ultimately succumb.
In case you are unable to overcome such a disappointment, it will lead to a divorce. Understanding your partner and keeping your expectations real is crucial for a marriage to survive.
15. Substance abuse
If one of the person is addicted to either drugs or alcohol, it gives rise to other issues, like psychological problems, heated arguments, financial problems and physical abuse, etc. in a marriage. Ultimately, the marriage ends because of this drug or alcohol use.
This list covered some of the major causes of divorce. However, it is not an exhaustive list by any means. Individuals differ and therefore there may be many reasons for divorce which you might not even fathom.
It is normal to go through rough patches in your married life, but you must try to work your way through them. Do not take a hasty decision when it comes to ending your married life. Little everyday things can go a long way saving a marriage. Try to solve married life issues and learn to live a satisfied and blissful life. Nurture your married life with all the love and care. Good luck!