I was in love with a man and a woman at the same time

LGBTQ | | , Screenwriter & Copywriter
Updated On: November 29, 2023
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(As told to Saurabh Das)

While growing up and studying in an all-boys school, I observed that I was attracted to men sexually. During my initial years, I couldn’t understand it much, treating it just as another hormonal adventure.

However, when I passed school and reached college, the attraction increased. But I was not gay, I was bisexual. I was equally interested in women as well. Now, that’s a complex situation, and sometimes hilarious, because I was attracted to beautiful women and handsome men at the same time, so I had more options, right? So I must be happier? Wrong! Living in Indian society makes it even more difficult. I had to hide my sexuality and show to the world that I am straight. I had to act all the time, with my family and friends, that I was ‘normal’ like them. But I had a couple of same-sex relationships as well and a few opposite sex relationships. And I was deriving equal pleasure from both of them.

Then I fell in love

But the real problem started when I was in college, and I was in love with a boy and a girl at the same time. Also, I had to hide the relationships from both the partners. However, this led to guilt and I started feeling as if I was cheating on both of them, but the fact was that I was behaving ‘perfectly naturally’, as I was bisexual.

One day, I decided to let both my lovers meet, telling them they were going to meet my ‘good friend’. So we met at a coffee shop and I introduced them to each other. It was a perfectly normal meeting, with the one-party seeing the other as just ‘friends.’ I was glad that they finally knew each other, and this somehow reduced my guilt towards them, that I was hiding something! This first meeting started a series of meetings, where we three met and talked about anything under the sun. I was happy that we were all a gang now, but at the same time, a sense of unease took over. And that was about the future.

Whether I was going to spend my life with male or female, I had to figure that out by finding out whom I was attracted more towards? I took a few days before I realised that I was ‘equally’ into men and women. Yes, totally equally!

Girlfriend, meet my boyfriend

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As a next step, I decided to tell my male lover that I was in love with that girl too, and that I was bisexual. At first, he couldn’t believe me and laughed it off, since he thought I was ‘gay’ like him. But then I told him I loved her as much as I love him. He was kind of taken aback by the confession, but in a couple of days, he accepted this fact and asked me to continue with her as well. He had no problem!

After a few days, I confessed my sexuality to my girlfriend as well and explained that being bisexual, I have the potential to love men equally and that I was in love with that boy. She was shell-shocked and left the scene in an instant. I was prepared for this. After a couple of days, I called her and fixed up a meeting with her. She was normal but after a few days asked me to break up with that guy and choose her exclusively. I told her I couldn’t do this, as I was in love with him as much as I am in love with her. But she insisted and said she wouldn’t stay in such an arrangement. I was mentally prepared for everything. I told her to give me a few days before I came up with a solution.

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Hiding my bisexuality

A few days later, I met my boyfriend and told him that we had to break up since it would be difficult for us to come out in society as a same-sex couple. It’s legal but society is not going to accept us like different-sex relationships. And since I was bisexual I could choose a woman over man, and that’s my right. I told him to choose ‘an exclusive gay’ for his future because two gays are better than a gay and a bisexual. He kind of understood my point of view, and we parted mutually. He was mature and understanding enough!

It's difficult to choose when you're into both genders
It’s difficult to choose when you’re into both genders

I came back to the girl in my life and did not regret the decision to leave my boyfriend. Today, I am married to the woman I loved and she had accepted my bisexuality. There are instances when I am attracted to men, but I keep it under check because my wife is very loving and caring, and I won’t cheat on her anymore.

While my boyfriend and girlfriend saw it as something serious, I found the whole episode hilarious. God can give you any kind of sexuality and you just have to live with that.

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