Forgive And Forget In A Relationship
No matter how wrong things go or how much milk is spilt, forgiveness in a relationship can heal most wounds and enable you to have a fresh start. Fights, arguments and disagreements are inevitable when you are in love with somebody. You are bound to have expectations and be disappointed at one point or another.
However, one must have the foresight and greater perspective to understand the situation from all sides and take a smarter decision. Sulking and getting your heart broken will always leave you feeling alone and even more morose. But being the bigger person is about practicing the art of forgiveness and understanding that some situations are just not in your control.
How To Forgive And Move On In A Relationship
Anyone who has been in a romantic relationship will tell you that at some point they asked the question, “Where do we go from here now?” A fight between a couple always brings out uncomfortable emotions. However, it can also be an incredibly important learning experience and can teach you the importance of forgiveness in a relationship.
In the trajectory of a relationship, it is important to see how you actually get through a fight as a team and not as two parties who are at war. Any fight, relationship argument or mistake that either of you may commit requires forgiveness as the main ingredient in order to be resolved.
Here are a few things that couples can do in order to gain a better understanding of the steps to forgiveness.
Related Reading: 7 tips to forgive a cheating boyfriend
1. Don’t get some distance
The first instinct of anyone who has a fight with the romantic partner is to go away, to physically remove themselves from the fight space. If you are in the middle of a fight where tempers are flaring, this might just be a good idea. However, after you have calmed down, leaving each other alone actually makes things worse.
We are at our most vulnerable when we are angry and emotional. If partners don’t leave each other’s side and actually lean in to forgiveness and understanding, magic can happen. How to forgive and forget starts when you wrap each other in a security blanket instead of walking off when things get hard. You know that no matter what happens, no one’s jumping off board.
This reassurance, even when you’re not seeing eye to eye, is the first step in trying to forgive each other. So once you’ve calmed down, sit next to your partner. If they are crying, hold them. Forgiveness is not just words, it’s also an action.
2. Do something you like together
Whether it is playing video games or watching films together, any activity that you enjoy as a couple is one that you can do after a fight. Such activities have proven to be beneficial for couples who are trying to forgive each other. There are many cute things to do with your girlfriend at home that you can try to cheer her up.
Such activities remind couples of a happier time. Finding that common ground in your favorite activity as a couple can help you find your way back to each other. So if you and your partner like cooking, long drives, playing a sport, do that together. Blowing off some steam together after a nasty fight works wonders.
3. Put your sorry on paper
Writing letters in the age of texting might seem ridiculous. However, writing down your emotions is actually a better form of communicating them, especially when trying to get forgiveness in a relationship. You must go the extra mile and add a special touch.
In a letter, you can actually think about the words that you want to say before you say them. You can also take it back and edit. We often misspeak; writing allows us a second chance. So writing a letter is one of the best ways of apologizing to each other. The romance of writing letters might just make your apology feel more sincere to each other.
4. Ask each other what you need in order to forgive each other
The meaning of forgiveness can be subjective. So, unless you understand what you both want from each other, you run the risk of arguing in circles and becoming increasingly frustrated. So sit down, leave your tempers and egos at the door, and ask each other what exactly you both need to practice forgiveness.
Ask about what forgiveness in a relationship actually means to both of you. You may find out that one of you thinks forgiving is just sweeping things under the carpet, while the other thinks it’s discussing and trying conflict resolution.
How to practice forgiveness comes from being on the same page about things. Such different understandings of the word may be the cause of you being stuck in anger. Talking about each other’s understanding of forgiveness may be the key.
Related Reading: A letter to my lover who cheated on me
5. The five things
When we’re in the middle of a problem, we tend to dwell on it over and over in our minds. This exercise requires you to sit in front of each other and tell each other five things you love about each other. It could be your bodies, something you do, your personality traits, an incident. Try your best to not connect those things to the fight.
If you’re wondering how to forgive someone for cheating, you have to think less about what hurt you and more about what you love about your partner. Do not talk about the fight or the argument. Just tell your partner five things you love about them.
This may sound corny and will feel like the last thing you want to say at that particular moment, because you feel betrayed. But it helps in changing your attitude when you’re feeling resentful. If nothing else, for a minute it will provide you with a respite from being angry and hurt or apologetic.
The steps to forgiveness can only be conquered when one is ready to see the good things in their partner instead of holding onto the negative memories. This exercise requires you to dig deep and remember the good times when all you want to do is lash out at each other.
Related Reading: Spirituality helped me heal my relationship with a cheating partner
Practicing Forgiveness In A Relationship
‘To err is human, to forgive divine’, Alexander Pope said in his famous poem ‘An Essay on Criticism’. Now, that’s all well and good, but Mr Pope was a poet and the poem in question was talking about the literature of his time.
However, this particular line is thrown about when talking about practicing forgiveness everywhere. Forgiveness is great and is a good way to stop feeling sorry for yourself, but it should not become a thing that causes pressure in the middle of an already stressful situation. So take it easy on yourselves.
Forgiveness in a relationship is worth striving for, but forgiving out of peer pressure is lying to yourself. So before you follow any of these steps, make sure you’re doing it because you want to get past the problem and not simply because it is the only way to be a better person. How to forgive and forget starts with you and the importance you give to starting afresh.
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By overlooking the details of the pain caused and focussing on building a better future. See yourselves with them, feeling happy, trusting one another again and having the perfect relationship.
Absolutely not. In fact, it is the greatest strength. It takes strength to ignore all one’s suffering and ego and move onto other things to salvage a relationship that is on the verge of falling apart. Putting work into a relationship over one’s own needs takes a lot of energy and maturity.
You can. Relationships and cheating are very dynamic. They happen for different reasons and under varied circumstances. If you think your relationship is greater than a cheating mistake, then you should practice forgiveness. How to forgive someone for cheating is all about acknowledging their mistake and still seeing them as better than that.