We’ve all heard of the word “cougar” being used negatively to describe married older women who develop a liking toward younger men. I’ve never understood why this label is so guilt-inducing. Is it because it isn’t righteous for a married woman to feel attracted to a younger man? Or are we just too orthodox to accept women exploring their sexuality?
Whatever the reason, we are nobody to judge yet sexist terms like “sugar mama” and “cougar” are casually thrown around. A more couth term for such relationships is “May-December Romance”. The judgment notwithstanding, these relationships are becoming commonplace. According to a survey, 34% of women over the age of 40 were dating younger men.
However, it is also true that they continue to face societal contempt when age shouldn’t be a problem because no one other than the two people in a relationship really knows what works for them. We know age-gap relationships, even the ones where one partner is married, are no secret. Our objective here is to address another question altogether: why do older women like younger men? Let’s find out.
13 Reasons A Married Woman Feels Attracted To A Younger Man
Married older women dating younger men is not unheard of. It’s frowned upon but we have seen it more often than we would like to openly discuss. This can happen for a host of reasons, ranging from lack of fulfillment in the primary relationship to a need to relive the optimism and positivity of one’s youth through a younger paramour.
What about the younger man in such an equation? What draws him to an older, married woman? Responding to this question, a Reddit user says, “I’m currently in a situation where I am sleeping with a woman who is 8 years older than me. Apart from the fact that she is very attractive and still pretty young (32), things are simple and straightforward; no drama. She also has a daughter. She tells you what she wants, you tell her what she wants, no immature games.”
When a married woman stares at you, it could be thrilling and enticing. You start looking for signs a married woman wants you to make a move over text or in person. Before you do that, you may want to know why she is drawn to you. Here are some reasons:
1. Boredom in her marriage
One of the main reasons why an older woman could be inclined toward a younger man is that she finds him exciting. She is probably bored of her husband and there are chances her marriage could be in a rut. There are many reasons why husbands lose interest in their wives. Her husband may not be interested in spending quality time with her, taking her out on date nights, or being affectionate toward her. The lack of spark in her marriage could be the reason why she is attracted to you.
Related Reading: 9 Stages Of A Dying Marriage
2. Younger men are physically fit
No beer belly, no saggy chest, and no wrinkles – the physique of a younger man could be attractive to an older woman. When a married woman stares at younger men, it could be because she is attracted to their physical fitness. Perhaps, she has been married for a long time and doesn’t find her spouse attractive anymore. This can work both ways. Older men date younger women because they find them more attractive than women their age.
3. Her spouse isn’t treating her right
Women love nothing more than to be treated with respect. Maybe there is a lack of respect in the relationship. If you treat her with respect, she may begin to warm up to you and may even take the initiative to ask you out. Making the first move is one of the most common signs an older woman likes a younger man.
Ameilia, a woman in her early 40s from Seattle, says, “My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years now. We were madly in love when we got married. But things started fizzling out and now we barely even speak to each other.
“I started dating this young guy I met at my friend’s birthday party. It wasn’t just about sex. I had forgotten what it felt like to be seen and truly admired. I was judged for being predatory and creepy for liking ‘young boys’. These were the exact words my in-laws used when they found out about the affair.”
4. She wants to try new things
When two people have been married for a long time, chances are their sex life becomes boring and unpredictable. Sex becomes a chore and not an intimate act that two people enjoy and derive pleasure from. Often, older women feel attracted to younger men because they see in them a potential mate who can give them the pleasure they want, try exciting things in bed, and fulfill their desires. Or maybe the married woman is separated from her husband and wants to spice up her sex life.
Speaking of the reason behind older women liking younger men, a Reddit user replied, “When I was 26-27, I dated two different 18-year-olds (each of them for a few weeks). So, about a 9-year age gap. The sex was really hot. I love how insatiable younger guys are.”
5. She wants to feel young and have fun
Older women who date younger men are often fascinated by the latter’s choices and lifestyle. They feel that a young man would revive their sense of adventure and make them revisit their youth. They are open to new experiences with a younger partner because they are exhausted by the predictability of their married life.
A Reddit user shares why dating a younger guy made them feel young, “I dated a 22-year-old when I was 32. I knew it was sort of a “summer project” going into it, no real prospect for a long-term relationship so that really took the pressure off. We had FUN. He was up for almost anything and was excited about almost everything. I knew if I asked him to go to a concert or a party or even just out for lunch, he was going to say yes and he was going to see it as an adventure.
“Guys I had dated before were always laid back and cynical and afraid to be excited about anything. The young guy was super-hot and demonstrative in public, which made me feel sexy and desired.”
Related Reading: Fighting In A Marriage – 10 Tips To Do It Right
6. She is finally getting the validation she deserves
Validation in a relationship is when one partner understands and accepts the other person’s emotions, problems, and concerns. It’s one of the elements of developing respect in a marriage. It’s about how you genuinely care for your partner and try to comprehend and acknowledge their troubles. When an older woman doesn’t get this validation in her primary relationship, she might look for it in a younger partner.
7. The younger man isn’t dependent on her
Most older women are financially independent. They know basic life skills and can survive without anyone’s help. However, that’s not the case in older men. A report by McKinsey Global Institute found that 75% of unpaid care work, which includes cooking, cleaning, washing, and caring for children and the elderly, is done by women.
They are confident, have stable careers, and are self-assured. When she starts dating a younger guy, there is no need for her to look after him as she does for her husband. Maybe that’s what she wants. A fun and exciting connection with someone sans the baggage of responsibilities.
8. There are no strings attached
Older women date younger men because they like the idea of having a companion without any commitment. It’s a no strings attached relationship where they meet, have fun, talk their hearts out, and go back to their respective lives.
James, a 24-year-old software engineer, says, “A married woman likes me but avoids me when I bring up the subject of commitment. It started as casual hookups but I’ve grown to really like her. I recently confessed the idea of being in an exclusive relationship but she ignored the topic.”
9. She likes the attention he showers her with
Married men tend to take their wives for granted. They are always on their phone even when they aren’t working or when their wives are trying to have a conversation with them. Women want nothing more than attention and appreciation in a relationship. An older woman may fall for a younger man who gives her the attention she wants.
10. It boosts her ego
The attention of a young man could boost their confidence and ego. Feeling desired after a very long time could make her feel young and happy. This is one of the benefits of extramarital affairs. Georgina, a woman in her early 40s says, “As an older woman attracted to a younger guy who is in his 20s, I can say that young guys are sweeter in general.
“He has no tantrums. He doesn’t care about how much I earn or what I can bring to the table in this dynamic. Everything is so spontaneous. He is more respectful than both my husbands have ever been and his desire for me really boosts my confidence.”
Related Reading: When To Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage – Know These 11 Signs
11. Younger men are more fertile and she wants to get pregnant
A study that analyzed 631 women aged between 40 and 46 and their partners whose ages ranged between 25 and 70 found that older women who are trying to conceive should seek younger men.
Biological clock ticks for both men and women. So, if a woman is recently divorced, lonely after a divorce, or separated from her husband and wants to get pregnant, she may turn toward a younger man, who is more fertile than any prospect her age or older.
12. She likes the thrill of dating young boys
If she has been settled and living comfortably for a long time, the idea of dating someone new, especially someone younger than her, can be tempting. A Reddit user shared, “I do like admiring attractive young men from a distance, yes, because the idea of being with them is thrilling. But I wouldn’t consider being in a relationship with one.”
13. She is genuinely in love with him
Has age got to do anything with love? Certainly not. If you’re mature enough to be in a relationship with an older woman and know how to treat her right, she may have genuinely fallen for you.
A woman on Reddit shares about dating a younger man. The user says, “My boyfriend and I started dating when my ex-husband and I were on the brink of getting a divorce. Women sure are judged more for dating younger guys. I refuse to explain us beyond saying I feel like we are a sexy inter-generational change that the world needs to see.”
We really need to get out of this negative stigma around older women dating younger men. If you both are on the same level of maturity, trust, and respect for each other, then nothing should stop you from being together.
Can An Older Woman-Younger Man Relationship Work?
When asked on Reddit if such relationships can work, a user replied, “I (27M) just had one of the best weekends of my life with my partner (48F). We even had dinner with her son (23M). I feel like we’re only growing closer every day I get to spend with her. We have been together for around 8 months and I say she’s the only good thing to happen this year.”
Older women are more self-assured and confident. These are some female features that attract a man immensely. Even if such a relationship may begin for the thrill and excitement of it all, it can turn into something meaningful and long-term, if the couple establishes ground rules and boundaries from the get-go.
There is no reason for such relationships to not work. Any relationship, irrespective of age and sexual preference has its own set of challenges and hurdles. The relationship between married older women and younger men is no different. The age gap doesn’t matter when you’re in love.
- Older women attracted to younger men want to experience the thrill of dating someone much younger than them
- It boosts their confidence and ego
- An older woman attracted to a younger man wants to revive her sex life
If a married woman smiles at you, it doesn’t really mean that she wants to have sex with you. It could also mean that she wants to have a meaningful connection. Just because a person is getting older, doesn’t mean they don’t have the desire to be understood and loved. People don’t fall in love after carefully analyzing their age and gender. Love just happens. No reason whatsoever.
A woman could be attracted to a younger man because of his physical appearance. She could be attracted to his personality, the enthusiasm to try new things, and the whole concept of no strings attached.
If a married woman smiles at you, touches you, and explicitly tells you that she is attracted to you, then these are some of the signs a married woman wants you to make a move over text or in person.