What is a discreet affair? It’s an affair that includes one or two married people in a serious and committed relationship. If you are hearing this term for the first time, then I applaud your innocence. Discreet affairs aren’t as uncommon as you might think; the number of people who indulge in it might boggle your mind.
As someone who has suffered because of a discreet affair, I would say it not only damaged my sanity, it also had me dumbfounded at my ex-partner’s wolf-like abilities to pull off a relationship in complete secrecy for over four years. Some might argue that the term, ‘discreet relationship’, is nothing but a more sophisticated way of saying – cheating, betrayal, treachery, and extramarital affair.
If you are asking what makes an affair discreet, here is the answer: an affair is discreet when nobody else has the slightest clue about the affair besides you and the one you are having the affair with. Not their best friend, not their siblings nor their colleagues. Nobody knows this relationship exists. A discreet relationship will give you all the perks of being in a regular relationship, except after the love-making, you and the participant have to go back home to your real partners and leave that momentary escapade behind in the hotel room.
What Is Considered As A Discreet Affair?
Now imagine you are married, or you are in a serious relationship with someone for a long time, but you are bored. You find everything mundane. You want to spice things up in your life, because you miss the adrenaline rush, you miss the thrill of being chased or chasing someone without anyone else finding out about it. You think your married life is boring or going downhill or you start to wonder if there is anything lacking in the bedroom. So you start a relationship with someone new, a discreet affair. Is it really any different than regular cheating? No.
The only difference is, you can’t call it cheating unless and until you are caught. So for now, it remains a “discreet affair”. You are tight-lipped about having such extramarital affairs. It could simply start as workplace romance. Then it leads to you two meeting outside the office, which swiftly turns into a discreet affair. You are having fun, the person you are having a discreet affair with is having fun. You might even begin to think it is causing nobody any harm as long as you keep it under wraps. But you couldn’t be more wrong.
Related Reading: Why Do Married Men Cheat? Our Readers Share The Reasons
Is It Really Possible To Have A Discreet Affair?
Of course it’s possible. Are you wondering how to have a discreet affair? Here’s what you need to do – don’t tell a soul about it. Don’t use electronic transactions as modes to pay bills. Use cash wherever you go. Don’t save their number, not even an alias. Don’t write anything anywhere, in your journal, your secret diary or in your notes. Make sure to shower before you go back home. You don’t want your spouse to smell another person’s scent on you. Learn a few tricks to manipulate your partner and be cunning. Voila! There’s your perfect recipe on how to successfully have a discreet affair.
I can’t help but question my biased stance on this piece of writing, because I am afraid my tone will hint at an appalling amount of condescension and disregard for the people who take part in discreet affairs. But I guess that is what will make your experience of reading this more authentic as it stands true to its bones. That’s why you should read it. Because it is coming straight from the heart of a person who has been through it all.
7 Things You Should Know About Having A Discreet Affair
It always sounds cliched, doesn’t it? You’re bored. You’re old. You are going through a midlife crisis. You need something to cheer you up other than the happy face of your spouse or the giggles of your children. No, these things aren’t enough. You want something else to remind you that you are not just alive, but pulsating with energy. You check out discreet affair websites. You find someone hot, probably someone hotter than your current partner.
You become greedy and selfish the minute you start the hi-hellos. Soon those turn into flirty text messages and then you decide to meet them. You might think meeting this new person will restore your happiness, but this discreet affair only brings momentary happiness. It is fun and games until shit gets real and your spouse unmasks all your lies. So before you think of having a discreet affair, here are seven things you should know about having one.
1. Is it just sex?
The world runs on two things – money and sex. Sometimes extramarital affairs can just be about sex. It can happen in the heat of the moment. Your co-worker is leaning in front of you and you catch a glimpse of her cleavage. The scenario becomes hot and steamy and you end up contributing your bit to the whole workplace romance charade.
But that may just limit itself to a one night stand. When one night turns into many nights, it’s a discreet affair. Some people think they don’t owe anybody their faithfulness. That they are entitled to have sex with anybody they want regardless of their relationship status.
A discreet affair includes one or two married parties, so don’t you think they are already getting sex from their significant others? So it’s clearly not just sex. The primary thing that leads people to cheat is low self-esteem. They think that being loved by more than one person will boost their self-image.
Related Reading: The Anatomy Of An Affair
2. It’s the ultimate violation
What’s the ultimate violation of a relationship? Cheating. The main reason why people look for something else beyond what they have is their need for reassurance. From their physical appearance to their personality, the reassurance could be regarding anything. It might also happen due to feeling lonely. You feel your partner doesn’t love you or you don’t love your partner. You don’t want to tell them because you don’t want to see them hurt, so you indulge in a workplace romance or go on discreet affair websites to keep yourself entertained.
Is that a wise thing to do? Why not save your partner the extra hurt you will give them by having a discreet affair? If you have the courage to cheat on someone, then you sure as hell have the courage to confess you don’t love them anymore and want to end the relationship. Save your partner from life-long insecurity by being honest.
3. Insecure attachment style
Insecure attachment style basically means fear or uncertainty towards one’s relationship. It’s because of poor emotional regulation, low self-worth and, above all, the fear of abandonment. It could also be due to commitment issues.
If you have trouble staying loyal, then you have commitment issues. It is also known as commitment phobia or relationship anxiety. People who have discreet affairs do not possess the trait of being loyal to one person. They might think they are deserving of love from more than one person. They are not entitled to being a one-woman-man or vice versa.
The need to have a discreet affair is mostly deep rooted. They seek validation from more than one person. It can be due to an underlying inferiority complex which they try to disguise as hedonist and conceited behavior. These are the masked emotions of a person who has a serious lack of pride. Hence the excitement of knowing they are having a discreet affair, of fooling their partner, trumps their better judgment.
4. Why men and women have a discreet affair
Most men want to have a discreet affair because they want to know if they are still desirable. He searches for assurances from someone other than his wife. Some men opt for a discreet affair because the other party has no expectations from the relationship. It’s just fun without the hassle of a commitment
Women most of the time start a discreet affair because they want attention. Probably their husband or boyfriend is failing to give her the attention she wants or deserves, so they take a different route and end up having a discreet affair with someone who loves her the way she desires to be loved.
Related Reading: How To Find Out If Your Partner Is Cheating Online?
5. Are you having discreet marriage as a way to end your marriage?
This is often a subconscious way of trying to get out of a relationship. You are slowly becoming sure that you don’t want to be in your current relationship anymore. You don’t know if you want this person in your future. You are afraid to leave the marriage and subconsciously you know an affair would end your marriage.
Once you start a discreet affair, it all becomes clear to you. You have one foot in your marriage, the other on your discreet affair. After some time you are bound to tremble. Your feet will shake and now you know for sure your marriage won’t survive once your spouse finds out about the discreet affair.
6. Discreet affair is a house of cards
One important skill that you require when having a discreet affair is the ability to lie. The wily craft of not stuttering while telling a lie will come in handy to those looking to have a discreet affair. A discreet affair is like a house of cards. It is fated to crumble one day.
It’s not a noble act that one can be proud of. You might take part in a discreet affair because your husband has lost interest in you sexually or your wife isn’t fulfilling your sexual needs . You think your partner isn’t understanding of you or your needs, be it sexually or mentally. Any kind of infidelity is infidelity at the end of the day. You can’t justify a discreet affair because your needs weren’t being fulfilled.
7. It is heartbreaking
If you are not a firm believer of monogamy and if your partner is aware of this and they are willing to accept or give a chance to being in a polyamorous relationship, then there’s no harm in having an affair. But if your partner doesn’t know about your rendezvous, then you are going to be the cause of someone’s countless sleepless nights once the jig is up about your discreet affair.
By being committed to one person, some people think they are missing out on having a good time with other people, probably better people than the one they are currently with. So they take up on the adventure of having a discreet affair. It doesn’t just test the relationship you have with your spouse, it also tests your relationship with your friends, parents and those close to you.
To Cheat Or Not To Cheat – That Is The Real Question
In life, we are always tempted to try new things. It’s a test of our morality. When after four years, I found out about my ex-partner’s discreet affair, I was shocked by his manipulation and gaslighting techniques. How far can one go to hide their perfidy? Turns out, way too far. They can go farther than your imagination.
The only answer they have when cheaters are caught is, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Seriously? You provided a billion lies in all the years of being in a discreet affair, but you fail to come up with one good lie when you are finally met with confrontation?
Some people are so thick-skinned that guilt doesn’t get to them. They don’t have one but multiple discreet affairs and yet nothing stops them from having a peaceful night’s sleep. Those people are legit descendants of Satan. If you are lucky enough not to get caught, then kudos to you for mastering the art of deception.
If you are one such person who doesn’t know what guilt is, or who doesn’t value your partner’s sincerity, or simply doesn’t respect your partner, then you might carry on or start a discreet affair. But don’t get too cocky, everybody gets caught because karma is bigger than anybody’s ego. You will be caught and you will have to face the music. And it won’t be pretty.