I Am A Married Woman In Touch With My Old Flame, But Should We Meet?

My Questions and Answers | | Expert Author , Psychotherapist
Updated On: November 8, 2023

I was a very good student and got a good job very early in life. But when I got married at 22 I quit my job because I wanted to focus on my family.

My husband misbehaves with me

I have been married for 7 years now and have two children, one boy and one girl. The behaviour of my husband was not so good from the very beginning. I have been grappling with his misbehaviour.

I felt this urge to reconnect with an old love

Recently a number just came to my mind. I looked it up on True Caller and found a friend who was in my coaching class. Although we both fell in love with each other at that time, we ended our relationship in just 5-6 months. And that too was a pure relationship. We did not even touch each other.

I just called that number. There was a question on my mind, I wanted to know how he is doing now.

We talked after 12 years

So, I just called him. We talked after 12 years. But I was very happy he even remembered the nickname he used to call me by at that time. We talked for 5-6 hours that day. Both of us discussed our life. He is also married. He does not have kids. We gradually talked about each in every minute detail, problems of our daily lives and the routines.

Now we want to meet

Now we both are so fond of each other that even after knowing we are doing wrong, we don’t want to stop. We talk on the phone almost daily. Slowly, our conversation has moved from our problems to our love life. Now, we both have a strong desire to meet. Please suggest how can we stop ourselves from doing this. We both are very spiritual people and know this is wrong even then we talk and we are planning to meet.

I am so confused.

Am I cheating?

Please suggest. We both are facing problems with our life partners. We are not getting the love we want. So initially we thought that it’s been a long time. We should at least hug so that, “Dil Ke Armaan pure ho Jae“. We know we can’t be together ever.

Are we cheating our partners if we talk on the phone? I don’t know how to stop this.

Please help.

Dear Girl,

Bilkul Dil Ke Armaan Pure Kariye. But, please remember, every choice has a consequence.

It’s great to reconnect with old friends or old flames sometimes. The choice of meeting or not is absolutely yours.

on extra marital affair

Please remember your goals

1. Why are you meeting?
2. What good can come out of it?
3. What kind of relationship are you looking to develop?
4. Will this relationship interfere with your marriage?
5. Are you comfortable with handling your marriage and this relationship together?
6. What are you jeopardizing if you continue with your ex the way you are right now together?
7. What are you jeopardizing if this relationship becomes what you fear?

These are a few questions you need to ask yourself.

Related Reading: 8 Things Cheating Says About A Person

Cheating is subjective

Cheating is very subjective and so is guilt. I’m not the right person to ask about either. But I’ll explain with an example; guilt is the bad feeling of doing something wrong or doing the opposite of my own rules. You also seem to have all the justifications for this new relationship. So just answer the above questions in writing to and see where you stand.

So you can decide what you want to do.

All the best

Snigdha Mishra

Ask Our Expert