Like it or not, most women are attracted to men who are responsible, can take care of them and are firm. For a lot of women, these are probably on the list of qualities to look for in a husband. Well, if you are attracted to such a man or are married to one, he may just be an alpha male. Whether he’s aware of it or not, is another story.
When you give a label to the kind of personality you’re dealing with in a marriage or a relationship, establishing a connection could become a lot easier. Simply by learning what your partner can really be like, you can end up getting closer to him than you could’ve ever imagined.
Is your man assertive and confident? Could it be a sign you have a relationship with an alpha male? If you do, are there a few things you should be doing differently to try and connect with him? Let’s find out everything you need to know about the personality in question today, and whether you’ve got one on your hands.
Who Is An Alpha Male?
While the concept initially came from the animal kingdom, in his book, Brave New World, Aldous Huxley categorized his characters into alpha and betas. Till now, we’ve just seen these terms in algorithms. Apparently, people who are great leaders, stand out in a crowd and want to become “the one in the limelight” are alphas.
Factually speaking, it can be either a male or a female. However, the catch here is that alpha males are claimed to be much more dominant since they’re winners by nature and have a “know it all” personality.
Now, there are chances that you might be attracted to their personalities because these men are extremely intelligent and seem charming. They get what they want – by hook or by crook. They are convinced they are born leaders. They’re usually extroverted people-pleasers.
Ever been in the presence of someone who entered a room and immediately took charge? What’s more, no one questioned his authority, since he seemed to be doing a good job at it. These men exude confidence and appear to be in command of any situation that comes their way.
The alpha male psychology makes them believe they’re destined for greatness, and you’re most likely going to find an innate desire to achieve worldly success in such a person. Let’s take a look at exactly what they’re like, so you can make sure you can spot one (though it’d be hard to miss him).
5 Characteristics Of An Alpha Male
Think of an ideal partner. The qualities you seek in a potential husband or a partner for life. A man you can count on. Chances are you will think of someone confident, assertive, charismatic and capable of taking charge of situations. Someone who is not a man-child and is in constant need of attention and validation.
That ideal man you’re picturing in your mind portrays alpha male characteristics. Pop culture often depicts alpha male personalities as being cocky, dominating and perhaps someone who displays narcissistic tendencies. However, this depiction doesn’t paint an accurate picture of alpha males.
The idea of dating one might even make you feel nervous or jittery. Learning about the characteristics of an alpha male will help change your perspective:
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1. He is courageous
Alpha men are often portrayed as fearless. However, that is not exactly true because no one is absolutely free of fear and insecurities. What makes alpha males come across as fearless is their inherent sense of courage.
One of the hallmarks of the alpha male personality is their ability to rein in their fears, and power through in pursuit of things they truly believe. This means that alpha males in relationships won’t give up their partners and bolt when the going gets tough. As long as they believe in you, you can count on them to stay by your side and fight the odds.
This usually translates very well in a romantic sense, since alpha males in relationships aren’t afraid of going after what they want. This may mean that he’s probably going to strike up a conversation with you a lot more confidently than others, or if you’re already dating one, that he’s not going to let minor problems get in the way of a lasting bond.
2. He is in control of his emotions
Another one of the archetype alpha male characteristics is their ability to be in control of their emotions. Owing to this tendency, they’re often mistaken for being cold and detached. Perhaps, to an extent, that assessment is true.
But this ability to not let his emotions spiral out of control is what allows an alpha male to handle challenging, high-pressure situations effectively. He realizes the importance of emotional intelligence and makes sure he’s not spending valuable time crying over spilt milk.
Whether it’s getting fired from a job or being dumped by the love of his life, he will not let a meltdown control his actions. Instead, he will calm his mind and plan the best course of action to handle the situation.
3. He likes to be challenged
The very definition of an alpha male is that he is a man who likes to be in the driver’s seat, steering the course of his life, staying in total control of his circumstances. Given that he is in control of so much, he enjoys being challenged every now and again.
And when he does get challenged, you’ll see a desire in him to want to succeed. He doesn’t shy away from problems, and when life throws lemons at him, he probably has a whole business model planned out for his new lemonade brand.
That’s why alpha males in relationships seek partners who are complex, mysterious and capable of challenging them. If he doesn’t find something that’s going to entice him, he is unlikely to get emotionally invested and may move on easily. The only time an alpha male will pursue a woman is when he thinks it’s going to be exciting and challenging.
4. He is driven by purpose
Alpha men without purpose are like fish without water. They simply cannot survive, much less thrive, if they’re not constantly working toward a goal. Whether it’s climbing up the corporate ladder, using their passion to excel in a sport, or even taking their relationships to the next step, they’re driven by a quest for progress and improvement.
You will never see an alpha male floating through life aimlessly. If your man always aims for the stars and never lets his goals waver, it’s one of the biggest signs you have a relationship with an alpha male.
5. His doesn’t let just one aspect of his life define him
There are people for whom their work is the be-all and end-all of life. Then, there are those who let their relationship define their entire life. Such a lop-sided approach eventually takes its toll and the other aspects of life start taking a hit.
The personal relationships and health of a person who is overly focused on their career begin to suffer sooner or later. Similarly, someone who is solely focused on their love life can be left devastated if a relationship they invested everything in doesn’t work out.
Alpha men realize the importance of striking a work-life balance. They attach equal importance to their work, relationships, friends, hobbies, health and family, to live a well-rounded life. No, this doesn’t mean that the way an alpha male acts in a relationship is going to be distant and apathetic.
In fact, your dynamic may even benefit as a result of him not being clingy. When you realize the importance of personal space in a relationship, you will end up having a healthier bond.
Though they may sound great on paper, it’s possible the varying intensities of emotions might end up making a few of these fine gentlemen a bit harsher than the rest. In some cases, you might find yourself trying to figure out how to deal with an alpha male in a relationship, owing to their stubbornness. Just in case you’ve been convinced your man is the leader of the pack, let’s take a look at how you can calm him down when there’s no pack to lead.
Related Reading: 11 Tips To Deal With A Narcissist Boyfriend Smartly
How To Deal With An Alpha Male?
Alpha males might be unaware of it themselves but gradually, as your relationship progresses, you will start discovering personality traits that are not exactly easy to put up with. What seemed sexy at first may become an irritant or a chronic relationship issue if you don’t know how to deal with the alpha male personality. This can leave you feeling confused about how to deal with such a partner.
We know it is quite difficult, but don’t worry, it isn’t impossible because we have sorted it out for you. Here are 8 ways that can help you deal with an alpha male:
1. Let him take the lead
Alpha men tend to be perfectionists. They want to do things themselves and take the credit. Unfortunately, this trait might make you feel lonely in your relationship. But, if you love this man, you have to give him the space to be himself.
That means letting him take the lead, especially when it comes to things that are important to him. Alphas feel extremely joyful when they take on responsibility. An alpha male is an extremely confident person and doesn’t lack worldly knowledge. So, you can be sure of the fact that he’s not going to lead you into any kind of disastrous scenario.
Even if by chance, something goes wrong, let him learn the lesson on his own. Chances are he’ll understand that he’s not good at something and will not enter that territory again until he masters it. Until, of course, his stubbornness gets the better of him.
2. Calmly communicate the things you do not like about him
You might get really frustrated being with a partner who is extremely proud of himself. However, it is crucial to break the wall of pride delicately, without making him feel attacked. In addition to a sense of pride, a tendency to come across as overconfident or unwittingly embarrassing you in front of others can be common alpha male traits.
Most of the time, he may not even be aware that what self-love is to him is embarrassing to you. Being his partner, you will have to improve communication with him and address your problems. You will have to point out instances where you felt any negative emotions because of his alpha male personality.
Talk about what bothers you and find solutions together. Don’t blame him for anything though. That might not end up well.
This is not going to be easy because the first time you bring it up, he’s probably going to get defensive about it. An alpha male always thinks that he is right. It might take a while for you to be able to tackle his responses but try not to give up on him. Persevere and persist, and you will get through to him eventually.
3. Be as straightforward as you can
Another one of the typical alpha male characteristics is a tendency to dominate. These men know how to get things done, so they are very authoritative. They tend to bring this personality trait into their relationships as well.
You definitely do not want to do things just because he said so. Maybe at times, you can do something if it makes him happy, but if it costs you your mental peace, it isn’t worth it. So, you have to learn to identify the signs that he is dominating and say “no”.
When your partner tells you that he wants you to cancel your girl’s night to meet his friends for dinner, and you know that you cannot compromise on this, say it. Rather than beating around the bush, trying to find ways to not hurt his sentiments, say it right to his face. Tell him that you will not do a certain thing because he thinks that’s the right thing to do, you’ll do it when you want to.
To him, being the “alpha male” in relationships is all about control. It may be his way or the highway, but you cannot keep making sacrifices just to please him. Stay firm about your choices. He might feel hurt and may try various ways to get you to change your mind. Gradually, he will understand and get used to it, even if he doesn’t like it.
4. Make sure he doesn’t make you feel inferior
Alphas excel in almost every aspect of their life. This can cause them to become a little too sure of themselves. They cannot stop talking about themselves. No matter where the conversation begins, it ends with them.
While it might seem fascinating at first, after you spend a considerable time as romantic partners, this tendency can turn into an irritant. You may even find yourself thinking that you’ve landed a selfish husband or partner.
Your man may be indulging in this seeming self-obsession completely oblivious to how it impacts you and your mental health. You may or may not be equally talented but in both cases, after hearing him praising himself, you are at some point, going to feel a pang in your heart. You will start questioning yourself and your achievements.
Now that is a tough place to be in. It is extremely important to love yourself despite any vulnerabilities. You will have to remind yourself every single day that a man who can talk only about himself cannot measure your worth and you shouldn’t be measuring your worth on the basis of other people’s success.
If you are in a relationship with an alpha, it can be problematic to deal with an inferiority complex especially if he doesn’t consider it to be a real thing. He might be really good at heart, but you will have to save yourself from the negative emotions on your own. Make sure that his superiority complex doesn’t give birth to an inferiority complex within you.
Related Reading: My husband has an inferiority complex and is abusive. Please help.
5. Start taking authority of your own life
When you get used to an alpha, you seldom realize that you have lost control of your life. If your husband or boyfriend is an alpha, you have to, by your actions, tell them to back off while you start making your own decisions.
With an alpha, it is important to be independent financially and emotionally. Though it may be possible to depend on him, it’s probably not something you’re looking forward to doing. Plus, it can come with a lot of disappointment in the later years of life. Striving for financial independence is always a good practice.
There might be days when you fight and he will make sure to list out everything he has done for you and that is not going to be a pleasant conversation. This is why, from the beginning, stay in control of your own life.
He is your partner and you should definitely take his opinions in the important decisions of your life, but make sure the final decision is yours. And it should be made clear to him that no amount of manipulation will give him control of your life.
If you are in a relationship where he makes your decisions for you, its time to stand up and let him know that things are going to change from now on.
6. NEVER, ever tolerate an alpha male’s tantrums in a relationship
The society that we live in has always taught its boys to start throwing tantrums if they do not get their way. Most boys grow up to be a man with a giant ego. To add to it, if your man is an alpha, he knows that throwing tantrums or shouting or storming out of the house will make him win the argument.
Prove him wrong. This is crucial because a person’s ego is fed by the death of another person’s self-respect. Do not boost his ego just to end an argument. You cannot encourage his desire to always have his way, because it will only encourage him to continue doing it. Even if you have a disagreement, show him that it is possible and important to fight respectfully.
Whenever you are in a fight and he decides to storm out of the house and vows to not come back, keep your cool and let him go. After an hour or two when you don’t give him the attention he wants, he’ll come back, confused as to why his childish tantrum didn’t do the trick.
If his ego is the size of a football field, he might not show his face for a day or so, but eventually, he will. Because of this, he will also understand that you will not tolerate any such nonsense and might not do it again. He would know disrespecting you is not going to get him what he wants.
Related Reading: Dealing With A Cranky Husband – 13 Tips That Work
7. Meditation can help deal with the stress
While there are very few things that you can change about a person, there are surely a lot more things to change about yourself. Dealing with an alpha male can be difficult. Most of the time, you will end up feeling annoyed and frustrated.
But if you value your relationship and want to make it work, make sure that you learn to handle things calmly. A composed mind will help you see things clearly. It will help you make decisions regarding your relationship and also deal with his behavior patterns.
For that, take out 10-15 minutes a day for yourself to meditate. Do anything that makes you feel calm. It could be soothing music and closed eyes or yoga or exercising. Meditation doesn’t always have to be concentrating on one thing. It can be any form of activity that helps your brain to calm down.
8. Know when to walk away
Whilst you can take all the measures given above to deal with an alpha male, you have to know when it becomes unbearable. If your relationship turns toxic, walk away, no matter how hard it seems. Know that nothing is more important than your peace of mind. At the end of the day, happiness is a state of your own mind. No other person can give it to you, you have to help yourself.
Do whatever it takes to have a good and successful relationship with an alpha male but make sure you know where to draw the line. If an alpha becomes intolerable or toxic, it is time that you let him go. Do not harm your emotional well-being in order to love a person.
A man who is alpha is never going to be able to change his basic nature since it’s pretty much ingrained in him. You can only find a way to live peacefully with him, as is the case in any other relationship. For him, there is no turning back. But that’s not to say that they’re bad people. An alpha male in a relationship may just end up being extremely caring and loving, since he values what’s important to him and isn’t shy to admit it.
Alpha males want their relationships to be exciting and fulfilling. As opposed to the common perception that because of their dominating nature, alpha males desire partners who are meek and submissive. They thrive in relationships where their partner challenges them.
Yes. In fact, honesty and loyalty are extremely important to alpha men. Not only do they expect it in a partner, but also make sure they practice what they preach. But you can expect them to be faithful only when they’re emotionally invested in their partner.
To be irresistible to an alpha male you have to be mysterious and charming. They’re drawn to people who are passionate and driven.
An alpha male shows love by being a dependable partner. Alpha males in relationships won’t give up their partners and bolt when the going gets tough. As long as they believe in the relationship, you can count on them to stay by your side and fight the odds.
When an alpha male knows that you will always have his back, he’s bound to feel love towards you. Loyalty trust and honesty are all aspects of a relationship that alphas can not compromise on, and by knowing they’re a part of a healthy dynamic, they’re going to feel a lot more invested in it.
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Readers Comments On “How To Deal With An Alpha Male – 8 Ways To Sail Smoothly”
I’m in a new and long-distance relationship with an alpha male. I’m very strong and also very emotional and sensitive. We met at a time when I am EXTRA sensitive and emotional due to circumstances and some health/hormonal challenges. He fell fast and hard in love with me, and I took a little longer. Which he had a very hard time with. He’s very hard on me—except when we are together in person. Because then he can take care of and comfort me through challenges. He’s taken a new job even further away than before (was already pursuing prior to our meeting—he has since looked for work near me—but there is not as much available without him taking a step backwards in his career path), and consequently he’s more concerned about the distance and not having me close by (I’m in schooling for a career change for 2 more years. It may be possible to look into schools near him, but he needs to be the one to suggest it). Ok—my question (finally!!!). I have had a few hesitations as far as moving forward with him. My “fear” frustrates him. So much so, that he has pulled back as he embarks on this new transition. Problem is—we both agree—we’ve never had this good of a “match”—in a romantic partner. Ok NOW my question: Do I let it be and not contact him? Hold my ground? Or—is there a way to reach out to him to suggest that—he’s a F*****G idiot if he lets me go? (Gentler, of course). I’m in new territory and have never been with such a l grown-up man before. Signed Not-yet-heartbroken in California
I’m in a new and long-distance relationship with an alpha male. I’m very strong and also very emotional and sensitive. We met at a time when I am EXTRA sensitive and emotional due to circumstances and some health/hormonal challenges. He fell fast and hard in love with me, and I took a little longer. Which he had a very hard time with. He’s very hard on me—except when we are together in person. Because then he can take care of and comfort me through challenges. He’s taken a new job even further away than before (was already pursuing prior to our meeting—he has since looked for work near me—but there is not as much available without him taking a step backwards in his career path), and consequently he’s more concerned about the distance and not having me close by (I’m in schooling for a career change for 2 more years. It may be possible to look into schools near him, but he needs to be the one to suggest it). Ok—my question (finally!!!). I have had a few hesitations as far as moving forward with him. My “fear” frustrates him. So much so, that he has pulled back as he embarks on this new transition. Problem is—we both agree—we’ve never had this good of a “match”—in a romantic partner. Ok NOW my question: Do I let it be and not contact him? Hold my ground? Or—is there a way to reach out to him to suggest that—he’s a F*****G idiot if he lets me go? (Gentler, of course). I’m in new territory and have never been with such a l grown-up man before.
Hello. I am in a relationship with an Alpha male, it is getting unbearable. My question is, what happens when we get children? He will likely not “allow” me to take decisions on parenting because this is not about MY life, it is about the life of another human we have both created together. I am ruminating over this every second and it is really affecting my mental health. Many thanks, NB.
Dear NB. Please write to us in detail at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will have our expert respond to you. We understand your concern and yes, it should be handled. One should set boundaries…