There comes a phase in your life when you realise that you were wasting your time dating immature, self-obsessed Casanovas. In your quest of finding the perfect, tall, dark, handsome and overtly romantic gentleman you may be overlooking the perfect soul mate that is right next to you. Yes, these shy, sensitive guys can actually turn out to be everything you are looking for in a relationship. They are like precious pearls, you will have to swim deep and put in a little effort to find one, but once you get them, your life will be adorned. You will realise that dating shy guys is actually a lot of fun.
Why is it fun to date shy guys?
According to a recent study conducted by Harvard Business Review, introverts are more likely to become successful CEOs. There is a long list of success stories of introverts from Bill Gates to Mark Zuckerberg. Now the next question that pops up is, these shy guys may be successful in their respective profession but are they worth dating? The answer is yes and the reasons are:
They are great listeners
They will not just pretend that they are listening but will actually hear you out and probably may give the best solutions to your problems, as they have observed the world when others were making a noise.
They know what they want from life and from a relationship
They constantly analyse their life goals and can discriminate between wants and needs. You may be surprised to see how meticulously they may have actually sketched out career and family goals.
They will be less self-centred and humble
Once you get to know them, you will realise how important relationships are to them. Making you a part of their close-knit circle takes a lot of effort, so they will always be humble, treat you with respect and keep all your tiny details in mind.
They are emotional and kind
Whenever you are having a tough day, they are the type of guys who will go out of their way to understand your issue and then research ways to cheer you up.
They never put on a fake act
It is just not their nature to project what they are not. They can never be fake or show-offs. They know their assets and liabilities too well. Just because they are being themselves, you can be yourself with them too, no unnecessary judgements whatsoever.
They will find the cutest way of expressing their love
This is probably the most important reason to be with a shy guy. When they finally open up their heart to you, they will cross all limits to keep you in their lives. You will be amazed at the adorable things they can do for you.
Related reading: What you should know when dating a sensitive man
Research proves that men are more introverted than women; yet, when it comes to the romantic rulebook, it’s the guy who needs to make the first move. In that case, waiting for your shy dude to make the first move can be really frustrating.
20 tips for dating a shy guy
I am a diehard fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and my favourite character is Chandler Bing. Why? Because he is a complete package, he is smart, independent, witty, sensitive and sexy in his own way. He had just one little flaw, which actually turned out to be quite a blessing ultimately. That little drawback was that he was extremely ‘shy’ especially around unknown women.
Even if you have no idea who I am talking about, it doesn’t matter. You are reading this because you are planning to date a shy guy. And dating a shy guy requires some effort, because they are not your usual, macho outgoing guys who bring about an air of fun and frolic by themselves. They are sensitive, and you need to make some effort to really get to know them.
1.Do not make his shyness a topic
Don’t ever mention his introvert nature to him or to anyone in front of him. Make sure you do not ask “Will you be OK with so many people around?” Instead, find ways to make him comfortable at any party but very subtly.
2. Start conversations with topics that interest him
Talk with him about things that he likes. Once he is comfortable discussing those things, he will calm down. Let him open up with you when he is calm.
3. Avoid asking closed-ended question
If just one or two words like yes or no, tea or coffee can answer your questions, then you will not be able to start a conversation with him at all. Instead of asking him whether he wants to go to the mall with you, ask him if he can suggest what to buy from the new electronics shop opened at the mall.
4. Choose the ideal way to communicate
Analyse how much he talks to you verbally and how much he opens up while chatting. If you feel he communicates better while chatting, then use chat more often.
5. Take it slow
Always remember you are dealing with an introvert. This means he will not be as spontaneous as the rest. You may find it completely normal to go out on a long drive out of the blue just because you feel like doing so, but for him it would be too much to handle. He needs time to think what he is going to say or what he will do. So do not rush him.
6. Wait for him to ask you out for a date
No matter how tempting or frustrating it is, you should not ask him out. You can hang out with him more often or chat, but do not mention anything about going out on a date. Men like to pursue, irrespective of whether they are shy or not shy. If he is really into you, he will ask you out eventually.
7. Avoid being the icebreaker
Dating a shy guy requires patience. There will be instances when there could be awkward silences between you too. That’s because he is processing his next move. Don’t ruin that for him by saying something that is not necessary at the moment.
8. Appreciate him
We all love genuine compliments. Appreciate his appearance, his wit and every little gesture that moved you. This will give him a chance to understand your likes and dislikes. This will make him open up about his preferences too.
Related reading: Here’s how you can compliment your man’s smile!
9. Balance the talk
Give him plenty of chances to speak, by asking him questions. But do not bombard him with many questions. For every one sentence that he utters, it is absolutely okay if you say ten. Do not keep an account of how much he talks.
10. Accept his way of expression
You may have expected him to shower praises on your new hairstyle or dress, instead he just says “It’s different”. Try to conceal your disappointment at that moment. If he realises that he said something he was not supposed to say, he may go further into his shell to avoid hurting you.
11. Be his confidante
Once he opens up to you, make sure you do not let any of his intimate details out without his permission. No matter how trivial it may appear to you. If he has shared something with you and if you casually mention it elsewhere, he will be hurt.
12. Introduce him wisely
If you are planning to introduce him to your friends or family, try your best to choose a place where he is comfortable, like his favourite restaurant. He will know what to order or his way around there and so will be more comfortable, as opposed to a noisy party full of strangers.
13. Do not take up all his free time
Do not expect him to spend all his free time with you. Just like any other guy, he too needs his own space. Rather, an introvert needs more lone time. Even when you are just hanging out at each other’s place, let him do his own thing.
14. Plan wisely
Give your suggestions about an outing or dinner, wait for his response and then mutually decide on how and where you go. Being an introvert, he may not be able to plan outings according to your expectations, but he will be happy to be a part of your plan.
15. Stand by him in a crowd
Introverts get intimidated by unknown people, no matter how many they are. Be with him constantly and help him overcome social awkwardness by indulging with talk that he is comfortable with. The moment you get the slightest hint of him being uncomfortable, find a way to get out.
16. Accept all his gifts and compliments
Do not criticise any of his gifts or compliments. Those are his well-researched romantic gestures. So if he offers you the clichéd heart shaped balloon, just accept it. Any negative comment will make him do a full analysis of what went wrong and in the process, your moment is gone.
17. Do not interrogate him
After you have spent considerable amount of time, if he still does not open up about anything or anyone, say for instance his bond with his parents, do not keep asking him about it. If you really matter to him, he will eventually tell you. Your interrogation will distance him.
18. Do not rush with the relationship
After a lot of conversations if you feel he is not taking the relationship to the next level of intimacy, but he still loves to spend time with you, you will probably be a bit confused. But just be glad that he is taking his time to know you, unlike the other guys who just want to play.
19. Don’t mention his shyness in any argument
Even in the heat of the moment do not mention how you had to adjust with him being an introvert. You can’t even imagine how much that’s going to hurt him. You may lose him forever.
20. Let him know you like him the way he is
Being an introvert is a personality trait. There is absolutely nothing negative about this trait. In fact, it has more positives. Get the whole idea that he is weird (aren’t we all?) out of your head if you ever want a shy guy to be your soul mate.
At the end of the day, shy or not, he is a guy and he will do everything that you expect out of any guy. It’s just that he may take his time and do it differently. Be ready to be pleasantly surprised once you have done your part well.
Are you an extrovert in love with an introvert? Then this is for you…
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Published in Relationships 101