As an individual, you have the right to choose your life partner, or at least you should. If you find someone who matches your wavelength and you feel connected to that person, then there is nothing wrong with pursuing that connection. But in India, that is not always enough. This is why many youngsters are left thinking about how to convince parents for love marriage instead of an arranged one.
If your parents do not like your partner, it can cause a lot of stress for you. You’re filled with constant thoughts about what your life will look like if they get you married off to somebody else. While we all want our parents’ blessings, at times, their unwillingness can be greatly upsetting and disappointing. In such a case, you are at a crossroads. On one hand, you do not want to hurt and disappoint the wonderful people who raised you. On the other, you want to live life on your own terms.
If you’re one of those lovebirds who wants to have a love marriage but your parents are opposed to the very idea of it, we know how hard that can be. How do you explain the magic of love to them? If you are one such couple, then do not worry. We shall put forth some practical ways for you to convince parents for love marriage without hurting them. This way, you’ll be happy, and hopefully, they will be too.
What To Do If Parents Are Against Love Marriage?
Eventually, if you’re that crazy in love and a little bit of a rebel, you might choose to take a stand for your relationship, especially if you find your parents not agreeing to it. You may decide that you want to go ahead with your relationship and get married to the love of your life despite your parents not being on board with it.
We don’t blame you at all. In fact, we are in no place to judge you. If you’re scared of the consequences but have made up your mind to marry the love of your life, here’s what to do if parents are against love marriage.
Related Reading: My Parents Disapprove of My Boyfriend Who Is 9 Years Older Than Me
For starters, do not take any drastic measures which might damage your relationship with your parents. There’s a way of going about this so that everyone in this equation has a chance to be happy at the end of the day. So, read on to know what to do when parents oppose your love marriage. These 12 ways might convince them wholeheartedly.
1. Be sure of what you want from your relationship
How to convince parents for love marriage? First and foremost, believe in your relationship yourself. Before you make an attempt to talk to your parents about your relationship or want to convince parents for intercaste marriage, it is essential that you assess your relationship honestly and are convinced about it too.
Be sure of what you want from the relationship and whether you both are ready for commitment or not. If even one of you is commitment-phobic, it will ruin everything at the last minute and all your effort will be in vain. Without being sure of the relationship yourself, you will fail to convince your parents of your love marriage. When it comes to inter-caste relationships, be sure you’re armed with logic and can dispel their casteist words and ‘traditions’ with calm knowledge.
2. Let your parents know that you have someone in your life
Either directly or indirectly, through subtle hints, you must let your parents know that there is someone special in your life. Let them know you have a partner and that it’s not a fling. Do not commit the mistake of keeping your relationship hidden because if you do so, it will hurt your parents later.
As it is, Indian parents assume that their kids can never fall in love on their own. Introducing your partner to your parents is never easy. You need to show them respect and trust by sharing your feelings with them. Along with that, if you hide your relationship, it might indicate that you are also not sure about your choice.
3. Share your views with your parents regarding marriage
You must make it a point to share your views about marriage with your parents. Your parents might be against an inter-caste marriage or a love marriage but let them know what matters to you the most when it comes to choosing a partner, like their educational qualification, character, and so on and so forth. Also, let them know about the things that do not bother you at all, like the age difference, caste, economic status, etc.
A debate may surface. Actually, in most cases, it will. It will allow you to see how rigid or flexible they are. But remember that you and your parents can come to an amicable consensus. With parents not agreeing to marriage, the road is going to be tough. But the more you rationalize your choice, the better it will be. This way, they will know what you want and perhaps will be more open to the possibility of a love marriage.
4. Show your parents that you are responsible and mature
This is the most important chapter in the “How to convince your parents for love marriage?” handbook. Always act in a responsible and mature manner so that your parents can trust your decision-making ability. For example, take a lead in solving any problems facing the family, or try to lend a helping hand to your parents as and when required.
Make sure your parents know that you are ready to take on life’s challenges and are not someone who would back off in the face of difficult times. No one would trust the judgment of someone who appears immature and irresponsible. The more responsible you seem, the more brownie points you get. The more brownie points you have, the easier it will be to convince strict parents for love marriage.
Related Reading: Expert Lists 10 Signs Of Intimacy In A Relationship
Prove to them time and again that you are dependable, rational, and sensible. It will increase their confidence in you and they might be able to accept your love marriage easily. Convince your parents that a love marriage works for you, and that you are taking a smart, calculated decision and not a whimsical one.
5. Listen to your parents’ perspectives as well
Parents not agreeing to marriage can seem unfair, we know. Despite that, it is important that you try your best to respect their opinion in the process. As irksome as it may be, hear them out. Your parents might disapprove of your marriage but it is really important that you listen to your parents’ perspective and the concerns they have regarding your love marriage.
Perhaps it is the inter-caste factor, or perhaps they are not sure of your prospective partner’s intentions. Remember that without knowing what they are actually thinking, you will not be able to deal with the issues effectively. They may have varying reactions to your news and you must be prepared for that. Don’t lash out and do NOT make things worse. Remember to not get defensive but assert your position in a clear and respectful manner.
6. Make your parents see the best in your partner
Indulging in a love marriage with a huge age difference? Even though major age-gap relationships are growing more and more common these days, not all Indian parents are okay with their son marrying a woman 12 years older than him. But to reverse this ideology, you need to just put your foot down and ask for what you want. You need to show them what you love so much about the person you want to marry. Talk about their ageist views as well, gently, and get to the bottom of their biases if you can.
Talk to your parents and let them know why your partner is the perfect life partner for you. Highlight the good qualities of your partner in front of your parents as and when possible. Make sure that when you do that, you talk about those positives which interest your parents. This will help you convince your parents about your love marriage. Talk about how career-oriented they are, how they have a bunch of hobbies, or a great family who readily accepts you. Blow up the positives in front of them as much as you can.
You can even propose a meeting between your partner and your parents so that they can meet your partner and get rid of their doubts. For this, if you can coach your partner about the good and the bad about your family, they may be able to put their best foot forward confidently.
Related Reading: Love Marriage Issues: The Trouble Started when our Parents Met
7. Take the help of close friends and relatives to convince strict rigid parents for love marriage
Those relatives and friends who are in favor of love marriages can help you convince your parents too. So use them to your advantage, and use them well. This trick will work wonders if someone from your family has had a love marriage and is leading a happy married life. You can take your cues from them, plus you can also talk about them to your parents generally to get an idea of what they think of the whole episode.
An example of successful love marriage in your family itself will help you make your point more confidently and make your strict parents feel more receptive to the whole idea.
8. Do not make any rash decisions
When it comes to matters of love, you might not be able to take decisions rationally as you are bound by feelings – and lots of them. But to convince your parents, that kind of attitude will get you nowhere. If you want to seriously convince strict parents to love marriage, you must put in more effort to change your ways a little. You need to have patience and maintain your sanity at all times.
When you notice that your parents disapprove of your partner, you might be tempted to leave your house or marry your partner without their approval. You feel misunderstood as your parents stubbornly refuse to see the benefits of a love marriage. To prove them wrong, you may take such extreme steps and lash out.
But these rash decisions need to be avoided at all costs, otherwise any chance of getting your parents’ approval will disappear forever. How to convince parents for love marriage? Do not give them more reasons to be cross with you. Try to maintain that smile and a positive attitude to work through this.
9. Try to get the support of at least one parent
Love marriage with age difference or having to convince parents for inter-caste marriage, whatever it may be, you need at least one parent on your side. If you’re closer to one of your parents, invest more effort into convincing that parent first because deep down, they love and understand you far more than the other.
After convincing the parent who is close to you, half the battle will be won. Then you can take that parent’s help to talk to your other parent. But make sure this does not create barriers between your mother and father.
Related Reading: Which Is Better – Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage?
10. Turn down any suggestions of meeting someone else
Your parents will do everything they can to pressurize you to meet someone else and forget about your partner. From matrimonial sites to ambushing you with prospective matches, they are going to fight tooth and nail for you to get over the love of your life. But you have to be loyal to your partner and turn down any suggestions of meeting someone else. Be persistent so that your parents realize that you truly love your partner.
11. Make arrangements for the meeting of both families
Once they realize that you are in no mood to budge, it is time to finally take things a step ahead. When you have done enough to make your parents feel a little comfortable with the idea of love marriage and your partner, you can convince them to meet the parents of your partner. This will help them resolve any issues and doubts they have about the family background, socio-economic status, culture, values, morals, or other things about your partner that they may be apprehensive about.
12. Keep fighting and do not give up
How to convince parents for love marriage? By absolutely not giving in to them. If you truly love your partner and want to spend the rest of your life with them, then you have to keep fighting for your love. Despite the obstacles your parents create, you have to remain dedicated to your love and not give up at any cost. Sounds rough, we know, but this was never going to be easy.
Okay, we have now come to a close understanding of how to maneuver around parents who are against your love marriage. But have you ever wondered why Indian parents are so against the idea of a love marriage in the first place?
Parents Not Agreeing To Marriage — Why Is It So?
According to a survey, around 75% of Indians opt for arranged marriages. Needless to say, it is safe to conclude that arranged marriages are deeply rooted in the culture and traditions of our country. It is largely believed that arranged marriages are stable, maintain rituals and cultures, and are built on the foundations of keeping the family together. In fact, one good arranged marriage fact that is often quoted by parents is that their divorce rate is much lower.
But with the adaptation to modern lifestyle and advancements in technology, love marriages are becoming quite popular in India. The strongest opposition to love marriages comes not just from the Indian society but the parents of the couples. There are many types of marriages that take place in India, it is natural for parents to reject anyone who seems like an outsider to them.
Arranged marriages are preferred because parents believe that they will help keep the family traditions alive. Here are the reasons that parents are generally against love marriages:
- The wrong person: Parents are worried that their child might fall for the wrong person and end up destroying their life. They care for their child so they do their best to guide their child on the right path
- Social pressure: Parents usually do not want to go against the wishes of their children, but they have to due to social pressure. It is due to the fear of what the people in the community and society will think about their family that the parents oppose love marriages
- Caste and class system: Since the caste system is so etched in the minds of ‘upper’ caste parents, they oppose love marriage especially if the child’s partner is from a marginalized caste. Sometimes, even same-caste love marriages are not allowed due to difference of socio-economic statuses between the two families
- A regressive attitude: Conservative parents do not find the idea of a love marriage acceptable because they are not liberal; they are ignorant and strongly believe in upholding age-old traditions
- They do not like the partner: Some parents refuse to accept the partner their children chose because the partner is lacking in good looks, family background, or professional standing. These things matter a lot to some parents as these can enhance the overall reputation of their family
- The stigma of love marriage: There is a general notion among parents that love marriages do not last and eventually end in heartbreak. Due to this, many parents discourage love marriages
Related Reading: What Is The Biggest Tragedy Of Love Marriage?
Parents love their children deeply and because of the same, they want them to be happy and successful in both their private and professional life. It is this love that needs to be harnessed appropriately to convince them to love marriage. Their thinking might be flawed, but their intention may not be. Put aside their apprehensions and help them walk to the other side of bias. Make them see how happy you will be in this love marriage. Put in all your effort, and wait and watch patiently as your parents ultimately give you their blessings. Don’t lose heart, and start thinking of all kinds of creative proposal ideas for your to-be partner! You will win this battle for sure.
By the end of it, you may not just convince your parents, but even change their mindset. Hopefully, your parents will come around and respect your decision. We hope you are able to fight the good fight against the prejudices regarding love marriages in India! We are convinced that in the end, your love will win.
Readers Comments On “How To Convince Parents For Love Marriage Without Hurting Them?”
I want to say that it’s two year of our relationship and when my parents get to know that I’m in relationship they refuses it just bcoz of other caste and what will people say…nd they don’t accept it so what should I do please tell me
Hello Sweta, That must be so difficult. Please don’t lose hope. Mail us at email@example.com and we will find a solution together!
i had read this post ..bt my problem is little bit different. i m in relationship of 4 yrs .he is my familiy friend ..if i explain about it bit .in 2016 i met him first time .i was little bit far from my parents.for my higher studies preparation i was sent to jhansi my mothers sisters home.in relation my masi…is her aunty .he is smart,jobful,responsible,caring,etc his whole familiy likes me alot .we r offfffffff same caste.bt the problem is that my masi familiy dont like his familiy …there is lot of issue between her and my..lifelines family …they dont like him nhis whole family thats why they were creating lots of misunderstanding in my family…due to my masi words tht the boy n his family is not good my familiy is scaring about to the marraige of my choice….i know parents never harm their childrens they are not their enmey they always wanted their life secure…bt always they think that the boy /girl their daughter choose always be wrong.i m in depression ..i love him alot..but my parents are not trying to understand…i had allready told him everything about him n his family but they are not beliveiving on my words i m in relationship with him n his familiy since 4 yrs i m much more closer to him i know all his strenghths nweakness .all his dos n donts ….bt the words of my family is tht you know himm from just few yrs bt.. your masi it means mothers sister she n her familiy knowing him from his childhood.. i had treid my best n dont have any option ….i can not ruin the goodwill of my parents bt i cant leave without him they want govt job..n he is pvt.pleasesuggest me some better option otherwise last option is sucide ….i know i ll be very happy with him lifetime..may be i have less money to spent bt i need him only i just want to be with him whole life ..i ll be dead without him
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Great informative article it’s help me lot thanks for this wonderful article and your advice.
I am in relationship from more than 1.5 years. and i marry secretly now i am scaring how to convince my mother my brother, they are so oppose to our relationship and have no idea just of leaving my home. main problem of my family is ego, inter casting and he is just my neighbor.
I don’t know how to convince my mom and brother and i love my family too. Don’t know they ever accept our marriage or not and talk me or not after leaving my home.
Please mail it to email@example.com
I need your advice . I lost my mother some years ago. Now I’m in 7 years relationship and my father did not open up to me untime that he is against it, and age is not by my side.
Really a motivational article. ..sensible things described and it gives a very positive feeling
Now 13 years we know each other, we were in the same school, same class and still in the same profession i.e. Doctoral. To my parents, I have been told the whole story that why I do like him? Why do I love him? Why I have 100% confidence that I will be happy with him an entire life because he does care for me a lot. During the explanation, my parents were so much happy and fixed the casual meeting with him just to let my father know how is he? How’s his behavior? etc. But when he came back that moment was hilarious for me the way he was explaining and he was just saying that boy is not good looking:-( and at that time the situation was very critical various things happened within next 3 4 days. the point is they are focusing on his positive things they are trying to pressurize me but I am not listening to anything and trying to convince them.
And the other thing we are inter-cast, localize and my partner is good looking, smart, perfect ora, personality everything.
Please suggest me what should I do now?
in the article what you have explained I have already done and after reading this I have got more encouragement definitely I will not give up!!!
my boyfriend is my family friend . and parents are know him very well . but i feel little but scared to talk about our relationship becoz my whole family and parents are against to the love marriage . but i want to marry with my partner only what can i do ?????
Don’t fear about anything. Because life is yours, parents does not set it to you. If the partner that your family chooses latter he tourture you about your past matters . So don’t scared and explain everything and dont give up untill you are not winner
I love your this article, actually I have a basic & small problem with my relationship. My Mom doesn’t like girl friend name. Whenever I start discussion about my girl friend to my Mom ! My always dislike like her name & her too. I don’t understand what I don in this case.
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