Fear of the wife – does it exist? Do men feel a chill down their spine when they get back home late after a night out with the guys? Or do they feel scared of the wife when they forget to take out the trash or get the yoghurt that was on the grocery list?
Some men say the fear of the wife rules their life and they are always on the edge thinking that if they take one step wrong all hell would break loose. Many men say, “I am scared to correct my wife.” Some say that if they try to prove that the wife is wrong there is a possibility she would threaten to walk out of the house.
“I am scared of losing my wife. Apart from her temper tantrums and her need for control she is a dutiful mother and wife,” said Savvy. “I have tried to tell her many times that her behaviour troubles me. I am perpetually on the edge thinking she would react adversely. But my attempts to correct her have resulted in more adverse reactions. It’s been six years now and I have given up. I just ensure now that I don’t push her the wrong way. I try at least but I am not successful all the time.”
In many WhatsApp forwards, we have encountered the man letting go of his freedom of speech lest the lady should set things ablaze. It is in such silly banter that the germ of a larger problem lies. The image of the woman who cannot stand being corrected because the silly gender has an ego for no reason, is a pretense of a hierarchy that the patriarchs laugh about while sharing cigars and brandy.
But wait, that sounds more like a Victorian parlour than a 21st-century discussion at a pub or a house party! Well, voila! You have identified the problem and you get nothing for pointing out the obvious. So, let us find out why men are genuinely scared of correcting the women in their lives instead of judging them on the petty cause of male entitlement.
Related Reading: How Do You Deal with a Quarrelsome Wife?
You believe in traditions and not bothering your higher purpose with petty disputes. You had seen you father doing the same with your mother. You have seen since your childhood that a man does not correct a woman because she is incapable of taking an argument.
You do not see the point in taking the pain of making her see the obvious fact – that you are correct and there cannot be any other alternative to that!
You are afraid that by correcting her you will stoop from your throne of masculine pride, so you would rather let her have her way.
You are afraid that you shall break the fragile sentiments of the woman when she finally sees the truth of the day and agrees to your vision, because at some point human beings must choose the path of verity. It is your purpose as the stronger, greater and, of course, first sex, to safeguard the second one – women. You want to let your little one have her way, because you know in the end you will call the shots. Or is it?
Perhaps, you don’t understand the woman in your life
The fear of the wife or the girlfriend rules your life because you do not understand her. In the years of upbringing, you have been brought up in the fear of the chessboard overturning. You could not imagine a reversal of gender roles. You always believed what you were taught – men are superior to women.
Entering the world with the language of troubled masculinity and patriarchy, you have been misled into thinking that it is still the world of patriarchs where the language for women was not created.
In the prime time of your adolescence you were so taken by the futile pursuit of measuring dicks that you did not notice the woman in you that kept on protesting in your subconscious.
Now that you have been pushed by the heteronormative society to converse with the ‘other’ sex in the capacity of ‘equals’ in a relationship, you are forever scared to say something wrong. You have heard the voices around you speak in their biologically higher pitch about gender equality, the suppression questioned, the societal barriers being punctured, but as you reach the meeting ground you are at best confused if not blinded about the ‘second sex’.
You do not understand women, except the many images of a shapely body clad or unclad in all its sumptuous glory – a delectable banquet to be enjoyed.
Related Reading: 13 Signs Of A Controlling Woman To Watch Out For
Why the fear of the wife rules?
Now that you sit across a table, a bed, a board game, a wedding pyre, a book of fifty shades of gender roles, you do not understand why you were never told that women come with a brain that sends motor signals to the mouth and they end up speaking about worldly things!
How does one deal with the handicap that is ‘male entitlement’? A man was taught to laugh at stereotype jokes about a woman’s intelligence. A man was taught to think he was superior to every other animal, let alone women. But as you ponder over a problem that you and your female partner do not agree upon, you are afraid to correct her, as your judgment is clouded by your privilege and the inheritance of patriarchy. That is why the fear of the wife becomes so real.
You are afraid to correct the woman sitting across you, lest you should sound like a fool and she calls your bluff. You are afraid, my dear man, because you are worried she won’t take it silently but will put forth her argument.
You are afraid that you will be so stumped that you will forget to counter that and your logic gate will malfunction.
And you are right to be afraid that you do not understand why it is your compulsion to correct her, even when you know she is correct, just because you are a man. Lastly, my poor man, we understand your fear of being found out to be unarmed with a valid opinion and lose at the hand of a woman – a shame no ‘man’ can ever survive – so why take the risk?