‘So keep in mind some questions to ask me to avoid those awkward silences and a drink or two wouldn’t hurt my confidence either’, said one shy guy to us! Another said, ‘Give me time to get to know you. Let’s chat about things of mutual interest in the first few dates, or even just crazy subjects, and please do not stare me down during awkward silences’. Dating a shy guy is no cakewalk but were here to tilt the chances of success in your favour!
There comes a phase in your life when you realise that you were wasting your time dating immature, self-obsessed Casanovas. In your quest to find the tall, dark, handsome, and overtly romantic gentleman you may be overlooking the perfect soul mate that is standing right next to you. Yes, these shy, soft, sensitive guys can be everything you want in a relationship. But remember they are like precious pearls and you will have to swim deep down to find one, and put in the effort to get them to open up. But once the two of you click and you find in him the right one whose soul can tap with yours, your life will be happily ever after. You will realise that dating shy guys is a lot of fun. Dating a shy guy is amazing and no, you need not feel hated if he is quiet – and that’s how he is.
Why Is It Fun To Date A Shy Guy?
According to a recent study conducted by Harvard Business Review, introverts are more likely to become successful CEOs. There is a long list of success stories of introverts from Bill Gates to Mark Zuckerberg. Now the next question is, these shy guys may be successful in their respective professions but are they good boyfriend/husband material too? The answer is yes and the reasons are:
They are great listeners
Dating a shy guy is worth it because they will not just pretend that they are listening but will actually hear you out and only if you want will they give you advice. They probably do have better solutions too because of the shy and silent nature which allows them to observe and think more. They know what they want from life and a relationship
Shy guys also constantly analyse their life goals and can discriminate between wants and needs. You may be surprised to see how meticulously they may have actually sketched out career and family goals.
They will be less self-centred and humble
Once you get to know them, you will realise how important relationships are to them. Making you a part of their close-knit circle takes a lot of effort, so they will always be humble, treat you with respect, and keep all your tiny likes and dislikes in mind. They are more sincere, they think more about their words and they just really want to please you, that’s why you should be dating a shy guy. They never want to be the center of attention and hence for them you will be their center of attention!
They are emotional and kind
Whenever you are having a tough day, they are the type of guys who will go out of their way to understand your issue and then research ways to cheer you up. Another perk of dating a shy guy is that they will want to know you not just from the outside but your soul and mind and that is charming and fulfilling isn’t it?
They never put on a fake act
It is just not their nature to project what they are not. They can never be fake or show-offs. They know their assets and liabilities. Just because they are being themselves, you can be yourself with them too, no unnecessary judgments whatsoever. Also, a shy guy is typically less likely to cheat on you as most girls overlook them anyways. This is a big positive of dating a shy guy.
They will find the cutest way of expressing their love
This is probably the most important reason to be with a shy guy. When they finally open up their heart to you, they will cross all limits to keep you in their lives. You will be amazed at the adorable things they can do for you. How do shy guys express love? Check these signs:-
- Do they find excuses to come close to you? Like not touching you but close enough? It is their way of expressing love.
- They will make eye contact. And you will find them looking at you often.
- This is the best, he will flirt with you by looking at your butt when you walk away. Here is how an introvert flirts.
- Check for body language signs? Is he blushing? is he taking deep breaths? His legs, torso everything is turned towards you. Then he is expressing feelings without actually saying anything.
- Does he show you his music collection? Sends songs on Whatsapp? This is his way of letting you know he loves you.
- He will make an effort to get to know your friends.
- If he tells you he will call at a certain time, he will!
Related reading: What you should know when dating a sensitive man
Research proves that men are more introverted than women; yet, when it comes to the romantic rule book, it’s the guy who needs to make the first move. In that case, waiting for your shy dude to make the first move can be frustrating.
20 Tips For Dating A Shy Guy
I am a diehard fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and my favourite character is Chandler Bing. Why? Because he is a complete package, he is smart, independent, witty, sensitive, and sexy in his way. He had just one little flaw, which turned out to be quite a blessing ultimately. That little drawback was that he was extremely ‘shy’ especially around unknown women. He is the ultimate shy guy in the entire series.
Even if you have no idea who I am talking about, it doesn’t matter. You are reading this because you are planning to date a shy guy. And dating a shy guy requires some effort because they are not your usual, macho outgoing guys who bring about an air of fun and frolic by themselves. They are sensitive, and you need to make some effort to get them to get involved and do it subtly! Before we go any further remember 5 things happen when an introvert falls in love. Read it before you go any further.
1. Do not make his shyness a topic
Don’t ever mention his introvert nature to him or anyone in front of him. Make sure you do not ask “Will you be OK with so many people around?” Instead, find ways to make him comfortable at any party but very subtly.
2. Start conversations with topics that interest him
A shy guy would not open up just like that. You have to make sure they feel comfortable in your company, talking will come secondary. Talk to him about things that he likes- is it cars, movies, books? Find shared and common interests. He will be comfortable discussing them and open up about other things as well. You can even play a game/do an activity, having something besides just social interaction to focus on helps them get even more comfortable.
3. Avoid asking a closed-ended question
If just one or two words like yes or no, tea or coffee can answer your questions, then you will not be able to start a conversation with him. Instead of asking him whether he wants to go to the mall with you, ask him if he can suggest what to buy from the new electronics shop opened at the mall. You have to ask questions in a way that the answer leads to a positive action.. This is the way to get a shy guy involved if you are dating him. Here is a piece by introverts on how to date an introvert! A goldmine wouldn’t you say?
4. Choose the ideal way to communicate
Analyse how much he talks to you verbally and how much he opens up while chatting. If you feel he communicates better while chatting, then use chat more often. What if he likes to communicate via Snapchat and stories? Or through songs. Most shy guys thrive on text. It has an added benefit – you do not have to unnecessarily talk when you are too tired as well! Here is a rulebook on how to text.
5. Take it slow
Always remember you are dealing with an introvert. This means he will not be as spontaneous as the rest. You may find it completely normal to go out on a long drive out of the blue just because you feel like doing so, but for him, it could be too much to handle. He needs time to think about what he is going to say or what he will do. So do not rush him. Baby steps, in everything baby steps. Remember his biggest fear is not to put you off. And so he is most likely to be thoroughly prepared for anything from a simple movie to a detailed dinner date. Do not throw spontaneous activities on him. Here are ten ways introverts show their love!
6. Wait for him to ask you out for a date
No matter how tempting or frustrating it is, you should not ask him out. You can hang out with him more often or chat, but do not mention anything about going out on a date. Drop subtle hints that you like him but leave it at that. Men like to pursue, irrespective of whether they are shy or not. If he is really into you, he will ask you out eventually. Patience, you must have patience with a shy guy.
7. Avoid being the icebreaker
How to date a shy guy? Dating a shy guy requires patience. There will be instances when there could be awkward silences between the two of you. That’s because he is processing his next move. Don’t ruin that for him by saying something that is not necessary at the moment. Those silences are magical. You must remember that a shy man is used to being on his own and dating a sensitive man takes time but if you are willing to learn and be patient things will work out.
8. Appreciate him
We all love genuine compliments. Appreciate his appearance, his wit, and every little gesture that has moved you. This will give him a chance to understand your likes and dislikes. This will make him open up about his preferences too. While you can be quick to appreciate him, hold your comments about what you do not like about him. Let your relationship mature before you start on that.
Related reading: Here’s how you can complement your man’s smile!
9. Balance the talk
Give him plenty of chance to speak, ask him questions about himself. Ask him about his childhood, his hobbies, what kind of movies he likes. Ask him about his fitness regime or whether he writes a journal. In the process, you will learn so much about him as a person and as an individual. But do not bombard him with too many questions. For every one sentence that he utters, it is okay if you say ten. Do not keep an account of how much he talks.
10. Accept his way of expression
You may have expected him to shower praises on your new hairstyle or dress, instead, he just says “It’s different”. Not the ideal response, but when dating a shy guy, you cannot expect too many words. Try to conceal your disappointment at that moment. But do look him in the eyes – they will reveal all.
If he realises that he said something he was not supposed to say, he may go further into his shell to avoid hurting you.
11. Be his confidante
Once he opens up to you, make sure you do not let any of his intimate details out without his permission. No matter how trivial it may appear to you. If he has shared something with you and if you casually mention it elsewhere, he will be hurt.
12. Introduce him wisely
If you are planning to introduce him to your friends or family, try your best to choose a place where he is comfortable, like his favourite restaurant. He will know what to order or his way around there and so will be more comfortable, as opposed to a noisy party full of strangers. Better you can ask him what he would prefer. Let him take the lead. Here are some tips to introduce your boyfriend to your parents.
13. Do not take up all his free time
Do not expect him to spend all his free time with you. Just like any person, he too needs his own space. Rather, an introvert needs more lone time. Even when you are just hanging out at each other’s place, let him do his own thing. He needs space this is something you have to understand if you are dating a shy guy. Do not be on his case if he doesn’t respond to your text immediately. Be okay if he doesn’t want to meet you when you offer. Remember for him, this is a big change give him time to settle down in the new relationship. This is a piece on how to give space in relationships for a married couple but you can definitely get workable tips for the shy guy you are dating too.
14. Plan wisely
Give your suggestions about an outing or dinner, wait for his response, and then mutually decide on how and where you go. Being an introvert, he may not be able to plan outings according to your expectations, but he will be happy to be a part of your plan. Some guys prefer cozy moments at home cuddling and snuggling rather than dancing till dawn in a nightclub. If you take him out one weekend, let him take the call the next time.
15. Stand by him in a crowd
Introverts get intimidated by unknown people, no matter how many they are. Be with him constantly and help him overcome social awkwardness by indulging with talk that he is comfortable with. The moment you get the slightest hint of him being uncomfortable, find a way to get out.
16. Accept all his gifts and compliments
Do not criticise any of his gifts or compliments. Those are his well-researched romantic gestures. So if he offers you the clichéd heart-shaped balloon, just accept it. It shows he loves and he is trying – do not get satirical.
Any negative comment will make him do a full analysis of what went wrong and in the process, your moment is gone.
17. Do not interrogate him
After you have spent a considerable amount of time, if he still does not open up about anything or anyone, say for instance his bond with his parents, do not keep asking him about it. If you matter to him, he will eventually tell you. Your interrogation will distance him.
18. Do not rush with the relationship
After a lot of conversations if you feel he is not taking the relationship to the next level of intimacy, but he still loves to spend time with you, you will probably be a bit confused. But just be glad that he is taking his time to know you, unlike the other guys who just want to play.
19. Don’t mention his shyness in any argument
Even in the heat of the moment do not mention how you had to adjust with him being an introvert. You can’t even imagine how much that’s going to hurt him. You may lose him forever. This can happen if you are dating a shy guy.
20. Let him know you like him the way he is
Being an introvert is a personality trait. There is absolutely nothing negative about this trait. It has more positives. Get the whole idea that he is weird (aren’t we all?) out of your head if you ever want a shy guy to be your soul mate.
At the end of the day, shy or not, he is a guy and he will do everything that you expect out of any guy. It’s just that he may take his time and do it differently. Be ready to be pleasantly surprised once you have done your part well.