When one thinks about how to love someone truly, the answer perhaps lies in the 3Ls – love, loyalty, and long-term goals. A relationship is only as strong as its partners’ connection and the work they put into it. Love may make you tingle with warmness and lift your life, but it takes a lot of mutual work to sustain thereafter. It demands a lot of emotional balance and sacrifices, something they do not show in 90-minute whirlwind romance movies or corny novels.
Before we figure out how to love someone, as a warm-up, I recommend that you honestly look at the range of your emotional scale. Are you resilient? Or would you compare your scale to a teaspoon (meaning, it is frivolous or short-tempered)? An honest answer will help you understand if you are ready to find the answer to how to love someone truly – whether your mind and body are ready for that relationship. And if you are ready and already like someone, let us work out how to love someone unconditionally.
What Does It Mean To Love Someone?
When we try to make sense of how to love someone, does it mean putting them before you? Is it their needs before yours? Not necessarily or not always. When you love a person unconditionally, it is all about striking a balance between what you want out of a relationship and what they need. Think of it as a see-saw in the garden, being ridden by two happy children who are completely in the moment. It is just like that, innocent and happy in all ups and downs.
To love someone is also a form of kindness. It is a testimony to your self-assurance, confidence, and how far you have traveled in life. You may even fathom how to love someone you don’t love – as a matter of kindness. It shows that love is a universal practice apart from being an involuntary emotion. To love someone is a conscious practice that needs plenty of patience.
Ways To Love Someone Truly
While thinking about how to love someone, I mulled over many things – like how many physical and emotional aspects are involved in it. Does one need to communicate with a partner in a better way? What all does this loving involved? But too much thinking also often ruins every experience, including relationships. So, maybe the answer to how to love someone unconditionally lies in doing things that are simple yet instinctive. It comprises being more consciously involved with the person you love.
1. Love them for who they are
The rejoinder of how to love someone is present in taking the person as they are. Any individual is shaped by his or her experiences – as a result, they develop their habits and characteristics. Some of these may seem annoying to you. And, some type-A people may try to alter these characteristics – they could turn jealous or controlling in relationships. We can safely conclude that it is a bad exercise. Any effort to change a partner to your liking may end in disaster.
For Sasha and Trisha, a couple of restaurant owners, loving each other for who they are, was a large part of their equation. They had a personal and a professional relationship. Each of them had habits that irritated the other. Sasha, who claims to be slightly dominant in the relationship, said that she reprimanded Trisha for things that she did not like about her. “That closed her off. I realized she was not sharing things with me. I felt extremely guilty,” she said. However, they worked out their issues through honest communication and Sasha truly figured out how to love someone for who they are.
2. Make time for romance and sex
Jeremy and Hannah are very busy professionals like most of us. They work hard for their living and are very proud of it. After 10 years of hard work, they can afford many things and have even collected a small security for their future. However, they find themselves very drained at the end of the day. “Something’s amiss,” Jeremy often says. I know what it is! They are missing the key ingredient of how to love someone – romance and sex.
If you want to know how to love someone in a relationship, you must comprehend the art of romance. Rewind to your early days of courtship for some cues. Make those cute gestures – that make your partner blush – again. And, more importantly, make time for sex. The physical linking of bodies is integral to any relationship. Don’t miss out on that.
3. Surprise them
Surprising your partners is such an underrated thing. It should be a mainstream practice in relationships. Planning surprises – whether small ones or meticulous large ones – can serve as a healthy reminder that you still think about them fondly. Surprising can also reveal how much you know about your partner. Also, suprises can make an angry partner happy.
The notion of surprise also is a hidden answer to how do you know you love someone! If you like someone, you may feel like doing things for them and there is no better way than planning surprises. So yes, go ahead and plan something that you think they will like. It will truly inject happiness into your equation.
4. Share common interests
There is no greater love than sharing – and sharing common interests in a relationship is a great way to spend time with your loved one. If you are wondering how to love someone, more than you usually do, you could participate in some things that they like. You may not have to entirely like the thing. But, a little curiosity never hurt anybody. You may even end up liking the thing. Moreover, hobbies can also answer the “how do you know you love someone” question. If you like them, you will want to indulge in things they like.
For Ryan and Shalom, two young graduates who have been job hunting, spending time on origami has relieved a lot of stress. Ryan has loved origami since he was a child. Shalom had no inclination toward the craft. “This is my first attempt at anything artsy,” he said. However, he claimed that they bonded tightly over the classes. They had many conversations while crafting and understanding each other’s emotional needs. “It was an unexpected, fantastic lesson on how to love someone truly,” Shalom said.
5. Be loyal
If you want to know how to love someone, loyalty is the key. It is that special ingredient of how to love someone in a relationship without which, it will be unsavory. It is like the base to the pizza or the spaghetti to the bolognese – it is the base of the product. A lack loyalty could signal that the foundation of your relationship is weak.
Loyalty is one quality that does not need to be shown off. The solid commitment shows in smaller gestures. Loyalty also equates with trust – something that was fundamentally broken in Valentine and Aisha’s relationship. When Valentine cheated, Aisha was very heartbroken. She suffered such disbelief due to it. “How to love someone after they cheat?” she asked, adding, “For me, loyalty was the defining factor. It took me time to recover from the fact that he cheated. I kept on looking for reasons to love him. But once it is done. It is done.”
Learn How To Love Someone
Can you learn how to love someone? The answer is certainly positive. If you want to truly involve yourself with a person, several tips and tricks can help you be better at it. However, a word of caution – you may not want to intensely involve yourself in a person, to the extent that you lose yourself along the way. Always remember that your relationship with yourself is the most important. So, while you learn how to love someone for who they are, love yourself first. Your self-assurance and confidence will make you better at loving someone else. That’s true!
1. Listen to the one you love
If there was a manual on how to love someone, listening would be its first dossier. Active listening is a great quality to have in life. It helps you understand a person to a great extent. So, if you have been trying to love better, perhaps you may want to listen to the person intently. Participate actively in the conversations with them. Don’t give monosyllabic replies, but carefully craft your responses – add to the conversation. By listening, you can make them feel safe.
Related Reading: Why Is It Important To Be A Good Listener?
2. Notice things about them
Observe little things about them – things they like and the ones they don’t. Most people like it when others are trying to get to know them. They feel good when they know their habits are being observed. There is a sense of security in it. Moreover, observation skills can also help you plan romantic gifts for them.
Sam, who worked in a corporate office space with his now-fiance Mia, told me how “noticing” helped kick start their affair. “Mia would wear these cutesy hairpins. So, I started giving her those anonymously. At first, I thought she could be repulsed – or think it was creepy. But she happily started wearing them to work. That was my cue. She liked the gesture,” Sam said.
3. Be accountable
Accountability or responsibility in relationships comes in many forms. It can prevent many disputes. If you own up to your mistakes or complexities, you don’t need to defend yourself. The clarity after accountability can afford you that chance to think about your relationship. If you work on your problems first, then only you may be able to fathom how to love someone with all your heart.
Being accountable in general can also help you out in tricky relationship situations – for example, cheating. If you have been posed with the “how to love someone after they cheat?” question after your partner philanders, you may want to assess yourself first. Did you in any way trigger it? Of course, I do not mean you should take the blame right away. But a little self-assessment helps.
4. Give space
Relationships are not always about sticking together all the time. They are also about valuing individuality. Thus, giving space is an important part when you are trying to find out ways to love someone. A person may want to be with themselves as much as they want to be with their partner. This balance is necessary. A little time apart is nothing to worry about. In fact, it is a must on the list of how to love someone in a relationship.
Related Reading: How Much Space In A Relationship Is Normal? Balance Is Key!
5. Ask them what they want
The best way to understand how to love someone is to really ask them frankly how they wish to be loved. When we try to figure out things on our own, things are often lost due to a dearth of an honest talke. There are several ways to fix lack of communication in a relationship. A frank, non-encroaching conversation may help you achieve that clarity. Also, an open conversation can teach you how to love someone you don’t love – this is strictly for people who are conflicted about a person. Don’t know if you really like them? Maybe you would want to be around them before jumping to conclusions.
Loving someone for what they are is a very selfless exercise. You may not always fully like a person and that is when our better faculty comes into play – where we make small sacrifices and give concessions. It is not a completely bad thing. Because there is no relationship where people do not have to compromise. We all love to learn, despite!
When you love someone truly, that person will make your heart flutter. You will readily make sacrifices and adjust things – without complaints. When you truly love someone, you will also want to be around them and you will also make time for them.
To love someone deeply and selflessly, you must first practice self-awareness. Be confident about yourself before indulging in another person. Also, you should be fiercely loyal if you want to love someone deeply.
The best ways of showing love include sharing common interests and active listening. By doing things together, you will be able to spend a lot of time together and thus, get to know each other better. By active listening, you may be able to create a safe space for your partner – it is the most prominent way of showing love.