I was in my mid-twenties, a young professional; single, independent, pet-lover, writer, blogger and traveller. Like all caring parents, mine too decided to find me a perfect match. And I was also willing to get hitched to my perfect man and was looking forward to a one-of-its-kind wedding that I had started planning as a teenager.
Related reading: 8 Famous Arranged Marriage Stories
In This Arranged Match I Liked My Future Mom-In-Law Too
My parents introduced me to some eligible boys they found through the family connections. I began to feel attached to one particular young man and not only because he seemed nice and was well educated, but also because his mother, my future mom-in-law was friendly was very kind to me. I knew I would feel very comfortable in his family.
He wanted to migrate abroad
We stayed in touch over the phone and texted frequently. He told me about his “secret” wish of migrating overseas and pursuing a course in marine science. I liked the idea and immediately started looking for work opportunities or higher studies scholarships there.
But one day, he told me, “I don’t think you can compete to get admission abroad or find a job.”
Related Reading: How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love In An Arranged Marriage
His family didn’t know about his plans
Some of my friends thought that he was being a bit condescending, but I managed to convince him that I would be able to cope with it. I then discussed his plans for migrating overseas with my future in-laws, his parents. They were a bit surprised to find out about it but encouraged me to keep looking for opportunities. I took language and aptitude tests and continued looking for jobs.
My future mom-in-law one day declared that she wanted to surprise her son. “We will tell him that it is an engagement ceremony, but after you exchange rings, we will have the pheras that you two are married soon,” was her suggestion.
I found it to be an exciting idea; like a fairy tale or a rom-com movie!
Related Reading: 10 Questions Every Girl Should Ask A Guy Before An Arranged Marriage
My parents wanted me to spend time with my fiancé
But my parents did not agree and suggested I moved to the city he was based in after the engagement and we could spend some time courting. So, we had a lavish engagement ceremony and I re-located to his city with a new job there.
We got engaged in January and as a couple had our first Valentine’s Day date soon. What was supposed to be my first romantic encounter with my fiancé brought some horrific disclosures.
He pushed me very hard
We went out to a party and I thought afterwards we will spend some intimate time together later that night. We went back to my place and once inside the house, I decided to make a move on him. As I got close and leaned to kiss him, he pushed me away so hard that I fell down.
Horrified, my first suspicion was that he was gay. And then I was reminded of how when we had first met, I liked him. But he had told me, “I don’t find you attractive.”
I was a bit overweight, and I told him I was trying to lose all the extra kilos. Then I also remembered his condescending remarks about my ability to pursue courses overseas. This was when my father had asked me to ‘act aloof’ and let him pursue me. Things seemed to work out when he agreed for the engagement.
I came to know the truth
As these thoughts ran through my mind immediately after he pushed me and left my home, I called up my parents and then his. His mother said she was shocked at such behaviour from her son. But soon his older brother revealed the real story. My fiancé was addicted to drugs and had many, and probably unsafe relationships, with other women. When his brother and sister-in-law found out about it, they asked him to move out of their home.
He began to live with his friends. His family was forcing him to get married. And I was a gullible find! All the kindness from his mother towards me, the future daughter-in-law, was to get her son back on track. And all his hidden plans to go overseas and his condescension were to get me to say no to the marriage. His mother tried to cover it up by insisting that she had no idea about her son’s behaviour.
The last thing she told me was, “I will get him tested for HIV before I get him married now!”
I am glad that all was revealed to me on time. My parents and friends were very supportive and I think I would like to warn others to never trust a disrespectful man. Anyway, I moved on and found my soul mate soon. Before the end of the same year, I had my dream wedding!