I am a 29-year-old guy working in Mumbai. I am in love with a lady who is a teacher. We are in a relationship for the past two years. She’s a divorcee with a kid and she’s from an upper caste but I belong to a lower caste. My family doesn’t approve of this relationship. We want to marry without hurting anyone.
We are very sure of our relationship and we are looking forward to a future together. Can you please help us?
Man with kid Image Source
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Dear Young Man,
That you are in love is understandable and it’s great that you want to take it to the next level. But since this is an unconventional wedding you’d need to understand a few things you’re likely to face should you go ahead with the marriage.
The Age Difference where she is older to you
Sometimes women elder to men like to lead the way. Which makes them dominating and bossy. You may not know this now but this could be revealed later. Are you okay with this?
There is a child from her first marriage
Right now you may think it’s an okay situation but to raise a child that is not yours takes a lot. During times of disagreements, you might take out your frustrations on the child.
Can you handle friction without disturbing the child?
Marrying into a different caste
She’s from an upper caste you say, can you adjust with her day-to-day life and habits? What if that becomes the way of life at your home? Have you both discussed this?
Related Reading: 10 Ways To Convince Your Parents For An Inter-Caste Marriage
Being in love is different from being in a marriage
Your parents are worried about you, which is natural. But what’s more important is your maturity level, unconditional acceptance of reality and commitment towards the relationship if it runs into rough weather. Society is a reality, so you’ll need to address questions too. Are you prepared for all this?
Do you know the reason for her divorce?
Have you discussed the divorce? About her financial settlements? If not, you must.
In the end, no one can advise you. The way forward is to use your intuition, logic and the ability to handle the situation, both at present and in future. Remember, you cannot blame anyone for the steps you take in this regard as it’s your decision.
Good luck
Best,
Kavita Panyam
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