Did you wake up one day and realize the distance between you and your man? Of course not! In all likelihood, there is a long train of thoughts triggered by subtle changes in his ways that made you come to this realization – Is he crushing on a new woman? Do I not matter to him anymore? How do I know that my husband is interested in someone else?
You immediately started looking for signs your husband has a crush on another woman. You are constantly worried by the dreadful thought, “What to do if my husband has lost interest in me?”
Perhaps, you decided to brush these concerns under the carpet because you didn’t want to question the “trust” in your relationship. The next day you meet a friend, and end up learning that her husband cheated on her. Or you pick up a magazine and read that a total of 67.3% of males have reported having cheated on their partners.
The seeds of doubt sprout all over again and now you wish to go back to a time when your relationship was free of trust issues, don’t you? But do you really think that running away from these seeds of doubt is the right solution? Will this put your mind at ease? You know it won’t.
Then, what is the right course of action? Well, as hard as it may be, you need to start looking for and acknowledging the signs that your husband is interested in someone else.
How Do You Know If Your Husband Has A Crush On Another Woman?
Have you ever noticed how your man looks at other women? Do you know when your husband looks at another woman, what is he thinking? What are his opinions on cheating? Does he have one ‘special friend’ whom he keeps talking about? Has your husband been talking to another woman a lot lately?
Does his roving eye and affinity to other women fuel your apprehensions that he may be straying? You may be trying to silence that gut feeling for the sake of keeping peace in your marriage, but you know as well as we do that tiny voice in your head is seldom wrong.
“Jean, whom I was married to for 6 years, had started developing feelings for my best friend. Initially, I was happy that they were bonding. But a few months later, he started comparing me with her. He would always look for reasons to visit my best friend’s home and every time we visited her, Jean would buy flowers for her.
“Things didn’t stop there. Gradually, he started flirting with her in my presence. He would randomly bring up her name in our conversations. With every passing day, it became clearer that my husband seems to have lost interest in me and was crushing on another woman, my best friend, no less.
“Since the day I confronted him, the distance between us increased. He became more irritable with me, he refused to go with me to parties and social gatherings, except whenever she was present. Somewhere my heart knew where this was all going. After all, I had known him for 8 years,” says Serena, a 38-year-old school teacher.
Related Reading: The 8 Most Common Types Of Cheating In A Relationship
When you see the signs your husband is interested in someone else, it can be hard to figure out the right approach to deal with the situation. Keep these doubts and fears to yourself, and you risk opening the floodgates of resentment in your marriage. Talk to your partner without any substantial proof, and it may seem like you’re hurling baseless accusations at him. Then what are you supposed to do?
First and foremost, you need to be 100% sure that what you see as indications of him having developed feelings for another woman are not a projection of your own insecurities. To help you with that, here are 12 red flags that can be termed as clear signs your husband has a crush on another woman:
1. A sudden change of interests
Well, “interest” here is not merely in terms of likes and dislikes. But more on the lines of his interest in the relationship, and the efforts that he used to put in making your connection stronger. If his response to ‘how was your day?’ has changed from elaborate lowdown of the goings-on of his day to monosyllabic responses like ‘fine’ or ‘usual’, it’s a sign he is withdrawing away from you. Likewise, if you find him making excuses every time you plan to spend some time with him, you need to be cautious.
Nancy, 31, says, “I began to realize that my husband has a crush on another woman when the distance between us just seemed to grow more and more. From looking at each other during passionate lovemaking sessions to we went to no eye contact. He’d make an effort to explore positions where we didn’t need to be facing each other, all in the name of experimenting.
“A change in his demeanor was evident in every other aspect of our life too. No matter what I did, it always displeased him. We had a ritual of baking cookies on Sundays together. It stopped suddenly. Earlier because he was tired, then he had sudden casual plans with his friends, whom I didn’t know. And just like that 3 months have passed.”
2. He remains glued to his phone, ALL THE TIME!
Yes, our phones have become an integral part of our lives and most of us spend more time on them than is perhaps healthy. But there is a clear difference between patterns of a general proclivity toward gadgets and using them to pursue a potential romantic interest.
Here are a few things to watch out for: Is your husband spending most of his time browsing social media platforms when he told you he needs to work on a time-critical project? Does he refuse to part with this phone even for a minute? Does he refuse to lend it to you no matter how urgently you need it?
Has he gone from keeping the phone aside to listen to you to going to a different room to talk to someone else? These secretive tendencies could be more than just a case that gadgets are hampering your relationship and might be tell-tale signs that your husband is interested in someone else.
Related Reading: 10 Signs Your Husband Is Having An Emotional Affair
3. He has a different glow around her
Being overly affectionate toward that ‘special friend’ is a big red flag. You will always find him looking for ways to talk with her, being overly kind toward her or giving her nicknames. Perhaps, you’ve noticed that your husband defends another woman all the time. And sure, whenever she’s around, he acts differently.
You might find him mentioning her name in almost every conversation. “Gloria is looking for some plants to grow in her garden, so I went to the nursery with her today after work,” he may nonchalantly mention to you. But if you’ve known him to be the kind of guy who doesn’t know the difference between succulents and flowering plants, this should definitely raise your hackles.
Whatever the situation might be, he is always looking for ways to correspond with her. It clearly indicates that your husband has feelings for someone else.
4. He is looking for ways to remain outside the house
If he spends most of his time outside, it is one of the signs your husband has a crush on another woman. He might not be interested in doing things with you anymore and whenever you do make plans, he wriggles out of them one pretext or the other. He now spends a major chunk of his free time hanging out with his friends, who you know nothing about.
Whenever he runs errands like getting groceries or filling gas in the car, it takes him a lot longer than usual to get back.
He is always looking for opportunities to step outside the house because there is someone else he’d much rather spend his time with.
There is a good chance there is another special someone in his life, and your husband could be cheating on you or inching toward an affair.
5. He avoids all sorts of intimacy with you
If he has started avoiding looking at you, touching you, kissing you, holding you, then something is definitely cooking up. Being attracted to someone else can eclipse the love he feels for you.
Remember that episode from Sex Education, a web series on Netflix, where Otis responds with “That’s nice” to Ruby’s “I love you, Otis”? Well, such passive attempts at avoiding intimacy are not just stuff of romantic fiction. You may spot them in your own marriage if your husband starts developing feelings for someone else. Consider this as one of the signs your husband is interested in another woman.
6. He is actively displeased with everything that you do
If he has his eyes for another woman, everything and anything that you will do will upset him. He might remain impulsive or angry all the time. “The graph of his problems regarding anything that I did was constantly increasing. Nothing that I did deserved attention/compliment from him,” Nancy says, elaborating on the changes she noticed when her husband developed a crush on another woman.
He might even blame you for the things taking a toll on him. He may start labeling you as ‘paranoid’, ‘jealous’ or ‘oversensitive’. But blame falls on him because we know where his anger is coming from.
Related Reading: Will He Cheat Again – 11 Signs To Be Watchful
7. He stalks her all the time
If you discover that he’s spending all his time online liking and commenting on her pictures, it is a sign. There’s a difference in the types of compliments that you give to someone. Compliments can be genuine as well as flirty.
He might try to defend himself by saying that he was just trying to be nice but you’d know when someone is trying to flirt. Especially when it’s your man. So, these excessive social media interactions could well be an indicator that he is getting obsessed with some other woman, or perhaps, even cheating online.
8. He becomes overly nice to you suddenly
If a person is doing something wrong, they may try to overcompensate for it by trying to do over-the-top ‘good’ things. The same could happen if your husband has a crush on another woman and is actively trying to pursue it.
Any unprecedented change in his behavior should be taken with a pinch of salt. For instance, if he’s been a lazy husband all along and suddenly starts pitching in with the chores without being asked to, you should raise your suspicions. Or if paying excessive attention to you is very unlike him, it definitely could be one of the signs your husband has a crush on another woman.
This sudden makeover could be a manifestation of feelings of guilt. It’s just one of the ways people try to feel less horrible about being unfaithful to their partners.
9. He becomes conscious about his physical appearance
The styling game of your husband changes if his heart has started falling for someone new. New perfumes, perfectly trimmed beard and hair, spending extra hours at the gym – all of these could be preferred if he is trying to impress someone.
A sudden change in the wardrobe is also a giveaway. You should try discovering the reason behind this sudden need for change before coming to any sort of conclusion. If this sudden interest in looking his best is coupled with some of the other signs your husband has a crush on another woman, it’d be a good idea to start planning your future course of action.
10. He remains unclear and vague with you
Whenever you realize that he is making little to absolutely no efforts to spice up the relationship, you should be watchful. A reluctance to discuss future plans with you, not seeking your opinion when making decisions, big or small, are all indicators that his vision for the life he wants for himself has changed. Being interested in another woman could be the reason behind it.
As a result, the distance between you and him could increase remarkably. Both of you no longer look to each other for opinions and advice. The relationship might feel one-sided. And that’s because he is losing interest in you. This is one of the cautious signs your husband has a crush on another woman.
Related Reading: How To Survive Betrayal In A Relationship? 8 Ways To Figure It Out!
11. He has stopped taking initiative
When was the last time he did something romantic for you? Has he stopped making efforts of any kind that make you go all mushy? If you are nodding your head, then he might be making these efforts somewhere else.
It’s these bare minimum efforts that keep the relationship alive. But if he remains disinterested in you, stops making efforts of all sort, then he is opening up somewhere else.
12. Your intuitions say that your husband has a crush on another woman
He might or might not be doing things that can count as signs your husband is interested in someone else, yet your gut keeps telling you that your husband is falling for someone else. You might start feeling distant from him. Your intuition tells you that he is falling out of love.
These intuitions are nothing but your mind speaking for itself. This might be because of a lack of effort from his side. A lot of the above-mentioned signs can also emerge because people tend to change, genuinely. Any sort of stress or tension might also lead to such changes.
Do not jump to the conclusion if you see a handful of signs your husband has a crush on another woman. Listen to your intuition. Make space for healthy conversation and communicate to him whatever you are feeling, directly and simply. If you are suspicious, try to gather evidence that can help you conclude that he is falling for somebody else.
Any relationship can only be saved, maintained, nourished if it has room for healthy communication. If you are looking for some solutions, consider getting help from a counseling professional. With Bonobology’s panel of licensed therapists, the right help is only a click away.