13 Reasons A Married Woman Feels Attracted To A Younger Man

Married Life | | , Expert Blogger
Updated On: May 6, 2024
married woman attracted to younger man

We’ve all heard of the word ‘cougar’ being used negatively to describe a married woman attracted to younger man. Is this label used because it isn’t righteous for a married woman to feel attracted to a younger man? Or are we just too orthodox to accept women exploring their sexuality? If there’s a healthy power dynamic between the two, who are we to judge?

A more common term for such relationships is ‘May–December romance.’ Judgment notwithstanding, these relationships are becoming commonplace. Per this article, the analysis of US Census Bureau data showed that 14.8% of women are now married to or in a committed relationship with men 2–20 years younger than them.

However, older women continue to face societal contempt for dating younger men, even though no one other than the two people in a relationship knows what works for them. We know age-gap relationships, even the ones where one partner is married, are no secret. Our objective here is to address another question altogether: Why do married women flirt with, and fall for, men who are younger than them? Let’s find out.

Signs An Older Woman Likes A Younger Man

Wondering how to tell if a married woman likes you? It’s not that hard to spot a married woman in love with a younger man. Various societal norms try to trample her spirits. But if her emotional connection is true, she will wear her heart on her sleeve. Here are the important signs an older woman likes a younger man:

1. She does not tone down the flirting

Among the signs a married woman likes you more than a friend is that she is constantly flirting with you. As young men, don’t be too confused or jarred when an older woman approaches you and compliments you. Since they are older and more experienced, they do not hold back when they want to express their romantic feelings.

Roy, our reader from Washington, shares how he felt when he noticed flirting signs from a woman, “I once thought that an older, married woman flirting with me was some kind of weird joke. I never thought she could be into me! But eventually, she told me that she was attracted to me and wanted to ask me out on a date. Damn, that was forward of her.”

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2. She reveals her immature, fun side to you

Older, married women attracted to younger men will stop being the mature grown-ups you have known them to be. In the comfort of a guy’s presence, they will unleash their inner child and bring out their happiest, truest selves. So, do older women like younger guys who let them take it easy? Yes! One Reddit user breaks this down and says, “If they are being overly polite, act shy, or talk to you like they are your mother, they are not interested. If they are trying to make you laugh, poke fun at you a little, and make good eye contact, they are into you.”

3. She opens up to you

An older woman is hitting on you for sure if she talks to you about herself. Not just about how her afternoon went at work, you’ll notice her giving you a window into her mind. She will share her deepest fears, inner desires, past relationships and experiences, and everything else that matters to her.

4. Signs a married woman wants you sexually: She shares dirty jokes and messages

How to know if a married woman is attracted to you sexually? Well, see if she is trying to seduce you. When you two make conversation, you will notice her sending risky texts, GIFs, and suggestions that she is attracted to you physically. This behavior of an older woman flirting with you is the easiest to spot.

Related Reading: 20 Ways To Tell If A Married Woman Is In Love With You

5. She asks if you have dated older women before

One of the most obvious signs an older woman likes a younger man is when she explores his interest in older women. If she casually throws around questions like, “Have you been attracted to a woman older than you before? Say, she was my age?”, then think no more. This woman is showing all the signs she’s interested in you.

6. She doesn’t talk much about her marriage

Married women attracted to younger men often do this where they subtly express that they are looking for fun outside of their marriage, to let the guy know that he can make a move on them. By avoiding conversation about their husband or children, they make it obvious that they are not too concerned with that and want something more. An older woman flirting with you like this makes you feel special. This is also one of the signs a married woman wants you sexually and is looking to hook up with you.

woman attracted to younger man
She never really discusses her marriage when she spends time with you

7. She feels jealous sometimes

If you are looking for signs a married woman likes you more than a friend, then watch out for this one. An older woman is usually secure in her life and within herself to feel bothered by little things. But once she is in love, that starts changing and she might start acting like a teenager again. Women who like younger men often deal with such sparks of insecurities, and it’s the same with older men-young women dynamics.

If you notice her expressing unhealthy jealousy or sending snappy remarks to Instagram stories of you posing next to another woman, consider this one of the important signs of a married woman attracted to younger man.

Related Reading: How To Deal With Jealousy In Relationships?

13 Reasons A Married Woman Feels Attracted To A Younger Man

We know, we know. When a married woman stares at you with interest, whether at work, down your street, or at a party, it’s thrilling. A 2022 Ipsos poll found that “44% of women who have dated younger men and men who have dated older women indicate that experiencing an organic connection with someone most influenced their decision to enter a relationship. Second-tier influences include living in the moment/focusing on having fun (27%) and improving their sex life (25%).”

Married older women dating younger men is frowned upon, but clearly, it happens more often than we would like to openly discuss. There is a host of reasons for this bond to develop, ranging from a lack of fulfillment in the primary relationship to a need to relive the optimism of one’s youth through a younger paramour, or simply because age didn’t occur to either of them.

And what draws a younger man to an older married woman? A Reddit user emphasizes the lack of mind games, “I’m currently in a situation where I am sleeping with a woman who is 8 years older than me. Apart from the fact that she is very attractive and still pretty young (32), things are simple and straightforward; no drama. She also has a daughter. She tells you what she wants, you tell her what she wants, no immature games.”

There are a ton of things that make an older woman attractive. But before you make a move on your lady crush, you may want to know why she is drawn to you. And no, it’s not as simple as her wanting sex with a younger man. Here are a few more reasons for her attraction:

1. There’s plenty of boredom in her marriage

There are many reasons husbands lose interest in their wives, and vice versa. So if you find a married lady drawn to you, she might be bored of her husband and there is a chance she is having relationship problems. Her husband may not be interested in spending quality time with her, taking her out on date nights, or being affectionate toward her.

The lack of spark in her marriage or dealing with a bad marriage, in general, makes her want to spend more time with you. She finds you exciting. And this is one of the signs a married woman has a crush on you. My friend, who’s a married woman, often tells me how marriages are far too much work and how sometimes she and her husband just cannot match up to what the family requires. In such cases, too, complacency can set in.

Related Reading: 9 Stages Of A Dying Marriage

2. Older women like younger, physically fit men

Why do older women like younger guys? No beer belly, no saggy chest, and no wrinkles — the physical fitness of a younger man could be attractive to an older woman who has been married to a guy who doesn’t take care of himself a lot. A woman likes a man who wants to stay fit. Perhaps she has been married for a long time and doesn’t find her spouse attractive anymore.

Neil, a writer from Atlanta, tells you how to notice the signs a married woman has a crush on you, “I once met a married woman flirting with me at a yoga class where she was constantly complimenting my biceps. I don’t think she even wanted to get to know me or have sex with a younger man; she was just in awe of my body. And that is where her attraction for me started and ended. The question of how to know if a married woman is attracted to you sexually can be resolved if you notice how many times she compliments your body.”

3. Her spouse isn’t treating her right

What attracts a married woman to another man, who is not her husband, is that the new guy might bring freshness to her life and make her feel sane and loved again. Women love nothing more than to be treated with respect. Maybe there is a lack of respect in the relationship which happens between many partners after a certain point.

We ask Amelia, an art dealer in her early 40s from Seattle, “Why do married women flirt with other men?” She answers, “My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years now. We were madly in love when we got married. But things started fizzling out when he started neglecting me, and now we barely even speak to each other.

“I started dating this young guy I met at my friend’s birthday party. It wasn’t just about sex. I had forgotten what it felt like to be seen and truly admired. There’s nothing older women love more. I was judged for being predatory and creepy for liking ‘young boys.’ These were the exact words my in-laws used when they found out about the affair.”

Related Reading: 15 Signs Of Emotional Neglect In A Marriage

4. She wants to try new things

When two people have been married for a long time, chances are their sex life becomes boring and unpredictable. Sex becomes a chore and not an intimate act that two people enjoy and derive pleasure from. Often, older women feel attracted to younger men because they see in them a potential mate who can give them the pleasure they want, try exciting things in bed, and fulfill their desires. Or maybe the married woman is separated from her husband and wants to spice it up.

Speaking of the reason behind older women liking younger men, a Reddit user replied, “When I was 26–27, I dated two different 18-year-olds (each of them for a few weeks). So, about a 9–year age gap. The sex was hot. I love how insatiable younger guys are.” Women who like younger men might definitely have sexual pleasure as a huge motivator.

5. She wants to feel young and have fun

What attracts a married woman to another man who is younger than her?

  • Fascination: Older women who date younger men are often fascinated by the latter’s choices and lifestyle
  • Wanting to feel young again: They feel that a young man would revive their sense of adventure and make them revisit their youth
  • New experiences: They are open to new experiences that come with younger male-older female relationships because they are exhausted by the predictability of their married life

Related Reading: Fighting In A Marriage – 10 Tips To Do It Right

6. She is finally getting the validation she deserves

The younger male-older female bonds work well because of this core need. Validation in a relationship is when one partner understands and accepts the other person’s emotions and concerns. It’s one of the elements of developing respect in a marriage. It’s how you genuinely care for your partner and try to comprehend and acknowledge their life journey. Why do older women like younger guys then? We’ll tell you. The older woman, who hasn’t had this validation ever (or in a long time), could be into you for:

  • A self-esteem makeover: She’s looking to revive her self-image and wants to feel good again. She wants to feel loved and nurtured in a relationship
  • Exercising her agency: Some women simply date younger men for the experience and how it shapes them. A new life experience where you don’t have to be answerable to anyone can be incredibly empowering

7. She likes you because you aren’t dependent on her

Older women who are financially independent also know basic life skills and can survive without anyone’s help. However, that’s not the case with older men. A report by McKinsey Global Institute found that 75% of unpaid care work, which includes cooking, cleaning, washing, and caring for children and the elderly, is done by women.

A woman like this is confident, has a stable career, and is self-assured. What she loves about dating a younger man is that there is no need for her to look after him as she does for her husband. That is, at times, the main psychology of older woman younger man relationship.

8. There are no strings attached

Older women date younger men because they like the idea of having a companion without any commitment. It’s a no-strings-attached relationship where they meet, have fun, talk their hearts out, and go back to their respective lives. Sounds ideal, does it not? Maybe in the initial stages.

James, a 24-year-old software engineer, asks us, “Can older women love you back the way you love them?” He adds, “A married woman likes me but avoids me when I bring up the subject of commitment. It started as casual hookups but I’ve grown to like her. I recently confessed the idea of being in an exclusive relationship but she ignored the topic.”

9. She likes the attention you shower her with

Are married women attracted to younger men just for the attention? Yes, some do want to date young men to revel in their affections. After a point, many married men tend to take their wives for granted. The men are always on their phones even when they aren’t working or when their wives are trying to have a conversation with them. In such a scenario, an older woman may fall for a younger man who gives her the attention she needs.

age gap relationship

10. Younger male-older female relationships boost her ego

The attention of a young man could boost her confidence and ego. Feeling desired after a very long time could make her feel young and happy. This is one of the benefits of extramarital affairs. Georgina, a 52-year-old wildlife researcher, talks about the psychology of older woman younger man relationship, “As an older woman attracted to a younger guy who is in his late 20s, I can say that young guys are sweeter in general. 

“He has no tantrums. He doesn’t care about how much I earn or what I can bring to the table in this dynamic. Everything is so spontaneous. He is more respectful than both my husbands (ex and current) have ever been, and his desire for me boosts my confidence.”

11. Younger men are more fertile and she wants to get pregnant 

A study that analyzed 631 women aged 40–46 and their partners aged 25–70 found that the “biological clock ticks for both men and women, with fertility levels taking a plunge once an individual hits 40 years.” The study concluded, “that a woman in her 40s will have better chances of success at conception with a younger man.” Michael Dahan, the study author, observes that “this could be a solution offered to women of advanced age who are struggling to conceive.”

12. She likes the thrill of dating young boys

If she has been settled and living comfortably for a long time, the idea of dating someone new, especially someone younger than her, can be tempting. For her, this older woman-younger guy dynamic could simply be frivolous and casual. Or it could be about need-fulfillment. So, even if you see the signs a married woman wants you to make a move over text or in person, she may not be ready for more.

Aidan, a writer based out of Milwaukee, tells us his experience of loving an older woman, “A married woman tells me her problems, hangs out with me often, but never really calls me back or texts otherwise. She is in it for fun. I even think this married woman likes me but avoids me because I am some kind of escape for her and nothing more.”

Related Reading: How To Hookup On Tinder? The Right Way To Do It

13. She is genuinely in love with you

On the flip side, love can happen too. Has age got anything to do with love? Certainly not. If you’re mature enough to be in a relationship with an older woman and know how a woman wants to be treated, she may have genuinely fallen for you. We need to get out of this stigma around older women dating younger men. If you both are on the same level of maturity, trust, and respect for each other, then nothing should stop you from being together.

Can An Older Woman–Younger Man Relationship Work?

A 2022 Ipsos poll talks about younger male-older female relationships. It found that “six in ten (60%) Americans believe it is acceptable for a woman to date someone 10+ years younger than her, while 71% believe it is acceptable for a man to date someone 10+ years younger than him.” We’re a little less okay with women wanting the same things as a man — Clearly. But the majority is still with you, and this acceptance helps in the success of any relationship.

When asked on Reddit if older woman-younger guy relationships can work, a user replied, “I (27M) just had one of the best weekends of my life with my partner (48F). We even had dinner with her son (23M). I feel like we’re only growing closer every day I get to spend with her. We have been together for around 8 months and I say she’s the only good thing to happen this year.”

Older women love stability. They are more self-assured and confident and have already put in a lot of hard work into themselves. Do you see how easy loving an older woman is? Such female features attract a man immensely. Even if this older woman-younger guy relationship begins for the thrill and excitement of it all, it can turn into something meaningful in the long term if the couple establishes ground rules and boundaries from the get-go. 

There is no reason for such relationships to not work. Any relationship, irrespective of age and sexuality, has its own set of challenges and hurdles. Many say that such gaps in relationships will only make couples end up in family therapy, but that can happen in any romantic bond. And the relationship between married older women and younger men is no different. The age gap doesn’t matter when you’re in love; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Key Pointers

  • Older women attracted to younger men want to experience the thrill of dating someone much younger than them
  • It boosts their confidence and ego and makes them believe in themselves 
  • An older woman attracted to a younger man may just want to revive her sex life or she might be looking for validation and support
  • What makes an older woman attractive is her inner sense of security, clarity of intent, and progressive thinking
  • There’s a lot of stigma attached to these younger male-older female relationships, but if the power dynamic is healthy, there’s plenty of evidence that such relationships work well

A final note for younger men: If a married woman smiles at you, it doesn’t mean that she wants to have sex with you. It could also mean that she wants to have a meaningful connection. Just because a person is getting older, doesn’t mean they don’t have the desire to be understood and loved. Also, remember that people don’t fall in love after carefully analyzing their age and gender. Love just happens.


1. What makes a woman attracted to a younger man?

A married woman attracted to younger man might have romantic feelings for him because of his physical appearance. She could be attracted to his personality, the enthusiasm to try new things, and because there are no strings attached.

2. What are the signs a married woman wants you to make a move?

If a married woman smiles at you, touches you, and explicitly tells you that she is attracted to you (or a physical feature of yours), then these are some of the signs a married woman wants you to make a move over text or in person. 

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Readers Comments On “13 Reasons A Married Woman Feels Attracted To A Younger Man”

  1. Every thing is fine unless u cheat,most of these are garbage shit who cheats for their desire like their partner don’t have heart ,nothing wrong in saying a cheater is a garbage person

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