Conversations are perhaps the most underrated elements of building a strong bond with your partner. Love, romance, and even comfortable silences are often considered hallmarks of a successful relationship. But have you ever even considered that asking the right deep relationship questions can bring your closer to your SO?
No? Then, we suggest that you start tapping into the power of deep, meaningful conversations to truly know and understand each other. As always, we’re here to give you a nudge in the right direction with a lowdown on the most impactful deep questions about love and life.
51 Deep Relationship Questions To Ask For A Better Love Life
Whether you’re just starting a new relationship or have been together for years, there is always scope to discover new things about your romantic partner. For instance, you may know of the important occurrences in each other’s lives.
The first crush, the first heartbreak, the time one of you lost a pet or cried yourself to sleep because your BFF was mean to you. But do you know how these events made the other person feel? How they shaped their worldview and outlook toward life?
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How subsequent experience changed that perspective? If the answer to those questions is no or you’re not sure, then it’s an indication that you need to evolve your conversations with each other.
Here are 51 deep relationship questions that will help you get started:
1. What is the one thing you value the most?
Whether you’re looking for deep questions to ask a girl or guy, this one fits the bill. Understanding each other’s values is crucial to building mutual resonance.
2. What do you value the most in a relationship?
Love, trust, honesty, companionship, friendship, respect…which component does your partner value above others? And which one do you? This question can help you align your relationship values better or at least know where each of you stands.
3. What makes you happy?
The meaning of happiness is different to different people. While some equate happiness with success and prosperity, others seek it in the little joys of life. Knowing your partner’s true source of happiness can help you work toward building a happy life with them.
4. What keeps you up at night?
We all have our share of demons that we fight lone battles with. Opening up about these isn’t easy. That’s why this is one of those tricky love questions you must embrace, rather than dodge.
If your partner is not ready to open up about it yet, revisit it at another time. And if they do choose to open up, listen intently and be there for them.
5. Who has been the biggest influence on your life?
If you’re still getting to know each other, add this to the list of early relationship questions to ask your partner. It will tell you a lot about the people they value in their life.
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6. What would describe as a turning point in your life?
A heartbreak, a college admission, a dream job, loss of a loved one, illness… certain life-altering experiences can change who we are and how we live life. Has there been such a point in your partner’s life? If you don’t know, use this as one of the deep relationship questions to get to know your SO better.
7. What were your first thoughts about me?
It may sound like a light-hearted question but it can open the doors for a deep and insightful conversation. Their response can tell you a lot about how far you two have come as a couple.
8. What made you fall for me?
Now, this is not a question for flattery or soliciting praise. It qualifies among the deep questions about love because it will give you a sneak peek into your partner’s headspace when you met them and what drew them to you.
9. What makes you connect with others?
Be it in friendship or striking a bond with coworkers, what are the traits and qualities that make your partner connect with others. Chances are they may not have given it much thought, as these things often happen organically and subconsciously.
So, it will give them an opportunity to introspect.
10. Have you ever faced sexism?
Looking for deep questions to ask a girl? Add this to the mix. Her experience, how it impacted her and how she dealt with her are all part of the person she is today. To truly know her, you have to be willing to learn about these less-than-pleasant experiences of her life.
11. What are your views on patriarchy?
On the other end of the spectrum, this is one of the important deep questions to ask a guy. His response will say a lot about the kind of partner you can expect him to be.
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12. Do you think a relationship is a partnership of equals?
Equality between romantic partners shouldn’t be considered a given. It’s not uncommon for one partner to tip the relationship dynamics in their favor through domination, coercion or manipulation.
13. What is your happiest childhood memory?
This is one of those early relationship questions with which you can take a trip down memory lane with your partner and see what their growing up years were like.
14. And the saddest?
While you’re at it, throw this one in the mix too because it is the sad memories that dominate our subconscious more than the happy ones.
15. Who is your 2 am friend?
If you’re still getting to know each other, this is a great question to learn about your partner’s inner circle of people.
16. Who is the first person you think of when in trouble?
Is it their dad or mom? A sibling? A friend? Or an ex? The answer to this question can also tell you who your partner values the most in their life.
17. How did falling in love for the first time make you feel?
The butterflies in the stomach, the anticipation, the exhilaration…first love is special for a reason. Use this as one of the deep relationship questions to understand how your partner handled their first love.
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18. How did you get through your first breakup?
If first love is the most special, the first breakup is the hardest. How did it pan out for your partner and how did they get through it? Ask to know them better.
19. Have you ever been wary of love?
As we grow older, our idealism is often replaced by skepticism. So, we become hesitant about acting on our feelings. Has that ever happened to your partner? This is one of those tricky love questions that will help you find out if they have held back embracing love to protect their heart from getting skinned yet again.
20. Do you think it’s important for partners to support each other?
Can you count on your partner to always have your back and support you no matter what? This is one of the deep relationship questions that will give you the answer.
21. What are the three things you’d want to change about your life?
Count this among the deep questions about life. Your partner’s response can tell you a lot about how they perceive their life’s journey so far.
22. And the three things you’re grateful for?
When you’re making them revisit what’re likely the lowest lows of their life, it’s important to turn the tide by talking about their highest highs too. Otherwise, the conversation can become too deep and heavy, leaving your SO brooding.
23. What is your definition of trust?
When considering deep questions to ask your girlfriend or boyfriend, don’t leave this one out. You will learn a lot about how much importance they attach to building trust in a relationship.
24. Do you trust people easily?
Does your partner have trust issues? This is among the early relationship questions that can settle that dilemma for you. Being trusting doesn’t mean one is gullible. Similarly, taking your time to trust someone, doesn’t necessarily mean having trust issues. But an inability to trust others is definitely a red flag you need to be wary of.
25. Who do you trust the most?
If your partner says that they think trust is important in a relationship and can repose their faith in others, ask them about the most trustworthy person in their life. The answer may or may not be you, so make sure you don’t feel offended or hurt by their response.
26. What do you envisage your future to be like?
Add this to your life of deep questions about life to understand your partner’s goals, hopes and aspirations for the future.
27. Do you see in me that future?
In case your partner hasn’t mentioned it, ask them if they see you as part of their future. Their reply will tell where they are at and whether or not they see a life with you.
28. What are your views on marriage?
Speaking of deep questions to ask your girlfriend or boyfriend, this one simply cannot be left out. If you’re not on the same page, it can lead to a lot of relationship problems later on. So, it’s best to clear the air about it as soon as possible. Even if neither of you is thinking of marriage right now.
29. Would you want to have kids?
Given that so many couples today are choosing to be childfree, this becomes one of the pertinent deep relationship questions. Even more so, if your partner has had a troubled childhood or comes from a broken home.
30. How much do you value love?
This becomes one of the most crucial deep questions about love to ask a significant other to understand their priorities in life. And also, to ascertain if they align with yours.
31. Do you believe in soulmates?
Is your partner a hopeless romantic or a realist when it comes to matters of the heart? Ask this question to find out.
32. Do you think we’re soulmates?
If they do believe in the concept, do they see you as their soulmate? It surely counts as one of the tricky love questions but their response will reveal whether they view what you have as just another relationship or something deeper.
33. What do you think about secrets between partners?
Is your partner someone who is committed to total transparency in a relationship? Or do they think it is okay to have a few skeletons in the closet? Shining the spotlight on this rather tricky territory may throw up some unsettling responses. But it will also tell you where they draw the line of honesty.
34. What is the one secret you’ve never shared with anyone?
Now, you and your partner have to have been together long enough for this question to not raise any red flags for them. Who knows they may well have been meaning to share it with you all along but didn’t know how and where to begin. This question might give them the necessary push to come clean.
35. What is one thing you’d like to change about us?
Such deep relationship questions can lead to some uncomfortable discussions, so you have to brace yourself for that eventuality before you ask this.
36. Who do you think is more invested in the relationship?
This may sound like a question that can only elicit a one-word response but rest assured that won’t be the end of it. You’ll both have a lot to say on the matter afterward.
37. What is the one thing you always wanted to ask me?
Deep relationship questions aren’t just about getting your partner to be vulnerable with you. You can volunteer to be a party to the process with questions like these.
38. Have you ever felt insecure with me?
What are some of the most stirring deep questions to ask a guy or girl? Ask them if you have ever left them feeling insecure. It’s possible that you may not be aware of the impact your words or actions are having on them. So, this can give you a chance to correct course.
39. What is your biggest fear?
Does your partner fear being heartbroken or left behind? Or are they just scared of spiders? By asking them to share their fears with you, you’re getting in touch with their vulnerable side.
40. Has our relationship changed for the better or worse?
Every relationship grows and evolves with time, but not necessarily in the right direction. Use such deep questions to ask your girlfriend or boyfriend to see things from their perspective.
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41. How do you think we can improve as a couple?
Once you have spotted where there is scope for improvement, ask your partner their take on how you can close this gap and work toward building a better, more holistic relationship.
42. What would you like to change about me?
Be warned that this is also among the top tricky love questions that can instantly cause things to flare up. So if you do decide to use it, make sure you’re prepared to handle the responses with the right spirit.
43. What are your thoughts on intimacy?
Does your partner view intimacy as physical closeness or are they someone who’d want to build emotional, spiritual and intellectual intimacy in the relationship? Knowing where they stand will tell you how nuanced and deep your relationship can be.
44. What is your most recurrent thought?
From ambitions for the future to regrets about the past, there are always certain things that weigh on our minds. What is that thing for your partner? Find out to get to know them on a deeper level.
45. What is the one loss you haven’t been able to reconcile with?
Losses are a part of life. Some we learn to take on our chin, some we struggle to come to terms with. This is one of the deep questions about life that will help you unravel some new layers of your partner’s personality.
46. Do you think you’re an emotionally available partner?
It doesn’t matter what you think. The idea is to get to know their take on the matter. So when they respond, listen with an open mind.
47. Who is your hero?
It could be a public figure or a person in their life. Their reply will tell you a lot about the things they value most in life, which makes it one of the most vital deep relationship questions to ask for strengthening your connection with your SO.
48. Have you ever felt ashamed of your actions?
Regret is one thing but shame is a whole different ball game altogether. If your partner grapples with shame, you ought to find out to be able to figure out how to build a better life with them.
49. What is the best way to resolve a fight?
Disagreements, fights and differences are a part and parcel of relationships. The ability to emerge on the other side unscathed is what sets happy couples apart from toxic ones. That’s why asking your partner about their take on conflict resolution features among the important early relationship questions.
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50. Do you believe in God?
Is your partner spiritual or religious? And are you? Aligning your belief systems or at least being able to accept the difference on this count without judging or begrudging each other is crucial to building a strong relationship. That’s why this question must not be left out.
51. What are your views on infidelity?
This question definitely belongs on the list of deep relationship questions because it’ll help you understand if your partner views faithfulness as non-negotiable or considers monogamy as a societal construct. If your views on infidelity are divergent, it can be hard to find a way to make your romantic partnership a lasting one.
As you delve into these deep relationship questions, you must be prepared to answer them too. You can hope for these to help you build a better love life only when you’re both willing to open up and let the other person into the deepest recesses of your mind.
Asking your partner about their views on love, their values and belief system, childhood experiences and future plans, marriage and kids, intimacy and infidelity make for some good topics to base deep relationship questions on.
To make your relationship deeper, you must understand and connect with your partner at a deeper level. The best way to do it is to prioritize honest and meaningful conversations in your relationship.
Asking deep relationship questions can benefit a couple in two ways. First and foremost, it’s a great way to learn new things about your partner that may not come up in day-to-day conversations. And second, it can give you an insight into whether your thoughts, values and goals align with each other or not.