Love and Friendship

I had a crush on an older woman and it changed me

Life doesn’t always give you what you want, but the experience of having it even for a short time, is priceless.
Older woman

It was one of those pleasantly sunny days in late November and we were making our way to a client meeting. Both of us worked for an integrated communications-marketing firm in Gurugram. The meeting got over and soon enough, we were on our way back to office. I didn’t utter a word, and neither did she speak.

Related reading: Here’s how to deal with office romance

He was an introvert

My encounters with the female gender had, in the past, been quite disastrous. This is because I am an introvert. I strongly believe that the art of conversation is something only a few people possess, while the rest of us are left wishing for it. Even during our client visits, she would do most of the talking while I chipped in with nods and hmms.

introvert
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She had a certain sort of charm that drew me towards her. Talking to her was like walking out of a room devoid of light, into a lush green sunlit orchard. She was in her late 20s and I was around 23. The 6-year difference made the possibility of a relationship extremely unlikely. But that didn’t stop me from wanting to see as much of her as I could, and so I began to swing by the office cafeteria at noon as she ate, even though I would have my lunch more than an hour later.

She listened to him

For an introvert like me, her friendship was a refreshing change. She called me a kid, and I called her an aunty. Her presence instilled a sense of optimism and confidence into me. She made me break the shackles of silence and hesitation that had engulfed me. It was her aura that drew me close to her. As an introvert, I have seen people listening to me for the sheer sake of replying, but she preferred listening and formulating a solution from it.

We talked about anything and everything under the sun, and whenever we chatted, it was honest and deep. I often approached her for help, and she didn’t refuse. Neither did she complain about the small but annoying mistakes I used to commit, and this easy-going nature of hers is what drew me out of my introversion.

couple talking
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Related reading: How to date a girl at work?

Mine was unrequited love

To her I was just a friend, a colleague, and a confidante. It was I who felt an invisible force pulling me towards her, I must confess. Even so, she was taken by surprise when I resigned; after all, we had so much opportunity to talk and yet I had not told her about it.

When I went to the office in order to complete the exit formalities, we didn’t get a chance to talk. I wanted to tell her that her absence in my life was bound to create a void, a void I wouldn’t be able to bear, an emptiness that would break me into pieces. I believe both of us wanted to speak before parting ways, yet the words never escaped our lips.

Although I couldn’t really tell whether or not it was love, I can tell you one thing. Her friendship was one of those priceless gems I’ll never be able to get my hands on ever again.

goodbye
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Related reading:
What is it about one-sided love that keeps us hooked?
How Devayani saved Kacha from death thrice but still he didn’t love her
She married another man but I love her

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