17 Surprisingly Simple Tips On How To Get Him To Commit To You

Love and Romance | | , Expert Blogger
Updated On: May 10, 2024
how to get him to commit

Whether you have been casually dating someone and want to take the relationship to the next level or have been together a long time and are tired of waiting for him to pop the question, wrestling with the dilemma of how to get him to commit to you is never pleasant. Primarily because this dilemma is always accompanied by the realization that you want him more than he wants you, which can put quite a dent in your sense of self-worth. 

This can, in turn, make you do things that are counterproductive to your pursuit of understanding what makes a man commit and fall in love. This is exactly what my friend, Lindsey, has been struggling with of late. She’s been seeing a guy on and off. When they meet, they hit it off beautifully but Kurt doesn’t show any inclination to make the relationship exclusive and commit to her. He replies to her texts but never initiates conversations. He goes out with her but doesn’t show any emotional investment. Lindsey has been feeling extremely frustrated by Kurt’s lack of will to reciprocate her feelings. 

On one of our weekly Skype calls, she confided in me about her agony, and asked, “How do I make him want me enough to take things to the next level?” Our conversation made me realize that this is a predicament many women share. So, I decided to research about how to get a man to want you and commit to you. I’ll sum it up for you in 17 simple yet effective tips.

17 Ways To Make Him Miss You And Commit To You Forever

Anyone who has been trying to nudge a guy to take things to the next level knows how frustrating it can be to ascertain how to get him to commit. That’s because it is always followed by self-doubt-inducing questions like, “What do I lack?” “Am I doing something wrong?” “Why doesn’t he want me enough to commit to me?” 

Take, for example, this query on a Reddit sub on dating advice, “I’m at a loss. I’ve been single for so many years, over 6 now. I’m attractive, in shape, not overweight, great job, educated. I have tons of hobbies and am good at a lot of things, like art for example. I have a great social life and a lot going for me. I go on dates with tons of guys via dating apps and sites, as well as guys I meet in person like on the street, in a restaurant, or in other settings… They all take me on dates, pay, and say they are looking for a relationship. After anywhere from 1-3 months, I’ll bring up exclusivity and they’ll say, “Sorry I don’t want to commit” or “I’m just looking for something casual”. So why does this happen and how do I prevent it?” 

Relatable much? Have you, too, like my friend Lindsey and this Reddit user, been wondering what makes a man commit and fall in love? Does the answer lie in making a guy miss you so he realizes your worth? Can you get him to commit by pulling away? Do you have to play mind games to get a man to commit? Well, not necessarily. But nudging a man toward commitment does involve making him see your value. With these 17 simple tips, you can do just that without having to resort to any manipulation or psyops:

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1. Don’t be too desperate

When you’re spending a considerable amount of time thinking, “How do I make him want me enough to commit to me?”, it’s only natural for a sense of desperation to seep in. However, if you want to make headway in this pursuit, it’s important not to let this desperation dictate how you interact with the man in your life. So, 

  • Don’t be too clingy or needy 
  • Don’t text bomb him 
  • Steer clear of double texting as well 
  • Don’t call every waking hour 
  • Don’t get insecure or jealous if he is occupied elsewhere

2. Don’t talk about commitment all the time

If you’re looking for dos and don’ts on how to get him to commit, here is one tendency you must steer clear of: talking about commitment all the time. Sending him “Am I ready to get engaged?” quizzes is not the answer to how to get him to propose. Likewise, steering every other conversation toward, “So, where is this going?”, isn’t going to make him want to commit to you any sooner. You may think you’re being subtle but when every conversation veers toward commitment and the next steps in the relationship, your desperation becomes painfully obvious. If anything, it will only push your guy further away.

Related Reading: 8 Common Fears In Relationships – Expert Tips To Overcome

3. Keep mystery and intrigue alive

Whether you’re wondering how to get a man to want you enough to commit to you or how to get him to propose, we’ve got one piece of advice for you: be mysterious. If a man feels like he knows everything about you, his curiosity and interest will slowly begin to wane. That’s why instead of putting all your cards on the table at once, let him slowly uncover your personality layer by layer and be enthralled each time that he learns something new. To keep him coming back for more, you have to keep the intrigue alive. 

As Lindsey discovered, this lack of mystery and intrigue was keeping Kurt from going all in. One of her dating mistakes was that she spent too much time talking about herself. From stories about playing soccer in school to fights with her roommates, Kurt knew it all. While he enjoyed listening to her, it left little scope for Kurt to wonder what more there was to her.

4. Lead a full life

how to get a man to want you
Your entire existence shouldn’t revolve around the man in your life

Men often feel put off by women who want to spend all their time with them. On the other hand, taking some space to lead a full and fulfilling life creates attraction and tension. If you want to understand how to make your boyfriend want you and commit to you, the first step is to make sure you don’t come across as a clingy girlfriend. The best way to do that is to balance your life in a way that your entire existence doesn’t revolve around the man in your life. For that, you must

  • Focus on your career 
  • Make time for friends and loved ones 
  • Not let hobbies and interests fall by the wayside just because you have a man in your life 
  • Take some time away from him to just be by yourself 

5. Be emotionally available

The key to figuring out how to get him to commit lies in striking that delicate balance between taking space for yourself and being there for your man. While being too clingy will push him away, withdrawing affection completely might make him distant as well. He might think you just don’t want him anymore. It is important to be emotionally available to him. So, 

  • Go on dates
  • Hold his hand 
  • Be affectionate toward him 
  • Hug him when he is feeling slow 
  • Listen to him if he wants to vent 

They say you can get him to commit by pulling away. But that only works when he knows what he’s missing out on.

Related Reading: Social Media And Relationships: Have We Isolated Ourselves To Find Company?

6. But don’t smother him

Smothering your man with too much affection will only make them run farther away from you. Trying to tie a man down and coercing him into spending all his time with you is not the answer to how to get a man to want you. It only makes you come across as an insecure woman, and no one wants to go down the road of commitment in a relationship that is riddled with insecurities. 

On the other hand, when he knows you like him but are also mature enough to give him the space and autonomy he needs to be his own person, he will want to commit to you because he sees the potential for building a healthy relationship with you. Kurt, for example, is not a player or a commitment phobe. And he genuinely likes Lindsey. However, he often feels a little annoyed because she refuses to give him any space at all. She always wants to know where he is, and who he is meeting, and has all sorts of opinions on the things he does.

7. Don’t mother him

In your pursuit of figuring out, “How do I make him want me enough to commit to me?”, don’t make your existence subservient to him. There is a difference between being supportive of the man you love and taking over the reins of his life, doing every little thing for him. Remember, you are not his mother, and he is an adult who is capable of navigating his life. Mindfully, set and maintain healthy boundaries if you want to build a lasting relationship.

8. Set relationship goals

how to get him to propose
Start small and work your way toward commitment

The secret to how to get him to commit to you lies in taking small steps toward that goal instead of a giant leap. Conversations about commitment and a shared future are anyway somewhat daunting and always come with a mix of trepidation and excitement. When sprung out of nowhere, the prospect can seem even more daunting and make the other person clam up. 

That’s why, if you have been wondering about how to get him to propose or how to get a man to want you enough to be in a committed relationship with you, start by setting smaller relationship goals. For instance, 

  • If you have been together a long time, maybe discuss living together before talking about marriage 
  • If you have just started dating, start by causally posting each other on social media instead of directly going for the DTR conversation 
  • If you have been dating for a while but haven’t talked about being in a committed relationship, test the waters by asking to meet your partner’s friends and family  

These small goals can serve as a natural progression to your end goal of getting him to commit.

Related Reading: How Men Fall In Love: 10 Decisive Factors Governing The Male Psychology

9. Make him see your value

To make him realize that you are the woman of his dreams, you have to do everything to be her! So imagine the woman you want to be and then become her. Now, this can mean different things to different people. But here is what being a high-value woman typically entails: 

  • Be confident 
  • Be independent
  • Take accountability for your actions 
  • Be empathetic 
  • Be witty 
  • Be supportive

10. Learn to be happy and content on your own

This is not just about how to make your boyfriend want you enough to commit to you or make a guy see a future with you, but the Holy Grail of navigating life: learn to be happy and content on your own. Your happiness should never completely depend on another person. Besides, when a man sees that kind of self-reliance, he will value you more. Nothing is more attractive than a woman who knows how to create her own happiness. If he sees you as a strong-willed and confident woman, he will be ready to commit.

11. Be his shoulder to cry on 

While in some ways you need to distance yourself, in others, you need to be there for him. Remember that, at the end of the day, you are doing this because you care about him and want him to see that you’d be perfect together. So, be there for him when he truly needs you. That’s what makes a man commit and fall in love.

Boyfriend Stories

12. Be his friend

I truly believe that deep, lasting relationships are built on the foundation of friendship. While love, romance, and intimacy all play a role in bringing two people together, it is the trust and respect stemming from friendship that see them through, in the long haul. So, the key to how to make your boyfriend want you for life or make a guy want to be your boyfriend lies in being his friend in true earnest. Here how: 

  • Listen to him without judgment 
  • Make him feel safe about confiding in you
  • Don’t try to fix him 
  • Banter with him 
  • Explore activities you can enjoy together 
  • Be silly, laugh, and have fun together

Related Reading: 18 Female Body Language Signs Of Attraction

13. Focus on building a strong emotional bond

Another key component of enduring relationships is deep emotional intimacy. Naturally then, the secret to how to get him to commit lies in fostering a strong emotional connection with your man. Only when he feels so deeply attached to you that he cannot imagine his life without you will he want to commit to you for life. To achieve that, you must 

  • Spend quality time together 
  • Affirm his values and beliefs 
  • Share stories about each other’s lives 
  • Be vulnerable 
  • Listen to understand 
  • Be empathic

14. Nurture sexual intimacy  

Sexual intimacy is just as important for a long-term, fulfilling relationship. Depending on what stage of the relationship you are in, work toward inculcating or harnessing a good sexual connection with your partner. Sexual intimacy isn’t just about the act but also about openly discussing likes, dislikes, wants, and preferences. This makes the experience much more than just a physical release and makes it more intimate and meaningful.

15. Trigger his hero instinct

what makes a man commit and fall in love
Make him feel needed

How to get him to commit, you ask? By making him feel needed and valued. This is also known as triggering a man’s hero instinct. The term was coined by relationship coach James Bauer. In his book, His Secret Obsession, Bauer explains that every man has a primal desire to provide for and protect his partner. Triggering this hero instinct can be the key to unlocking the full potential of a relationship. So, go on, 

  • Seek his opinion on important decisions 
  • Ask him for help with errands and chores 
  • Turn to him for comfort 
  • Give him a chance to weigh in on your problems   

The more he feels needed by you, the more strongly he will gravitate toward you. 

16. Steer clear of ultimatums

Wondering how to make your boyfriend want you and commit to you? Understanding what not to do is just as important as playing your cards right. One thing you must steer clear of is ultimatums. While you may feel that if he values you, the threat of losing you will make him consider taking the next steps in your relationship more proactively, ultimatums in relationships rarely have the desired effect. On the contrary, they may make your man feel pressured and send him running in the opposite direction. 

Related Reading: Mind Games In Relationships  What They Look Like And Why People Do It

17. Appreciate him

Appreciation is an underrated virtue for building healthy relationships. Without a strong and enduring relationship, commitment means nothing. So, to actualize your goal of getting your man to take your relationship to the next level, you must express your appreciation and gratitude toward him. 

  • Shower him with genuine compliments 
  • Say “thank you” often 
  • Tell him why you’re grateful for him

Key Pointers

  • It can be frustrating to wait for your man to commit to you
  • A lack of willingness to commit to you can also dent your sense of self-worth because it may leave you feeling like you want him more than he wants you
  • However, you mustn’t let these feelings make you act from a place of desperation
  • It is possible to nudge a man toward taking the next steps in a relationship without manipulation and mind games
  • For that, you must give him space, keep the mystery alive, work on cementing your emotional and sexual connection, offer support, and trigger his hero instinct

Love comes with its ups and downs but if your heart is in the right place, nothing is impossible. How to get him to commit mainly depends on how far you are willing to go to love and be there for him. Once you have enough conviction in your feelings, the rest will only take a matter of time!

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