Counselling

How do I handle my husband’s insecurities?

Since I began working outside our family business, I'm finding it hard to deal with my husband's suspicions and attitude. How to deal with them?
Woman by Beach

Question:

I have just joined a job after being in a business with my spouse of 11 years because we had financial problems. We weren’t left with any choice but to go out and earn a living. Now, my insecure husband has all kinds of questions for me. He messages me endlessly day in and day out.  I do realise that he’s going through financial stress as well as the fact that he had to let me go out and earn a living. I’ve explained to him very lovingly and calmly and we have fought about this too. I don’t want to fight however, so I keep quiet and ignore the comments he makes about my clothes, why did I leave our home business and all that. It is making a mess of our lives. We have two kids and I don’t want us to be fighting in front of them. 

Read more: 7 tips to make marriages work

Changes are hard but they are inevitable in life. They can stoke insecurities in us all. Sometimes we don’t even know the different types of insecurities that we have until we are faced with the challenges that the change has brought with it. Understanding the root cause of a behaviour however, in no way is an excusing license for it. It should help you to not take personally his inability to deal with the psychological challenges that this change in life has provided him. We all have our psychological challenges and our unique ways of dealing with them.

Read more: What differentiates an abusive relationship from a normal one

If I were you, I would hold my ground and continue to work and try really hard to not let his opinions bring me down.

man shaking hand
‘try showing him your workplace and colleagues’ Image Source

Perhaps if he knew your workplace and work mates better, he would be more at ease. That is not a guarantee, but it may be worth a shot. Perhaps take him to your work once, for him to see where you work and what kind of people you work with. You could even call a select few of the people at home for coffee and snacks and let him generally socialize with them. I would do this with the intention of helping abate his fears and insecurities, as opposed to an act that was undertaken to help him get-me-off-my-back. The focus and goal of the intention is very important. It will help you deal with the outcomes of the experiment, whatever they might be. If this doesn’t cut it, I would suggest a few brief sessions in couple counselling.

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