Cheating can not only deal a severe blow to your relationship but also change you on a fundamental level. The hurt, the pain, the anger don’t go away easily, if at all. That’s why protecting oneself against being cheated on in a relationship is one of our most primal instincts. What if we told you that 3 types of men have affairs more commonly than others and you could protect yourself from the shattering betrayal of cheating by being wary of them?
By learning to spot the signs he will cheat in the future, you can steer clear of dealing with the aftermath of an affair to a great extent. While there is no way to predict how a relationship will pan out, actively avoiding getting involved with a potential cheater can cut that risk exponentially. All you need is to be aware of the personality characteristics of cheaters.
So, what are the types of guys who cheat? How do they behave in relationships? What are the tell-tale signs of a potential cheater? What is the mindset of a cheating man? And most importantly, is there a way to identify men who have multiple affairs before you get sucked in too deep or get too attached to one? Let’s find out the answers to these questions by taking a closer look at what kind of men cheat and why.
Why Do Men Have Affairs?
Being cheated on by a partner you love with all your heart and trust blindly can be brutal. It can leave you feeling like the ground beneath your feet has crumbled, and you’re being sucked in by soft sand. Even more so, if you didn’t suspect the cheating and were the last to find out. Be it recreational affairs or sexual affairs, or something far more serious like emotional affairs, the straying of a significant other always leaves a dent in the relationship and the psyche of the person being cheated on, the gravity of transgression notwithstanding.
But, why do men have affairs? This question is bound to surface when infidelity rears its ugly head in a committed relationship. While the underlying reasons for cheating cannot (and should not) be used to rationalize this behavior, knowing what they are can put a lot of things in perspective and make it somewhat easier for the betrayed partner to deal this blow. Here are some common reasons why men cheat:
- Boredom in the relationship: Boredom can pave the way for an unhappy relationship where a man feels restless and unfulfilled, and may seek thrill and fulfillment with someone else. If your once devoted partner has turned into a habitual cheater, boredom and complacency could be to blame
- Insecurities: If a man is riddled with insecurity, which makes him fear that his partner may leave him, he may get involved with another woman to deal with his fears. When guys cheat early in a relationship, it is usually because of an inability to deal with their insecurities
- Low self-esteem: When our self-esteem is low, we rely on validation from others to feel good about ourselves. What better way to get that validation than a heady, scintillating love affair? His affair partner’s attention may make him feel desired and valued, which is why he may keep going back for more
- Sexual rejection: A lack of sexual intimacy in the primary relationship or continued sexual rejection is one of the primary triggers for extramarital affairs
- Misogyny: Sometimes men cheat just because they think they can and get away with it. If your boyfriend or husband shows no remorse for cheating, he could well be an entitled misogynist
- Insecure attachment style: People with insecure attachment styles can also turn out to be habitual cheaters because of their inability to form secure bonds with their intimate partners. Owing to their early childhood experiences, the dominant traits of commitment are lacking in them and they resort to self-sabotaging behaviors such as cheating to deal with overwhelming feelings that stem from intimacy
It’s important to note that while these are triggers, not every man deals with them by betraying their partners and engaging in a romantic affair or a sexual relationship with someone else. Those who want to build a healthy relationship with their partners work through these issues. Only men who have a pre-disposed proclivity to cheating will use these triggers to give in to the temptation to cheat, which explains why 3 types of men have affairs more commonly than others. But before we delve deeper into that, let’s take a look at some cheating rates to see how many men cheat on their wives/partners.
What percentage of married men have affairs?
As brutal and nasty cheating in a relationship may be, it’s more common than most of us would like to believe. As per research on extramarital sex based on 9 years of data, 21% of men have reported crossing the line of infidelity at least once in their lifetime. In contrast, 13% of women cheated in long-term, monogamous relationships. The research indicates that the gender gap has remained mostly static over the past 9 years.
According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, statistics from various national surveys indicate that 25% of married men and 15% of married women have engaged in extramarital affairs. The exact numbers on the percentage of married men who have affairs may vary depending on the sample size, demographics, and also whether the definition of ‘infidelity’ involves emotional affairs, sexual relationships without intercourse., or cyber affairs Broadly, the writing on the wall is this: about a quarter of men cheat on their spouses.
Related Reading: A Pure Unadulterated Love Masked As An Adulterous Affair
3 Types Of Men Who Likely Have Affairs – Signs You Should Not Miss
While statistics establish that men are more likely than women to cheat, there are certain types of guys who cheat more commonly than others. As we’ve established, the reason why men have affairs can be tied down to their personality types, psychological makeup, fear of commitment, or early life experiences. A close look at these factors throws up an interesting observation: there are certain common traits in men who cheat.
With the help of these, you can deduce that 3 types of men have affairs irrespective of the nature of their primary relationship, or are at least more prone to cheating than other men. Unless you are an expert in human psychology, spotting these personality traits and correlating them with the mindset of a man who will cheat and have long-term affairs can be hard. To make it easy for you to spot the first signs of cheating even before a transgression has occurred, we have broken them down into types of guys who cheat. These 3 types of men have affairs more commonly than others:
1. Mr. Charming
Mr. Charming has an inherent playboy personality, marked by a tendency to flirt with women, and generally, keep an affinity with them. He may even be afflicted by serial cheaters personality disorder. To figure out if you’re in a relationship with one, think back to the early days of your relationship. Did being with this man make you feel like you were dating a player? If yes, then your partner, unfortunately, has the characteristics of a cheater.
Mr. Charming is smart, fun, a smooth talker, exciting, and affable, which makes being around him easy and enjoyable. It is this disarming persona that he uses to his advantage to win over girls despite his relationship status. In his mind, he is perfectly justified in doing so. He sees the affair as a reward for his endearing, irresistible personality.
So, is it possible for someone to love you and still cheat on you? Mr. Charming is a textbook example that it is. For him, cheating is not a reflection of the state of his marriage or relationship but a way to prove to himself that he has still got it. Among the different types of cheaters, he is the kind of man who cheats but stays married or continues to be in a relationship with his primary partner.
Related Reading: Why Do Married Men Cheat? Our Readers Share The Reasons
Signs of men who have multiple affairs
Mr. Charming definitely falls into the category of men who have multiple affairs. He is the quintessential committed/married man looking to have an affair. Since for him, cheating is a form of validation, he continues to stray on multiple occasions however the affairs never translate into something meaningful enough for him to want to leave his primary partner. He can be categorized as a serial cheater and his transgressions can be labeled as recreational affairs based on a strictly sexual relationship that he indulges in to boost his self-esteem and satisfy his external locus of identity.
Besides, since he’s got his charm working for him, there is a good chance that he will successfully win you over after cheating on you and convince you that you’re the only one he loves and that it won’t happen again, except it does. To save yourself from this vicious cycle of being cheated on by your partner over and over again, here are some warning signs of men who have multiple affairs to watch out for:
- Flirting: Among the first signs of cheating, in this case, is a tendency to flirt unabashedly with other women in front of you. Among the men who have affairs, Mr. Charming is perhaps the most unabashed in his proclivities
- No empathy: He displays a lack of empathy in relationships and fails to see how his flirtatious ways impact you. Even if you tell him that his flirting with other women makes you uncomfortable or insecure, there’s little chance that he’s going to mend his ways. This is a huge red flag that your man has a tendency to stray
- Disarming charm: Of the 3 types of men who have affairs, he is also the most likely to get away with his transgressions. When you suspect him of cheating or catch him cheating on you, he disarms you with his charm. He promises that you’re “the one” for him and assures you that you have nothing to worry about but continues with his cheating ways
- Suspect routine: He may be spending a lot of time with someone much younger than him. Being desired by a younger female stokes his sense of vanity and offers the validation that his charm still works like magic
- Spending anomalies: You may notice unexplained money transactions or charges on credit card statements, as he may be spending lavishly to win over the girl he has his heart set on. Even if he is engaging in merely recreational affairs, he will pull all stops to flatter his affair partner to sweep her off her feet and make sure she’s hopelessly smitten
- State of mind: His demeanor may be unusually bright and upbeat. The affair bolsters his self-esteem and sense of self, so you may notice him exude a renewed sense of confidence and swagger
2. Mr. Horny
Rita had an unshakable feeling that her husband was cheating on her. She had nothing to pin it down on but her gut told her that something was amiss. Her husband, in turn, dismissed all of her concerns as the result of her being a possessive, jealous, and insecure wife. But she knew the warning signs were there even if she could see them yet. Then, she uncovered his unfaithfulness by chancing upon a long sext exchange with a coworker.
When confronted, he simply shrugged it off by saying that he had needs that couldn’t be satisfied by one woman, even though sleeping with others had no bearing on how he felt about her. The mindset of a cheating man, in this case, indicates a proclivity for sexual affairs. While he may feel no emotional connection to the woman/women he is cheating on you with, there is a good chance that he will continue to sleep around and may even have multiple partners at once.
A man with an unusually high libido is definitely among the 3 types of men who have affairs more commonly. Unfortunately, a self-professed high sex drive is among the signs he will cheat in the future too, getting caught or being given ultimatums notwithstanding.
Related Reading: Everything You Need To Know About The 7 Types Of Affairs That Exist
Signs of men who have sexual affairs
A man who cheats on his spouse or long-term partner purely for the sake of satisfying his sexual urges is also likely to continue this pattern irrespective of the effect of cheating in the relationship. Quite possibly, in his mind, his sexual needs are separated from his emotional needs and/or the reasons to stay in the relationship with you. As such, he doesn’t view his transgressions as an act of betrayal.
One of the common traits in men who cheat for their carnal needs is the ability to justify their affairs or one-night stands to themselves. “I’m doing everything a good partner should do. Why can’t I have a little fun on the side?” He may use arguments to this effect to rationalize his infidelity.
His may not be one of the types of affairs that lead to divorce but the frequency at which he destroys your trust is reason enough to threaten your future together. Clearly, he isn’t someone you can hope to have a lasting and nurturing relationship with. To save yourself from being humiliated by his lack of respect for the sanctity of your relationship, here are the warning signs of men who have sexual affairs to watch out for:
- Sex-centric mindset: His relationship with you is centered on sex more than an emotional connection. The mindset of a cheating man driven to cross boundaries owing to his near-insatiable libido is reflected in your own relationship as well. Pay attention, is his answer to every relationship issue, no matter how big or small, a round of hot, passionate sex? Then, you’ve got yourself Mr. Horny, who is likely to betray your trust
- Irritability due to lack of sex: He experiences mood swings, and acts grumpy and scorned if you say no to his sexual advances. To his mind, turning elsewhere if his needs in the primary relationship aren’t met seems completely justified
- Penchant for porn: Porn is a big part of his life. Yes, it’s not uncommon for men to watch porn even when they have flourishing and fulfilling sex lives but for Mr. Horny the need for his visual stimulation is unusually high
- Changed work schedule: Men who have affairs need to carve out the time for their sojourns and work commitments provide the perfect smokescreen. If he has been putting in a lot of late nights at work lately or traveling for work on weekends, you have a reason to be concerned
- Overprotective about the phone: His phone is a no-go territory for you. He never leaves it unattended, changes his passcodes frequently, and acts nervous if you manage to get your hands on it. Given that he is already in the high-risk category of the 3 types of men who have affairs, you must be attentive to any typical cheating signs. The answer may be hidden in his inbox or browser history
- Dressing up: He has been putting extra effort into his looks, carefully selecting his clothes for work every morning, grooming himself a little more than usual, perhaps going to the gym more regularly and loading up on the musky cologne
- Less pestering for sex: He doesn’t pester you for sex as much as he used to. If you suspect your partner of infidelity and find yourself wondering, “What are the signs my partner had a one-night stand?”, pay attention to this change in his sexual behavior. A sudden ebb in his need for sexual intimacy may be an indicator that he is getting some on the side
3. Mr. Still-not-over-his-ex
Kate thought she was happily married for over four years and felt just as smitten by her husband as she had when they had first started dating. There was just one problem – a part of him still seemed inaccessible to her. He was the embodiment of the perfect husband, both at home and in public, but Kate still felt that there were things about him she didn’t know.
As it turned out, he was not able to get over the girl he was madly in love with before dating Kate. Months into the marriage, he and his ex connected over Facebook and a full-blown affair took hold. Being stuck in the past is one of the telling indicators of the mindset of a man who will cheat and have long-term affairs. It is also one of the most common reasons for affairs between married couples.
Guys cheat early in a relationship when they take the plunge of being with someone without dealing with a breakup, nasty heartbreak, or residual feelings for a former partner. This is also the most heartbreaking among the 3 types of men who have affairs, as there is a deeply emotional relationship with the affair partner.
Related Reading: I Began An Extramarital Affair With My Ex Boyfriend
Signs of men having affairs with their exes
Men having affairs takes a precarious turn when the reason behind the infidelity is a deep-rooted emotional attachment. Such men are not above reconnecting with an ex while married or in a long-term relationship and rekindling the romance with complete disregard for how it affects their present partners or relationships. That’s because while he may be with you, he is not fully invested in the relationship.
Since such residual feelings lead to emotional affairs, which may or may not have a sexual element, these can put the future of your relationship in jeopardy. A spark with an old flame turning into a passionate romance a little too late in the day is right at the top of the types of affairs that lead to divorce or a breakup.
A relationship with a man who is still in love with his ex can never be emotionally fulfilling, and worse still may expose you to the risk of betrayal in its most blatant and crushing form. To safeguard yourself, watch out for these warning signs that suggest that your partner may have an emotional affair with an ex:
- Past under wraps: One of the top reasons why men have affairs is unresolved feelings from the past. So, if he doesn’t talk to you about that one past relationship, in particular, try finding out if he still has romantic feelings for his ex. If he is still in love with his ex, he may stray if that ex comes back into his life
- Hazy details: You don’t know anything about his life during that time except for sketchy details. This could well be because a part of him is still waiting for that ex to come back. If she does, the less you know about it, the easier it’ll be for him to rekindle the romance without you ever finding out.
- Social media behavior: You may have on your hands an unfaithful spouse if he has become extremely cautious about posting ‘couple-y’ things on social media. A sudden change in social media habits could be an indicator that that past flame has been rekindled and he does not want to give the impression that he is in a happy and fulfilling relationship with you
- Stalking an ex: His browsing history reflects that he has been stalking his ex. Or, his browsing history is wiped clean every time. Committed/married men who have affairs are extremely cautious about covering their tracks. If you have reason to suspect you’re being cheated on, you’ll need to outsmart your partner
- The ex cannot be named: The room falls silent if you ask his friends about that ex. That ominous silence should tell you that something is not quite resolved in that chapter of your partner’s life, which puts him in the category of 3 types of men who have affairs
- In relationship with his phone: He spends a lot of time with his phone or waits for you to fall asleep and sneakily uses his phone late into the night. It feels as if no matter what you’re saying or doing, his phone has something more interesting to say
- Poor sex life: Your sex life has taken a hit off late or has always been somewhat lackluster. You may find that no matter how much you try, you cannot establish a deeply intimate connection with him. Even during your most intimate moments, you may feel as if he is just going through the motions without being fully present in the moment
- Being withdrawn: He doesn’t engage with you in ways he used to before. It could be his cheating guilt getting in the way or maybe he has checked out of the relationship emotionally. If he is having an emotional affair with a former partner, there is a good chance that it is the latter
- Aloofness: He’d much rather spend time alone than be with you. Perhaps, he’s using this “alone time” to connect with an ex and betray your trust or maybe he just needs to create distance in the relationship to be able to carry on the affair
- 3 types of men have affairs more commonly than others
- The reason why men have affairs can be tied down to their personality types, psychological makeup, fear of commitment, or early life experiences.
- The most common types of cheaters are Mr. Charming or the serial cheater, Mr. Horny or the man who has sexual affairs, and Mr. Still-not-over-his-ex or the man who seeks physical and emotional intimacy with an ex
- Irrespective of their type and triggers, one thing cheaters have in common is their ability to rationalize their transgressions
Knowing that these 3 types of men have affairs more effortlessly than others can be a powerful tool when you’re navigating the dating scene or trying to find “the one”. Ending up with any of these only means setting yourself up for a near-certain heartbreak. So, no matter how enamored you are by Mr. Charming or how desired Mr. Horny makes you feel or how hard you’ve fallen for the brooding persona of Mr. Still-not-over-his-ex, keep reminding yourself that your guy displays classic signs he will cheat in the future. And rein yourself in.
This article has been updated in June 2023.