Break-up & Loss

Divorce at 50

When she got a divorce at 50, she surprised everyone, but she had her reasons
Woman Painting

(Names changed to protect identities)

I told him that I too needed a chance to explore myself and my talents. At first, it sounded quite absurd to him that I might have any. So I stuck to my guns.

My daughter’s friends saw me as the cool mother, the one who actually spoke to you and offered an opinion, the one you came to when mom could not be approached, the one who had a friends’ circle when all the other mothers just focused on home and kids. Raj, on the other hand, was always somewhere in the background, appearing to be stuck to the living room sofa and needing to be waited on hand and foot.

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Related reading: Divorce is about letting go, not holding on

Minakshi was happily married, as was Chirag, my son. They had children of their own. Then why this step so late in life? (I was over 50 when I got my divorce.) It was not some deep, dark secret that Raj kept hidden from me or even an extramarital affair. Raj appears very passive but is extremely possessive and aggressive in a quiet sort of way. My going out of the house except to buy vegetables met with such aggressive reactions that I wondered why I should put up with it any longer. Raj had once pressed my bangles into my wrist so hard that they had broken and left me bleeding. That’s why I never visited anyone in all these years.

When Minakshi and Chirag were young, it made sense to put up with all this. Not that he hit me or anything, it was just that he thought he owned me. Besides, we had no common interests.

He loves brinjals, I am allergic to them. I love to travel and meet people, he doesn’t. He loves slow music, I follow trends. There seemed to be no reason to continue torturing myself. Even if I never found anyone else to share these things with, at least I could enjoy them without his constant glowering and interference.

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