Like it or not, most women are attracted to men who are responsible, can take care of them and are firm. These are probably on the list of qualities to look for in a husband. Well, if you are attracted to such a man or are married to one, chances are that he is psyched into being an alpha male and doesn’t even know it.
Who Is An Alpha Male?
While the concept comes from the animal kingdom, in his book, Brave New World, Aldous Huxley categorized his characters into alpha and betas. Till now, we just saw these terms in algorithms but apparently, people who are great leaders, stand out in a crowd and want to become ‘the one in the limelight’ are alphas. It could be men and women both but, the catch here is, alpha males are much more dominant because they are winners by nature and have a ‘know it all’ personality.
Now, there are chances that you might get attracted to their personality because these men are extremely intelligent and seem charming in the beginning. They get what they want – by hook or by crook. They are convinced they are born as leaders
How To Deal With An Alpha Male?
Alpha males might be unaware of it themselves but gradually, as your relationship progresses, you will start discovering things that are intolerable. What seemed sexy at first will now have become an irritating agent, leaving you confused about how to deal with such a partner.
We know it is quite difficult, but don’t worry, it isn’t impossible because we have sorted it out for you. Here are 8 ways which can help you deal with an alpha male
1. Let him take the lead
The problem with men who are alphas is that they want to be the perfectionists. They want to do things themselves and take the credit. Unfortunately, this trait might make you feel left out. But, if you love this man, you have to give him the space to be himself and that means let him take the lead, even if you are better at the thing. Alphas feel extremely joyful when they get the responsibility.
Even if you have the best taste when it comes to clothes, let him pick your clothes if he wants to do that. An alpha is an extremely confident person and doesn’t lack in worldly knowledge. So, you surely can trust his choice not turning into a disaster. And even if it does, let him learn a lesson on his own. Chances are he’ll understand that he is not good at a thing and will not enter that territory again until he masters it. Atleast his own realisation will save you from him stonewalling you.
2. Calmly explain him his behavior traits
You might get really frustrated when he keeps on boasting about himself, or when he seems overconfident or even when he embarrasses you in front of other people, but that is the core behavioral pattern of an alpha. And most of the times, the poor guy won’t even know that what is self-love to him is embarrassment to you. Being his partner, you will have to talk and address your problems in front of him. You will have to point out instances wherein you felt any negative emotions because of his nature.
This is not going to be easy because the first time you do it, he will not agree. An alpha male always thinks that he is right. It might take a while for you to be able to tackle his responses but do not give up. Whenever he is in a good mood or in a position to listen, go up to him and talk about it.
Talk about what bothers you and find out solutions together. Don’t blame him for anything though. That might not end up well.
3. Be as straightforward as you can
Another aspect of an alpha male is his dominance. These men know how to get things done, so by nature they are very dominant and authoritative. When it comes to relationships, they won’t budge from their point of view. You definitely do not want to do things because he said so. Maybe at times, you can do something if it makes him happy but if it costs you your mental peace, it isn’t worth it. So, you have to learn to say no and be straightforward.
When your partner tells you that he wants you to cancel your girl’s night to meet his friends for a dinner, and you know that you cannot compromise on this, say it. Rather than beating around the bush, finding ways to not hurt his sentiments, say it right to his face that you will not do a certain thing because he thinks that’s the right thing to do. You cannot go on making sacrifices just to please him. He might feel hurt and use emotional blackmail as a tool but stay firm about your choices. Gradually, he will understand and get used to it even if he doesn’t like it.
4. Make sure he doesn’t make you feel inferior
While alphas are good at a number of things, self-obsession is their forte, they are outright selfish in a way. They cannot stop talking about themselves. No matter where the conversation begins from, it ends at them. And while it might seem fascinating at first, after you get married to such a man, your ears start bleeding. What such men do not seem to understand is other people’s mental health. You might or might not be equally talented but in both cases, after hearing him praising himself, you are at some point, going to feel a pang in the heart. You will start questioning yourself and your achievements.
Now that is a tough place to be in. It is extremely important to love yourself despite any vulnerabilities. You will have to remind yourself every single day that a man who can talk only about himself cannot measure your worth and you shouldn’t be measuring your worth on the basis of other people’s success. If you are in a relationship with an alpha, it can be problematic to deal with inferiority complex especially if he doesn’t consider it to be a real thing.
He might be really good at heart but you will have to save yourself from the negative emotions on your own. Make sure that his superiority complex doesn’t give birth to an inferiority complex within you.
Related Reading: My husband has an inferiority complex and is abusive. Please help.
5. Start taking authority of your own life
When you get used to an alpha, you seldom realize that you have lost control of your life. This generally happens when you are married to one. If your husband or boyfriend is an alpha, you have to, by your actions, tell them to back off while you start making your own decisions. With an alpha, it is important to be independent financially and emotionally. It’s not like you cannot depend on them.
In fact, he will happily let you do it but the scheme comes with a lot of disappointment in the later years of life. There might be days when you fight and he will make sure to emphasize on what he has done for you and that is not going to be a pleasant conversation.
This is why, from the beginning, start taking authority of your own life. He is your partner and you should definitely take his opinions in the important decisions of your life, but make sure the final decision is yours. And he should be clear about the fact that no amount of manipulating will give him the control of your life.
If you are in a relationship where he makes your decisions for you, its time to stand up and let him know that things are going to change from now on.
6. NEVER, ever tolerate his tantrums or ego clashes
The society that we live in has always taught its boys to start throwing a tantrum if they do not get their way. More or less, every boy grows up to be a man with a giant ego. To add up to it, if your man is an alpha, he knows that throwing tantrums or shouting or storming out of the house will make him win the argument.
Prove him wrong. This is crucial because a person’s ego is fed on the death of other person’s self-respect. Do not boost his ego just to end an argument.
Alpha males can behave childishly when it comes to getting things their way. You cannot encourage that because it will only give him an opportunity to do it again and again. Whenever you are in a fight and he decides to storm out of the house and vows to not come back, keep your cool and let him go. After an hour or two when you don’t give him the attention he needs, he will come back. If his ego is the size of a monster, he might not come for a day or so but eventually, he will. By this, he will also understand that you will not tolerate any such nonsense and might not do it again. He would know disrespecting you is not going to get him what he wants.
Related Reading: Dealing With A Cranky Husband – 13 Tips That Work
While there are very few things that you can change about a person, there are surely a lot more things to change about oneself. Dealing with an alpha male can be very difficult and most of the times, you will end up feeling annoyed, frustrated or disgusted. You would want to give up on him or even, kill him. But if you think that the relationship is more important to you than anything else and you really want to take the journey with him, make sure that you can handle things calmly.
A composed mind will help you see things clearly. It will help you make decisions regarding your relationship and also to deal with his behavior patterns. For that, take out 10-15 minutes a day for yourself to meditate. Do anything that makes you feel calm. It could be soothing music and closed eyes or yoga or exercising.
Meditation doesn’t always have to be concentrating on one thing it can be any form of activity that helps your brain to calm down.
8. Know when to walk away
Whilst you can take all the measures given above to deal with an alpha male, you have to know when it becomes unbearable. And if it does, you will have to walk away whether you like it or not. Know that nothing is more important than your peace of mind and at the end of the day happiness is a state of your own mind. No other person can give it to you. You have to help yourself.
Do whatever it takes to have a good and successful relationship with an alpha male but make sure you know where the line is. If an alpha becomes intolerable or toxic, it is time that you let him go. Do not harm your emotional well being in order to love a person.
A man who is an alpha is never going to be able to change his basic nature because that is ingrained in him. You can only find a way to live peacefully with him and find a way in between. For him, there is no turning back. But, they are not bad people altogether. If your man is good at heart and willing to change, you can help him and over a period of a few years, you never know, he might become bearable.