Being in a relationship with a married man is something you can easily get pulled into given the undeniable charm and the maturity he possesses. He may say that you are the only woman he loves and that he is only married because of the kids. You too, feel that he is “the one” and justify that what you have is real. The world seems a great place when he tells you that this affair is a huge risk but he is willing to take it for you. And there, you are weaving dreams of a happily ever after.
The man is using you to fill the emotional and, possibly, the sexual void of his marriage while you are in love with him. Makes a disaster recipe for sure.
Boom! Sorry to break your fantasy.
The fact is that you are not in an actual relationship; he is having an affair with you. The man is using you to fill the emotional and, possibly, the sexual void of his marriage while you are in love with him. Makes a disaster recipe for sure.
Why do women get involved with married men?
Married men are more experienced than single men and know how to satisfy all aspects of a woman’s needs. Their maturity and experience in relationships attract women towards them. They have a way with words that will lure you towards them. Many women do not even know that their lover is married before they get into a relationship. On the other hand, a secret relationship with a married man unknowingly triggers your dark fantasy because of the thrill and the rush in it.
But there is a time when you need to wake up and the sooner it is, the better you will feel.
15 tips to stop dating a married man
It could have been some time since you have been trying to get out of this toxic relationship but your love for him and the thought of a happy ending is preventing you from doing so. Moreover, everytime you take a stand, he comes with his huge list of excuses and somehow manipulates you to stay in. He woos you with his puppy eyes and begs you to forgive him. He may make a few promises too.
But that won’t last long, moreover, it would not change anything.
Remember, he is not the victim here, just pretending to be one. In the end he will choose his family over you. It may be painful to let him go, because you love him, but the fact remains that he is another woman’s husband. Here are 15 tips that will help you finally end the affair and let go of a married man.
1. Do a reality check
Come out of the world of extramarital affairs and come back to reality. Think about how bad an influence this relationship is. Think about what your life was and what it has become. Are you happy from within? Is this what you want, claiming your right on someone who is actually married to some other woman?
If necessary, make a pros and cons list. Don’t let this relationship ruin all the good things in your life.
2. Believe in yourself
Many women get into relationships with married men thinking that it is what they deserve. They subconsciously think that they are not going to find someone else and try to adjust with the situation. Such women convince themselves that they are in love while they could just be in love with the idea of being in a relationship. Believe in yourself. Tell yourself that the best is yet to come and you do not need to compromise.
Your future will be brighter than you think – you just need to be ready for it.
3. Think about your future
You are in a relationship that is doomed. Your future is at a standstill. Your youth is coming to an end and you are still unsure who you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Your let go of suitable men because you are hanging onto this relationship.
Future can only happen if you give it a chance. Think about it.
Related reading: When you’re happily married and yet falling in love with someone else
4. Look for the void
At times people get into relationships to fill up some other void. Identify the void that is eating your life up. Is it attention? Money? Or love? Do you really need to endure the pain of being the other woman to fill the void?
Think about how those voids can be filled without a married man in the picture.
5. Figure why you are always lonely
Holidays are the times you spend with your loved ones. It is a time of joy and happiness and is cherished for life. Did your lover spend his holidays with you or his family? When the world was going around publicly celebrating, you were left alone, even though you had your lover to celebrate it with.
6. Face it- you are like a mistress to him
Reality check – you are his mistress. You are the other woman in a married couple’s life. You can never take the place of his wife. He will never have kids with you. All you are doing is unwillingly breaking a family when actually the man is at fault.
7. Give him a pregnancy scare
He is going to tell you to abort the child because he cannot leave his family. His reaction will determine where you stand in his life. And once he does so, you should not think twice before walking out of this hell. You are the one who will have to make the sacrifice because of a situation he put you in.
8. Ask him to file for divorce
Do not threaten to leave him. He has prepared himself for this long time before it popped into your mind. He will talk you out of it. Ask him to file for a divorce. Tell him you can’t continue going on like this. He is never going to do it, though he may keep on asking you time.
You’d know this better, because you might have already given him enough time.
9. Stop lying to yourself and everyone else
Going behind a man’s wife and kids for your affair isn’t worth it. You have to constantly lie- to yourself and to your near and dear ones to keep this relationship going. And you cannot declare your relationship in public- it has to be a hush-hush affair.
There are so many secrets you have to keep and for what? A relationship that has no future. You cannot go out in public, cannot introduce him to your friends.
He will never acknowledge you as his girlfriend.
10. Think about the kids
Think about what impact this news will have on the kids. They are not prepared for such a situation. Would they not hate you? Can you take hatred of kids, so to say? They cannot handle the trauma of having divorced parents and custody issues.
11. Tell the wife
The wife has the right to know who she married. Telling her will put you in a bad light but you cannot expect anything else. She needs to know, because her ignorance can encourage the man to do it again with someone else. Telling her will lift a heavy weight off your chest. He will probably not pull you in his life and will perhaps even bad mouth you. But the plus point is that you will no more be tied to that man.
12. Sever all ties
Free yourself from this affair. Tell him to never contact you again. Block his number and delete his contact. Block him from your social media accounts and you’re your common friends not to have you both together. Threaten to inform the wife if he tries to reach you.
13. Contact an ex
Having a friendly conversation with your ex reminds you how a real relationship felt like. It may not have ended on good terms but it was real. You will remember your old self again. Contacting your ex is just an attempt you save bits of yourself and not rekindle any old romance.
14. Tell your best friend
Don’t think about all the judging looks she will give you. In the end, she will support you and hold you together when all of this is over. You will need her the most when it all comes down crashing.
15. Get back to your old life
You have been leading a secretive life and must have lost contact with your old friends. Reconnect with lost ones and get your life back. He is not going to like this because it will expose your relationships’ vulnerability.
Go on dates and meet new people. Who knows where you find someone.
Tips to survive a breakup with a married man
You are blaming yourself. A part of you feels ashamed and guilty, but mostly you are in pain. You thought that you will have a happy ending but instead, you are left with a big hole in your heart. You feel exposed. It is because you were emotionally involved in the relationship. You need to pull yourself together. Here are ways to let go of a married man:
- Have your share of mourning. Let yourself grieve and take it all out once and for all
- Make sure it is completely over. Go to all extremes to ensure that he doesn’t come back
- Don’t blame yourself. Blaming yourself will only justify that you were the cause
- Have a friend as a shield. Your friend will ensure that you don’t do anything stupid
- Revive yourself. Bring back your old self that got lost when you met him
- Embrace your freedom. Focus on your life goals. Live your life on your terms. Breathe
It may sound painful at first, but it is totally not worth investing your time and life on someone who is already taken. Unless you are also in it for the fun part, it is best to end this affair as soon as you can.
Published in Relationships 101