You can go and read all those volumes of love poetry and romantic novels on your shelf. You can browse through scores of articles on love on the Web. You can consult your family astrologer even. But nothing and no one can give you a specific time or hour as to when exactly love is going to knock on your door. Yes, love is actually that nebulous and mysterious an entity. It is the mistress of its own path and comes for us from places and people we least expect to fall in love with. Coming to love in a marriage, we all know and understand how critical it is. A notorious myth surrounding arranged marriages is that ‘falling in love’ is very difficult and takes quite an amount of time. While the 21st century believes that a marriage should follow love, the reality is quite the opposite. Many people have been going the traditional way – getting married first and falling in love later. You may argue, two people who meet each other hardly a couple of times promise to stay together for seven life and death cycles. Now isn’t that a bit too intimidating? How can we be that brave or foolish to marry someone whom we barely even know? That’s the challenge of an arranged marriage.
And research has it that 75% Indians still prefer getting hitched the good old arranged way. (Survey by Taj Hotels, 2013)
You first need to get over this myth associated with arranged marriages. Whether you know each other inside out or not, doesn’t matter. What matters is that if love is meant to happen it will. In case of love marriages you simply fall in love first and then marry after. Reverse the same for arranged marriages.
5 factors that make you fall in love with your partner in an arranged marriage
Keeping all the marriage vows and platonic concepts of love apart, a marriage is very much a practical affair. Making your marriage last and keeping it strong and love-filled requires the conscious and sustained efforts of the two married partners. Together. How to develop love in an arranged marriage? We will tell you.
Related reading: We made it, despite being strangers in the beginning
Here are 5 tips that would make you fall in love with your partner soon if you have had an arranged marriage
- Breaking the ice: The first and most important step towards love in arranged marriages is breaking the ice. You might be an introvert or a shy person, but always try to talk with your partner and get to know them more. You can share your old photo albums or Instagram pictures. Introduce your married partner to your relatives and friends. This helps to break the ice of awkwardness, nervousness and strangeness around your partner. You both drop your guard and greet each other with some degree of familiarity
- Being patient with each other: Patience can actually make or break your marriage. Always remember that not everyone’s emotional frequency runs on the same level. Some connect fast, some take time. Allow your partner that space and time to open up to you. The longer you take to emotionally connect with each other, the stronger the marriage becomes.
Do not get irritated if you find your partner remaining silent or aloof. Do not get demanding in asking for sexual or emotional favours. Be patient and kind to understand what is holding your partner back and work upon it together
- Giving each other the freedom to be who they are: Whether love marriage or arranged marriage, spouses need not compromise the essence of who they are. Give each other the freedom to pursue your own hobbies and quirky lifestyle habits. You might like extra cheese, he doesn’t. She might be a gym freak but you love your calories! In the end, love is all about accepting each other’s differences and finding beauty in the imperfections
- Let trust, understanding and respect be your love keys: As a man, you have to drop that stereotypical mentality that a wife is subordinate to his husband and her sole duty is to serve his and her in-laws’ needs. If you don’t respect your wife, then forget about getting respect in return. As a woman, you have to understand that you are in a new family setup and make small adjustments for the peace and happiness in the family. That doesn’t mean you should blindly give in to the demands of your in-laws. Finally, as two mature individuals you have to cement your trust for each other. Remember, to doubt, accuse and badmouth each other is very easy. But whenever difficult situations arise, allow your trust to prevail first.
A simple exercise to build your trust could be by making small promises and keeping them. For example, if you promise to pack him sandwiches for lunch, then make sure you do it. If you promise to take her shopping that weekend, then do it
- Try to be friends first; love will follow: Whoever said that friendship is the first step to love has actually nailed the truth. If you wish to win your partner as his/her lover then probably you should try winning their friendship first. Best friends make great spouses. I need not even tell you the benefits of having a best friend
One week, one month, two years, who knows how long it will be in an arranged marriage until you fall in love, but never stop believing in love and working towards it. Keep in mind this mantra – love will always finds a way to reach you if you are willing to seek it as well.