My Parents Disapprove of My Boyfriend Who Is 9 Years Older Than Me

My Questions and Answers | | Expert Author , Counseling Psychologist
Updated On: July 27, 2023
mother teenage daughter having argument


I am 20 years old and in love a man who is 9 years older than me.

How Do I Convince My Parent for A Love Marriage With Age Difference?

I feel a deep connection with him and want to marry him. His family also likes me, however, my family isn’t supportive of the relationship as they view the age gap between us as a negative and do not like his family.

He’s everything one wants in a partner…

He is very caring, loving, protective partner, who always guides and motivates me to make something out of my life and be independent.

But I need my parents to accept this relationship

I need your help. Please suggest how can I convince my parents to come around, accept the idea of my love marriage despite the age difference. I want to assuage all their doubts and reservations regarding younger woman-older man relationship, and win their support.

I will be very thankful to you.

I want to assuage all their doubts and reservations regarding younger woman-older man relationship
I need my parents to accept this relationship

Dear Young Lady,
Your dilemma is understandable, on one side you have your boyfriend and on the other, your parents. Let’s see what can be done to address the issue at hand.

Coping With Family’s Reaction To a Couple’s Age Difference

The best way to resolve any difference of opinion is to view the situation from the other’s perspective. In this case, the other being your family. You must try to understand where their disapproval for you dating an older man is coming from. It’s natural for parents to worry when children choose their life partners.

Your boyfriend is 9 years elder to you, which is one key reason why your parents disapprove of your partner. Try to have an honest conversation with them about their views on the issue of ‘what is the normal age difference between husband and wife?’ or what’s appropriate from their point of view.

Related Reading: How To Convince Parents For Love Marriage Without Hurting Them?

If these discussions thaw the ice even a little bit, you could consider introducing your boyfriend to your family, so that they get to know him better.

Can age difference affect marriage?

Large age gap between couples is often met with social disapproval.
parents’ concerns about lack of compatibility

This is another crucial point to ponder over. Research suggests that a large age gap between couples is often met with social disapproval. Besides, concerns about lack of compatibility in case of attraction to an older man are not entirely unfounded. It is possible that your parents’ disapproval of this love marriage with the age difference is rooted in these apprehensions.

Only an honest, patient discussion can resolve this deadlock.

Family matters

You’ve mentioned that they don’t like his family. Why is that? Please talk to them honestly about this aspect too without defending your relationship. If your backgrounds are different, it’s not going to be easy to adjust. Have you given this a thought?

Love is not enough to handle everyday turbulence.

Give it time

Are you sure you love him enough to want to marry him?

That your boyfriend is kind, supportive and helpful is good, but please don’t confuse love and friendship. Just because he’s supportive of you doesn’t mean you need to marry him. Please make sure your inclination to marry him stands on a solid foundation, as marriage is a big decision.

You are only 20. Please give it some more time before you take the plunge into marriage. Some decisions need careful thinking with a practical mind.

Hope this helps

Kavita Panyam

Ask Our Expert