(As told to Anney Sam)
I had an affair with a married man when I was 17
My first sexual experience was at 17 and let me declare that no one coerced me; it was a very deliberate decision on my part. At 17 I was quite mature and could hold a conversation with a 37-year-old teacher with impunity. And so, when it did happen – it was a gradual seduction of the mind that ended in bed with this gorgeous married man. He was a huge influencer for me and these are the things I learnt from him.
The value of family
It was true that I got mine from my parents, but this man was instrumental in reinforcing those values. Yes he was sleeping with me, for an hour or two when his house was empty. So you might ask – what values? He never dissed his wife. He always maintained that he loved her and their son was his world. I was introduced to his wife and promptly fell in love with her too. She was the epitome of grace, beauty and intellect. They were Jewish and every Friday they had a dinnertime prayer with the family; I participated whenever I stayed over. So why me? Their son was 11 and the marriage needed a pick-me-up, or so he claimed. At 17 when you are completely clouded by euphoria and morals seem vague, your decisions do not follow your moral compass.
The lesson I learnt was that even if your man may not mind going wrong, you must have your own internal watch guard. Because karma is a bitch!
Choose strong men
I realised that the real men are strong. And strong men are gentle. He was always willing to talk and listen and even though I was an introvert, he used me as a sounding board for his innovative career ideas, while talking about new sexual antics. Also, because he was adept at the sexual process, he could go on for an hour and not let me down, ever. He was always concerned about my sexual well-being. He also built my self-esteem and always made me feel worthy.
I learnt never to indulge in one-night stands even in my mind, because the quality you can derive from a long-term lover you can never get from strangers in the night.
Related reading: How to get over the married man that I am attracted to?
Please your man in bed
My married man taught me how to please him and myself. The importance of a good blowjob, of stopping him from ejaculating at just the right moment, of using your pelvic/vaginal muscles to take him to heights of ecstasy, while making him feel loved wholesomely. He taught me that a man’s inner child yearns for comfort at the same time that he is being pleasured. Well, more or less being a whore, albeit a classy one.
One has to know one’s own body very well to be able to make love with elegance charm and supreme sexual appeal. Actually, looks are just 1% of the deal.
Never trust any man!
Any man who can cheat on his wife can cheat on you too. I discovered that he was two-timing me and his wife – poor thing, with another girl from his MBA class. That really brought me to my senses. I found myself another partner from my class – just for sex.
Lesson learnt – never get emotionally involved with your married man – in fact if you can help it, with any man at all.