When you are dating and going out with people, finding that the one right person is usually the ultimate aim. With dating apps becoming popular and online dating becoming the order of the day, things have been changing drastically too. Relationships are becoming open, polyamorous and fluid and the dating game is truly undergoing a considerable transformation.
But when it comes to the ultimate aim of dating, it still remains conventional and old-school. Even if you have been rebounding or hooking up a lot, at the end of the day, you would still love to find someone whose arms you can just curl up in to forget about all your problems. So as fun as all your other encounters maybe, you do still want to find the right person with whom you click emotionally, intellectually and physically.
When we are looking for the right person to come along, “You have to zing!” Zinging with someone in Dracula parlance (from the movie Hotel Transylvania) means finding instant chemistry with them. It could be something like love at first sight or finding a deep soulmate connection. As the saying goes, when you meet the right person, you just know.
But, is finding the right person really that simple and quick? Of course, there has to be that ‘zinging’ or that initial spark for you to know that this is indeed the right person for you. But a relationship needs more than just spark and zing to survive in the long run. Love is not just about finding the right person but more about two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.
So, what does that mean for your dating choices? Of course, that does not mean that you settle for whoever comes your way but that once you’ve found someone who feels right, you stick together and try to make it work as far as possible. That takes us to the question, how do you know you are dating the right person? Let’s find out.
18 Dating Tips To Find The Right Person
The first date is crucial. There is no denying that. It’s the first date that tells you if you want a second date or you don’t feel like meeting the person again. Therefore, add ‘acing the first date’ to your dating tips for finding the right person list. With the right first date etiquette, a person might make a great impression on you and vice-versa.
Once you pass the threshold of the initial interactions where you’re both at your best behavior, the real persona begins to shine through. This transition is an important piece of the ‘how to know if you’re with the right person’ puzzle. That’s why it’s vital to take your time to understand who the other person really is before you decide to be exclusive and take the relationship further.
Otherwise, you may find yourself caught in the vicious cycle of finding the right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the right time. To make sure that doesn’t happen, we bring you 18 dating tips to know if you have found the right person:
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1. They follow what they say
Finding the right person for you is as tough as finding true love. Because truly, they are one and the same thing. For starters, people make grand statements and promises when they want to impress on a date. When you start meeting the person more frequently, you get to know them better. You could realize they end up doing the opposite of all the things they promised.
A man can tell you that he believes women should have ambition and late-night work and tours are fine. After that, if he doesn’t interfere with your work life. Great! He follows what he says then. But if he starts sulking when you say you have to go on a work trip, that’s a big red flag. Take notice, as these things usually only crop up after the first few months of dating.
2. Doesn’t have pretensions
If you are thinking about how to find the one, then be aware that the person you are dating should not have any pretensions. It would take you a few dates to know if they are being honest about who they are. Are they putting up a façade to impress you? Or are they being real?
She could be flaunting her Louis Vuitton bag and Chanel perfume, Prada glasses and Blahnik shoes. She could be giving you the impression of a high-flying career woman. But if you dig deeper, you could just see her as a gold digger, or still worse someone with a sugar daddy.
The plain Jane you rejected could have been the real one. Like we said before, love is not about finding the right person who checks certain boxes on a list but someone who is good for you in essence. So when finding the right person to marry or to be with, beware of the pretentious sort.
3. They believe in equality
We live in a world where equality truly matters and traditional gender roles are becoming a thing of the past. Men do the dishes and women fix cars. If you’re finding the right person to marry, this parameter becomes non-negotiable in your case.
Does your date believe in equality of sexes? Not just for the sake of being politically correct but actually believing it to the extent of implementing it in their life. If they do, then you have found the right person. But sometimes people say they do believe in equality, but in their heart of hearts, they find it hard to shake off years of patriarchal conditioning.
Create some scenarios and ask them about what they think about gender roles in these scenarios. Their response would tell you if they really believe in equality or are just putting up a sham.
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4. Treats and tips the server well
How do you know you are in love with the wrong person? Simply by seeing how they are behaving with the waiter/waitress serving you at a diner or a restaurant. Both men and women can be judged by how they treat those who are in service to them. It shows if they are trying to pull off some kind of mean power-play.
Does he flirt too much with the pretty waitress under the pretext of ‘healthy flirting‘? Did she create a ruckus because her soup was cold and refused to tip the waiter? Well, you have some thinking to do. If they are being incorrect in their behavior with the waiter or the waitress, then it’s a dating red flag you cannot really overlook.
5. There is mutual respect
Think about all the songs about finding the right person for you, they have one common theme: a sense of adulation and reverence toward the one they love. That’s because respect for one’s partner drives a relationship just as much as love, care and concern. Developing respect is what helps you to build the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Respect is not about just holding the door open or choosing to not go through your partner’s phone. Mutual respect is about building trust, about believing in a partner’s capabilities. Respect is present when you depend on them for making important decisions and involve them in your life. Finding the right person to marry or to love is about getting someone who never brushes aside your advice as unnecessary interference.
Related Reading: 12 Signs You Have Found Your Soulmate
6. Is interested but not inquisitive
There is a vast difference between being interested and being inquisitive. When a person is interested, they listen. Sometimes they will throw in a few questions, but they would largely stay satisfied with the information you supply about yourself.
But curious people would ask you incisive questions that could border on being too intrusive. From past relationships to current paycheck, they could end up asking you the most awkward questions. That is a warning sign that they’d go on to become intrusive partners who’d not be okay giving you space and independence in the relationship
7. Isn’t a spendthrift or a miser
Stress around finances could ruin a relationship. The key to how to know if you’re with the right person is figuring out their spending habits as early on as possible. It isn’t necessarily a warning sign if they are the kind who believe in splurging, have extreme shopping habits and believe in living the high life that’s fine, provided they have the financial backing to do it.
But if they are constantly using their credit card and overspending beyond their means irresponsibly, then you have ended up with the wrong person. Especially if you are finding the right person to marry, you don’t want to be with someone who is too immature to manage their own finances.
On the other hand, a date – man or woman – who expects you to pay all the time, is perpetually talking about shares and investments, could be a much worse put-off. Finding the right person means finding the balanced spender. These would ensure that you can rule out future financial issues from your relationship.
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8. Has good personal hygiene score and is well turned out
This is a very important aspect of finding the right person. They may be really well turned out on the first date but on consecutive dates they might land up in a crinkled T-shirt and shorts. Then you need to think again.
Maintaining personal hygiene and wearing clean clothes takes a little bit of effort. Be aware that people who won’t make this effort for themselves wouldn’t go the extra mile for a relationship either. A regular bath, shampooed hair, clipped nails, a good fragrance, ironed clothes are the basics that should be in place.
9. Easily forgives
This is one of the biggest dating tips for finding the right person to be with. How do you know if you are in love with the right person? You know that you have found the right person if they can easily forgive when you have made a mistake. Did your date sulk for days and make you feel guilty because you had to cancel a date at the last moment for a work project? Or did they tell you that they were disappointed but they understood you were in a spot?
Being able to say “sorry” is a big plus but if the person you are dating can say “it’s all right” easily, then they are the one. If not, they won’t make for an understanding partner, and leave you with the nagging feeling of finding the right person at the wrong time. That’s because even if everything else between you two is just about perfect, their inability to put you first will always get in the way.
On the other hand, people who can forgive easily are kind and compassionate. They don’t keep mulling over small issues and mistakes and can quickly move on. This dissipates the tension and possibility of angry outbursts.
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10. Is sensible and cautious
How to know if someone is right for you? They don’t drive recklessly while coming back from a party. They tell you to keep your parents posted if you are getting back home late. They don’t tell you to leave your job immediately because your boss yelled at you. They tell you to write an apologetic email because that’s the right thing to do.
Finding the right person can be a tough job because it seems our tips are coming up with a lot of parameters to look for in a person. But if you have found someone who is cautious and gives you sensible advice, at the same time is not somber and can be a lot of fun to be around, then you have arrived at your answer.
This is especially true and important when you are finding the right person after divorce. Since you have already been through a rough relationship, in your life after divorce, you are probably looking for someone who is level-headed and mature. Having experienced marriage, you are probably in the creamy layer when it comes to an emotional quotient, intelligence and experience. So obviously, you don’t want to date 22-year-old Ricky from down the block who still has to ask his parents for money to pay his own rent.
11. Isn’t clingy but cares
Caring for someone or being concerned for someone does not mean that you have to make 50 phone calls to check how they are doing or barrage them with ‘???’ texts. Those are truly the worst. In the name of concern, some people become super clingy and even controlling in a relationship.
Know the difference between someone who is concerned for you and someone who is so jobless that their only concern in life is you. And then sensibly, run from the latter. The right person would give you space but at the same time, they would stay in the loop about your whereabouts. There are ways of showing love without being too overwhelming. They would know that.
12. Isn’t overtly critical
Healthy criticism is fine. If your makeup is too loud one day, your date could tell you to tone it down and that’s fair. Because of your relationship and proximity, they can make a suggestion, whether you accept or not it’s up to you. But if they are always criticizing you for the color of your eye shadow, say you look terrible in red lipstick, are harsh with their criticism and simply rude on some days, then you need to think again.
This is one of the more important dating tips for finding the right person. Don’t ignore this or you risk ending up with someone who is always saying hurtful things. You don’t even know how quickly body shaming can creep into your relationship.
Before you know it, you’re on a strict diet and trying to lose all those curves. Or using steroids because she told you that you need to bulk up. Just junk the idea. Believe us, this kind of criticism is unacceptable and definitely not love.
13. Makes you feel comfortable
It’s not that hard to choose the right person. If instinctively you feel a level of comfort with someone and can share all your problems, dreams and aspirations with them without the fear of being judged, then you have found the right person.
You can be yourself around them and you don’t have to watch what you say and try to be at your best. They become your safe place as there is support in your relationship. They are your comfort zone and you cannot imagine that you would share your day with anyone else.
14. Doesn’t have any addictions
Falling in love with an alcoholic or some with a gambling or porn addiction can be devastating for a relationship and for you personally as well. In such situations, paradigms like “love is not about finding the right person” do not hold. Yes, the person you’re with could be charming, good-looking, successful, but if they are into alcohol, drugs or are addicted to online chats, you need to bolt as fast as you can. This is a classic case of finding the right person at the wrong time.
Addiction of any kind is detrimental to a relationship. Sometimes people feel that they have found their one true love and they would fix the issues if their date has an addiction. They don’t realize it becomes a very difficult path and can lead to being in a codependent relationship.
Addicts don’t remain so forever, no doubt about that. But getting into a relationship with an addict knowingly is not the wisest decision either. Even if you love everything else about them, it’s in your best interest to make a clean break before you get too deeply involved. Yes, finding the right person at the wrong time can be hard to make peace with but this tough decision will stand you in good stead.
Related Reading: 25 Signs A Girl Is Interested In You
15. You have more similarities and less differences
In our dating tips for finding the right person, we would say look for similarities between the two of you. There is no denying the fact that no two people are the same and some differences are inevitable. Even so, having similarities is essential to help a relationship grow.
If both of you are foodies, you would love to explore restaurants together. If you are into books, you could talk about it for hours. If you like watching movies, then Netflix and chilling could be fun. Whether you’re finding the right person to marry or for the sake of companionship, look for someone you share common ground with.
16. Holidaying together is a lot of fun
It is said that you do not really know if you have found the right person or not unless you live with them. If living together is still not an option for you, then a holiday can give you clarity about whether they’re the right fit for you. You can explore a new place on a short holiday or go on a road trip if you are serious about finding the right person to marry soon.
This is a great way to know each other better and assess how well you gel. When a flight is delayed, you could be cool as a cucumber and your partner could be throwing fits and losing their cool. Can you then be compatible during the many ups and downs life will throw your way? Take a trip with them, and you will have the answer.
17. They have a sense of humor
A sense of humor can help you sail through the toughest times. That apart, laughing together is therapeutic. Not taking yourselves too seriously and being able to laugh in tricky situations can help you grow together and is one of the signs that you’ve found the perfect person for you.
The greatest boon in life is having a partner who makes you laugh. Finding true love in life is also about getting the punchline. Some people have a dry sense of humor and if you get that, then maybe you have found your soulmate – at last.
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18. There is compatibility
By compatibility, we mean that you are mentally and physically in sync. Compatibility doesn’t happen on the first date, it wouldn’t happen after 5 dates even. But after some time you would know what’s on your partner’s mind even if they don’t tell you. After some years, partners can actually complete each other’s sentences.
Likewise, sexual compatibility is equally important in a relationship if you are looking at the long haul. It helps you build an emotional bond as well. When you meet the right person, all the components of compatibility are already there. All that’s left for you both to do is hone them constantly.
When finding the right person after divorce, compatibility becomes more important than ever. Clearly, you weren’t compatible with your previous partner and know yourself better now. Use your newfound insights and judgment to gauge the perfect person for yourself.
With that, we end our long list of dating tips for finding the right person. Finding the right person is not about being picky, critical or choosy. When you meet the right person, your instincts will tell you they are the one. You will feel an instant attraction for them and immense happiness in their presence. But if these 18 tips work in their favor, then you can be sure you have found your soulmate and could potentially be with this person for a lifetime. You are dating your perfect match.
No one is perfect but if they have the basics that are needed for a relationship to go well, then they are the right person.
You would know you have found the right person when you feel totally comfortable around them, there would be mutual respect, they wouldn’t be harshly critical, they would have the right spending habits and you would gel instantly.
You know someone is right for you when there are more similarities than differences, when there is mutual respect and understanding, there is no clinginess or control and you want to grow together.
The red flags will always be there. Starting from how they behave with the restaurant attendant to how they take care of personal hygiene, to addiction, spending habits and compatibility, the signs will all be there.
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