When you are dating, finding the right person is the ultimate aim. With dating apps becoming popular and online dating becoming the order of the day, things are changing. Relationships are becoming open, polyamorous and fluid and the dating game has undergone a considerable transformation.
But when it comes to the ultimate aim of dating, it still remains conventional. You want to find the right person with whom you click emotionally, intellectually and physically.
When we are looking for the “right person” meaning we have to say a la Dracula in the movie Hotel Transylvania, “You have to zing.” Zinging with someone in Dracula parlance means finding instant chemistry. That could be something like love at first sight or finding a soul mate connection. As the saying goes, when you meet the right person, you just know.
But, is finding the right person really that simplistic? Of course, there has to be ‘zinging’ or that initial spark. But a relationship needs more than just spark and zing to survive in the long run. Love is not just about finding the right person but more about two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.
So, what does that mean for your dating choices? Of course, that does not mean that you settle for whoever comes your way but that once you’ve found someone who feels right, you stick together and try to make it work as far as possible. That brings us back to the question of: how do you know you are dating the right person? Let’s find out.
18 Dating Tips To Find The Right Person
The first date is crucial. There is no denying that. It’s the first date that tells you if you want a second date or you don’t feel like meeting the person again.
With the right first date etiquette, a person might make a great impression on you and vice-versa. But once you pass the threshold of the initial interactions where you’re both at your best behavior, the real persona begins to shine through. This transition is an important piece of the ‘how to know if you’re with the right person’ puzzle.
That’s why it’s vital to take your time to understand who the other person really is before you decide to be exclusive and take the relationship further. Otherwise, you may find yourself caught in the vicious cycle of finding the right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the right time.
To make sure that doesn’t happen, we bring you 18 dating tips to know if you have found the right person:
Related Reading: 11 Dating Tips For Beginners – Make Sure You Follow These!
1. They follow what they say
Finding the right person is as tough as finding true love. For starters, people make grand statements and promises when they want to impress on a date. When you start meeting the person more frequently you get to know them better. You could realize they end up doing the opposite of all the things they projected.
A man can tell you that he believes women should have ambition and late-night work and tours are fine. After that, if he doesn’t interfere with your work life. Great! He follows what he says then.
But if he starts sulking when you say you have to go on a work trip, red flag. Take notice.
2. Doesn’t have pretensions
If you are thinking about how to find the one then be aware that the person you are dating should not have any pretensions. It would take you a few dates to know if they are being honest about who they are. Are they putting up a façade?
She could be flaunting her Louis Vuitton bag and Chanel perfume, her Prada glasses and Blahnik shoes. She could be giving you the impression of a high-flying career woman. But if you dig deeper you could just see her as a gold digger, or still worse someone with a sugar daddy.
The plain Jane you rejected could have been the real one. Like we said before, love is not about finding the right person who checks certain boxes on a list but someone who is good for you in essence. So when finding the right person, beware of the pretentious sort.
3. They believe in equality
We live in a world where equality truly matters and traditional gender roles are becoming more and more fluid. Men do the dishes and women fix cars. If you’re finding the right person to marry, this parameter becomes non-negotiable.
Does your date believe in equality of sexes? Not just for the sake of being politically correct but actually believing it to the extent of implementing it in their life. If they do, then you have found the right person. But sometimes people say they do believe in equality, but in their heart of hearts, they find it hard to shake off years of patriarchal conditioning. Something they have been taught since childhood.
Create some scenarios and ask them about what they think about gender roles in these scenarios. Their response would tell you if they really believe in equality or are just putting up a sham.
Related Reading: 12 Signs You Have Found Your Soulmate
4. Treats and tips the server well
How do you know you are in love with the wrong person? Simply by seeing how they are behaving with the server at the restaurant. Both men and women can be judged in the way they behave with someone on whom they have some level of power.
If they are being incorrect in their behavior with the waiter or the waitress, then it’s a dating red flag you cannot really overlook.
Does he flirt too much with the pretty waitress? Did she create a ruckus because her soup was cold and refused to tip the waiter? Well! You have some thinking to do.
5. There is mutual respect
Think about all the songs about finding the right person, they have one common theme – a sense of adulation and reverence toward the one. That’s because respect for one’s partner drives a relationship just as much as love, care and concern. Respect helps you to build the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Respect is not about just holding the door open, or not going through your partner’s phone. Mutual respect is about building trust, about believing in a partner’s capabilities. Respect is present when you depend on them for making important decisions and involve them in your life.
Finding the right person is about getting someone who never brushes aside your advice as unnecessary interference.
6. Is interested but not inquisitive
There is a vast difference between being interested and being inquisitive. The earlier you know this about your date the better for you.
When a person is interested, they listen. Sometimes they will throw in a few questions, but they would largely stay satisfied with the information you supply about yourself.
But curious people would ask you incisive questions that could border on the personal. From past relationships to current paycheck, they could end up asking you the most awkward questions. That is a warning sign that they’d go on to become intrusive partners who’d not be okay giving you space and independence in the relationship
Related Reading: How To Deal With A Clingy Boyfriend?
7. Isn’t a spendthrift or a miser
Stress around finances could ruin a relationship. The key to how to know if you’re with the right person is figuring out what kind of spending habits your date has as early on as possible.
If they are the kind who believe in splurging and living the high life that’s fine, provided they have the financial backup to do it. If they are constantly using their credit card and overspending then you have ended up with the wrong person.
On the other hand, a date – man or woman – who expects you to pay all the time, is perpetually talking about shares and investments, could be a worse put-off. Finding the right person means finding the balanced spender. These would ensure that you can rule out future financial issues from your relationship.
8. Has good personal hygiene and is well turned out
This is a very important aspect in finding the right person. They may be really well turned out on the first date but on consecutive dates they might land up in a crinkled T-shirt and shorts. Then you need to think again.
Maintaining personal hygiene and wearing clean clothes takes a little bit of effort. Be aware that people who won’t make this effort for themselves wouldn’t go the extra mile for a relationship either.
A regular bath, shampooed hair, clipped nails, a good fragrance, ironed clothes are the basics that should be in place.
9. Easily forgives
How do you know if you are in love with the right person? You know that you have found the right person if they can easily forgive when you have made a mistake.
Did your date sulk for days and make you feel guilty because you had to cancel a date at the last moment for a work project? Or did they tell you that they were disappointed but they understood you were in a spot?
Saying “sorry” is fine but if the person you are dating can say “it’s all right” easily then they are the one. If not, they won’t make for an understanding partner, and leave you with the nagging feeling of finding the right person at the wrong time. That’s because even if everything else between you two is just about perfect, their inability to put you first will always get in the way.
On the other hand, people who can forgive easily are kind and compassionate. They don’t keep mulling over small issues and mistakes and can quickly move on. This dissipates the tension and possibility of angry outbursts.
Related Reading: How Saying Hurtful Things In A Relationship Affects It
10. Is sensible and cautious
How to know if someone is right for you? They don’t drive recklessly while coming back from a party. They tell you to keep your parents posted if you are getting back home late. They don’t tell you to leave your job immediately because your boss yelled at you.
Finding the right person can be a tough job because it seems our tips are coming up with a lot of parameters to look for in a person. But if you have found someone who is cautious and gives you sensible advice, at the same time is not somber and is a lot of fun, then you have arrived.
11. Isn’t clingy but cares
Caring for someone or being concerned for someone does not mean that you have to make 50 phone calls to the person to check how they are doing.
In the name of concern some people become clingy and even controlling. Know the difference.
The right person would give you space but at the same time, they would stay in the loop about your whereabouts. There are ways of showing love without being overt. They would know that.
12. Isn’t overtly critical
Healthy criticism is fine. If your make-up is too loud one day, your date could tell you to tone it down. Because of your relationship and proximity they can make a suggestion, whether you accept or not it’s up to you.
But if they are always criticizing you for the color of your eye shadow, say you look terrible in red lipstick, and are harsh with their criticism then you need to think again.
You don’t even know how body shaming creeps into your relationship. You go on a strict diet and try to lose the curves. You use steroids because she believes you need to get some muscles. Just junk the idea. Believe us, this kind of criticism is unacceptable.
13. Makes you feel comfortable
It’s not that hard to choose the right person. If instinctively you feel a level of comfort with someone, you can share all your problems, dreams and aspirations with them. You can do that without the fear of being judged, then you have found the right person.
You can be yourself around them and you don’t have to watch what you say and try to be at your best. They become your safe place and comfort zone and you cannot imagine that you would share your day with anyone else.
Related Reading: 25 Signs A Girl Is Interested In You
14. Doesn’t have any addictions
Falling in love with an alcoholic or some with a gambling or porn addiction can be devastating. In such situations, paradigms like ‘love is not about finding the right person’ do not hold. Yes, the person you’re with could be charming, good-looking, successful, but if they are into alcohol, drugs or are addicted to online chats, you need to bolt as fast as you can.
Addiction of any kind is detrimental to a relationship. Sometimes people feel that they have found their true love and they would fix the issues if their date has an addiction. They don’t realize it becomes a very difficult path and can lead to codependency.
Addicts don’t remain so forever, no doubt about that. But getting into a relationship with an addict knowingly is not the wisest decision either. Even if you love everything else about them, it’s in your best interest to make a clean break before you get too deeply involved. Yes, finding the right person at the wrong time can be hard to make peace with but this tough decision will stand you in good stead.
15. You have more similarities and less differences
In our dating tips to find the right person, we would say look for similarities between the two of you. There is no denying the fact that no two people are the same and some differences are inevitable. Even so, having similarities is essential to help a relationship grow.
If both of you are foodies, you would love to explore restaurants together. If you are into books, you could talk about it for hours. If you like watching movies, then Netflix and chilling could be fun. Whether you’re finding the right person to marry or for sake of companionship, look for someone you share common ground with.
16. Holidaying together is a lot of fun
It is said that you do not really know if you have found the right person or not unless you live with them. If living in is still not an option for you, then a holiday can give you clarity about whether they’re the right fit for you. You can explore a new place on a short holiday or go on a road trip.
This is a great way to know each other better and assess how well you gel. When a flight is delayed, you could be cool as a cucumber and your partner could be throwing fits. Do you gel? You would know best.
Related Reading: What To Expect When You’re Dating An Only Child
17. They have a sense of humor
A sense of humor can help you sail through the toughest times. That apart, laughing together is therapeutic. Not taking yourselves too seriously and being able to laugh in tricky situations can help you grow together.
The greatest boon in life is having a partner who makes you laugh. Finding true love in life is also about getting the punchline. Some people have a dry sense of humor and if you get that you have found your soulmate – at last.
18. There is compatibility
When we talk about compatibility it means that mentally and physically you are in sync. Compatibility doesn’t happen on the first date, it wouldn’t happen after 5 dates even. But after some time you would know what’s on your partner’s mind even if they don’t tell you. After some years, partners can actually complete each other’s sentences.
Likewise, sexual compatibility is equally important in a relationship if you are looking at the long haul. It helps you build an emotional bond as well. When you meet the right person, all the components of compatibility are already there. All that’s left for you both to do is hone them constantly.
Finding the right person is not about being picky, critical or choosy. When you meet the right person, your instincts will tell you they are the one. You would feel an instant attraction for them and immense happiness in their presence. But if these 18 tips work in their favor, then you can be sure you have found your soulmate. You are dating your perfect match.
No one is perfect but if they have the basics that are needed for a relationship to be rocking then they are the right person.
You would know you have found the right person when you feel totally comfortable around them, there would be mutual respect, they wouldn’t be harshly critical, they would have the right spending habits and you would gel instantly.
When there are more similarities than differences, when there is mutual respect and understanding, there is no clinginess or control and you want to grow together.
The red flags will always be there. Starting from how they behave with the restaurant attendant to how they take care of personal hygiene, to addiction, spending habits and compatibility, the signs will all be there.