You can judge me as much as you want, but it happened one night when her temper went out of the roof, and all that my brain wanted to do was – shut her up, by any means. Her only fault – she did not want to feed the baby because her nipples were sore from constant feeding. While, I couldn’t see the baby crying out of hunger. Beyond this, I will not take you to the things that led to it because that’s not important, but I will certainly tell you how a man feels when he slaps his wife, his girlfriend, his partner, his love, his lust, his ‘everything’ and his ‘nothing’. I slapped my wife and I know the feeling.
I slapped my wife and I know that physically assaulting your partner only gives you guilt
If you are sane, if you are not a habitual oppressor of women, and if you are not some fucked up psycho who enjoys wrecking people weaker than you, then let me tell you my friend, physically assaulting your partner gives you guilt that, like me, you will carry to your grave.
And no matter how much you want to undo everything, you will not be able to. Deep down, you will always be rotting in guilt, and no amount of assurance, forgiveness, hugs, tears, pity from your partner will help you get rid of the remorse. You will always know that you are not the material, men are made of. And it will kill you every fucking day of your shitty life.
She has not forgotten or forgiven me
Since that troubling night when I slapped my wife, roughly half a decade ago, we have moved on. We are happy, we are in love, married, with a kid over whom we still fight like cats and dogs (sans any physical abuse), and we can literally take bullets for each other, but I know that she has neither forgotten that night nor has she forgiven me for it. I can see it in her eyes and I can see that she still hates me for that night.
Because whenever we have an ugly fight where the pitch is getting higher and the senses are going down the drain, it takes her a second to say, “What will you do? Beat me up?”
But that’s not the only thing that rips my personality apart. I am most uncomfortable whenever there is a conversation around women rights, empowerment or men manhandling women. I don’t know if she can see the remorse in my eyes. To me it feels like, she likes it that I am carrying the burden of that night, and that I am still guilty about it, and that I was not the person that I had promised her to be a decade ago.
Freedom of slapping each other is not love
So people, whosoever is telling you that the freedom of slapping each other is an expression of true love, it’s bullshit. The director of Kabir Singh Sandeep Reddy Vanga is trapping you into an ugly notion of love. You don’t feel any sort of liberation in slapping each other. It’s just the exact sort of dirt you don’t need in a relationship.
I could hit my wife because I knew she was weak. But had I been the lady in the relationship, I would not have dared to hit a man my size. Somewhere I knew I could overpower her. I overpowered her then, but how do I now overpower my guilt, my regret?
What will I teach my son?
How will I teach my son how women are meant to be treated? How will I tell him how to respect women? Will I ever be able to tell him with conviction and honesty that all that a lady cares about is respect and fear has no role to play in it. I don’t know! Or do I? All that I certainly know is that I cannot tell him about respecting women while my lady is looking at me because she knows I am not the right person for this sort of chat! God, I was the one who slapped my wife in the heat of the moment!
For a moment I was Kabir Singh, I was Arjun Reddy, you don’t have to be one. Don’t be Kabir Singh! Don’t be Sandeep Vanga! And, don’t be the narrator of this story!