How Can I Talk To My Fiancé In An Arranged Marriage?

Arranged Marriage | | , Expert Blogger & Research Analyst
Updated On: May 29, 2023
How Can I Talk To My Fiancé In An Arranged Marriage? we have the answer
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“How can I talk to my fiancé in an arranged marriage?” Is this a question you have been asking yourself since your match has been settled and you have been craving some delightful arranged marriage phone conversations pre-the Big Day?

Yes, it’s true an arranged marriage turns out to be a marriage between two families and even if in the modern set up the bride and the groom to-be are “allowed” to meet at a restaurant to understand each other better, most of the ensuing interactions turn out to be a family affair unless you are talking to your fiancé over the phone. But you want to talk to him in person too.

That’s when you find yourself repeatedly asking the question: How do I start an arranged marriage conversation? Well, well, well. There are ways and means to do that. Both conventional and unconventional ones. How to talk to fiancé and what to talk to fiancé? Don’t worry, we’re here to tell you how to go about it.

How Can I Talk To My Fiancé In An Arranged Marriage?

In an arranged marriage setup, there are actually a lot of things to talk to your fiancé about because you hardly know each other and this is how you will get to know each other better before you tie the knot. Conversations between a boy and girl after engagement are a necessity before you start your lives together.

Just because the roka ceremony is done, doesn’t mean that now you can only talk to him directly on the wedding day. Indulge in some fun arranged marriage phone conversations or arranged marriage texting beforehand to get to know your future partner better.

Get to know his likes, dislikes, his views on the world, his hopes from this marriage and a lot more! But if you’re feeling shy and awkward, we get it. It can be a little nerve-racking to start a conversation with someone you do not know so well. But allow us to tell you what to do and how to talk to fiancé before the grand day is upon you!

Related Reading: How long does it take to fall in love in an arranged marriage?

1. Take the help of younger siblings

How to talk to fiancé in arranged marriage? Well, use your siblings judiciously! There are many practical ways to start a conversation and younger siblings come in handy in these situations. If you are the younger sibling, then you need to find a younger cousin to help you get started. They can be great spies if you play your cards right. They can be used greatly to send messages to and fro!

Show them that you trust them and make them understand how important it is for them to carry this message, without raising suspicion and away from the gaze of the grownups. Once you convince your sibling or cousin to do this for you, you have successfully opened up a channel of conversation that you can keep going. Good job! One more tip from our side would be to do it before your partner makes the move. Yes, it is a competition and we have just told you how to win.

This might seem like an archaic way in an age of smartphones when you can happily start a conversation with fiancé on Whatsapp any time that you please. But this old-school tradition is fun and super romantic! And exchanging messages to and fro this way in Dilwale Dulhania style could bring that zing to all the arranged marriage conversations with your fiancé.

In fact, sometimes you can get a sibling or cousin to casually make a call to your husband-to-be and then pass on the phone to you. You can start a phone conversation then. Like the idea? 

2. Kids can work great too

kids can help you talk To your Fiancé In An Arranged Marriage
Kids can be a buffer

“How can I talk to my fiancé in an arranged marriage?” When this question is plaguing you and you have a whole lot of arranged marriage questions to ask them, see if you can take the help of younger kids in your family.

Have you observed how kids run amok in any ceremony, getting in the way of everything? Well put them to good use and take their help. Even adults don’t pay much attention if you two talk while surrounded by kids. Kids act like natural adult repellents in a ceremonial house and that provides the perfect cover if you want to ace the game of how to talk to fiancé in arranged marriage. But be very very careful, kids have an incredibly low attention span and are always highly curious. So make sure they do not turn the tables on you.

At any point, they can abandon the mission because they don’t understand it. And if you two are found together, without the mediation of kids, getting close to each other before marriage, you will never hear the end of it. (Yes Indian society is still kinda conservative).

So remember to bribe the kids with chocolates and sweets: it may ruin their appetite for dinner, but it will increase your prospects of getting to know each other better. And remember if you are caught by a kid in the midst of one of your arranged marriage phone conversations, then the bribe always works. 

Related Reading: 8 Famous Arranged Marriage Stories

3. Use grownups as shields

There’s always that fun aunty or lenient uncle in every family and we know you probably have one too. Get them in on the hush-hush fun. When else will they come in useful? They just love the younger generation and encourage rule-breaking within limits. They will always want you to toe the line, but also enjoy yourself to the hilt. Though they fall under the general category of ‘adults’, they swing their alliance towards the younger generation under special circumstances.

So, if you want to go shopping with your fiancé to figure out their shopping habits or take them to a restaurant, invite your ‘young’ adult to tag along. This way, you will surely get permission to go on a not-so-official date with your fiancé. In fact, even if you are caught slyly smiling at your phone during dinner because you’re indulging in some arranged marriage texting, there is a solution to that. Ask your grownup best friend to stand in the line of fire and save you from the same!

4. Ask for help from married cousins or siblings

Is there a married cousin or sibling in your family? Talk to them. They have been in your situation and they will understand your problem and help you with practical ways to start a conversation. Especially if you are worried about what to talk to fiancé in arranged marriage, they can teach you the right techniques to chat them up. What topics to bring up, what questions to ask your significant other, and the right way to flirt — they will teach you all they know.

Even with other things, they can sort it all out for you. Submit to them if all else fails and let them arrange the perfect rendezvous for you and your fiancé. They will manage the grownups, they will stand guard, and they will let you be alone together. All said and done, you will be teased forever for asking for their help. But that’s the price you will have to pay for those precious moments of togetherness.

5. What to talk with fiancé about?

“How to talk to fiancé in arranged marriage?” “What should I talk to my fiancé about daily?” These two questions often exist in tandem.

Siblings, cousins, aunts could help the two of you get together but after that, the conversations are your responsibility. A great way to break the ice in an arranged marriage is by starting a conversation with fiancé on Whatsapp. Then you can ask your groom these very important questions or some first date questions could come in handy as well.  Slowly and steadily, you will get a hang of it and become a pro at making a poker face when your mom catches you texting him or making sneaky calls in the wee hours of the night.

You two are embarking on a journey together, a journey that will last forever. Before you get into the regular drudgery of daily life, you should look for some stolen moments of happiness with your partner. Talking to your fiancé before an arranged marriage might seem risky, but it’s a great pleasure.

Enjoy every bit of the hiding from your family, all the arranged marriage phone conversations and spending days figuring out how to text a guy in an arranged marriage — only to realize it’s not that hard. These are memories you will always look back on with a smile!

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