I had an arranged marriage at the age of 19. And I gradually fell in love…

Joyeeta Talukdar
indian marriage rituals

I had dreams that were halted when I got married

I got married when I was just 19. As the eldest of three sisters, I matured beyond my age a long time back. Bhaskar’s family had come to see me when I was attending a puja in my neighbourhood. I was summoned by my younger sister to come home at once because Amma (mother) wanted me to fetch tea for his family.

Although I was annoyed, I reached home and slipped inside my room from the backyard door. I made tea quickly because I was eager to go to my neighbour’s home again where the puja was taking place. However, I got annoyed when Bhaskar’s family kept on asking for more cups of tea again and again. Finally, they left, and within a week the confirmation arrived that I was selected to be his bride. Within a month the ring ceremony was performed and in no time I found myself married.

I didn’t know how to cook and the only training my Nana (father) had given me was how to cook fish and to prepare rice using a cooker. Bhaskar was 10 years older. When I arrived in his rented house in Guwahati, I found that it was more or less like a storeroom in my home. My father was a government employee and we stayed in a B grade quarter at Digboi, Assam where there was no power cut or shortage of water, and we had three bedrooms and a spacious backyard and kitchen.

Related reading: Mine was an arranged marriage based on the man’s job rather than the man

A stark contrast in the way we lived

Here, Bhaskar lived in a single room where he shared a common bathroom with the rest of the tenants. There was a stove in one corner of the room. The government water supply used to come twice daily and at the beginning I used to miss those timings since I wasn’t used to it. The long power cuts made me feel afraid of darkness and I used to cry and think where I have landed too.

Sometimes I woke up at night thinking that this marriage was just a dream and at the break of dawn I would be in my home with my parents. But this wasn’t. I used to grow angry that my parents had just seen his family but not how the bride lived. I had started missing the comforts of my home, which agitated me the most, making me have tantrums.

Bhaskar, however, always behaved like a grownup and instead of getting angry with my complaints, he used to soothe me and say, “I am extremely sorry, Aruna, for not being able to give you what comforts you are used to. But I promise that I will try my best to make you happy. Just have patience with me. I promise.” His smile and that maturity in his voice and determination in his eyes to give me all the comforts was what that silenced me all the time.



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He was independent, mature and patient

Bhaskar’s family was well to do, but he used to live separately from his family because of his work and this was more or less a bachelor’s room. Moreover, he wanted to be independent and had refused any help offered by his father. This made me feel proud of him always. He understood my situation well and was there to help me.

He used to get up early in the morning and fetch water. In this adverse situation we both were happy, because we both grew up eventually. He understood that I was afraid of darkness and came home before the evening power cuts so that during that time we could sit together to have our tea and chat about our day. Then, we used to make dinner together, although we both lacked culinary skills or go for nights out. On weekends we used to make plans to visit the nearby spots, bikes rides and spend long evenings sitting near the Brahmaputra and relishing the fact that we were married now and making plans where we would be after 10 years.

Related reading: Love takes its time

We grew into friendship

Somehow, beside being a couple we became more of friends who started understanding each other. Slowly, Bhaskar got his promotions and we rented a one-BHK room after a year. Things changed. We acquired the comforts and aims which we both dreamt of and I began to trust that Bhaskar can do anything for me and our family.

We acquired the comforts and aims which we both dreamt of and I began to trust that Bhaskar can do anything for me and our family.

We’ve now been married almost 16 years. We have two children now, one in class 10 and the other in class 5.

Bhaskar knows that I was a highly ambitious girl and always wanted to be independent financially, but my early marriage had halted my dreams. So he encouraged me to study again. I started my graduation again when my boy was in class 7. Now, this year I am going to complete my graduation and am taking tuitions for small children. So slowly I am getting financial independence, too.

Bhaskar knows that I like to be a make-up artist and so he was by my side when I decided to take training courses. I am happy that the dreams I had dreamt for myself are finally taking shape, although there might have been a gap of many years. Yet it’s good, because I have matured too in these years. Bhaskar is a happy-go-lucky guy and is happy to be with his family with minimal needs. He has never discouraged me to go beyond my boundaries to fulfil my dreams.

He is always there for me

He’s the one person to whom I can go back again and again after multiple mistakes shamelessly and he will be right there waiting to hold me in his arms, soothe me and say, “Everything will be all right. I am just by your side, don’t be afraid, darling.”

Things will take time and compromises must be made by both, but if you have full faith in each other, then the relationship will work out. My Amma used to say, “Marriage is like a boat being rowed by two people who always sit on the opposite sides. They can reach the bank safely if one compromises and has full faith on the other who is going to lead the boat during the right tide. Sometimes, it can be towards the feminine side and sometimes towards the masculine side. They should have belief in each other that they can surpass the huge tides and reach the shore together by not letting their egos clash.”

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1 comment

Ashutosh Singh
Ashutosh Singh July 4, 2018 - 5:36 pm

So, yes age is just number and matters nothing if you are a rather matured person and have the tints of responsibilities. It is all about love, love and love.


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