One day you see your friends’ social media updates flaunting eternal love with overflowing PDA pictures and quotes and then one fine day all of that is replaced with scorned inspirational quotes. So, what changed suddenly? Most of the time, the woman herself has no idea of what’s going on.
When I asked one of my friends who went through something similar, the only response I could hear among her sobs were “Why? Why?” This ‘Why’ makes me brood over a very critical question that has been haunting women for ages. Why do men leave the women they love?,
Albert Einstein said, “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
When men leave without any explanation?
Indian couples prefer separation to divorce due to social stigma, says a study. The number of couples separated is thrice the number of couples divorced. Relationships are getting complicated by the day. One such strange scenario is when the guy just leaves his partner without any explanation. How can you solve a problem without knowing what the problem is? The key to any successful relationship is communication.
There are 2.3 million abandoned women in India, according to the Census of India 2011, which is double the rate of divorced women in India. Imagine what the total number would be, if the numbers of women abandoned in live-in relationships are also counted. Nevertheless, this data is hard hitting. A majority of women are completely clueless about the reason behind their abandonment.
What does a woman think when her man leaves her?
Love is hard to find, and one would expect to keep it when one finds it, right? Wouldn’t a man who loves a woman go to any extent to be with her?
“Then why did he leave me?”
Most women get into a shock when a man who seems to be so much in love suddenly decides to leave. And then the series of ‘why’s’ start. An expected end to a relationship can be a huge blow to a woman who has been planning a future. Here are some of the most common things that run through a woman’s mind after a breakup.
- If he really loved me how could he leave? – This question gives her sleepless nights. The genuineness of her relationship becomes a question mark. She is so perturbed with the whole concept of love and commitment that she may never trust anybody again
- Was it so easy to walk away from the relationship? – When there is no justification provided the woman tortures herself by over thinking. The fact that her partner could walk away so easily, while her world has come to a standstill, makes her even more miserable
- How could he walk away from a good woman? – When a woman is righteous and dedicated to her relationship, she definitely does not deserve to be dumped without any clarifications. She would probably torment herself lifelong trying to get a suitable answer to this question
- Why did he walk away suddenly? – In such cases the women starts to retrospect over all the events that could have led to this unexpected departure of her partner. Her frustration level increases with every passing day, as she fails to pinpoint the exact cause that would have led to his sudden exit from her life
Top 8 reasons why men leave the women they love
From bizarre reasons like “My wife refuses to make tea for me” to complicated reasons like ” I am in love with my boss’s wife”, a majority of men leave the woman they are with, irrespective of whether they still love them or not. However, there are some reasons that could provide logical explanations about them leaving.
1. Lack of appreciation
Perhaps the most common reason why men leave their woman is when they feel that they are not appreciated. According to a Gratitude Survey conducted for the John Templeton Foundation, only 59% of women show their appreciation towards the man they love. Not showing gratitude regularly makes a man drift away. He would then start looking for people who would appreciate his smallest gesture.
Related reading:10 ways to shower appreciation on your husband
The woman gets so engrossed in the mundane routine that she completely disregards all the efforts of her man. She feels that being a provider is the man’s primary job; why should you keep appreciating him for that? This is when unknowingly the woman starts driving her man away.
2. Under pressure of being inadequate
Men start feeling inadequate when their women constantly complain about how difficult their life is compared to that of the neighbour. Women feel they are just pouring their heart out in front of the men they love, they don’t need any solutions to their problems. Men, on the other hand, feel pressurised to find quick solutions to all the issues their women have. When he fails to find these solutions he feels inadequate and pressured in the presence of the woman he let down.
The pressure of not satisfying the needs of his woman financially, emotionally or physically, finally makes him leave.
3. Compatibility issues
Irrespective of how the relationship started, if at any point there is a compatibility issue; men will be less vocal about it. Sometimes his partner might be totally unaware of how their incompatibility is affecting him. Eventually when there is nothing common left between the couple to discuss or share, the woman might still continue to ignore the situation. But the man would prefer to exit this dead relationship, without any clarifications.
4. Lack of intimacy
Despite common perception, lack of sex is not the primary reason why men leave; it is the lack of intimacy. Physical and emotional intimacy is the fuel of any relationship. It can make couples overcome the toughest of barriers. Nonetheless, sex is vital for a relationship. When a couple has different sex drives, one is bound to be left unsatisfied. This imbalance develops a crack in the relationship, which could be rectified by emotional intimacy, but only to a certain extent. Any couple’s bond can be easily broken if there is no intimacy.
5. Dominating partner
Most men have huge egos. No man would like to be called hen-pecked. Regardless of how much a man loves his woman, there is a limit to which he would be ready to give in. At some point he will feel his opinions are not respected. That is when he wouldn’t mind taking drastic steps to get out of his meek persona. Most men prefer a woman who respects them more than she loves them. Ultimately, if he can’t succeed in taming his dominating partner, he will just exit unexpectedly.
A cheating partner is detrimental to any relationship. Infidelity either by the woman or the man can lead to abandonment. If the woman cheats, he may find it impossible to prolong the relationship due to trust issues. In case the man has cheated and the partner forgives him, then continuing to live together could still be difficult. Either there could be constant taunting by the partner or the overwhelming feeling of guilt about his cheating will ensure the relationship would never be the same. Eventually, when he can’t handle it any more, he will decide to leave.
Related reading: Reasons why men have extramarital affairs
7. Other commitments
Sometimes a man has other commitments that become his top priority and if his partner fails to understand his priorities, he may have no option other than leaving her, even if it hurts. This other commitment could be an ailing relative, job aspiration, social cause or children from past relationships. If a man is given an ultimatum to choose between his duty and his woman, a righteous man will choose his duty over the woman he loves, because that ultimatum itself proves that his partner does not love him enough.
8. He is a narcissist scum
The famous Rihanna quote “Never underestimate a man’s ability to make you feel guilty for his mistakes” is apt for all those men who abandon their woman without any reason, warning and explanation. Yes, these types of men exist. They are so self-centred that at any given opportunity they will pick what is best for them, even if it means hurting someone’s feelings. They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance; hence they feel they have all the right to abandon anyone anytime. In this case, the woman should only be glad he is gone.
The truth is, sometimes in love too, two people find it difficult to be together.
You can ruminate over your relationship issues and try to mend fences with the same partner or use the lesson learnt to rebuild another relationship.