How porn saved my marriage when anger threatened it

by Mehul Vora
man watching porn

(As told to Mehul Vora)

She always had a temper

I am Ajay, married to Siya. Siya has always been a little short-tempered. I still remember when we first met. That day seemed so perfect. We talked for the whole evening while strolling from coffee shop to seaside to mall and by the time we were done it was midnight. The mall security asked us to leave as they had to close the mall. That how we came to know the time. But after that, for our second meeting, I got a bit late. She was waiting for me. She started to call me repeatedly till I got there.

“You should know I don’t like to wait, you should always be there before me.”

“Sorry, I got stuck in traffic.”

“Whatever! Let’s just go.”

We then left for a coffee shop. There we ordered some food. I was actually busy eating and she was talking. She started to yell at me again. “Don’t you understand? I am talking to you and you are just focused on your food! Listen to me when I talk or just fuck off from here.” I was trying to calm her down and listen to her talk. Things then went well.

Related reading: 10 things never to say in anger

I still decided to marry her

I was actually intimidated by her rage, but still I proposed to her and she accepted. Two days of my life went without a brawl. The day I met her and the day I proposed to her. We then got married sometime in September. The marriage was a small gathering. Everything went pretty well, which I did not expect. The days after that went well till say 6 months and then things started to change.

My dear wife would freak out on even small things. She would yell at me for not taking a shower once I got home, if the TV remote was lying somewhere, if she wanted to find something and she was unable to find it, if I came home a little late. Her temper was increasing day by day.

When she yelled at me, I would just keep my mouth shut, because if I talked I knew things would be rough.

She would yell at me while making love. This sounds funny but it was if she was either getting irritated by something, something was not right, and many other reasons. We reduced talking to each other. We stopped being intimate with each other. I found relief in watching porn. What else I could do, at least the porn would not yell at me or cause me any stress.

Porn to the rescue

I started to watch and it felt really nice. I watched so much that I got addicted to it. I’d spend all my free time in watching porn. I was so addicted that I lost interest in making love or any physical intimacy. As it is, I wanted to avoid the everyday duel. Even if my wife wanted to be intimate, I was least bothered and I definitely did not initiate or intended any intimacy. I was happy with whatever pleasure I got from porn.

My big secret was not hidden for a long time. I managed to hide it for 3 years. In these 3 years we never made any love at all. But soon this became frustrating for my wife; she then discovered my secret. She said, “Are you crazy? You are a useless freak and you are an porn addict.” I told her, “Yup, I like porn. So what?” She then said, “You have lost your manhood. Leaving your wife aside you want to watch porn.” I said to her, “At least porn does not yell at me and I feel at peace when I watch it. I don’t care if you call me anything.”

Related reading: Why it’s OK to watch porn after marriage

You disgust me!

She then said, “You are disgusting and I did not expect this from you.” I was calm and relaxed now. I told her, “You need to be mentally treated for your anger management issues. It is because of you I got addicted to porn, and watching porn is actually better than cheating on you. I love you so much that I could not think of cheating on you, so I resorted to porn. But you never loved me. You always yell at me for small reasons and don’t even bother to hear me out or consider my opinion for something. The everyday duel was giving me lot of stress.”

“This stress I could not handle. Do you even remember in our four years of marriage how many times actually we spoke peacefully or spent days without you yelling at something?” Siya then seemed to realise her mistake. She asked me, “Why did you not say this earlier but waited for 3 long years?” I told her, “I did try to tell you so many times, but you were not prepared to hear. Today since you felt the seriousness of the situation, by God’s grace you at least heard me out.”

Siya has consulted a doctor for her anger management after the big day and now things are much better. I have also come out of my addiction to porn. But it was truly porn that saved my marriage.

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