15 Tips To STOP Dating A Married Man

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Being in a relationship with someone else’s husband doesn’t feel right – you feel it in your bones. You’ve probably spent countless hours, sleepless nights telling yourself you’re going to put an end to it. Then, he comes around, and all those feelings come rushing to the fore, all the long speeches you had prepared in your head dissipate, all that sound reasoning seems irrelevant. Once again, you find yourself unable to act on your resolve to stop dating a married man.

This vicious cycle can keep repeating in a loop, making you feel powerless. Even though it may not feel like it, you do have to power to make your own choices in life. Hard as it may be, you can figure out how to let go of a married man and end the affair. The first step in that direction is to face some cold hard facts:

No matter how perfect he seems or how great you two are together, his marriage will take precedence over your relationship

You will have to keep the relationship under wraps, which may leave you feeling like his dirty little secret
You can’t count on him to be there for you when you need him the most, owing to which it can never be a whole, fulfilling, healthy relationship you deserve
It’s a relationship without a future. Research suggests less than 25% of cheaters leave their primary partners for an affair partner. And only 5 to 7% of affairs lead to marriage

Unless you’re okay with being treated like an afterthought in the most intimate relationship of your life, walking away from a married man is in your best interest. We know it’s easier said than done but we’re here to hold your hand through it. Let’s take a look at how to stop loving a married man and survive a breakup.

Why Do Women Get Involved With Married Men?

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Before we tell you how to end a relationship with a married man, it’s vital to understand why women fall for married guys. Whether you’re single or married and in love with a married man, it’s no secret that this complicated equation is the recipe for a disaster waiting to unfold (unless he has kept his marital status a secret – which is a whole other messy affair that needs to be dealt with separately). You likely never saw yourself getting involved with a married man and earning tags such as the other woman and home-wrecker, and setting yourself up for a whole lot of agony and emotional turmoil.

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Yet, here you are, deeply in love with a married man and in the thick of a heady affair, finding a way to rationalize your choices. And you’re not alone. According to study, 90% of women are interested in men who are taken, as compared to only 59% who want to date men they knew were single. Why? Here are some reasons why so many women end up dating married men:

Mate poaching: According to research, the enhanced attractiveness of men who are married can be linked to the inherent instinct of mate poaching that makes females of certain species prefer males who have mated with others before
Low-maintenance relationship: Given that a married man already has a full life, his demands and expectations from the affair are likely to be a lot less than a single man who is fully invested in the relationship. This low-maintenance relationship can seem attractive to women who want an intimate connection but without going all in
Boost to self-esteem: Attention from a guy who is already committed for life can be extremely flattering and huge boost to the self-esteem

The forbidden fruit: The lure of the forbidden fruit has caused mankind to cross all sorts of boundaries, from the time of Adam and Eve. This is no different. The secret relationship can trigger dark fantasies because of the thrill and the rush involved. Given how good that can feel, it may not seem like you’re wasting time on a married man
Proven ability to commit: Considering that he is already married, there is solid evidence that he is not one to shy away from commitment, which can be a real drawcard, making you feel like you’ve finally found yourself a real man
Sexual gratification: The experience he has gained over the years means he truly knows his way around a woman’s body. The mind-blowing sex with a married man, enhanced by the thrill added by the element of secrecy, can blind you to the fact that dating a married man is a waste of time

Any one of these reasons is enough to keep you hooked. The fact that they often exist in tandem makes ending a relationship with a married man that much harder. Be that as it may, it doesn’t change the fact that this relationship is riddled with complications, and despite the rush and excitement, often unfulfilling. That’s why it is best for you to make up your mind to leave a married man, the sooner, the better.

Related Reading: Questions To Ask Yourself When You Are Falling For A Married Man

15 Tips To Stop Dating A Married Man

Once the initial rush of getting involved with a married man begins to settle down, you may begin to see the red flags. And that’s when you start to wonder how to distance yourself from a married man. Perhaps, you have been trying to get out of this relationship for a while now but your feelings for him and the hope of a happily-ever-after gets in the way. Or maybe, every time you tell him you want out, he emotionally manipulates you into putting off the decision.

You can see this relationship with a married man going nowhere, but he asks for one last chance, some more time, or tells you that your love is the only thing that keeps him going. Here are some things he may say whenever you try to walk away,

I love you, and only you. My relationship with my wife has been long dead and you know it
I’d have walked away to be with you in a heartbeat had it not been for the kids. Please understand. If you don’t, who will?
If I could, I’d spend all my time with you but you know I have compulsions. What can I do?

Being with you is the only silver lining in my otherwise bleak life. Please don’t take it away from me
Don’t ruin whatever little time we have together by overthinking the future
Let’s just enjoy what we have here and now

When he beseeches you to stay, your heart may melt into a puddle. But the cold, hard truth is, when push comes to shove, he will choose his family/his marriage over you, leaving you in a world of pain. Ultimately, you will have to figure out how to stop loving a married man and let him go. Why delay the inevitable? Why give him the power to pull the plug? Make the choice of letting go of an affair and focus on moving on with the help of these 15 tips:

1. Give yourself a reality check

How to stop loving someone who is married, you ask? It’s time to give yourself a reality check about cheating with a married man consequences. What does your life look like ever since you got into this relationship? We can make an educated guess:

You feel lonely because he isn’t there for you when you need him

You feel guilty about wrecking a marriage
You find yourself saying, “I love a married man and it hurts”
You suffer the heartbreak of being the other woman

All in all, your relationship makes you feel sad, anxious, and on edge, peppered with a few moments of joy and contentment. This is exactly why dating a married man is bad for you. You may tell yourself that these fleeting moments are worth all the agony you’re enduring. But there is a tiny voice in your head that keeps you up at night.

That’s the voice of reason. Listen to it. Think about what your life was and what it has become. Are you happy from within? Is this what true love feels like? Can you truly find your happily ever after with a man who is married to someone else? If the answer to these questions is no, you know what the right thing to do is. Letting go of an affair may not be easy but it is in the best interest of everyone involved. Acknowledge this fact. If need be, remind yourself of it over and over again until the acceptance comes in.

2. Believe in yourself

Many women get into relationships with married men thinking that it is what they deserve. They subconsciously think that they are not going to find someone else and try to settle for the breadcrumbs of attention and affection their affair partner has to offer. Walking away from a married man can become that much harder if this is why you got into this affair, in the first place.

Perhaps, you’ve been single too long and found it hard to resist the overtures of that charming married coworker. Maybe, the man you thought was the love of your life married someone else but you couldn’t snap the chord because you’re convinced you can’t fall in love again, not with the same intensity and passion. Or you’ve been stuck in an unfulfilling relationship and ended up having an emotional affair with a married man.

Whatever the case may be, the key to figuring out how to get over a married man is to take charge of your life again and believe in yourself. Tell yourself that the best is yet to come and you do not need to compromise. Your future will be brighter than you think – you just need to be ready for it.

how to end an affair with a married man — You deserve better, don’t settle for whatever he offers you in the name of love and a relationship.

Breaking up with a married man can become easier if you work on your own limiting beliefs and truly learn to believe that you deserve better. You deserve to be someone’s top priority and not an afterthought. So, don’t settle for whatever it is that a married man can offer you in the name of love and a relationship.

3. Put yourself first

To stop dating a married man, all you need to prioritize yourself. Instead of building your life around him, think about your future and the kind of life you want for yourself. After all, why should you make him the focal point of your life when you exist somewhere on the periphery of his?

What does your vision look like? Do you want a family? Children? A partner you can call your own? Now, ask yourself, will the man you’re having an affair with ever be able to give you the life of your dreams? If not, it’s time to accept that this is a dead-end relationship. It doesn’t matter if he is the most perfect man you’ve ever met or how head over heels in love you’re.

If he cannot be a part of the life you want and deserve, the relationship will become riddled with resentment, sooner or later. The baggage of resentment is heavy enough to drown even the strongest of bonds. Remember, the future you envisage for yourself can unfold only if you let it. Being mindful of this fact can help you take the first steps toward figuring out how to stop loving a married man.

4. How to end an affair with a married man? Look for the void within

The key to ending a relationship with a married man may lie in figuring out what drew you into it in the first place. At times, people get into relationships to fill a void in their lives. To be able to move forward from this emotionally draining relationship, you first need to identify the void that is eating you up on the inside.

Besides, doing the inner work to create self-awareness will help you see that you are enough on your own and that you don’t have to endure the pain of being the other woman just for the fleeting validation you get every time your affair partner chooses you over their spouse.

5. Focus on what the relationship lacks

All of us have certain relationship expectations from our partners. Are yours being met? To stop dating a married man, you need to stop turning a blind eye to the evident red and start acknowledging the needs that your “partner” is unable to meet. Take a pen and paper and list out the sacrifices you have been making to keep this relationship afloat when you do not need to. Ask yourself,

Is he there when you need him or when it is convenient for him?
Does he make an effort to spend at least some of the holidays and weekends with you or are those reserved for this family?
Are you “allowed” to contact your partner when he with his wife?

Are you left alone while he enjoys his social life with his wife?
Can he take you out on dates or holidays or is your relationship confined to the walls of your place or a hotel room?
Can you count on him to be by your side when you’re going through a rough patch?

Is he there to celebrate your wins and successes?

Revisit the memories of all the sleepless nights you spent staining your pillow with tears while he was probably having a snug time with his wife. Would you be still making these sacrifices if you were dating a single man? These right there are the unpleasant cheating with a married man consequences and precisely why you need to take a step back.

6. Face it – You are a mistress to him

This is a hard pill to swallow but if you are indeed serious about getting over an affair with a married man, you need to wash this one down immediately. Here’s a reality check – you are his mistress. You are the third wheel in a married couple’s life. You are the other woman.

While he may have led you to believe that dating a married man who is unhappy in his marriage or that his marriage is loveless/dysfunctional/unhappy and you’re the love of his life, the unpleasant reality is that you the chances of you taking the place of his wife are slim to none. He will never make a home with you. Or have kids with you. Heck, he won’t even publicly acknowledge your existence. If you ever run into him while he is out with his family, he will look right past you as if you were just another stranger face in the crowd.

The psychological effects of being the other woman can leave a permanent dent in your mental health, well-being, and sense of self. Think about whether your relationship with a married man is worth losing yourself over. No? Then, work toward accepting the fact that ending this relationship is in your best interest.

end a relationship with a married man — Are you willing to live with the ‘other woman’ label?

7. Give him a pregnancy scare to note the signs a married man is using you

If you are still stuck in his web of lies that he is going to be with you and leave his family, test his intentions by playing a little prank. Just tell him that you are pregnant with his baby. Nothing more, nothing less. If you had not yet noted the signs a married man is using you, you will not. In most cases, he is going to tell you to abort the child because he cannot leave his family.

His reaction will determine where you stand in his life. All the promises, all the commitments will drown in his disappointment with you. And once he does so, you should not think twice before walking out of this hell. You are the one who will have to make the sacrifice because of a situation he put you in. You don’t have to keep sacrificing yourself at the altar of his expectations and needs. The only way to stop that from happening is to end a relationship with a married man.

8. Before breaking up with a married man, ask him to file for a divorce

Whether you want to end an affair with a married man at work or an old flame you reconnected with, knowing where you stand in his life can make that decision easier for you. Do not threaten to leave him. He has prepared himself for this long time before it popped into your mind. He will talk you out of it.

Instead, ask him to file for a divorce before breaking up with a married man. Tell him you can’t continue going on like this. He is never going to do it, though he may keep on asking you for time. You’d know this better because you might have already given him enough time. Be honest with yourself.

Related Reading: 7 Ways To Handle A Married Man Flirting With You

9. Stop lying to yourself and everyone else

Going behind a man’s wife and kids for your affair isn’t worth it. It has to be a secret. You have to constantly lie – to yourself and to your near and dear ones to keep this relationship going. And you cannot declare your relationship in public, it has to be a hush-hush affair. Do you really want to be is dirty, secret lie?

There are so many secrets you have to keep and for what? A relationship that has no future. You cannot go out in public, cannot introduce him to your friends. Meeting the in-laws is something that will never be in your cards for you two will always keep sneaking around in hotel rooms and in the backseat of his car. He will never acknowledge you as his girlfriend. Since he will not give you your rightful place as a partner, it’s best to leave a married man and move on.

10. Think about the kids

How to end an affair with a married man? You may have to put your own needs and desires on the back burner for a while and think empathetically about the impact of this relationship on his children. Yes, it can be hard on you, but to quit dating a married man, ascertain the complications your relationship has.

Feeling the guilt of breaking a marriage will definitely speed up your process of how to get over a married man. And imagine if there are kids involved. Would you be able to handle the fact that a family broke up because a man couldn’t control his desires and you couldn’t decide between right and wrong?

Think about what impact this news will have on the kids. They are not prepared for such a situation. Would they not hate you? Can you take hatred of kids, so to say? And will your loved ones approve of the relationship happily? Think about it. Even if he divorces under pressure from you, do they deserve it? They cannot handle the trauma of having divorced parents and custody issues.

11. Tell the wife

If you’ve pulled all stops and yet haven’t been able to figure out how to stop loving a married man and end the affair, it may be time to try something radical. To stop dating a married man and ensure he doesn’t do it again, confess to his wife. If you’re sure of the signs a married man is using you and truly feel bad for his wife, go ahead and tell her. The wife has the right to know who she married. Telling her will put you in a bad light but you cannot expect anything else at this point.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. She needs to know because her ignorance can encourage the man to do it again with someone else. Telling her will lift a heavy weight off your chest. He will probably not pull you back in his life and will perhaps even bad-mouth you and blame the whole affair on you. But the plus point is that you will no longer be tied to that man, and walk away with a clear conscience.

Of course, you have to weigh the pros and cons of taking such a step because the situation can snowball out of control once the affair comes to light. We do not recommend taking this step lightly or in a fit of anger or if you think your affair is turning into love. You’ll only end up hurting the guy immensely if you truly think you were in love. This can be the answer to how to end an affair with a married man only if you’ve tried to break it off with him and he isn’t prepared to back off.

12. Sever all ties with him

When you have decided to end the affair with a married man, you need to be strong. Cut off all ties with him now, immediately. It will take all the courage you have, but you know you have to do it. You owe this to yourself. Free yourself from this affair. Tell him to never contact you again. Block his number and delete his contact. Block him from your social media accounts and you’re your common friends not to have you both together. Threaten to inform the wife if he tries to reach you.

If you feel that your partner is the manipulative kind who wouldn’t let go of you easily, the option of breaking up with a married man over text and then blocking him out of your life is always available to you. It may not be the cleanest or the most mature move, but it will get the job done of walking out of the relationship.

13. Contact an ex

Having a friendly conversation with your ex reminds you of what a real relationship feels like. It may not have ended on good terms but it was real. You will remember your old self again. Contacting your ex is just an attempt to save bits of yourself and not rekindle any old romance, one that might have actually been real.

You do not want to go down the path of breaking up with a married man only to end up in a rebound relationship with an ex. Just treat it like a fleeting moment of contact to jolt you out of your denial about the reality of your relationship with a married man, so that you stick to the resolve of ending the affair and moving on.

14. How to end an affair with a married man? Tell your best friend

Don’t think about all the judging looks she will give you. In the end, she will support you and hold you together when all of this is over. You will need her the most when it all comes down crashing. Telling your best friend about it and being open about your feelings will make you feel light.

Share how committed you are to end things for good and ask her for help. Ask her to check on you every few days lest you give in to your temptations. She will be your support system and will help you not go back to your old ways again. Just like with any other breakup, you need emotional support to end a relationship with a married man. Your best friend is the only one who can offer it.

Related Reading: I Had An Affair With A Married Man And I Hoped For An Ever After…

15. Get back to your old life

The final piece of advice on how to end an affair with a married man is to reclaim your old self and life. You have been leading a secretive life and must have lost contact with your old friends. Reconnect with lost ones and start spending time with friends and get your life back. He is not going to like this because it will expose your relationship’s vulnerability.

Go on dates and meet new people. Find new ways to meet men. Who knows where you might find someone. Go out shopping with your girlfriends and buy a dress that makes you look sexy and you feel good about it. You can also do some online retail therapy and get some new cushion covers for the house or art supplies so that you can indulge in your hobby again. Own your life and move on

It may sound painful at first, but it is not worth investing your time and life in someone who is already taken. Unless you are also in it for the fun part, it is best to end this affair as soon as you can.

FAQs

1. What is the girlfriend of a married man called?

Having an affair with a married man is considered ‘illicit’. If you are a girlfriend of a married man, you are most likely to be recognized as his mistress. While you may be his lover, you will mostly be called the ‘other woman’ in his life. Dating a married man could make others address you with many condemnable titles, and it could be a painful experience.

2. What are the dangers of dating a married man?

Apart from society stigmatizing you for being the ‘other woman’, dating a married man could deeply harm your self-esteem and pride. Such a relationship entails a lot of secrecy and that could take a toll on your mental well-being as well. You also run the risk of leading a dissatisfied life because you are always a second priority. And if his wife finds out, you could be in a very undignified position.

3. How do you ignore feelings for a married man?

If you start developing feelings for a married man, you need to take control of things there and then. Know that dating a married man will only bring about hurt, cheating guilt in the both of you, and dissatisfaction, so fighting off your feelings early on is the best way. Keep meeting new people, avoid talking to him or spending time with him, do not pay heed to his advances, and perhaps confess to a friend to play your personal cheerleader and keep you away from wrecking your life.

4. What to do if you are in love with a married man?

First of all, don’t blame yourself for what has happened. It is not ideal, but it happens. Next, it is a good thing if you are questioning your actions and want to do something about them. It is time that you try to break free from this relationship which is only going to weigh you down. Perhaps, you should break up with him at the earliest.