Hero Instinct In Men: 10 Ways To Trigger It In Your Man

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The hero instinct in men is widely misperceived to be a sexist concept. At its core, this term captures an individual’s desire to feel needed by their partner. The individual here is a heterosexual male who likes the feeling of being wanted by his woman. This is akin to the knight-in-shining-armor fantasy where a person saves the day single-handedly.

Everyone likes knowing how important they are to their partner. It is a very human need to feel valued by another person. The hero instinct is just another way of expressing this. Whether your man accepts it or not, he also experiences the urge to ‘rescue’ you metaphorically. And this isn’t a bad thing in the least. When brought about positively, the hero instinct can work wonders for a relationship.

We’re here to debunk a few myths surrounding the subject. A healthy relationship consists of healthy and happy partners. You will accomplish the latter by giving your man a positive means of acting upon his hero instinct. Let’s answer all your questions – this is the hero instinct explained!

What Is The Hero Instinct?

What are the first things that come to your mind when you hear the words ‘hero instinct’? A ripped guy coming to the aid of a damsel in distress. Or a Hercules-like figure lifting heavy objects and fighting bad guys. Well, you aren’t exactly wrong.

Hero instinct psychology suggests that a man is biologically hardwired to provide for his mate; he derives meaning and fulfillment from taking care of his partner. The man feels like he is contributing to his partner’s life. That he plays an important role in it. We can, therefore, sum up the hero instinct in men as a desire to help one’s partner and protect them from harm.

And this doesn’t refer to grand gestures or acts. It can be something as simple as opening a tight jar of pickles for you. The underlying message is, “Allow me to do this for you.” If a man finds a healthy way of following through on this instinct, he will experience satisfaction and happiness in the relationship. And that is precisely our goal today.

But let’s first learn all about the origins of this term. Where did it come from? And who was its creator? It’s time to take a quick tour of the history of the hero instinct.

Who Introduced The Term ‘Hero Instinct’?

We can trace the hero instinct back to a book titled His Secret Obsession by James Bauer, a relationship coach whose expertise lies in reviving connections. This awesome guide explores the components of male psychology in a relationship. According to Bauer, a man wants a serious relationship where he provides for and protects his better half.

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The appreciation he receives in return is what brings meaning to his life. Hence, the hero instinct in men is a primal desire that is the key to unlocking your relationship’s potential. We’re going to teach you how to make your man feel loved and wanted by triggering his hero instinct.

Why do we love His Secret Obsession and all that its 17 modules offer? The theories of attraction usually ask us to change ourselves – our style, speech, body language, etc. But hero instinct psychology merely asks us to read the cues and respond to them. Bauer wants us to learn the art of communicating well.

Related Reading: How To Deal With An Alpha Male – 8 Ways To Sail Smoothly

Using his work as a launchpad, we have designed 10 simple strategies that will help womankind trigger the hero instinct in men. You’ll be surprised to know how effective they are! We won’t make you wait any longer; here’s the show you came for…

How To Trigger A Man’s Hero Instinct?

Letting your man ‘provide’ for you doesn’t mean quitting your job to take care of the house. Neither does letting him ‘protect’ you mean becoming a victim. These views are very reductive. We believe in adopting a much wider perspective. There is one goal – making him feel like he’s contributing to your life in a meaningful way – and we’re determined to achieve it.

Here are 10 surefire ways of triggering his hero instinct. You’re bound to find something from our selection that resonates with you. Don’t make the mistake of dismissing any suggestion right away. Lend them your due consideration because some of these are deceptively effective. We’re going to teach you everything about the hero instinct.

1. Be appreciative of him

Besides being the best way of triggering his hero instinct, this is one of the foremost characteristics of a healthy relationship. Express your gratitude when he does little things for you. Let him know that his efforts aren’t going unnoticed or unappreciated.

While relying on external sources of validation at all times is not advisable, periodic approval from one’s partner can help a person significantly. Your man’s self-esteem will get a boost with your words of praise. He will feel valued when you admire him.

Related Reading: 10 Things A Woman Does That Annoy Men

2. Ask for small favors

How to trigger a man’s hero instinct? Maybe he can change your tire or help you zip up a dress. Perhaps he can help with the technical glitch on your laptop or lend a hand when you’re cleaning the closet. Seemingly trivial things like these can strengthen your relationship by leaps and bounds.

Hero instinct psychology teaches us that coming to your aid makes your man feel useful. (In no way does this mean becoming dependent or helpless.) When a woman as self-sufficient as you ask him to help out a little, he’s elated to be of help. Being of service to you is gratifying!

hero instinct explained
Don’t shy away from asking for help when you want to trigger the hero instinct

3. Support his endeavors – The hero instinct explained

Support, that indispensable pillar of love, is vital to understanding the hero instinct in men. Be supportive of his endeavors and let him know you have faith in him. Feeling like you have his back will increase his confidence for sure. To paraphrase an overused axiom…

Next to every successful man, there’s a woman heeding Bonobology’s advice on the fundamentals of support. You can quickly master the technique of triggering the hero instinct if you become your partner’s teammate. See? There’s nothing complicated about male psychology.

4. Let him take care of you

New-age couples emphasize balancing independence in the relationship. But this doesn’t mean being a lone wolf in the face of problems. If you’re feeling overwhelmed at work or a little under the weather, don’t shy away from being taken care of (This is good for his hero instinct too).

Related Reading: How To Balance Independence In A Relationship?

We all need extra help occasionally and looking after you will make him feel worthwhile. Relationships flourish when partners lean on each other during times of crisis. The next time the going gets tough, let your man be there for you. Maybe the least he can do is make a cup of cocoa.

5. Drop a compliment

Founding Father and US President James Munroe said, “A little flattery will support a man through great fatigue.” There’s no dearth of compliments for men and you should use them liberally to put a smile on your man’s face. Compliments are associated with respect and praise.

And being respected is one of the central tenets of the hero instinct. So, when you’re in company, be his cheerleader number 1. Criticism and mockery are strict no-nos in public because they often come out sounding wrong. Partners ought to hype each other up, not tear each other down.

6. Don’t curb his conventionally masculine pursuits

Everyone ought to express their gender however they like. For your man, this may entail subscribing to conventionally masculine pursuits too. Athletics, camping, fishing, drinking with his buddies, game nights, and so on.

Don’t discourage these activities as they play a key role in his self-image. While stereotyping men is harmful, there’s nothing wrong with him wanting to feel ‘manly’ as long as it doesn’t become a case of toxic masculinity. The hero instinct is largely centered on being of use; if being manly accomplishes this, what’s the harm in it?

7. How to trigger a man’s hero instinct? Express your affection

Expressions of love are so very important in triggering the hero instinct in men. Every now and then, be sure to convey how important he is to you. This can be done through affirmations, declarations, uncommon romantic gestures, different types of intimacy, etc.

Reinforcing the message of “you’re mine and I’m yours” can rekindle the spark of passion in long-term relationships. Make your SO feel loved, special, and pampered. Plan a stay-at-home date or book a vacation for two; show him just what you feel for him.

Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship

8. Keep things fresh

Spontaneity is a stellar habit of couples in healthy relationships. Resist stagnancy and the mundanity of routine. In order to prevent boredom from creeping in, introduce an element of surprise in your connection. Keep your man on his toes and see how he rises to the occasion.

For instance, the two of you could take up a unique hobby or pursuit and give it your all. As English writer Richard Aldington wrote, “Adventure is allowing the unexpected to happen to you.” If this isn’t the best way of triggering the hero instinct in men, we don’t know what is.

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9. Take his advice

The easiest way to make your man feel needed is by asking his opinion on things that matter to you. Our partners often give us a unique perspective that makes us look at things differently. It’s always a good idea to have them weigh in on the choices we make. But why, you ask? Seeking advice from someone is an important element of developing respect in the relationship.

Your man has the right blend of objectivity and emotional involvement to evaluate your decisions. Turn to him for advice when you’ve got a dilemma on your hands. Hearing him out will give you a clearer idea of the situation and make him feel good too. It’s a win-win situation.

10. Make room for chivalry to trigger the hero instinct in men

Everyone likes doing acts of service for their significant other. For some people, it’s literally a love language. So, when your man opens the door for you, see the care and intention behind his action. Don’t be dismissive of such gestures for they exude love.

This is the bit where the hero instinct psychology gets the sweetest. Pulling your chair at the table, carrying your bag, or helping you put on your coat don’t make you any less of a strong woman; they only make him a high-value man.

Well, that was the hero instinct explained. We hope you found just what you were looking for. Implementing these ways will yield stellar results in a short time. But how beneficial is triggering the hero instinct in men? Our next segment answers this question. Take a look…

Related Reading: Psychology Of Love: Theories That Make Relationships Work

Does The Hero Instinct Improve The Relationship?

YES! The hero instinct in men is a great concept that emphasizes the emotional needs of the male partners in relationships. It makes women aware of the things they can do to bring satisfaction and happiness into the lives of their men.

A relationship thrives when both individuals can give what the other needs. The hero instinct makes this a little clearer from one end. Triggering it cultivates better communication habits and thoughtfulness between partners. It also builds trust and support gradually.

And finally, the hero instinct develops mutual respect in the bond. The woman learns to appreciate and value her partner, while he acknowledges her effort and consideration. Imbibing even 50% of the hero instinct psychology will be beneficial to your emotional connection.

Gone are the days when men wooed women and did the work in ‘keeping them happy’. In our times, women are equally active in bringing their partners joy. Tell us what you think about our step in this new direction – we love hearing what you have to say!


1. How do you trigger a man’s hero instinct over text?

There are quite a few simple ways of triggering the hero instinct in men over text. You can ask for their help, appreciate them, drop a compliment, ask for their advice, or be affectionate and loving. 

2. What is a man’s secret obsession?

As unusual as it sounds in our times, a man’s secret obsession is feeling needed by his partner. The hero instinct describes the desire to rescue, protect, and provide for his better half. This theory has been spearheaded by relationship coach James Bauer in his book His Secret Obsession.

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