Like it or not, most women are attracted to men who are responsible, can take care of them and are firm. These are probably on the list of qualities to look for in a husband. Well, if you are attracted to such a man or are married to one, chances are he is an alpha male. Whether he’s aware of it or not, is another story.
Who Is An Alpha Male?
While the concept comes from the animal kingdom, in his book, Brave New World, Aldous Huxley categorized his characters into alpha and betas. Till now, we just saw these terms in algorithms but apparently, people who are great leaders, stand out in a crowd and want to become ‘the one in the limelight’ are alphas.
It could be men and women both but, the catch here is, alpha males are much more dominant because they are winners by nature and have a ‘know it all’ personality.
Now, there are chances that you might get attracted to their personality because these men are extremely intelligent and seem charming in the beginning. They get what they want – by hook or by crook. They are convinced they are born as leaders.
5 Characteristics Of An Alpha Male
Think of an ideal partner. The qualities you seek in a potential husband or a partner for life. A man you can count on. Chances are you will think of someone confident, assertive, charismatic and capable of taking charge of situations. Someone who is not a manchild constantly in need of attention and validation.
That ideal man you’re picturing in your mind portrays alpha male characteristics. Pop culture often depicts alpha male personality as being cocky, dominating, and perhaps someone who displays narcissistic tendencies. However, this depiction doesn’t paint an accurate picture of alpha men.
If the idea of dating one makes you feel nervous or jittery, learning about these characteristics of an alpha male will help change your perspective:
1. He is courageous
Alpha men are often portrayed as fearless. However, that is not exactly true because no one is absolutely free of fear and insecurities. What makes alpha males come across as fearless is their inherent sense of courage.
One of the hallmarks of alpha male personality is their ability to rein in their fears and power on in pursuit of things they truly believe. This means that alpha males in relationships won’t give up their partners and bolt when the going gets tough. As long as they believe in the relationship, you can count on them to stay by your side and fight the odds.
2. He is in control of his emotions
Another one of the archetype alpha male characteristics is their ability to be in control of their emotions. Owing to this tendency, they’re often mistaken to be cold and detached. Perhaps, to an extent, that assessment is true.
But this ability to not let his emotions spiral out of control is what allows an alpha male to handle challenging, high-pressure situations effectively.
Whether it is getting fired from a job or being dumped by the love of his life, he will not let a meltdown control his actions. Instead, he will calm his mind down and plan the best course of action to handle the situation.
3. He likes to be challenged
The very alpha male definition is that he is a man who likes to be in the driver’s seat, steering the course of his life, staying in total control of his circumstance. Given that he is in control of so much, he enjoys being challenged every now and again.
That’s why alpha males in relationships seek partners who are complex, mysterious and capable of challenging them. If he doesn’t find that, he is unlikely to get emotionally invested and may move on easily.
4. He is driven by purpose
Alpha men without purpose are like fish without water. They simply cannot survive, much less thrive, if they’re not constantly working toward a goal. Whether is climbing up the corporate ladder on the professional front, using their passion to excel in a sport or any other activity, taking their relationships forward, they’re driven by a quest for progress and improvement.
You will never see an alpha male floating through life aimlessly.
5. His life is not governed by just one thing
There are people for whom their work is the be-all and end-all of life. Then, there are those who let their relationship define their entire life. Such a lop-sided approach eventually takes its toll, and the other aspects of life start taking a hit.
The personal relationships and health of a person who is overly focussed on their career begin to suffer, sooner or later. Similarly, someone who is solely focused on their love life can be left devastated if a relationship they invested their everything into doesn’t work out.
Alpha men realize the importance of striking a work-life balance. They attach equal importance to their work, relationships, friends, hobbies, health and family, to live a well-rounded life.
How To Deal With An Alpha Male?
Alpha males might be unaware of it themselves but gradually, as your relationship progresses, you will start discovering personality traits that are not exactly easy to put up with. What seemed sexy at first may become an irritant or a chronic relationship issue if you don’t know how to deal with the alpha male personality. This can leave you feeling confused about how to deal with such a partner.
We know it is quite difficult, but don’t worry, it isn’t impossible because we have sorted it out for you. Here are 8 ways that can help you deal with an alpha male:
1. Let him take the lead
Alpha men tend to be perfectionists. They want to do things themselves and take the credit. Unfortunately, this trait might make you feel left out. But, if you love this man, you have to give him the space to be himself.
That means letting him take the lead, especially when it comes to things that are important to him. Alphas feel extremely joyful when they get the responsibility. An alpha male is an extremely confident person and doesn’t lack in worldly knowledge. So, you surely can trust his choice not turning into a disaster.
Even if it does, let him learn a lesson on his own. Chances are he’ll understand that he is not good at a thing and will not enter that territory again until he masters it. At least his own realization will save you from him stonewalling you.
2. Calmly explain him his behavior traits
You might get really frustrated being with a partner who is extremely proud of himself. However, it is crucial to break the wall of pride delicately, without making him feel attacked. In addition to a sense of pride, a tendency to come across as overconfident or unwittingly embarrassing you in front of others can be common alpha male traits.
Most of the time, he may not even be aware that what is self-love to him is embarrassing to you. Being his partner, you will have to talk and address your problems in front of him. You will have to point out instances wherein you felt any negative emotions because of his alpha male personality.
This is not going to be easy because the first time you do it, he will not agree. An alpha male always thinks that he is right. It might take a while for you to be able to tackle his responses but do not give up. Persevere and persist, and you will get through to him eventually.
Talk about what bothers you and find out solutions together. Don’t blame him for anything though. That might not end up well.
3. Be as straightforward as you can
Another one of the typical alpha male characteristics is a tendency to dominate. These men know how to get things done, so they are very authoritative. They tend to bring this personality trait into their relationships as well.
You definitely do not want to do things because he said so. Maybe at times, you can do something if it makes him happy but if it costs you your mental peace, it isn’t worth it. So, you have to learn to identify the signs that he is dominating and find a way to say no in no uncertain terms.
When your partner tells you that he wants you to cancel your girl’s night to meet his friends for a dinner, and you know that you cannot compromise on this, say it. Rather than beating around the bush, finding ways to not hurt his sentiments, say it right to his face that you will not do a certain thing because he thinks that’s the right thing to do.
You cannot go on making sacrifices just to please him. He might feel hurt and may try different means to get you to change your mind but stay firm about your choices. Gradually, he will understand and get used to it even if he doesn’t like it.
4. Make sure he doesn’t make you feel inferior
Alphas excel in almost every aspect of their life. This can cause them to become a little too sure of themselves. They cannot stop talking about themselves. No matter where the conversation begins, it ends at them.
While it might seem fascinating at first, after you spend a considerable time as romantic partners, this tendency can turn into an irritant. You may even find yourself thinking that you’ve landed a selfish husband or partner.
Your man may be indulging in this seeming self-obsession completely oblivious to how it impacts you and your mental health. You might or might not be equally talented but in both cases, after hearing him praising himself, you are at some point, going to feel a pang in the heart. You will start questioning yourself and your achievements.
Now that is a tough place to be in. It is extremely important to love yourself despite any vulnerabilities. You will have to remind yourself every single day that a man who can talk only about himself cannot measure your worth and you shouldn’t be measuring your worth on the basis of other people’s success.
If you are in a relationship with an alpha, it can be problematic to deal with an inferiority complex especially if he doesn’t consider it to be a real thing.
He might be really good at heart but you will have to save yourself from the negative emotions on your own. Make sure that his superiority complex doesn’t give birth to an inferiority complex within you.
Related Reading: My husband has an inferiority complex and is abusive. Please help.
5. Start taking authority of your own life
When you get used to an alpha, you seldom realize that you have lost control of your life. If your husband or boyfriend is an alpha, you have to, by your actions, tell them to back off while you start making your own decisions.
With an alpha, it is important to be independent financially and emotionally. It’s not like you cannot depend on them. In fact, he will happily let you do it but the scheme comes with a lot of disappointment in the later years of life.
There might be days when you fight and he will make sure to emphasize on what he has done for you and that is not going to be a pleasant conversation. This is why, from the beginning, stay in control of your own life.
He is your partner and you should definitely take his opinions in the important decisions of your life, but make sure the final decision is yours. And he should be clear about the fact that no amount of manipulating will give him control of your life.
If you are in a relationship where he makes your decisions for you, its time to stand up and let him know that things are going to change from now on.
6. NEVER, ever tolerate his tantrums or ego clashes
The society that we live in has always taught its boys to start throwing a tantrum if they do not get their way. More or less, every boy grows up to be a man with a giant ego. To add up to it, if your man is an alpha, he knows that throwing tantrums or shouting or storming out of the house will make him win the argument.
Prove him wrong. This is crucial because a person’s ego is fed on the death of another person’s self-respect. Do not boost his ego just to end an argument.
You cannot encourage his desire to always have his because it will only give him an opportunity to do it again and again. Even if you have a disagreement, show him that it is possible and important to fight respectfully.
Whenever you are in a fight and he decides to storm out of the house and vows to not come back, keep your cool and let him go. After an hour or two when you don’t give him the attention he needs, he will come back.
If his ego is the size of a football field, he might not come for a day or so but eventually, he will. By this, he will also understand that you will not tolerate any such nonsense and might not do it again. He would know disrespecting you is not going to get him what he wants.
Related Reading: Dealing With A Cranky Husband – 13 Tips That Work
While there are very few things that you can change about a person, there are surely a lot more things to change about oneself. Dealing with an alpha male can be difficult. Most of the time, you will end up feeling annoyed and frustrated.
But if you value your relationship and want to make it work, make sure that you learn to handle things calmly. A composed mind will help you see things clearly. It will help you make decisions regarding your relationship and also to deal with his behavior patterns.
For that, take out 10-15 minutes a day for yourself to meditate. Do anything that makes you feel calm. It could be soothing music and closed eyes or yoga or exercising.
Meditation doesn’t always have to be concentrating on one thing it can be any form of activity that helps your brain to calm down.
8. Know when to walk away
Whilst you can take all the measures given above to deal with an alpha male, you have to know when it becomes unbearable. And if your relationship turns toxic, walk away, no matter how hard it seems. Know that nothing is more important than your peace of mind. At the end of the day, happiness is a state of your own mind. No other person can give it to you. You have to help yourself.
Do whatever it takes to have a good and successful relationship with an alpha male but make sure you know where to draw the line. If an alpha becomes intolerable or toxic, it is time that you let him go. Do not harm your emotional well being in order to love a person.
A man who is an alpha is never going to be able to change his basic nature because that is ingrained in him. You can only find a way to live peacefully with him and find a way in between. For him, there is no turning back. But, they are not bad people altogether. If your man is good at heart and willing to change, you can help him and over a period of a few years, you never know, he might become bearable.
Alpha males want their relationships to be exciting and fulfilling. As opposed to the common perception that because of their dominating nature, alpha males desire partners who are meek and submissive, they thrive in relationships where their partner challenges them.
Yes. In fact, honesty and loyalty are extremely important to alpha men. Not only do they expect it in a partner but also give it in their relationships. But you can expect them to be faithful only when they’re emotionally invested in their partner.
To be irresistible to an alpha male you have to be mysterious and charming. They’re drawn to people who are passionate and driven.
An alpha male shows love by being a dependable partner. Alpha males in relationships won’t give up their partners and bolt when the going gets tough. As long as they believe in the relationship, you can count on them to stay by your side and fight the odds.