We Are Late Life Lovers But He Won’t Leave His Wife

My Questions and Answers | | Expert Author , Mental Health & Relationship Counselor
Updated On: August 17, 2023

I have known Mr M since childhood. He used to admire me and wanted to marry me. But the proposal didn’t work out due to a misunderstanding, and we went our separate ways. Now we have become late-life lovers. But he won’t leave his wife but won’t let me go either. 

He won’t leave his wife but won’t let me go

My husband and I are separated and have kids (not legally separated). Mr M is married too. He and I reconnected a few days back, and we have been talking to each other. The misunderstanding that was there earlier has also cleared up. Now we are madly in love with each other and can’t do without each other at all. We are late-life lovers, but we feel like teenagers. He wants to be with me but says he can’t leave his wife (his wife is aware of our relationship). He won’t leave his wife but won’t let me go also.

His dad had an extramarital affair. He remembers what his mother went through, and he says the kids suffer the most in such cases. He doesn’t want to let go of me either. However, the more I insult him or go away from him, he keeps coming back. He works overseas and can meet me once in one or two years but will chat and call every day. I don’t know what to understand of this on-off relationship. He won’t leave his wife but won’t let me go either. I am not at peace. Please help me. Will we survive as late-life lovers?

Counsellor Deepak says:

cheerful young couple hugging near river
cheerful young couple hugging near river

This does seem like a sticky situation for you. In such cases, knowing and remembering your purpose helps the most. Ask yourself the following few questions: How do I want my personal and romantic life to look like three years from now? Do I want a family? Will the instability and infrequency of my relationship with Mr M be able to get me closer to my personal goals? Can I use emotions alone for Mr M as a license enough to get into another sticky situation, involving far too many people this time around?

Emotions are not everything

Sometimes we believe that emotions alone will guide us and tell us what is right for ourselves. The human condition is indeed such that very few logical things make sense to us if they ignore the emotional element in question. I also want to point our part of being an adult is to make hard choices.

Choices that may not always make you ‘feel’ good at the moment, but decisions that make sense for the long-term. Since you are late-life lovers, the alternative is even harder.

cheerful couple embrace
cheerful couple embrace

Look for a new start

I don’t know the details of the situation more than you have told us, but from what I know, I would look for a fresh beginning and find the courage in my heart to accept life the way it is and get on with the business of living to the best of my abilities. I would stay single until I meet someone free and willing to be with me. Intention and skill are both essential for me too.

I hope this helps.

All the best

Deepak Kashyap

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