Do you have a type? Is there a certain kind of girl you go for? Some men like dating nerdy women with red hair, while others like short brunettes with straight figures. But many are not into dating chubby women, at least not publicly. Even if such women are their type, they prefer not to date them.
Academy Award and Golden Globe-nominated actress, comedian, and positive body image advocate, Melissa McCarthy has stated, “There’s an epidemic in our country of girls and women feeling bad about themselves based on what 0.5% of the human race looks like.”
A study shows that though body positivity movements have been successful in reducing bias for sexual orientation and race, the bias drop has been the lowest for weight. It is the one thing even well-intentioned people still discriminate against. People wonder if dating chubby girls is a good idea. What you should really wonder about is why you think it’s a bad idea. Let’s have a look at 11 reasons why you should date a plus-sized woman.
The 11 Best Reasons For Dating A Chubby Girl
If the immediate rapport you two have established hasn’t swept you off your feet yet, you’re probably taking a lot of things for granted. “Should I date a fat girl?” Yes, especially if you two can’t stop laughing every time you meet. You get to be with someone you adore; what else could you want?
Let’s be clear, her body size doesn’t really define her personality, and you shouldn’t be dating a chubby girl simply because she’s chubby. As is the case in any other dynamic, you should only date a person if you like their personality and are attracted to them — If that’s important to you. Those are the basic essentials of relationships, not a person’s weight.
With that said, let’s take a look at why you should look forward to dating a fat girl so you can get rid of any regressive thoughts that might be plaguing your mind:
1. The ‘thin is beautiful’ bias no longer has a hold on you
You’re browsing the internet, watching something, even an advertisement. The typical pin-up girl pops up on your screen, reinstating the idea that the only way she’s beautiful is if she follows the standards that have been forcefully established (for everyone, regardless of gender) since time immemorial. If you think the reason that every mainstream model or pin-up girl is thin is because only thin is beautiful, you’re wrong. She exists because she gets a guy’s attention faster and creates insecurity in women, thus selling more products.
So you should date a fat woman if you’ve overcome such biased thoughts and actually see fat women as naturally attractive. It’s important to check out how false body ideals are perpetuated, though:
- Studies show that this narrative was built gradually over the years: “Body size for fashion models decreased significantly during the 1980s and 1990s. There was also a dramatic increase in the frequency with which the media depicted the entire bodies of the models from the 1960s to the 1990s.”
- This suggests not only a fascination with a thinner figure but also an obsession with ‘perfection’ that meant no flabby arms, saggy thighs, or uneven breasts
- This was further not helped by the ‘fat but funny best friend’ trope in media, as talked about in this Guardian report, which stereotyped thick women as funny but only fit to be the not-so-attractive sidekick, never the main girl
So ask yourself: Why am I thinking of the benefits of dating a fat girl? Why not date her just because I like her? Are these thoughts a result of years of conditioning, or do I genuinely consider the pros and cons of dating every girl I like?
Related Reading: 13 Tips To Date Online Successfully And Find Your Ideal Partner
2. Should I date a fat girl? Yes, if you’ve unlearned fatphobia
Having a foot fetish is a kink. Obsession with girls young enough to be their daughters (ahem, ahem, Dicaprio) is sexist and ageist. Ruminating on skinny vs. curvy while making a dating choice is borderline fatphobic. A great reason to date a plus-sized beauty is if you’ve already reconditioned your brain regarding fatphobia.
Science suggests that the reason you have a type is because of MHC molecules in your system, whose main function is to ensure as much genetic complexity and diversity as possible in your offspring to ensure a healthy and immunocompetent offspring. Psychologists suggest that it may also have a lot to do with our earlier relationships, attachment types, and life in general.
Clearly, we’re not wired to think fatness is bad. So instead of defining beauty based on what you’ve seen in the media, listen to your body language signals and gut feelings. It’s probably more scientific than media brainwashing. If you are all for body positivity but refuse to think about dating a plus-size girl only because she is plus-sized, then it’s a phobia bordering on discrimination.
Wanna take the first step in calling out the fatphobic in you? Let’s take the scenario of you coming across a thick girl:
- Are most of your thoughts along the lines of “She’s beautiful, but she could do with losing a few pounds” or “Who’d ever date her when she’s so fat?”
- Would you be surprised to know if she’s dating someone hotter than you?
- Would you make fun of that person or pity them?
If yes, then you need to unlearn fatphobia and be a better person. Dating a fat woman can wait in this case.
3. You get to be with the girl you genuinely like
“Why do I like BBW when I feel ashamed about it?” This is not an uncommon dilemma among men. A Reddit user disclosed that he liked BBW but couldn’t express it freely, fearing that his friends would make fun of his ‘type’. For people who genuinely like big, curvy women but can’t date them, fearing society’s disapproval, it’s nothing short of being in a trap of their own making. It leads to secret one-sided pocketing relationships where men date hot, chubby girls – but insensitively enough, never in public.
This brings us to the reasons for dating your woman:
- Think of the relief you’ll feel for going out with the woman of your dreams without worrying about who might see you
- You’ll be able to weed out those friends who are hypocritical and unsupportive of your choices, retain those who are actually happy for you, and see your partner for who she is
- You no longer need to have a secret relationship with her or pretend to look for a stereotypically ‘hot’ woman out of peer pressure
Related Reading: 21 Ways To Be A Better Partner For A Better Relationship
4. Dating a big woman means that you get to date a classic beauty
Have you ever looked at the women in Renaissance paintings? Or the statue called ‘Crouching Venus’? Or the sculptures in the famed Khajuraho caves depicting acts from Kamasutra? You know what’s in common among them? Large breasts, folds over the stomach, wide hips — basically, what we call a pear-shaped body. Before fatphobia and diet culture took over, thick features on a woman’s body were celebrated as signs of fertility. Still, many cultures around the world, in countries like Tahiti and Mauritania, celebrate roundness around the lower abdomen
So if you like your girl, we have tips on how to be a man in the relationship and not make her your little secret. Some examples of positive masculinity:
- Don’t get played by a narrative that is essentially pushed at you by capitalism. If you like a big woman, then you’re attracted by the classical idea of beauty before the media took over
- You’re choosing someone who likes you and whom you like back; this is great for your self-esteem. Be proud of your feelings toward her; don’t hide them
- It can be exhausting and frustrating to follow body trends. If you’re with someone who doesn’t give an F about such trends and is comfortable in their own skin, then you can bid all that frustration goodbye too
5. Your girl will probably know a lot of inclusive brands
It’s not a hidden fact that if you’re a plus-sized girl, you have to work extra hard to find something in your size. Even store owners prefer displaying mannequins with the stereotypical perfect figure. And it gets worse.
The CEO of Brandy Melville, the popular clothing brand, Stephan Marsan, believes that black or overweight people wearing his brand would hurt its reputation, according to this report. They offer only a few sizes to create a false sense of exclusivity or mislabel small-sized clothes as large to convey a sense of inadequacy. To cut through this racist, fatphobic nonsense, your girl has probably done her research. But here are more reasons to take her out on a beautiful date:
- She’s likely to know a lot of brands that cater to wider bottoms, stronger support for chests, or wider soles. So, if you too are plus-sized or want to invest in stores that are body-positive, then you could easily get a list
- This will also be helpful when you’re shopping for plus-sized friends since you’ll know exactly where to shop for plus-sized date night outfits
- Not only will you be investing in an ethical business, you’ll also show your support against clothing giants that purposely gatekeep certain sections of already under-served people
Related Reading: 10 Best BBW Dating Sites For Plus-Size Singles
6. She may be in touch with body-positive doctors
Major stereotypes about chubby girls or boys have centered around the narrative that being thick or having a full figure is a sign of unhealthy eating habits or gluttony. Many lifestyle brands promote certain artifacts or foods promising ‘health’ by becoming slimmer. However, none of these brands define health in certain terms.
A study says that it’s weight stigma, not obesity, that proves to be more harmful to a person. Facing the stigma leads to higher cortisol levels, unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse, and feelings of stress and depression, causing insecurities in relationships.
- It’s likely that your crush has gone through several doctors till she found the right professional whose solution for every ailment was not to “lose weight”
- There have been cases where weight bias has led to misdiagnosis or dangerously, a delayed diagnosis
- Doctors’ outdated beliefs about BMI as an accurate indicator of health can affect the healthcare of non-fat people too. So, this means that you have access to non-judgemental medical professionals as well
7. Chubby women who are strong advocates of body positivity are the coolest people to date
The reaction to eroticizing fat women has been polarizing in the West. While there have been people who have expressed disgust or made jokes at the idea of having a sexy BBW girlfriend, a section of society has fetishized fat women. The problem with both of these reactions is that both of them objectify BBW.
This is why a chubby girl might decide to be a badass in the following ways:
- She has had enough of the skinny vs. curvy debate. She may have had body image issues and can now help other people, fat or thin, overcome society’s bias
- She’s extremely likely to have heard backhanded compliments that are actually insulting, like “I like chubby girls,” “Sit on my face,” or “I want to feed you.” If she’s had enough of such rudeness, she knows how to call it out loudly
- She’s also likely to fight against body shaming, especially those cases that have become so prevalent or normalized in our culture that you may not even spot them. E.g., hearing “I don’t think this is meant for your body type. Let’s try another one” while shopping with a friend or family member
Matt, a bouncer from New York, says, “I love thick women, not just for all the softness underneath, but because I’ve met enough of these Greek goddesses to know that they’d cut someone to their size if they want. They’re the boss, and they know it.”
8. The haters can all buzz off
“I used to struggle a lot with my acne, but my chubby girlfriend helped me realize that loving myself is the best thing I can do for myself,” said Jo, a hairdresser from Iowa. She adds, “Every time someone tries to make me feel bad about my appearance, I’d think about what she told me — It doesn’t really matter what they’re saying, as long as I like myself.” Sticks and stones, baby, sticks and stones. Reasons to date her:
- Studies show that a plus-sized woman is more likely to garner online hate and judgmental comments regarding her weight than a slim woman. So, if you have a BBW girlfriend, she may have gone through harassment to some degree too, and could now be vocal against unsolicited ‘concern’ and discriminatory attitudes
- Have you struggled with people who constantly criticize you? Have you ever uploaded a picture that received one too many hateful comments, which got you down? Don’t fret; one of the biggest benefits of dating a fat girl is that she’ll probably know and show you how to block off the negative voices that do you no good
Related Reading: Healthy Relationship Dynamics – 10 Fundamentals
9. You’ll probably get the best cuddles ever
There’s no study that tells us conclusively if fat people are better at hugging, but some people do think so. Dating chubby girls probably means you’re never going to struggle to figure out what to do with your arms in bed while you’re cuddling. It’ll be like you’re both two pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly, all snuggled up under the blankets.
We hear enough chants of “I love chubby women” on social media platforms, like this Reddit user who posted “I wanted so badly to just start rubbing her belly and feeling her soft body, but we were in front of my parents” to articulate his desire to touch his chubby girlfriend. Here is a great rationale for taking her out for dinner:
- Do not dismiss cuddles as something only kids should do. Cuddling and hugging in general can improve relationship satisfaction and sexual health, as suggested by this study. And who better to cuddle than a person with all that soft cushioning?
Sex expert Tyomi Morgan also suggests that having excess fat on the lower body makes certain sex positions like doggy style and ‘woman on top’ more pleasurable, as “curvier women are able to handle deeper, longer, more intense strokes.” So if you’re looking for a cuffing season partner, dating hot chubby girls is probably for you
Related Reading: 21 Ways To Be A Better Partner For A Better Relationship
10. If she’s faced fatphobia, she may not judge you or others too quickly
If your chubby girlfriend has been subjected to bullying and harsh remarks for not looking like a conventional slim woman, she knows what it’s like to be on the other side.
- Since many chubby girls know what it feels like to be invalidated by people for their body shape, they might have more empathy for people going through similar or other issues
- In all likelihood, if you’re dating a chubby girl who speaks up against bullies, you’re dating someone who’s a nice person. I’m not saying that thin women are judgmental, but thick women have dealt with enough negativity to reject the hypocrisy of society.
11. She’s her own person, regardless of her body type
At the end of the day, you shouldn’t be getting into a relationship with a chubby girl solely because she’s chubby. It doesn’t really matter what her body type is as long as you two are great together. Every person has a personality beyond the way they look, and that’s the person you should be falling in love with.
Amy Schumer, a famous comedian and actress, has always been vocal about her body shape issues and even starred in the movie I Feel Pretty, a story about body issues. Her husband, Chris Fischer, whom she met during a cooking show, said about her in an interview, “She’s a great student. She really focuses, listens, and isn’t afraid to mess up. And that’s the thing with cooking; you have to roll with anything.” Fischer fell in love with her because of the person she was, not because of stereotypical notions about what pretty women should look like.
Related Reading: How To Love Yourself And Your Body Irrespective Of Society
Dating A Chubby Girl And Body-Shaming: A Few Things To Know
If you’re worried about the body-shaming remarks the world spews out, or if she has insecurity issues, create enough trust with her so that she eventually lets you in as her ally. A Reddit user expressed this dilemma, “I love my chubby girlfriend and feel like an asshole for her weight bothering me. Am I the problem and am too picky or is there a way to confront her about this positively?” For this person, I’d suggest that he think about what he likes about this woman. I’d then stress not heeding the conventional pattern where only being slim and white is the norm for being healthy or attractive.
For now, you can take care of the following pointers on chubby girl dating:
- A plus-size girl isn’t just a means to satisfy your sexual fantasy. If that’s the kind of thing you’re looking for, and it’s purely motivated by lust for hot chubby girls, make sure the person you are with is fully aware of that
- And under no circumstances should you make fun of her weight. Unless you want to remind her of all the mean classmates she’s had her whole life, it’s best to always be kind to her, as she is to you
- Because of the kind of conditioning we have, we are led to believe a certain figure or weight is healthy. So you may want to tell her about the slimming properties of a Chinese herb or some new workout for weight loss, but this is highly intrusive and inappropriate
- Don’t overthink about her weight or scour the internet for the pros/cons of skinny vs. curvy women
- Don’t assume that she’s insecure or that she’s uncomfortable around your skinny friends. The more thought you put into this, the more conscious you’ll make her by throwing unsolicited body-positive or toxic positivity vibes her way. Look at her body language for cues if you’re confused. If she’s chill, then be chill!
Our advice? Don’t think too much. Just like six-pack abs don’t always attract dates, curves — or the lack thereof — don’t always make your romantic life better. If you realize that you love her, you’ll know that her body type has nothing to do with it. Let the sudden influx of dopamine rush into your brain. The minute the sky looks bluer and the wind sounds sweeter, you’ll realize a lot of things are falling into place.
- Chubby girl dating is often associated with disgust or as a joke because of the way society’s standards for beauty have changed since the 1950s
- If you genuinely prefer women with curves, then you need to overcome the years of skinny vs. curvy conditioning and learn not to be ashamed or apologetic about your desire for thick women
- A chubby girl is more likely to be bullied and may develop very good defense mechanisms, so is unlikely to be judgemental or submissive
- But most of all, date her not because of her physical appearance but because of how she makes you feel. Weight shouldn’t be a factor
Many people consider dating chubby women to be one of the best experiences of their life, and it could be the same for you. Hopefully, you’re not pondering dating a big woman anymore or letting something as bizarre as that hold you back. Jump in with both feet.
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