If you’ve undergone anything close to the scenarios below, we can understand why you’re currently wondering how to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad. You were out of the city for a work trip and returned home to your boyfriend and his coworker, with champagne and pasta adorned on your dining table — he has never made that effort with you. Or one fine day, you borrowed his phone to make a call, and saw his call log list cluttered with the contact of a woman you’ve never heard of before.
You’re infuriated and thinking of making your boyfriend feel bad for hurting you. Regardless of whether you stay in his life or not, you desperately want to make him realize your importance and understand that hurting you in that manner was uncalled for. But while you might feel inclined to play dirty games, effective communication is what will make him realize the gravity of his blunder.
Clinical psychologist Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res, Manchester University), founder of Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, who specializes in couple’s counseling and family therapy, can help you figure out how to navigate confronting your boyfriend and make him understand your value. As for playing petty games to make your cheating boyfriend feel guilty, your friends can help you with that.
11 Ways To Make A Cheating Boyfriend Feel Bad
Wondering what to say to a cheating boyfriend to make him feel bad for what he did? It’s time to peruse through a list of things that you can say or do to get your boyfriend to understand he hurt you. According to research, guilt can indeed make someone want to amend their wrongdoings, or do something to compensate for the same and soften the blow. Guilt is not a nice feeling at all, and one is quickly inclined to do something about repairing the problem.
“Majority of those who cheat feel a sense of remorse about what they have done even though they do not admit to it. The problem always lies in expressing that they feel guilty about this behavior. There is a very small percentage of people in the world who actually do not feel any cheating guilt over their actions but they usually have some kind of a personality disorder,” Devaleena explains.
Depending on whether he understands or how well he takes it, you can take a call on whether you want him in your life or not. Here is your guide on how to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad.
1. Show your disappointment to him
You’re heartbroken, yes, and that is the obvious feeling. But if you show your boyfriend how disappointed you are in his actions, it will really drive the point home. Convey to him that feeling displaced by him is not the only problem. The bigger problem is that he disrespected your relationship and stooped so low. Saying “I expected better from you” or “Your actions have been extremely disappointing” have a greater impact than you think.
- Make him understand: To make a cheating boyfriend regret what he has done to you, he needs to understand that his actions were not mere mistakes, that they have toppled the very foundation of everything you have built for so long. He needs to be able to see what his one fling or guilty pleasure has cost you both
- Say it in I-sentences: To make him understand his fault, talk about how this is affecting you and making you feel. Instead of placing blame and saying “You did this to me” or “You hurt me”, say “I am feeling hurt” or “I feel abandoned/unimportant in this relationship”
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2. Do not be a damsel in utter distress
Actually, be one. You have every right to be. Just do not let him see it. The more you call him and cry, the more he might want to detach from the mess he has created. Cry to your friends in private, take a trip back home to see your mom if you need to — but try your best to not let him see your weak side.
When you hold yourself together in front of him, your maturity shines through which is a major part of making him miss you. The more graceful you are, the worse he will feel about what he has done and the more he’ll want to make things right with you again.
3. Don’t give in or say “I understand”
When you confront him, he’s going to apologize profusely and come up with a million reasons for why he was seeing someone else. That whole charade will last for a while, but your trust may be broken forever. It’s possible that he does love and care for you deeply, but things will perhaps never be the same anymore, because you’re convinced that he does not value you.
Hazel, a 25-year-old car mechanic, shares, “When I was cheated on, I almost had a weak moment where I said, “I understand why you did what you did.” I’m not saying that cheaters are unforgivable and there are plenty of rationalizations about why cheaters cheat. However, I knew it was not yet time to let him off the hook.”
- Until he proves himself to you over the next few months, you cannot forgive him
- Stay strong. Hold your head as high as you can and do not back down
- Make it clear to him that your respect has been compromised: Let him know that you respect yourself far too much and that developing respect in your relationship is going to take some more time. That is the primary way to make him realize your importance
4. Try not to make it all about the person he cheated with
If you want to make a cheating boyfriend regret his actions, you need to center the conversation around him and not the person he cheated on you with. Stop asking questions about the person you caught him with or comment on their character. Remember, this is more about what he has done rather than who the third person is.
Yes, we know that hearing that person’s name or picturing their face makes you red and you want to show your anger to them both, but know that it will be of no use. The more you fixate on the other person, the worse you are going to feel. So navigate the conversation around how your boyfriend has hurt you instead of calling them names.
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5. Do not lose your cool during the conversation
To handle a lying and cheating boyfriend, you actually need to stay as calm as you can be. The more furious you get, the uglier things will become. Here’s exactly what you need to do.
- Don’t abuse him: If all you do is express your anger to him and abuse him, it might not help him actually see what he has done and further cause a rift between you two
- Stay mature: If you really want him to understand the depth of the problem he has caused, you’re going to have to do it in a way that you at least seem composed
- Be straightforward: Try to put out the fire raging inside you, and express your feelings in clean, clear terms. Try not to say hurtful things
6. Make him walk a mile in your shoes
What to say to a cheating boyfriend to make him feel bad? While talking to him, expressing things in proper terms is a must. Use words such as “You made me feel” or “I felt” or “It affected me” to keep the conversation steady and healthy.
But additionally, you should also speak in a manner that reverses the roles and puts him in your position: “Imagine if I had done what you did …” Do it emphatically, and make him see your point of view. This will help him understand the suffering that infidelity inflicts upon couples who have supported and loved each other for so long.
7. Realize your own value first
You might try everything to make a cheating boyfriend feel jealous and go crazy. Upload photos with new men, tell him about some kind of a rebound relationship, or even drunk call him telling him how much you hate him — but really, none of these frivolous things work. Until you don’t reach a point where you value yourself far more than this situation, you will keep indulging in these tactics to make your cheating boyfriend suffer, which may not actually help him realize how much he has hurt you.
“The trick is to realize your own importance. Once you feel you are important enough, you will be in a much better place to make decisions about your future with him and how you should handle this entire situation,” says Devaleena.
8. Focus on your own healing
How to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad is not just about the things you can say to him. It is also about the way you make him feel. When he sees you thriving and living your best life, nothing else can make your cheating boyfriend suffer more than that.
- Live your best life: Go to yoga retreats, get a pet dog, start working on launching that bar you’d always wanted to open, do it all
- Think better: Let him know that you are committed to doing away with the negative thoughts, and are eager to evolve as a person emotionally and are focussing on self-love
- Minimize contact: Maybe putting yourself in a better headspace will also allow you to see things a lot more clearly and help you arrive at a decision about your future with him. Take this time to think only about what you need
“Being cheated upon is extremely uncomfortable. Sometimes you may see the person committing a genuine mistake but know in your heart that they have always cared about you. His regret might not absolve him from anything, but when you practice forgiveness, you do create hope for a long-term relationship which can be successful. But it depends on you, on whether you want to take that chance or not,” Devaleena suggests.
9. Walk away from him for some time
Devaleena says, “The only way to get your boyfriend to understand he hurt you is by spelling it out to him. But after this, you should try the no-contact rule and avoid talking to him or seeing him. This phase is required for a person to think deeply and realize what they have done. This detachment is essential for him to see that you should not be taken for granted.”
Give him some time and space to allow him to ruminate over what he has done. Yes, he may still be posting Instagram stories of himself enjoying a trip in Cancun with his friends, but trust us when we tell you that he is miserable and wondering why you’re not reaching out to him constantly. If you want to make your cheating boyfriend suffer a bit, walk right out of his life.
Related Reading: When To Walk Away After Infidelity: 10 Signs To Know
10. Keep your walls up high
This will drive him crazy. Say, you’ve blocked him on all social media accounts and do not take his calls anymore. He might try to get in touch with you through a friend or by ambushing you at work or your place. But here’s the part where you have to stay super strong and strictly follow the no contact rule.
Gavin, a 27-year-old career counselor, shares what he did after his boyfriend cheated on him, “Come what may, you cannot let him into your life for some time. Fix a stipulated time period where you will not revert his calls and messages or let him into your house. Make your house and mind a fortress and don’t give him the chance to make his way to you.” How to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad about what he has done to you is about letting him feel the impact of how he has shattered your trust.
11. Don’t indulge in revenge cheating
Thoughts such as “I want to see my boyfriend beg after cheating on me” can drive you to commit actions such as revenge cheating. But here is what you should know. Though you’re hurt after being betrayed by the man you love, revenge cheating is something that can and will get the better of you. You have to do better than that and hold yourself together.
- It will make you suffer more: You might think this is a great way to make your cheating boyfriend suffer, but in the end, you will end up suffering the most
- Seek validation in healthier ways: Go to a speed dating event to get out there, take a trip with your friends, join a salsa class to feel sexier
- Do not try to get his attention: Sending rude messages to him or relaying incorrect information that you know will upset him through your friends — in your distressed state of mind, you might consider these the best ways to handle a lying, cheating boyfriend. But that will only make you two end up in a cat-and-mouse chase, simply running around in circles and messing with each other
- Express your disappointment to him in clear, concise terms instead of going on long, angry rants
- When he keeps apologizing to you, do not give in too easily. Be willing to forgive, if you want to be, but not so soon
- Create some distance between you two for a while and get some space from him. Block him on all socials too to preserve your peace of mind
- Focus on building back your self-worth as cheating can take a toll on one’s image of oneself
- While thinking about how to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad, try not to get into rebound relationships or date someone else, just to take revenge on him. This will only regress your own healing
How to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad? In a nutshell, to make this man feel terrible about his actions, you need to clearly indicate how he has made you feel instead of sounding desperate. He will understand you eventually. Try not to adopt the messier routes of revenge cheating, drunk texts, or blame shifting.
Ultimately, don’t waste too much of your time in thinking of ways to make your cheating boyfriend feel guilty for what he did. It’s not worth it. His understanding of his errors might not heal your pain; that’s something you’ll have to do on your own. So focus real hard to rest yourself and heal from the situation to emerge healthier than before.
It absolutely can. Cheating is something that instantly makes couples break up with each other and is something most people don’t heal from. One may even carry the scars from being cheated on into their next relationship, which can make them afraid to trust or be vulnerable with a new person.
Don’t give him the benefit of the doubt. Make it clear to him that he was wrong in cheating on you, in every aspect. Tell him that he has been disrespectful of you and the relationship and that you are aware of how much better you deserve.
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