When Natalie began her affair with Brian, they decided that they would keep things casual. They both had families that they did not want to leave. It was just an attraction, and it was best that they got it out of their system. But lately, Brian has been behaving strangely. The affair doesn’t feel so casual anymore and Natalie is forced to look for signs your affair partner loves you.
Falling in love with an affair partner is not unheard of. And it happens because that person is able to compensate in places where your current partner is falling short. So how do you know if an affair partner loves you? Or is it a casual fling for them? Here are some signs that will help you figure this out.
15 Undeniable Signs Your Affair Partner Loves You
An affair can seem exciting due to its forbidden nature, however, it often ends in pain. According to the famous marriage counselor Frank Pittman, the chances of an affair ending in marriage are as low as 3% to 5%. And of all those that do end in marriage, 75% get divorced. That being said, some extramarital affairs do become relationships that last. And if you have started dreaming of a future with your affair partner, then here are the signs your affair partner is falling for you too.
1. They want to be with you more and more
Remember the first time you fell in love, and all you wanted was to be with the object of your affections? If your affair partner seems to be looking for ways to spend more and more time with you, then it is one of the first signs your affair partner is falling for you.
- They call you more often
- They plan getaways and vacations with you
- They are okay with hanging around, doing nothing with you
It is normal for someone to spend a lot of time with the person they love, since being with that person makes them happy. They hang out with you a lot more frequently now or for longer durations. It is so instinctual that they don’t even realize that they are doing it.
2. They make you feel like you belong with them and not your primary partner
Feeling a sense of belongingness is very natural in a relationship. While in a casual dynamic, one is advised against forming emotional connections, there are times, however, when they are completely beyond your control. Sense of belonging is centered around the ideas of being loved and cared for, being accepted and acknowledged. When your affair partner pays more attention to you and your needs than your actual partner, it’s one of the clear signs your affair partner loves you. Here’s how they make you feel that you belong with them:
- They accept your core values and beliefs even if they were against those beliefs during the early stages of the affair
- They show you unconditional support when you talk about leaving your partner
- They tell you that you will always find a supportive partner in them
- They prioritize your mental health and physical health equally
Related Reading: 15 Signs Your Spouse Takes You For Granted
3. They tell you how different and better you are than their own partner
Every person is unique with their own set of quirks and it is wrong for someone to weigh you against another. But when one is obsessed with affair partner, they can not help but compare them to their current partner. These comparisons become more and more frequent as their feelings for you get stronger. Since they prefer your company over their partner’s, they begin to see their partner in a different, albeit a negative light and start drawing unfair parallels between you two.
Jenna, a 36-year-old hotel manager from Los Angeles, writes to Bonobology, “I am having an affair with a childhood sweetheart. I am married and I don’t know how my husband would react when he finds out about my adultery. I have a feeling that my affair partner has fallen in love with me because he keeps telling me that I am way better than his wife and he keeps comparing himself to my husband. I really don’t know how to react to this.”
4. They seem to be spending a lot less time with their partner
A sure-shot sign that your affair partner is falling for you is that the amount of time that they used to spend with their spouse steadily begins to decrease. They will choose to spend quality time with you on weekends over spending time with their current partner. They will even cancel any prior engagement they had with their spouse just to be with you.
When you love someone, you tend to see them with rose-tinted glasses and your fidelity toward them is stronger. Considering they have already begun seeing their current partner in a much less flattering light, it is obvious that they would look for ways to stay away from them as much as possible.
5. They are talking about a future with you
One of the clear signs your affair partner loves you is they begin to plan a future that involves you at the center. Most affairs focus on the short term. The only planning that does happen is the location and date of your next meet-up. Or maybe even questions like “I am going to the Bahamas, do you think you can make it?”
But if your affair partner says something along the lines of “Why don’t we plan a romantic trip to Vienna?” or “It would be nice to have you around during Christmas”, then it means that they see some sort of a future with you. This, by no means, is a guarantee that they are willing to get out of their current marriage/relationship, but more like they are fond of having you in their life. They would be happy if they could have you with them forever, no matter how unlikely.
Related Reading: Dating An Introvert – 11 Communication Hacks To Use
6. It’s not all about sex anymore
This is one of the signs your affair partner loves you. Attraction plays a huge part in affairs and where there is attraction, there is bound to be lust. While most affairs are purely sexual, sometimes, partners in an emotional affair end up having sex as well, even if it is after a long duration of time. However, if your affair partner meets up with you, just to spend time together and there is no sex involved, then you can rest assured that they have developed romantic feelings for you.
7. They are talking to you about their personal life
When a person wants to keep an affair just that – an affair – they will try their level best to not get emotionally invested in the liaison. So, there is very little chance that your conversations will have a heart-to-heart exchange. In fact, your lover will try to go out of their way to be as private about their life as possible.
Does your affair partner talk to you about their day at work, or about their personal problems, or about their marital problems? Farah, a 29-year-old illustrator, shares with us, “I love my affair partner and my husband and it is so confusing to work this out. Is this a sign that my relationship is not an affair anymore and has crossed into the territory of love?” Well, probably.
8. It shows in the little things they do
How do you know if an affair partner loves you? Actions speak louder than words. And if a person is in love with you, it will show. They will prioritize whatever is important for you and go out of their way to make you happy. Love is about putting the needs of the one you love above and before your own. When your affair partner is in love with you, they will make sure that your favorite flowers are in the vase, your favorite wine chilling in the bucket, and your favorite band playing in the background. All the little things will be just as you like them.
9. They are always there for you
When you are in love with a person, you want to be with them through the good as well as the bad times. When your lover is falling for you, you’ll see them listening to you more intently and lovingly. They will hear you vent about your day, about your life, about your health.
If you ask them for guidance, they would love to help you. Even if you say, “I love my affair partner and my husband” and they see you struggling, they will try their best to make things easier for you – even if that means they get a little hurt in the process.
Related Reading: Effects Of An Extramarital Affair On The Partner
10. Their body language will let you know
What words are often unable to convey, the body does. How a person feels about you is apparent in their body language. Their pupils dilate, their eyebrows rise a bit, their face completely lights up the moment they see you, and their smile is the most genuine one. These are some of the body language signs that someone likes you.
They will not be able to keep their hands off you and you will catch them staring at you a lot. Believe me, if they’re in love with you, it will show. People do tend to get obsessed with affair partners sometimes.
11. There is a lot of friction in their family
One very obvious sign that your affair partner is in love with you is that there will be a lot of friction between them and their current partner. After all, when you are away from each other, your absence makes your affair partner miss you.
Love is like a drug and its absence can feel like a withdrawal symptom. Your lover can be a little cranky and might lose their appetite. They might not be able to focus and might seem a little distant. All these behavioral changes can create conflicts in their primary family.
12. They are more open about you to the world
One of the things that happen when you have developed strong feelings for an affair partner is that they become bolder about letting the world know where their preference lies. They go out in public with you, and even tell their close friends about you. You might even end up meeting some of their colleagues and they might ask you to accompany them to different business events or charities.
13. Their phone is full of your pictures
Our phone gallery is usually flooded with images of anything and everything we love. An obvious sign your affair partner loves you is that their phone gallery contains a whole lot of images of you and them.
When a person has an affair, they try their best to leave no traces of their cheating behind. They delete chats, pictures, call logs, everything. If your affair partner is keeping so much evidence of your time together on their phone, then it certainly means their feelings are strong for you and that they no longer care who gets to know about it.
14. They have become indifferent to their current partner
One sure-shot sign that your cheating partner has fallen in love with you is when they finally become indifferent to their own partner. It does not matter to them when their spouse/partner is in distress. They no longer care if the latter, too, is cheating on them with a co-worker or someone else.
You know a relationship is dead when the couple has become immune to each other’s needs. If you notice that your affair partner is not showing any signs of concern regarding their partner, it means that subconsciously, they have decided you are all that they need.
15. They are committed to just you
Has your partner said something along the lines of “I don’t want anyone but you” or “I am happy with you and I don’t think about seeing other people”? If yes, then that is one of the major signs your affair partner loves you. A casual affair doesn’t require words of affirmation. If your partner is telling you all this, it means they have already committed to you from the bottom of their heart.
- One of the obvious signs your affair partner has fallen for you is when they become obsessed with you and feel jealous when they see you with someone
- When a cheating partner falls for you, they tend to become more invested in you emotionally
- If your affair partner showers you with attention, care, is there for you in your times of need, and spends more and more time with you in any possible way, it means that they love you
Though never justified, there are a lot of reasons an affair happens. And sometimes, these affairs give you the impression of a possibility of a blissful future. Being in such a relationship for a long time can cause strong feelings to develop. If your lover shows the above signs, then rest assured that they are in love with you.