A second chance at marriage is not something anyone willfully chooses. When the first marriage falters, breaks, and hurts one to the core, they are left feeling alone and hopeless. After a divorce or separation, one may even take a long time off from dating or marriage because they are still working on themselves, healing their trust issues, and dealing with the wreckage that has been caused.
However, when that long period is over, one may see a spark somewhere that shows them that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that tunnel might just take them to a second chance at love, a new relationship, or a new marriage. Second chances or do-overs can be truly great for you.
Not only do they help you correct the mistakes you made earlier, but you might just regain faith in love and in the institution of marriage all over again. A second chance at marriage might just change your life for the better if you do it right and learn from the previous one. If you’ve been considering giving another chance to love lately, then read this true account below.
Second Chances In Marriage
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I got married when I was 21.
Too young, I am well aware. I could have easily said no to the proposal, and no one really forced me to marry him. But alas, I was young and silly. The girl in me was smitten by the suave, smart guy who was almost 10 years older, and was introduced to me by my mother’s friend. All it took was his charm, a few months of dating, an elaborate outdoor proposal, and I was ready to take the plunge!
It actually never occurred to me to question why a guy born and brought up in England had fallen in love with me. I was someone who was straight out of college, had big round glasses, and was living in a sleepy suburban town of Minnesota. I was over the moon that this brilliant man wanted me for his wife. For me, it was a journey into a new world, with a handsome prince who had literally come from across the seven seas! Back then, I didn’t know I’d ever have to take a second chance at marriage. I was convinced he was the one for me.
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It was all over, too soon
Soon, things started falling apart in the marriage. Don’t know if it was the age difference or the cultural clash that caused a rift between us. Let’s not go too deep into the gory details of what went wrong in that marriage. I would simply say that by the time I turned 25, I was divorced and back to living with my parents, with a job that I loved. But I could barely pay my bills with it.
Clearly, I was a wreck. Single, broke, and living with parents at 25. But when I thought that my life was over, things suddenly changed for the better. Where most stories end, mine kind of began. I didn’t know that falling in love again could be in the cards for me so soon. I don’t know why, but despite three horrid years of abuse in a loveless marriage where I was treated more like a domestic worker than a wife, I never lost my faith in love.
I was going through a rough patch
Back in my hometown, sitting at my desk, taking classes, doing my share of household chores, lonely as ever, I would always feel my story was not over yet. I had more. Giving a relationship a second chance with my ex-husband is something that I could never consider. I would rather be alone and miserable than be with him.
It was a strange world out there, for a woman like me – alone and divorced in a sleepy, suburban town. Most men thought I was looking for an open relationship.
It was about that time when my cousin introduced me to Orkut (a social media platform that was to be the precursor of Facebook) and my mother forced me to open a bunch of social media accounts so I could get out there and meet more men. I met a lot of weird guys throughout this phase, and needless to say, none of them were my type. But I still refused to give up. My faith in love was unshakeable.
And then a miracle happened
And then like a miracle, one fine day, along came this guy. I met him online, we chatted with each other for hours, and not once did he ask me about my bra size! Or what my sexual fantasies were! He was the real deal and took a genuine interest in me.
I knew I had found a friend for life. We spoke over the phone for a while, and exchanged long emails and lots of flirty texts. I told him every single detail of my life, including my darkest secrets. We decided to meet in person after three months and the moment I saw him, I knew I was meant to be with him. He says he felt the exact same emotion the moment he saw me as well. It was like two missing jigsaw parts finally got connected on the board of life, and the puzzle was complete. To give another chance to love is the best thing I ever did for myself.
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A Second Chance At Marriage
We got married the same year in a small, quiet ceremony, with just our families and very close friends around us. It has been eight years since that beautiful day.
No, I am not married to the man of my dreams! I did that once and it didn’t work out very well. I am now married to a man who is kind, loyal, responsible, and all things normal – and that is the definition of love for me. We have two beautiful children, and I can’t imagine my life without him. He is far removed from the fairytale prince charming image that we are fed every single day as kids. He is flawed and imperfect, and I love him for that.
He doesn’t dictate my life, we have mutual respect for each other’s space, and we never ever breach that. He doesn’t treat me like a princess and he points out my mistakes to me. We laugh, we fight, and we simply live. It is like being with my best friend. I have never been happier.
I will not say that he is my soulmate, for no one can replicate your soul and that’s what I believe. But yes, he is the closest to what people term a ‘soulmate’. If that theory is true, then he is probably mine and I’m so thankful for this second chance at marriage.
My advice to those seeking love, the next time you see a decent guy with normal flaws, give him a chance. He might just be your prince charming. It is all about believing in love and second chances. Keep that faith and start trusting the universe. Good things are coming for you.
How Is A Second Marriage A Second Chance?
After that beautiful account, you’re probably left wondering about the details. Your head is buzzing with questions such as, “How is a second marriage a second chance?” or “How many chances are too many?” or “Can a second marriage after 40 really be the final one?”
While the answers to those questions are too subjective and even though we can’t map these things out for you, we can help you with something else. Second marriages are often looked at with a lot of stigma and considered hasty decisions. But if you give yourself and love a chance, you could possibly find the love of your life. But to really make the best of that second chance, here’s what you need to understand.
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You’re going to have to work at it
This second chance is a combination of love, luck, and the universe’s generosity. But that’s not all. Just like all relationships, you’re going to have to put in a little extra work into this one too. Effort in a relationship is important, regardless of whether it’s your first marriage or your second. So when you’re finally starting your second round, you cannot become complacent or lie back. In fact, you must work harder to keep this relationship alive and consciously work on the mistakes you made in your first one.
Figure out what your old and toxic patterns used to be. Consider therapy if you think you might need it before starting a new marriage. But make sure to consciously eliminate all that you did wrong. That being said, don’t start overthinking that this marriage too will fall apart. Have a little fun, a little faith, and lots of courage this time.
Don’t bring emotional baggage into it
This is not your first rodeo so you probably know how awful it can be to bring the emotional baggage from past relationships into a new one. In a marriage, second chance only counts if you are prepared for it and emotionally equipped to handle it. If the anger, the jealousy, the wanting to take revenge on your ex feelings are all too real, then perhaps you have some thinking to do beforehand. Make sure you are over your ex too. Your current partner should not be second to that person. They should now be your first.
So do make sure to work on yourself before you jump into a new marriage. Only then will your second chance at marriage prosper!