Can there be benefits of extramarital affairs? Can there be positive effects of an extramarital affair on your marriage? You might be thinking that we are trying to talk about advantages of extramarital affairs when all you have ever heard, read or seen are the disadvantages of extramarital affairs.
Extramarital affairs can come with pain, torment and guilt there is no denying that. Sexual exclusivity in a marriage is a given, partners vow to be intimate with only each other and do so with the utmost sincerity. But when they don’t stick to that an extramarital affair starts.
They do believe that they will be faithful to their life partner, but as marriage chugs along and the routine and everyday struggles start casting their shadow over romance and sex, couples do begin to lose interest in each other.
A friend looks at them differently, pays an extra compliment, shares shayries in the collective WhatsApp group, and the heart somersaults. No one begins by thinking that this harmless attention or innocent friendship will lead to a full-fledged extramarital affair, but often it does.
Related Reading: It had all started with innocuous flirting on WhatsApp
Affairs are the enemies of marriages. Yet many marriages become tolerable for the simple fact that it can pump in excitement where it is completely lacking. Can there be advantages of an extramarital affair? Yes, not one but many.
12 Ways An Extramarital Affair Can Help Your Marriage
What if an extramarital affair was the bump in your marriage that was needed? What if the affair prompted you to take a closer look at your relationship, figure out the larger issues that perhaps led to the affair, and fix those?
This husband said his wife’s affair made him realise a lot of things about himself. What if this helped the two of you make each other a priority in your lives again? Romantic desire loves to bite the forbidden fruit but this can bring back romance in a marriage. Strange but true.
All couples need to work against this biological tide of waning passion and perhaps in your life that has come because of an extramarital affair. That’s why if you are looking for signs of a cheating husband the first thing you will know that he has become more enthusiastic in bed or is busy getting you surprise gifts or taking you out for dinner.
Related Reading: Why we should stop judging people for extramarital affairs
While experiencing an affair, there are new revelations, many of which could be directly linked to your marriage. Here are 12 ways in which an affair might help your marriage. There can be benefits of extramarital affairs that’s why couples are more open to affairs now.
1. It boosts your confidence
The longer your marriage is, the higher is the frequency of your ‘dry days’. Your sexual inactivity lowers morale; you feel that your partner does not desire you. You stop putting in efforts to look good, and life becomes even duller.
An affair brings back the motivation to work on yourself again. You begin hitting the gym, get a hairstyle change, maybe get a bikini wax!
Related Reading: How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating
Your affair partner compliments you and you feel those butterflies in your stomach again and the slight intoxication. Songs make more sense; you find yourself humming and cheerful. Being desired and wanted is a huge confidence booster.
You become more energetic, and you love this new you! Your spouse sees this new vibe in you and feels a stir. He/she too steps up the game, hits the gym, and before both of you know, you are making crazy passionate love with your spouse.
2. You will be able to revive your marriage
New experiences give you new perspectives and ideas. You bring all that you do with your affair partner to your own home. You take the time to reconnect with your spouse, go on long drives, listen to romantic songs together, give each other that forgotten compliment.
Watching cute shows on Netflix. All the hardness that has crept up in the marriage can slowly chip away as softer feelings; affection makes its way in.
If you can accept the ground rules of an affair which is the inevitability that it would end then you can treat your partner’s affair as a fling and not feel tormented by it. Instead you focus on the positives.
Related Reading: 13 Things To Do When Your Husband Ignores You
3. It can help you identify the problems in your marriage
Many marriages suffer from a lack of intimacy. Busy in the rat race and the regular humdrum of life, couples do not give it a priority or even feel the lack.
Some couples go for days without as much as a hug or a soft touch. Sex is scheduled and works on a timetable. Bother about it. There is no space for spontaneity. The extramarital affair fills that lack.
When couples introspect on the ‘why’, ‘what’ and ‘where’ of the affair, often deep-seated issues like this indifferent attitude towards the important issues spring up.
4. You realize that no one is perfect
All the irritation, annoyances, complaints, bitterness you feel have with your spouse starts creeping up with the affair partner too. They would end up cooking up small lies, trying to avoid things, not being sensitive to their affair partner’s needs too.
You see them with all their human flaws and frailties, and in that, you begin to appreciate the positives of your spouse.
This is one great way an extramarital affair makes you appreciate your married spouse even more. Your conflicts with your affair partner make you love your spouse more.
5. There is more breathing space
The affair automatically makes room for breathing space. In this modern marriage of mostly nuclear families against what we had in the previous generation, a husband and wife are each other’s go-to person for all and everything.
Emotional, physical, family, kids all issues are discussed and managed by the couple. You look for romance with the person you share a toilet with.
There is an overdose of each other’s presence, both mental and emotional. An extramarital affair gives you some respite, here is another person to discuss issues with, which means a little less negativity with your married spouse. This means the marital conflicts are also less.
Related Reading: The Affair Helps Me Survive My Sexless marriage
6. You could bring back the spark in your marriage
This lady slept with her husband’s best friend but it was kept under wraps and she never allowed it to affect her relationship with her husband.
She had a craving, she satisfied it and it helped her to realise that her marriage was more important than anything else to her. An extramarital affair gives wind to those long subdued and suppressed inner desires and sexual cravings.
You will crave being passionately desired again, and this will help you be more exploratory about your sexual fetishes and fantasies with your spouse. Some try new techniques at home that they have learnt with their affair partners.
This lady said that her affair partner knew more about her vagina than she knew herself. It made her happy and contented in her family life.
7. Your guilt will direct you towards your partner
There is a reason why cheating is morally wrong. Going behind your partner’s back is betrayal. After the affair gets boring, you will start feeling guilt which in turn will make you realise how nice your spouse is.
You will overlook their small annoying habits and start appreciating the fact that they are not like you and have not cheated on the most important relationship.
All these emotions will make you bend backward and mend ways with your spouse and go that extra mile to bring a smile on their lips. This is on of the major benefits of extramarital affairs.
Related Reading: I cheated on my wife just after her delivery but I don’t feel guilty
8. It will make you think about your marriage
People usually tend to ignore the issues of their marriage and continue to chug along. The response to any outburst (by the spouse who may be trying to bring something to attention) is met by stonewalling.
An affair opens the window of serious introspection. You think about your marriage more because of the secrecy and guilt you feel and take steps towards fixing the marriage.
A man wrote to us his wife had gained weight and he no longer felt sexually attracted to her and he was wondering if he should go ahead and have an affair.
Sometimes an affair makes a partner sit up and take notice of how they had been ignoring the issues in the marriage. Sometimes people even opt for relationship counselling after that to get the marriage back on track. This is one of the main benefits of an extramarital affair.
9. You become a happier person
Affair releases the feel-good hormones, flowers are prettier, songs make more sense and you almost go off heavy food cause you don’t want to be belching, bloated, or have a gut. You look good, you feel good you know that someone out there thinks of you, and that is indeed a pleasant thought.
We had a story where the person mentioned how she never haggled with the vegetable vendor for money when she was ‘in love’ in the extramarital relationship. She overlooked silly grievances and went out of her way to make others happy.
This somehow also helps you build a successful relationship with your partner, all the courtesies you extend to others around you, you shower on your spouse too. You have fewer fights, and in turn, your marriage is at peace for a while.
10. You will be more conscious of your actions
Doing something that is against the rules of marriage and betraying the promises you had made to your partner pushes you to think about your actions.
You start to think about the repercussions, and this will make you want to deal with it before the burden eats you up from inside. You will either seek help to stop or want to communicate with your partner about it.
Oddly discussing an extramarital affair of the partner had brought couples closer and more involved with each other than when they were before. These are the positive effects of extramarital affairs.
Related Reading: An extramarital happily ever after?
11. You will realize that it is temporary
There are things you learn from your affair. The most important is successful extramarital affairs rarely exist. It acts like a bubble where one retreats to recharge and not think of the myriad responsibilities one has. To make one feel better.
It is almost like going to a doctor when you are unwell. But once you are healed or have had that respite you want to get back to essentials- your family, work, etc. Often times many affairs fade away just because they have run their course.
It actually came with an expiry date. It is at these times the wayward spouse understands how permanent the marriage is and how temporary the extramarital affair was. You know you have survived an affair and you want to reinstate love and trust
12. You will realize where your marriage stands
An extramarital affair comes with consequences. Most often people are not ready to face those consequences and shatter their settled family life.
They realize that working on the marriage is easier than breaking it apart and moving on. The emotional rollercoaster that you go through during this time is what makes you realize what your marriage means to you. You will realize whether your marriage is a dead-end or your end game.
Most people want to get back to their spouses and rebuild trust after an affair and that is one of the biggest benefits of an extramarital affair.
Related Reading: Everything You Need to know about The 7 Types Of Affairs That Exist
How To Maintain An Extramarital Relationship
You can protect your marriage from your extramarital affair. Successful extramarital relationships are the ones that are never exposed but die their death.
A time will come when the tediousness of what one feels in the marriage will percolate in the affair too. The novelty will wear off (given that there are no real major issues in the marriage). You are obliged to do all it takes to minimize risk and exposure so that your marriage partner is not hurt in the process of your extramarital affair. In case they come to know you start regretting hurting them.
Can extramarital affairs be true love? It can be that’s why man people are in lifelong extramarital affairs but that’s rather rare.
Do not let the affair destroy your marriage, set some ground rules. Here are some tips:
- Keep your end clear. Express what you want from the relationship and are prepared to give and check what expectations the affair partner has from you. Stick to what both of you mutually agree on.
- Keep checking where each of you is in the affair. Are you getting attached? Is the affair partner getting so? It is important to try and make sure the affair partner is not single here.
- Be kind. Your fling is a real person, do not make false promises or treat them as a means to an end.
- Ensure that your schedules don’t clash with your family time. It will just make your partner more suspicious.
- Keep track of your messages. Make sure that you have cleared all your chat histories before your phone falls into the hands of your partner
We get married because we want to spend the rest of our lives with the person we love, with the idea that it’s going to be forever. But then monotony sets in. Irritation, discontentment, and frustration creep in the ‘happily ever after’ and we start blaming the person instead of understanding that marriage is tough.
Two people staying together and managing shared responsibilities is no bed of roses. Of course, issues are bound to come up. It is important to understand that your affair is perhaps the result of that boredom and irritation rather than you and your partner not being right for each other.
Lying to your partner can be difficult. You feel that you love your partner but still feel the need to fulfil your desires elsewhere.
An extramarital relationship, if exposed, can destroy a marriage, and if not that then definitely take away the peace and trust from it. If kids are involved, it gets even trickier, and you stand to scar more lives than the ones in the relationship. Forgive your partner and move on and look at the positivity of an affair instead of a negative one.
When a marriage get’s boring, it lack something emotionally or physically and when there is a need to find excitement outside the marriage extramarital affairs happen.
An affair can be good for a marriage when spouses are ready to look inwards and see what lacks in the marriage that led to the affair. If they get back together and start working on the marriage an affair can be good for a marriage.
Yes you can love someone and still cheat. Most affairs take place when spouses are very much in love with their partners.
Usually an affair ends within a year. The fizz goes off in an affair very quickly and like a marriage the fights and bickering starts. The sex isn’t as exciting anymore that’s when an affair bites the dust.