So your worst fears have come true, haven’t they? After all those years of being single by choice, dodging the flirts, and surviving potential heartbreak, you have finally found the love of your life. However, there was a huge risk involved. The man you loved was someone else’s husband. And now that this revelation has come to the surface, you’re left wondering how to get over a married man who was never yours in the first place?
Despite knowing that he is committed to someone else, he convinced you that you are his soulmate and that his current relationship with his wife is just for the sake of society which he will end soon. Even though the truth was out, you couldn’t resist the temptation anymore and believed him.
So what if he was a married man? He promised that he would leave his wife for you. You were not the home wrecker because he had assured you that his marriage was over long before you came into his life. You trusted him because he seemed to be so genuinely in love with you and always told you how unhappy he was in his marriage.
After months of dealing with this, the man decided to end things with you rather than his wife. All the dreams he gave you of a future together have turned to rubble. The same man who promised you his world has now walked out on you. Now you just don’t know how to survive a breakup with a married man. It is killing you inside and you blame yourself for being foolish. You question yourself day and night but still have no answers.
How To Get Over Being Used By A Married Man?
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How did such a beautiful relationship end with you crying into your pillow at 3:00 am and fighting this never-ending pain of dealing with heartbreak? You hate him furiously yet you pine for him and wish that he would see sense and beg you to forgive him and take him back. All you can hear inside your head is, “He chose his wife over me”, but you still cannot let him go.
Soon, your mind will begin to question everything and you will start to lose faith in love. You lament not having met him when he was still single. Myriad questions run through your mind: A married man dumped me will he ever come back? Did he ever even feel any kind of true love for me? Was it just a fun rendezvous for him? Were his promises always full of lies?
Above all, you will continue to wonder how could you have ever been stupid enough to let this happen to your own heart and body? You just keep thinking: How to get over a married man who broke your heart. There are many lies that women tell themselves when they fall for a married man and you might just be falling into that trap too. But amidst this whirlpool of emotions, it is important to understand how to get over being used by a married man so you can move on with your life.
‘His wife found out and he dumped me’ is a classic tale
Sweetheart, you ought to know three things about married men: They are never sure about what they are doing exactly.
They never want to get caught. And in the end, they never leave their wives (especially when she plays a significant role in fattening his bank account).
You should know that when it comes to dating married men, the risk goes beyond their marital status as the institution of marriage is taken very seriously in society and breaking a marriage has serious social and legal implications. It is extremely difficult for men to end a marriage despite how bad or unhappy the relationship might be. Societal, legal, and economic repercussions of divorce can be huge.
Arnav Sethi, an Ophthalmologist based in Delhi, was slapped with many FIRs when he tried to object to an emotional relationship of his wife with her ex. His mother was accused of harassment, him of impotence, and the father-in-law with abetting in the harassment. The man eventually ended up giving a huge amount in the divorce settlement and for no fault of his. Now if you imagine the man did have an affair, what power can his wife have to destroy him? And rightly so, to be fair to her, wouldn’t you agree?
But here we have a situation to handle and it is yours. We want you to stop going to bed each night with “a married man cut me off and left me alone” thoughts. I am sure there is no point in beating yourself up over how you could have done this because you obviously already have. It may help you in knowing that this is common and you are not the only person going through this mess.
How to get over a married man is sadly a problem that many women are facing. But instead of finding ways to hurt him, win your ex back or take revenge, your focus should be completely on yourself. Things like how to heal, nurture your broken and bruised heart and how to get over a married man can take all the energy out of you.
Why don’t you wipe those tears off, grab that big tub of ice cream and pull your shoulders up? Remember how you fought against all odds to be with the man you loved? You must seek within you the same mettle to get over that man who dumped you.
Related Reading: 18 complications of having an affair with a married man
12 Tips On How To Get Over A Married Man Who Dumped You
“The only person that deserves a special place in your life is someone that never made you feel like you were an option in theirs.” ― Shannon L. Alder
In case you’re wondering if you’re going to survive a breakup with a married man, trust me when I tell you that you will. It may seem like it will take eons for you to get over it all, but it can happen sooner than you think. With these 12 tips, you will quickly be able to make peace and understand how to get over being used by a married man.
1. Flush the sorry feelings for yourself
“He chose his wife over me and it’s all my fault! I should have never loved him.” Stop feeling sorry that you loved him dearly. Stop feeling sorry that it didn’t work out with him. Stop feeling bad for having invested so much of your youth and time in him. Stop feeling bad because you were ‘that fool’ that you had warned others friends from.
We are not perfect and the thing with love is that we can’t help who we fall for. So instead of blaming yourself, try a more constructive approach. The first step is to forgive yourself and say to yourself, “I messed up but I am stronger than my mistake.” You were attracted to him and now you will get over him too. Acceptance and forgiveness in relationships are the only way to move ahead. Only then can you get over the heartbreak that the married man has caused you.
2. To survive a breakup with a married man, burn all the memories
Selfies, love notes, cards, jewelry, text messages – burn them all. It’s fair to say that if you want a fresh start, you have to wipe the slate clean. Whatever way you used to show your love for him, or whatever he did to make you believe he loved you, time to get rid of them all.
Vaidehi, a young journalist who had been left by a married man, actually had a closure party. Three of her friends got together and picked everything from her house that had memories of him and gave it away to a charity. After this, they dressed up and went out for dinner at a fancy place and posted glam pictures of it on social media.
Vaidehi said, “His wife found out and he dumped me the very next day. He did not even bother making an effort to show me that he still cared for me. There is no place for a man like this in my life and I never want him to contact me again.”
3. Restart your life by getting out
Being cooped up inside your room and your bed will only make you feel more lonely. Think of it this way: it’s his loss. You should not have to suffer for that. You’re still young and could be happily single if you tried.
Go out, for a movie, for the Pilates class you’ve been skilling, for some retail therapy or just grab a beer with your friends. Talk to them and spend time with them. Or simply do fun things with your girl gang. And if nothing works out and the tears don’t stop then pour your heart out in your journal.
4. How to get over a married man? Unleash the angry goddess inside of you
Sometimes, you have to take a petty approach to relieve yourself of all the pain that he has caused you. Hate messages, emails, abuse on the telephone? Sounds childish at first, but after a couple of drinks, you’ll want to scream your lungs out at him. Try it and see that it will cleanse all the toxic remnants of the heartbreak.
Also, you can be vile and threaten to tell your wife about all the lies he told you about her. There is no point in disrupting the wife’s life but also no harm in scaring him with it.
Related Reading: 7 ways to date a married man without getting hurt
5. Bock him and have no contact with married man
There’s a good chance that he will try to renew the affair and waltz back into your life like all is well. In such a situation, take a deep breath, and ask this question: “If he loved me, then why did he leave in the first place?” If you do give him a second chance, it will always be at the cost of the second chance at happiness you owed yourself.
It is undeniably wrong to date a married man, no matter what because it complicates the lives of everybody involved. So by following the no-contact rule, you can try to attain a little more peace in your life. This is the best way to get over a breakup with a married man. Just block him. Unfriend all your common friends. Ask your close friends to block him too so he doesn’t bother them either.
6. Pack your bags
After you have made sure that there is no contact with a married man who broke you, it’s time to focus on yourself. And get a change of scene. You should go visit that old friend whom you miss dearly, or maybe your dream hill station? What about dropping home to visit your family?
When you’re around these people that you love so much, you cherish the idea of true love all the more. Being surrounded by their affections increases your self-worth and improves your chances of acing the how to get over a married man problem. And there’s no good reason to not travel.
7. Shopping – the magic word
There is no heartache that a nice day of shopping or retail therapy can’t heal. Get that new shade of lipstick you’ve been eyeing for a while or that sexy pair of heels you have wanted for long. You’ve suffered something major and if a pair of heels makes you feel better, then go ahead and grab them.
If you’re feeling really artsy, then get creative, go buy some fabric and design something for yourself. It’s time to pamper yourself in all the ways that you deserve to be treated.
8. Groom yourself inside and outside
Read books that will enrich your mind and watch feel-good movies that make your heart happy! You should also join your favorite clubs, treat yourself to a spa day, take some online courses or join a fitness gym. The key to surviving a breakup with a married man is to find ways to reinvent yourself. The more you sit idle, the more you will ruminate about the guy who left you.
It’s time to embrace the single and beautiful mess that you are. Being single can be great fun too. Make time to date yourself, you’ll fall in love for sure. And once you’re so in love with yourself, nobody will ever be able to treat you like a second option again.
Related Reading: I don’t regret living-in with my married lover
9. How to get over a married man? Pick a new hobby
A jazz-funk dance class. A pottery workshop. Online calligraphy classes. Or just doodling on your notepad in the middle of work. Why not start a personal blog or website? There are endless options out there. Pick a new hobby and stick to it. It will help you channel your heartbreak into a positive output, keep your mind engaged and you’ll learn something fabulous in the process too!
10. Own a pet
Once you have a furry friend by your side, you will be too occupied and too in love with your new little friend to think, “Married man dumped me, will he ever come back to me?” Moreover, there are many ways in which a pet affects your dating life too.
At this point, if you’re unsure about any kind of therapy, then get a pet. Pets make you happy no matter how sad you are with their cute beady eyes and their constant need for love. No one can welcome you better once you return home than your pet, he will roll over, wag his tail, lick you all over and just follow you everywhere. It is impossible to feel unwanted if you have a pet. Also, all that pent-up love can be showered on your pet and that is a release too!
11. Date single men
Take time to heal but once you feel you are ready to move on to start dating again. A word of caution here, don’t jump in there just after a breakup make sure you are ready. This time around, date someone who is single. You can see the difference for yourself in having a man in your life with no constant lying and secrets. To have access to the man at all hours, including weekends and not feel constantly guilty. Remember there is someone just for you and you should wait for him to show up.
Related Reading: Is my married lover with me just for sex and money?
12. Never play the vengeance card
Vengeance is a primal human feeling, fueled by hatred and all sorts of anger. But it never really helps in the long run. If you ever loved him and cared for him, then you wouldn’t stoop that low. It is also not just about him but you too. Things are not in your hands anymore, so why sweat it? Take the high road and it will take you to stratospheric heights of happiness.
Moving on is tough. But once you start walking on the right path, it will get easier. One day when you’ll turn back, you’ll see how far and that you are no longer attached to him.
Moving Ahead, And NOT Wondering If He Will Come Back
All of us who have been heartbroken or jilted at some point in our lives would agree that sometimes what makes moving on more difficult is the hope that a married man would ditch his wife and return to us. But you need to stop all that. I know there’s an internal fight brewing inside you right now. But it’s a fight you must win. Here’s how:
- Re-organize your idea of love: Choose a favorite corner of your room, take a deep breath, and ask yourself some serious questions. What does being in a relationship mean to you? What is ‘your’ definition of a perfect love life? If you feel that what you had with him wasn’t enough and that you always needed more, then stop wishing for him to return. Whatever your ideal love life looks like, a married man can never make it real
- Accept what has happened: Honey, you’ll always be the ‘other woman’, no matter how much you puff your cheeks. Your lover is emotionally and legally bound to someone else. As his wife, she’ll always enjoy the rights and privileges that you’ll never get. You’ll always remain the anonymous woman behind the curtains
- Give yourself a chance to love again: You owe yourself a chance at a normal relationship – one that isn’t full of deceits and lies. Don’t you wish to be with a man who can hold your hands in public without thinking twice? A person not living dual lives. Someone whom you can happily claim to be yours. No more waiting for brief hours. No more burning in jealousy, only the pure bliss of togetherness
- You don’t want someone who left you in the first place: You might hate to swallow this bitter fact but a person who cheated on his wife for you can cheat on you for someone else. Do you still want him back? Do not believe in the lies you make up in your head just to convince yourself
- Think of the wife: Now that you know what your perfect love life should be, put yourself in the shoes of his wife. She must be someone like you with her own set of expectations and dreams and hopes. Inadvertently, you played a role in destroying her happiness. So, if someday, God forbid, if your husband/lover cheats on you, will you deal with it calmly?
Having these insights will help you develop a sense of empathy and compassion for yourself, for the man who broke you and for his wife too. You’ll start seeing the bigger picture. And why it is always a better option to walk out than invite the same into your life twice.
It’s okay if love didn’t happen with this man, that doesn’t mean that it will not happen at all. True love will find its way to you too. Just keep your mind broad and your heart open.
Questions To Ask Yourself When You Are Falling For A Married Man
I’m relieved a bit but how can I do with the phone he bought for me
Hey! We are glad that you are feeling a little relieved. Please mail us at counselling@bonobology.com and we can come to a solution for you.
Omg am a victim couldn’t sleep but with this few words I can go back to bed
Wow….its just so nice..thank you so much…its worth it that i read it. Made me feel alot better..
Very useful advice,thanx a lot spl when its said that karma is bitch and she will pay him a visit bcoz while playing with emotions he never cared for his wife and when he is fully done then he throws you out like a waste material..we r humans n we commit sins at some point in our lives but moving on is very important..a day will come when he will realize what he did to u ..bcoz one thing I firmly believe that causing pain making someone cry is the biggest sin which even God does not forgive