Perhaps this person you’re pining for is in a relationship, or you’re in one yourself. Maybe they’re halfway across the world, or you’ve found yourself head over heels for your best friend’s girlfriend. Whatever the reason is, figuring out how to stop crushing on someone quickly can save you from a lot of sleepless nights.
However, unless the situation does not warrant an attempt, we hope you’ve at least tried to voice your adoration for this person. Who knows, a few replies on this person’s social media stories might just be the start of something new. But if you’ve tried everything from flirting to straight-up admitting that you’re dreaming up vacations with this person and none of it has worked, let’s put an end to your misery. Read this article before you spend another weekend trying to think about what text to send to your crush.
How To Stop Crushing On Someone? 17 Ways To Try!
Figuring out how to stop crushing on a friend is a little different than trying to stop crushing on someone at work. You can’t really be too cold toward a friend all of a sudden, but the “please contact me during work hours only” tone with your colleague might just do the trick.
Similarly, trying to stop crushing on someone who is taken, or trying to get over a crush who doesn’t like you back needs to be approached differently. Nonetheless, we’re pretty sure you’ll find something up your alley from the following list. So, without any further ado, let’s take a look at what you can do:
1. Don’t be too hard on yourself, give it some time
When trying to figure out how to stop crushing on a guy or a girl, the first step is to accept that it won’t happen overnight. You might not think too much about this person for an entire week and the minute they pop up in front of you, your heart will skip a beat, the world will move in slow motion, the sky will look bluer – the whole shebang.
If all these overwhelming feelings are making you wonder, “How long does it take to stop crushing on someone?”, we’ve got some interesting news. According to studies, it takes about 4 months for a crush to die down. So, acknowledge what you are feeling, and give yourself some time to grieve the loss of what you had cooked up in your mind. Just like you grew out of your bangs phase, this feeling shall pass too.
Related Reading: Dealing With A Crush At Work – How To Handle A Crush On A Coworker
2. Take off your rose-tinted glasses
That is, make sure you understand that you’re infatuated, not in love. When we’re crushing on someone, we tend to idolize them and put them on a pedestal in our minds. This person can do no wrong, and they’re going to solve every single problem you’ve ever had in your life. So, take a moment to listen to what your friends are saying and acknowledge that you may be looking at this person through infatuated eyes. We understand that getting over infatuation isn’t always easy but seeing your crush for who they are might set the ball rolling.
3. Your friends will give you a reality check
Speaking of listening to your friends, reaching out to people you trust and letting them know what you’re struggling with is definitely going to help. If you want to stop crushing on someone you can’t have and you’ve got a best friend who’s brutally honest, you need not look anywhere else for advice.
They will always be ready with the best tips for getting over someone. When your crush doesn’t like you back, they’ll bring you your favorite ice cream and chips. Sometimes, a friend telling you about a similar experience they’ve had can greatly help you get over someone fast. Or, the crass “knock it off and go get a life” your friend is going to throw at you can help too.
4. Have an honest conversation with your crush to bring clarity and closure
If you haven’t spoken to your crush about your feelings, an honest conversation might make things easier. Whether it’s through a private DM or an in-person conversation with your crush, it can give you the closure you need. So, communicate better and with maturity. Just make sure that you validate and respect your crush’s decision during this conversation.
5. Don’t ignore the things you know will be a problem
Once you’ve successfully initiated a conversation with this person and you’re starting to get to know them, keep these points in mind:
- Make sure you don’t ignore the things you know you don’t necessarily love about this person
- Watch out for the details. Perhaps they were a little rude to the waitress, or they’re so far right politically that you can’t even have a conversation with them about it
- You might want to amplify this person’s shortcomings in your mind. You can’t really be with someone who can’t agree with you on things that are important to you, can you?
6. Get those dating apps running
When the single life gets too boring or you just need a dose of validation, dating apps can be the escape you need. Unless you are trying to stop crushing on someone else when you are already committed, getting some dates on Tinder might really help.
A word of advice: if you’re someone who develops crushes very easily, perhaps this might not be the best course of action for you. Dating apps bring with them a whole new level of infatuation, and we don’t want you to end up with three new crushes just to get rid of an old one.
So, if you’re figuring out how to stop crushing on a guy or a girl and know that you won’t let infatuation take hold of you, go ahead and make the best dating app profile you can. Pro tip: pictures with your pets definitely help.
Related Reading: 27 Sure Shot Signs Your Crush Likes You
7. Acknowledge that your happiness doesn’t rely on this crush working out
“All I want is to be with this person.” “The only way I’ll ever be happy is if I’m with him/her.” These are thoughts you should strictly avoid. It takes time, but the first step is to understand that someone else can’t make you feel better all the time. You’ve got to realize the following things:
- Crushes, by nature, are fleeting
- Your happiness doesn’t depend on this person and you’re responsible for your own happiness
- If you’re trying to get over a crush who doesn’t like you or wish to stop crushing on someone who is taken, acknowledge that you won’t be truly happy with them
- Perhaps this experience is meant to guide you toward the perfect person for you (everything happens for a reason, right?)
8. Implementing no contact
If you’re trying to stop crushing on someone you can’t have or wondering how to stop crushing on a friend, perhaps not talking to them for a while will do you some good. So go ahead and implement the no-contact rule. Yes, that includes unfollowing their social media as well.
“But I just follow them because their pet is so adorable, I swear!” Nope, we’re not having it. Block/unfollow/restrict them. Stop stalking your crush’s social media accounts every five minutes or annoying your mutual friend to give you information about their life. Here are a few tips that can help while maintaining no-contact with your crush:
- Hang out with your loved ones
- Meet new people (you can go on a blind date or join that book club you’ve always admired)
- Remember that your crush isn’t the only one you have. Letting go of them might be difficult, but it will bring you peace, clarity, and healing in the long run
9. If you’re in a relationship, be honest about it
When trying to stop crushing on someone when you are already committed, you might feel very guilty for developing a crush in the first place. However, it’s important to realize that you’re only human, and it isn’t unheard of for someone in a stable long-term relationship to start having a fleeting crush on someone new (“fleeting” being the operative word).
Though it won’t be the best conversation in the world, we’d advise you to open up to your partner. Follow these tips when you tell your partner about your crush:
- Assure your partner that these feelings are extremely temporary and that by no means do you plan on acting on this crush
- Let your partner know that the very fact you told them is a testament to the fact that there’s nothing fishy going on
- If this conversation incites a fight, try to be empathetic toward your partner. It’s not exactly something you want to hear from the person you love, so it’s bound to hurt a little
10. Get busy hustling
If you’re the career-oriented kind and you’re trying to figure out how to stop crushing on someone at work, perhaps focusing on your job and taking on more responsibility can help. No, we’re not suggesting that you bury yourself in your work, repress your feelings, and head toward a breakdown. But a healthy distraction can keep you from obsessing over your crush.
In fact, if you don’t want to get extremely busy with work, you can always pick up a new hobby or get back into one. For instance, learning a new Thai recipe or blowing the dust off your old guitar can help you distract yourself. Whatever it is, finding an engaging activity allows you to stop crushing on someone who is taken.
11. Ask yourself why you’ve developed this crush
How to stop liking your crush but still be friends? How to stop crushing on someone you barely know? What are the best tips for getting over someone? To find answers to these questions, you may need to ask yourself some introspective questions about why you’ve developed this crush.
Perhaps you just miss being in a relationship, or the thrill of liking someone you can’t have has added a layer of excitement. If you can get to the bottom of what has brought upon this crush in the first place, you’d be able to shut it down too. So put your detective hat on, and start solving the mystery that is your mind. Ask yourself:
- Are you just lonely or do you actually like this person?
- What is the one thing about this person that makes you feel special?
- Is it imperative to find someone to feel this way?
- What is really stopping you from getting over infatuation when your crush doesn’t like you back?
12. Try to not let your feelings overpower you
During the various stages of a crush, an insatiable urge to be with this person might take over you. You can’t go on like this, and you need to understand when to back off from a guy/girl. Trying to stop obsessing over someone can become the need of the hour.
When you’re consumed by thoughts of being with this person, try to find something to do, someone to talk to, or a healthy distraction. We know it’s easier said than done, especially if you’re figuring out how to stop crushing on someone you see every day, but progress begins when you give it your best shot. It’s okay not to be okay but you still need to focus on moving forward one day at a time.
Related Reading: 12 Sure Signs Your Husband Has A Crush On Another Woman
13. Get professional help
A professional therapist will be able to provide an unbiased diagnosis of your situation and can lay the groundwork for improvement. Here are a few things to watch out for during the grieving and healing process to assess if you need help:
- You feel sad and lethargic most of the time because of your unrequited love and unrequited feelings
- Moving forward to heal your wounds seems really difficult at this point
- Your romantic feelings and your unrequited crush keep you from enjoying things you normally like, for example, a bubble bath, a new workout routine, or karaoke night
- You crave a safe space to open up about your intense feelings for someone
- You feel alone in this experience and that you’ve got no support system
- Even after a long time, you can’t start dating again
- Your romantic feelings are getting in the way of your professional and social life as well as your well-being
There’s no shame in admitting that a crush has got you feeling blue. Your well-being in your daily life matters, and you deserve to feel happy. If you’re looking for emotional support, Bonobology’s panel of licensed therapists is only a click away.
14. Don’t stay friends waiting for your crush to like you back
“Well, if I can’t date you, can we at least be in each other’s lives as friends?” “My crush likes someone else and it hurts. Can we stay friends?” “My crush is in a relationship. So, I want us to be just friends.”
Is that you? Hold on for a minute there. When you stay friends secretly hoping that your crush will like you back, you might really hurt yourself. As it is, it’s difficult avoiding someone you are attracted to. The last thing you want is to stop loving someone but stay friends. Most importantly, value your friendship for its own sake, not as a lesser alternative to a relationship.
15. Try journaling
How to stop liking your crush but still be friends? How to stop crushing on someone you barely know? Is it bad to fantasize about your crush? So many questions about crushes, but the answers may be just inside your heart. So, grab a journal and get it all out. Answer some introspective questions in your journal:
- Why can’t I get over my crush?
- What is so difficult about moving on from a crush?
- How do I get over a crush?
- Why do I hate having a crush?
- What can help when I’m getting over unrequited love?
If you’re still doubting the process, here are the benefits of journaling:
- Reduces the anxiety of having a crush
- Breaks the nonstop cycle of intrusive thoughts and brooding over your crush
- Improves self-awareness and the perception of events
- Regulates your emotions
- Clears your mind and helps you move on from negative thoughts
- Gives you solutions to your innermost problems
Related Reading: Why Would A Guy Reject You If He Likes You?
16. Know your worth
The truth is, it is possible to forget your worth when your entire focus is on your crush. They keep avoiding or rejecting you, and you still don’t want to give up. During such a moment, remember your worth. Respect their boundaries. If you and your crush are truly right for each other, they’d be attracted to you, make you feel amazing, love you for who you are, and cherish you. Given that none of that has happened so far, it’s important that you don’t let it define your self-worth. Here are some things that might help:
- Do something that you excel atMake a list of things that you love about yourself
- Remember what makes you feel empowered
- Spend time with people who value you and know your worth
17. Do things that make you genuinely happy
We know what you’re thinking: spending time with your crush is what makes you genuinely happy. But, when you’re trying to move on, being busy with the things you love doing can really help. Here are a few suggestions:
- Try art therapy to reduce stress and feel amazing
- Read introspective books on romantic love and mental well-being
- Enroll in that program you’ve always dreamed of pursuing
- Go out with the girl/boy next door with a killer smile (unless they’re the crush you’re trying to move on from)
- Meet your close friends who turn into your relationship experts and give you a safe space to talk about your feelings for someone
- Join a dance/art/pottery class and have fun connecting with like-minded people
- Treat yourself to a day at the spa after a taxing week
- In order to stop liking someone, you need to give yourself some space
- Even if it saddens you to stop seeing your crush, spending constant or regular time with them is only going to make it way harder to move on
- Meet new people and join dating apps if you want
- Sit and think through, or discuss with a trusted friend, all the reasons why a relationship with your crush truly wouldn’t work out realistically
- Instead of being hard on yourself, give it some time and focus on self-care activities to heal and grow
We hope you won’t spend long nights listening to Taylor Swift anymore while also stalking your crush on social media. Go and listen to some uplifting Rihanna and block them as quickly as you can. Before you know it, you’ll be crush-free. Until the next one rolls around, that is. See you then!
According to studies, it takes about four months for a crush to die down. However, if you follow the steps to stop crushing on someone and lead a healthy life, we’re pretty sure you can drastically reduce that time frame.
Perhaps you’re prone to idolizing someone, or you’re feeling lonely and miss being in a relationship. Crushes are tied closely to a fantastical image of someone you’ve cooked up in your mind, and figuring out why you crush on people so easily involves a fair amount of introspection.